Thursday Nights
by dxdxhx
Summary: Bella hasn't lived an easy life, she came to NYC at 16 in hopes of forgetting her troubled past. Edward's an actor who hasn't had a normal life. Can Edward break down her carefully built walls? Bella's a hardcore singer. Jake's a rapper. Full Summ inside.
1. Burnin' Up

**And I'm back haha hopefully that's a good thing for all of you!**

**DISCLAIMER FOR ALL CHAPTERS! I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.**

**Full Summary:**

**Bella is a singer/songwriter with a troubled and broken past trying to make a new life in NYC. Edward is your typical arrogant big-shot actor. They meet and clash (I know, very cliché) Edward can't get Bella out of his mind and tries to figure out her past. It's about finding, losing and trying to hold onto love all while dealing with being in the spotlight, and trying to keep your personal business personal. Jake's a rapper, which I think is pretty sweet. Canon Couples AH OOC**

**BPOV**

A soft knock on my door was all that it took to wake me from my stiff, dreamless, slumber. I don't dream anymore. But if I do it's usually a gory nightmare, replaying the accident over and over again. So I've trained myself not to dream anymore. You may think that it is impossible to teach yourself not to dream, but I have my ways.

Rosalie peeked her head into my room, interrupting my train of thought, "Morning Bells, great job last night. Speaking of last night, Emmett and I were wondering if you would do a repeat performance tonight and every Thursday night from now on. We got some rave reviews." She showed herself fully in my room, dressed in her usual pair of dark skinny jeans and casual-yet-dressy top.

"Thanks. Really? I'd love too! I mean if that's what you really want!" I gave her a genuine smile, one that she returned.

"Yes of course that's what we want, you did amazingly well, looks like you've finally gotten rid of that stage fright."

"I guess so but the crowd was amazing so I decided they deserved a good show. But it was getting crazy though, we might have to beef up on security, the place keeps getting more and more popular by the night."

"That's what I told Emmett but he thinks our single, lonely bouncer can get the job done." She giggled at the thought of her over-sized bear-like husband. "Anyways, we need to get going. I'll meet you down stairs okay?"

I nodded and watched as she left. I realized that I was still in bed and had a half an hour to get ready.

I got out quickly and ran off to my small bathroom. I turned on the hot water and jumped in quickly because the hot water last about as long as a virgin screwing a porn star. I squeezed the last drop of strawberry shampoo out of its bottle and made a mental note to drop by the store and pick up some more. I washed my face with a bar of dove soap, washing away the remnants of last night's make-up that was still left on my face.

After I got out of the shower I rushed to get ready. That entails of course ripping my scalp off by brush, stabbing myself in the eye with my stick of eyeliner and accidentally smearing the mascara, which transferred from the tube to my finger, all over my cheek. And because of that I had to practically rub my skin raw with a washrag to get it off.

I shuffled through my tiny closet and threw on a pair of second hand jeans that were a bit too short for my overly long legs, but fit me perfectly other than that. After I put them on in a rush I plucked out a plain charcoal shirt and my favorite pair of worn out Chucks.

I shoved my piece-of-shit cell phone into my back pocket and practically flew down the stairs to the bar.

Once I got down to the bottom of the stairs I folded up the simple wooden stairs case and let it rise to the ceiling. I love those handy pull-down staircases. It was practically invisible, only Rose, Em and I knew where it was. And that came in handy when a guy at the bar took a liking to me and I needed a quick escape.

The place was still a wreck from last night's crowd, beer bottles and shot glasses were strewn about and barstools were tipped over along with a few tables. Nothing worse than the usual damage. Emmett popped up from behind the bar and waved enthusiastically at me. He was cleaning a few of the beer mugs off with a dirty dishrag, which kind of defeats the purpose doesn't it?

"Hey Bellsie, what's happenin?"

"Hey Emmy, nothing. Do you need help with that?" I motioned to the messy bar and walked towards it when Emmett nodded his head yes.

I picked up a few of the left behind glasses and mugs and hauled them downstairs to the large dishwasher. I pushed a few buttons and added in some detergent and went back up to the main floor to help out some more.

When I got back Rosalie had put the stools and tables back into their intended position and was now wiping them down, she tossed me a rag and told Emmett to turn on the radio.

As soon as Emmett recognizes the song he started jumping up and down like a two-year-old, "This is my jam! Hell yeah!"

Then of course he starts belting out the lyrics, completely off pitch and overpowering the sweet voices of the Jonas Brothers.

"_I'm hot, you're cold  
You go around like you know  
Who I am, but you don't  
You've got me on my toes"_

He jumped up on the bar and held his fist up to his mouth like a microphone and started dancing off beat.

_  
"I'm slippin' into the lava  
And I'm tryin keep from goin' under  
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter?  
'Cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby  
C'mon girl"_

He pulled Rosalie up onto the bar and started dancing with her, or at least attempting to. He threw the rag around her neck and gently pulled her towards him.

_  
"I fell so fast  
Can't hold myself back  
High heels, red dress  
All by yourself, gotta catch my breath_

_I'm slippin' into the lava  
And I'm tryin' keep from goin' under  
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter?  
'Cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby_

_Walk in the room all I can see is you  
Oh, you're starin' me down I know you feel it too_

_I'm slippin' into the lava  
And I'm tryin' keep from goin' under  
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter?  
'Cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby_

_Slippin' into the lava  
And I'm tryin' keep from goin' under  
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter?  
'Cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby"_

He got ready for the rap section of the song and made his loose jeans sag a bit more than normal, he pumped his fist in the air and started jumping up and down.

_"Yo, we're burnin' up in this place tonight  
Your Brothers sing it loud and we're feelin' right  
Get up and dance, don't try and fight it  
Big Rob is for real and that's no lie_

_Stop, drop and roll and touch your toes  
It keeps on burnin' up, more and more  
I got JB with me playin' it down  
Come on boys, let's bring the chorus around_

_I'm slippin' into the lava  
And I'm tryin keep from goin' under  
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter?  
Cause I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby  
Burnin' up, burnin' up for you baby"_

Rosalie and I attempted to clap but we were laughing too hard to even breathe. Emmett started bowing and thanking his imaginary audience. He jumped off and landed gracefully on his feet.

After Emmett's fabulous performance we kept cleaning and after 15 or so minutes the whole place was as good as new.

We were all chilling out on the second floor on one of the big red couches when we heard someone calling out, "Bells? You here?"

I would recognize that husky voice anywhere, just what he was doing here at _Rem, _I have no idea. "Jake? Is that you?" I was already half way down the stairs when Jake came into view. He still had some of his baby fat in his cheeks but they had obviously thinned out a bit in the last year.

He was huge! Freakishly tall almost what looked like 6'7, his muscles had matured and were now ripping through his shirt like fucking Superman. His long black hair had been cropped off into a stylish messy short shag. But the one thing that hasn't change, and that I was most thankful for, was his boyish grin that was only reserved for me.

I ran full speed into a super sized hug. He gripped me tightly and lifted me off my feet and spun me like I was the little kid. After a few minutes of our embrace he let me down and took a good look at me. "Bella you look great!"

"Like I have room to talk Jake, you look amazing! When the hell did you get so goddamn tall, I mean you're a fucking giant!"

"Where the hell did you get that mouth? And I may have grown… a little." He laughed jokingly and kept on smiling at me like he had just won the lottery. "What do you say we go out to lunch and catch up over some Italian food, your favorite. My treat."

"No, I don't think so, we're going Dutch on this way. And I have to ask Rose and Em if I can. I am technically working ya know."

Rose called down, apparently she was eavesdropping, and told me not to worry and to have a good time with Jake.

I told him to hold on and I ran back up to my little apartment and grabbed my leather jacket, Ray Bans and purse (that I never used) and went back downstairs to meet my best friend.

Jake and I went back to our friendly argument over who's paying. "Bella I am betting you have four dollars and a piece of gum in the purse of yours, I am paying. Get over it little girl!"

I looked through my messenger bag purse thing and saw that in fact I had four dollars but… "Actually I have two pieces of gum!" I stuck my tongue out at him childishly and he just laughed at me and reached into my purse and grabbed a piece of my Orbit.

"Now you have one, so I win!"

I huffed followed him out the door walking beside him in the chilly New York air, wishing that I could go back to Arizona where it is actually warm this time of year.

I looped my arm into Jake's and I scooted closer to him to keep myself warm. He took his arm out from mine and wrapped it around his shoulders and rubbed my arm to create friction and heat, it was a good attempt but it didn't work that well. He kissed the top of my head and shoved me into his side as we kept walking.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a camera flash, them another and all of a sudden a whole other round of cameras were going off. I looked around a quickly found about 6 or 7 paparazzi coming out of their sneaky hiding places. Jake leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Unless you want to be known as my mystery woman hide your face and separate from me."

I quickly did as he said and soon enough I was staring at my feet and about a foot away from Jake. The photographers finally got their fill of Jake and dispersed, but then something even worse happened. Two words. Fan. Girls.

I swear it was an organized stalker group that was dedicated to following his every move but Jake just insists it was a random mob of girls who saw the cameras and went to investigate. I was so sick and tired of hearing 'Oh Jakie! You're so cute!' or "Can I please have you're autograph! You're my favorite rapper ever' or my personal favorite, 'You are like totally so sexy! Ohmigod! Will you please marry me'. If I had to listen to another teenage girl profess her love for my best friend again I will have to stab someone in the neck with a knife. Literally.

When the crowd had disappeared and there were no reporters or cameras insight we resumed our original position and kept on walking to our destination a few blocks away.

I thought back to Jake's comment about being seen as his mystery woman. I guess if you did see me and Jake walking together we would look like a serious couple just because we were always so comfortable with each other. If he grabbed my hand or put his arm around my waist I wouldn't think anything of it because that's just how we are. When he kisses my cheek or pulls me into him, it's not a romantic gesture it's one of comfort, because that's how we calm each other, by being close and touching, it's like his touch has a power over me, it makes me whole again and makes me feels like everything's okay, like nothing bad has ever happened. That's why he's my best friend. And I have him to thank for my sanity and freedom. And my life.

We arrived at the small Italian café and sat down in the back corner in a dimly lit booth, hoping that no one would recognize him. But since the waitress fucking flipped shit when she saw him all hope was lost.

"Oh my gosh! Your Jacob Black! I am in love with you and your music!" She jumped up and down and provided more praise and compliments which he accepted like the pro he was finally after about 10 to 20 minutes she settled down enough to take our damn drink orders. She of course turned to Jake first, "Well, Jakie, can I get you something to drink?"

"Coke will be fine."

She looked at me with disgust and gave me fucking attitude, "And what for you, whoever you are?"

"Coke. And a new waitress please and thank you." I rolled my eyes and she gaped at me and scurried off.

Jake gave me a disapproving look, "Bells that wasn't nice, she didn't mean anything by it."

"Yeah whatever, but she called you Jakie. You hate that name, you beat the shit out of Eric Yorkie for calling you it."

He just shrugged, "My fans love it so I love it. I just ignore it, it's not like I can beat up an innocent fan for calling me Jakie."

I nodded and searched through my menu for something that looked good, which everything on the whole damn menu did so it was a difficult decision.

The waitress-yes the same one- came back with our drink orders and asked for our main dish orders.

I went first this time but she still gave me dirty looks, "Mushroom ravioli please." I smiled sweetly but there was venom clearly in my voice.

Jake ordered a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs, the boy could eat.

"So Bella how are you and Mike?"

Mike had been my boyfriend of about nine months, we met at McDonald's, romantic right? I spilled my Coke all over him. He was kind of annoying and clingy but he was a good guy who hadn't been in jail, was currently employed, drug free, didn't live with his mom, and didn't have a strange obsession with Hannah Montana like the other guys I had met in New York so I gave him a shot.

"We broke up like two days ago. He said that I too depressed all the time and didn't like being around me anymore. Whatever." I was more relieved than sad when he texted me-yes he actually texted me because he didn't have enough balls to call or-God forbid-visit me in person- and told me we needed to break up.

"He broke up with you? What is he mentally unstable? Plus, if he went through what you went through then he'd be depressed too, you're the fucking strongest person I know!" I gave him a look that told him to stop talking about, he threw me an apologetic look. He thought for a second and got an evil glint in his eye, "Give me ol' Mikey boy's number really quick."

"Jake! No! Absolutely not."

"Bellsie, please. I just want to wish him luck without a wonderful woman in his life." He batted his eyelashes and gave me the puppy look, so I gave in and gave it to him.

He dialed the number and waited for Mike to pick up.

I couldn't hear what Mike was saying but Jake spoke up in an utterly fucked up, creeper voice, "You will die in seven days." Was all he said and then he hung up and smiled at me with the most satisfied look on his face.

"Jake what the hell was that?"

"His punishment, I'll bet he's shitting his pants right about now."

The waitress came back to deliver our food and attempt to eye-fuck Jake but he just smiled politely and asked for two new cokes.

"So Jake, what made you decide to move back to good ol' New York?"

"Well I switched my recording contract over to Def Jam and they're located here in NYC, so here I am. And I think it will be permanent this time. I've already got a new song recorded and ready to put out there. It's different than what most people are used to, so I am kind of nervous. But it's more me than anything so it is what it is right?"

"Yeah, I can't wait to hear it though, do I get a sneak peek?"

"Patient young one." He slurped his coke through his straw as he laughed at me. "What have you been up to? Still writing and playing?"

"Yeah I'm still doing all of that, but my piano playing is becoming a little rusty since I had to sell it a while back, thank god I still have my Gibson acoustic and electric, I couldn't bring myself to sell those. I would die without them! Thanks for the electric by the way, it was extremely sneaky how you delivered it and made sure I couldn't take it back. It was way too much and I wont ever let you forget that."

"Alright, alright, when you become famous I will let you pay me back because one of these days you will be richer than me."

"I doubt that, I'm not all that great. I mean sure I can play a few instruments and right down lyric vomit and carry a tune, but there are a million other girls who can do that. I am not all that special."

"Whatever Bells, anything else special happen while I was gone, I can tell you are keeping something from me."

"You're good. You know you are too close to someone when they know when you're keeping something from them."

He was on the edge of his seat, slurping up a spaghetti noodle, "What! Come on you have to tell me!"

"I performed last night at _Rem._ And well, I got a pretty kick ass response from the crowd and I am doing another performance tonight… and every Thursday night from now on."

He practically leapt over the table to pull me into one of his signature bear hugs that I had missed so much over the past year.

"Bella that's amazing! I'm coming! I can't wait to see you in action, in front of a crowd I mean. But I have an even better idea, and it could help us both out.'

That peeked my curiosity a bit, "What did you have in mind?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Songs in this chapter- Burnin' Up by the Jonas Brothers.**

**Please tell me what you think and if I should continue!**

**Reviews are my own personal brand of heroin!**

**XOXO,**

**Devyn**


	2. Pain

Thanks for all the reviews! And the story alerts! You guys are great.

**Thanks to Anna for beta-ing.**

**To imagine Bella's hair picture Dakota Fanning's hair in Push except Bella's is brunette.**

EPOV

"Edward! Over here! Give us a sexy look!" One reporter called from my left, I turned to her and gave her the sex smile as I tugged on my hair.

"Edward can I ask you a few questions!?" I walked over to the reporter closer to my Volvo and tried to block out the other dozen reporters and photographers that were yelling my name and trying to get the million dollar picture.

"How can I help you ma'am?"

She didn't waste anytime with cutting to the chase. "Can you confirm the rumors that you are indeed dating Tanya Denali? Why was she spotted coming out of you apartment early last Saturday morning?"

I tugged nervously at my uncontrollable locks, I wanted to tell the truth. Yes Tanya was a whore and I fucked her once or twice but there was no way in hell that I would date her but it looks good and promotes the movie if you are seen dating your co-stars so I just threw out 'the line' that all celebrities do when they are asked to confirm who they are dating. "I can't say." And then cue the nervous laughter.

I quickly hopped into my car and drove off to my brand new penthouse apartment. It was too modern for me, it looked like something out of a sci-fi flick or some shit. It wasn't me at all.

It was too cold and stiff, I like living in a worn in area with old beat up furniture and stained carpet, it's more comfortable.

I threw my keys on the steel counter and listened to the CLACK of metal on metal contact echoing throughout the entire apartment. I sat in one of the barstools and just well, sat there for what seemed like forever trying to figure out what to do now.

I didn't know many people out in New York except my sister Alice and her husband Jasper. Oh and I forgot about Tanya and the rest of the cast. But other than that I am completely on my own. I mean sure my fans recognize me and stalk me but I don't have anyone to talk to or confess things to, I lost all my real friends a while back when I started being a jackass and got all full of myself. Fuck them.

No, fuck me.

I heard my cell phone ringing and reach into my pocket.

I have had this phone for like four moths and I still cannot figure out how to work the goddamn piece of shit.

I pushed a few buttons and heard Alice's shrill voice through the speakers. "Edward! Will you please fuckin learn how to work your phone!"

I put the phone up to my ear, "Sorry sister dear, I'm working on it. What's up?"

"Well Jasper and I ran into a few of our old friends and they invited us to go to their bar tonight and we would like to know if you would join us."

Every time I go out I always get raped by fans or run down by paparazzi, going out usually isn't too great of an experience for me anymore.

Alice must've sensed my hesitation and she tried to reassure me, "You can wear your beanie and Ray Bans, maybe even a fake mustache, no one will even notice you. I'll ask Rose if you can go in the back way. Come on please please please!" Even though she wasn't right in front of me I could feel her puppy dog look effect hit me and weaken my refusal skills.

"Ugh! Fine Alice! Just this once, pick me up at 8. Bye."

"Love you big brother, see you then."

I ripped out what felt like four fists of hair and headed to my ultra chic and ultra uncomfortable bedroom and fell down onto my wood-like mattress.

I reached over to my side table and picked up my universal remote and pushed a few buttons to set the alarm for 7 o'clock tonight and then a few more buttons to completely block out any light that could come in through the large windows in my room.

I climbed into my bed and turned my body around until I got in a comfortable fetal position. I still couldn't fall asleep, so I turned to drastic measures. I grabbed my phone and called information to find the nearest furniture store and called them immediately.

"Hello, Ashley Furniture how may I help you?"

"Hi, I need your biggest and most comfortable bed in stock preferably in black. Price is not an issue." I told her my last name and address and she told me that it would be delivered sometime tomorrow.

I eventually fell asleep on my boulder of a bed and was awoken a few hours later by my stereo blasting Hey Monday. That alarm is fucking annoying but at least it gets the job done.

I rolled out of bed and stumbled to my weird bathroom that looks like it was made for a robot, are you starting to see the pattern of my interior decoration yet?

I took off my boxers and threw them into the laundry basket, which was overflowing since I had neglected to do my laundry over the past few weeks. Of course I had a maid that would be more than willing to do the laundry for me but something creeped me out about an old crinkly woman washing my dirty undergarments, plus the last one sold a few pairs on eBay to some crazed fans.

I stepped into the warm shower and let the shocking heat fully wake my sleep-deprived body. The nap I had just taken was the first time in two or three weeks that I had gotten more than four hours of sleep. After awhile I had just been sleeping in one hour spurts whenever I could manage it. I was glad that filming was finally over because maybe now I could actually sleep at night, I swear I've become nocturnal.

The water in the shower had reached a scalding temperature and I just fucking sat there and let the watery flames lick at my skin causing red welts to form. I was starting to look like Clifford the big red dog so I turned the dial to the left to turn down the temperature.

I grabbed my Axe shampoo bottle and lathered up my hair that was getting a little too long. I grabbed my loofa and washed my body with more Axe products that I got for free, but only if I promote it. So now everywhere I go I have to name drop Axe so I can keep getting free shit. I put the loofa back on the shower shelf and realized that I was using a fucking loofa and that I could now officially call myself a chick. I mean what man uses a _loofa?_

I got out of the warm shower and shivered, the air conditioning was on and it was November. Who in their right mind turns on the air conditioning on in one of the coldest months of the year?

I threw on a towel and ran into the kitchen to turn on the heat. I found the thermostat easily but figuring out how to work it was the tough part. I pushed about 6 or 7 different buttons until I heard the furnace blast to life and I took that as a sign that I did it right surprisingly enough.

I headed back to my room and went straight to my closet which was stocked with all the latest fashions thanks to Alice and a few of my own personal favorite vintage items from my old life that I couldn't bear to throw away.

I pulled out some overly expensive designer jeans-True Religion I think- and put them on. They fit too snugly for my taste but at least they weren't like the Jonas Brothers type of jean. I put on a snug navy blue shirt that was completely plain and I grabbed my old worn out leather jacket that I'd had for practically over 5 years now. The black leather was broken down now, soft and supple, not the usual stiff, unbreakable fabric that it once was.

I grabbed my gray beanie and Ray Bans and threw on a pair of black trainers and waited in the kitchen for Alice to arrive.

I grabbed an Oreo Cakester and shoved it down my throat. The soft chocolate cakes satisfied my sugar cravings, but paired with the cream it was almost sickly sweet. I gulped down about a fourth of the milk jug and put it back into the bare fridge.

I could feel the bits and pieces of left behind Cakester and I rushed to the bathroom and removed all traces with my toothbrush. I swigged some painfully minty Listerine and rinsed out all the bacteria and plaque from my mouth and then repeated the process. Okay so maybe I was a dental hygiene freak.

I faintly heard the pounding of small fists on my front door. I grabbed my wallet and phone and placed my Ray Bans back onto my face and made sure I wasn't too recognizable. I jogged to the door because everyone knew that it was a terrible idea to keep Alice waiting.

I opened the door and looked down at Alice, my little sister. "Mary Alice Cullen Whitlock! What in God's name are you wearing!"

She had on a skin-tight pair of jeans that looked painted on but worse than that was her top. If that what it was of course. It was a gray vest thing that looked like it was draped over her tiny body and it was completely open showing off her sculpted stomach that she worked so hard to maintain. Underneath it she had a black cut-off tank that covered up her chest, I was thankful for that coverage.

"Edward shut up. It's not like you have any fashion sense. You look like a bum by the way. Come on, we're going to be late and Jazzy is waiting for us downstairs in the car."

She grabbed my hand and started dragging me down towards the car where Jazz was waiting in his black Beamer.

I got in the back of the car and hid my face from the window. Jasper should invest in tinted windows. I'll remind him later.

Alice was jittering in the passenger seat and looking anxious, "Jasper come on! I don't want to miss her perform! She is supposed to be amazing, some of my girlfriends were chatting about it at lunch today."

"Babe, I am driving as fast as I can and she doesn't go on for another hour so we'll make it." He placed his hand soothingly on hers and she seemed to calm down automatically. We stopped at a red light they gazed into each other's eyes not saying anything. They just sat there and smiled radiating love.

I looked away, I felt like I was intruding on a special, private moment.

It annoyed me when they did that. But it annoyed me because I was _jealous_. I never get jealous of anything or anyone, but I just wish I had someone that means what Alice means to Jasper. I would give anything for someone to love me for me and vice versa, but my life just doesn't work like that anymore. I get the girls who wouldn't make it through elementary school and are as deep as a baby pool, the ones with fake boobs the size of china and re-sculpted noses along with injected lips. The girls who are using me to get famous or who are just screwing me so that they can tell everyone that they are hooking up with 'Thee Edward Cullen'. They don't give a rat's ass about my thoughts, feelings, family, or interests. They look at me and see dollar signs.

I stopped my self-pity thoughts when we pulled up in front of the bar, _Rem._ It was bigger then normal bars and had a pretty long waiting line, which is more common for nightclubs, not bars. This must be a pretty kick-ass bar.

We waited for a second and the bouncer came over to the car. "There's no parking here. Sorry."

Alice looked up at the man who was four times her size. "Sorry sir, Rosalie told us we could park in the back lot, but it's blocked off by the gate. Oh and she said the password was 'vampire'." She smiled brightly and the man looked dazed.

"Oh yeah, hold on for a second and I'll get it open for you. The door to get it is just through the stairwell you can't possibly miss it."

"Okay thank you."

"It's my pleasure ma'am." He winked suggestively, Jasper started throwing daggers at the man and Alice just laughed at him as he went over to open the gate.

"Jasper calm down, at least he didn't grope me like the last one did." Jasper let out a deep breath and drove through the now open gate.

We drove through the gravel alley and he pulled up behind the brick building. He parked beside a red BMW. The only other car in the lot was a white jeep.

I got out of the car first and leaned against the side of it. Alice just sat there waiting for Jasper to get out and open her door for her. Jasper got out slowly, wearing on my patience. Chivalrous prick, "Just take your fucking time."

"Shut up, bitch."

He finally made it around to Alice's side and opened to door and grabbed her hand to help her out. He acted like she was in a huge-ass hummer that she couldn't climb down from without getting hurt.

I walked ahead of them, my long legs beating the pace of Alice's short ones.

I walked down the cement stairs and opened the large metal door with red paint that was peeling off. I held the door open for the happy couple and followed them inside.

It looked like a regular bar with the wooden floors and wooden bar with beer on tap and a bartender talking to the customers while filling orders. But there were a few things that were different than most there were bright couches adorning the sides of the place and flashing neon color lights making circles around the entire area. The tables were also neon colored and had matching chairs.

At the back of the bar there was a huge stage complete with guitars, a drum set, a keyboard and a mic stand. No one was on it yet and the music was coming from speakers set up in the corners.

I spotted Al and Jazz behind me and I signaled them to meet me in the balcony. I trudged up the stairs and went directly to the back corner to hide from possible fans and attention.

I sat in a lime green booth that was dimly lit. The couch was comfortable at least, I'd have to get myself one of these.

I closed my eyes, feeling even more exhausted and comfortable than I have in a long time. I was just starting to doze off when someone cleared her throat. My eyes snapped open immediately, the girl was cute I guess, probably around 18 or 19. She had shocking red hair and bright blue eyes. She was petite and flat chested but wore a shirt that should expose an inappropriate amount of cleavage and a mini skirt. She looked at me hard, didn't she know that staring was rude? "Are you Edward Cullen!?"

Fuck, busted. I pulled of my sunglasses and threw them onto the table. I flashed the girl 'the smile' and she practically melted. "Yeah that's me. What can I do for you?"

She shoved a notepad and pen at me. "Can you make it out to Vanessa please?"

I wrote 'Thanks for being a great fan. Never stop believing in your dreams. Love – EC' "Here you are, and please don't tell anyone that I'm up here." I winked at her and gave her back her notepad and pen.

"Of course! Anything for you." She sighed dreamily and walked away clutching the autographed piece of paper to her chest like a newborn baby.

I saw her descend the stairs and walk up to a group of girls and start ranting, probably about me. So much for not telling anyone. The girls flipped shit and started to run up towards me, Alice and Jasper sat down in the booth and they caught sight of the girls.

Alice stood up to get a better view of the mob. "Oh hell no! Not this shit again!"

The girls finally arrived at my table and I turned on my signature cocky asshole attitude. They were screaming and ranting, Alice sat there looking beyond pissed off. "Girls, girls. Settle down. I know you all love me but I can't really be bothered right now." I tipped one of the girl's chins up and she sighed and nodded. "But we can do one big group picture, how does that sound?"

I stood up and they all surrounded me closely so we could fit into the frame. They all threw their tiny digital cameras at Alice who huffed and snapped the many shots. Alice threw the cameras right back at them.

A few of the girls gave me small pieces of paper with their names and numbers on them I made a show of putting the paper into my back pocket so that they wouldn't feel totally rejected by me.

I plopped myself back down onto the couch and looked at Alice who still looked furious. "What's up your ass?"

"Edward do you have any idea how annoying that is for me? I just want to rip those hoes' heads off, they only like you for your looks!"

"Can you blame them?" I shrugged my shoulders and laughed as Alice rolled her eyes.

"Whatever Edward, but next time I'm chucking those goddamn cameras over the balcony."

"Okay sis." We sat there for a moment just listening to Fall Out Boy playing over the speakers.

"Hey welcome to _Rem. _Sorry it took so long for me to get up there but there was a huge mob of girls blocking the way and Rose just told me that you guys arrived. Can I get you anything from the bar?"

I looked up and it felt like I had been punched in the gut, I was breathless. This girl was gorgeous, flawless in my opinion. Her long brown hair reached almost to her waist and had streaks of pink, purple, and blue scattered throughout it. Her brown eyes were dark and chocolately and went on for miles. Her cheekbones were high and her lips were perfectly full and plump. She caught me staring and blushed.

I let my eyes roam over her perfectly portioned body. Her legs were long and thin, but not supermodel thin or sickly thin, they were just right. Her figure was a perfect hourglass and she had a nice rack on top of that. I met her eyes and she rolled them at me. Most girls appreciate it when I check them out, what the hell was her problem?

Alice smiled politely, "I'll take a Cosmo please. And Jasper will take a Budweiser. Edward what do you want?"

"Uhm.. erhm.. I'll take a… uhm… what the hell give me a round of shots." I wiggled my pointer finger to tell her to come closer, the girl was hott and she looked like she was a freak in the bed, plus I've been lonely lately too busy to fuck well… anyone really, she rolled her eyes but brought her ear closer to my lips. I used my seductive voice that would turn Mother Theresa on, "And maybe later I could give you a little something in return."

She pulled back and slapped me across the face. I shook off the shock before looking back up at her, her face was bright red, she was livid. "Before you write me off as an easy piece of ass, I'm telling you right now zip up your fucking pants. Your actor charm and supermodel good looks aren't workin' for me."

Holy fuck my life! I stood up and we were inches away from each other. "What the hell did you just say to me?"

She was quick to respond, "What, couldn't you hear me with that big ego surrounding you?" She spun around and stomped off to the bar without another work.

I slammed my body back into the both and noticed Alice and Jasper trying to stifle their laughter, "Go ahead, laugh it the fuck up."

Alice did as I said, "I like her, a lot. No one has ever refused _thee _Edward Cullen." She rolled her eyes as she continued to laugh at me. "I can't wait to see her perform. She's supposed to be the next big thing in alternative and rock music."

"What do you mean she's performing?"

Alice rolled her eyes at me, "That's Bella Swan, the girl I've been talking about, didn't you hear her introduce herself?"

Before I could personally answer Jasper did it for me, "No he was eye-fucking her body into oblivion."

"Shut the hell up Whitlock."

Another brunette waitress came up and delivered our drinks to us. I drank one shot after the other and asked for a second round and a beer.

A loud booming voice came over the speakers, "And now put your hands together for our very own Bella Swan!"

"She's on! Come on you two lets get a better view."

We all got up and went to the railing to get a look from the balcony.

Bella timidly walked up to the mic stand and readjusted the microphone so it would accommodate her height, she walked across the small stage and whispered something to the drummer and bass guitarist. Then she did something I was expecting, she grabbed a sleek black Gibson electric guitar and stood in her place at the front of the stage. Her cheeks turned visibly red-even from the balcony- and she spoke quietly into the mic, "Hey guys," She cleared her throat and smiled widely, "This is an original, I hope you enjoy it."

Her playing and voice started going at the exact same time, softly and but perfectly in-tune.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

The words didn't seem right coming out of her. A girl as beautiful shouldn't be in pain ever. But her voice, oh my God, her voice was beautiful and smooth, better than I have ever heard before, and trust me I've heard it all.

Her guitar playing started picking up and the drummer was added along with the bassist. __

You're sick of feeling numb  
You're not the only one  
I'll take you by the hand  
And I'll show you a world that you can understand

This life is filled with hurt  
When happiness doesn't work  
Trust me and take my hand  
When the lights go out you will understand  


The chorus picked up the intensity and Bella was singing her heart out. But her playing never faltered, always spot on.

_  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

It slowed down but Bella's voice was still strong.

_  
Anger and agony  
Are better than misery  
Trust me, I've got a plan  
When the lights go off, you will understand_

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain

I know, I know that you're wounded  
You know, you know that I'm here to save you  
You know, you know I'm always here for you  
I know, I know that you'll thank me later

Pain, without love  
Pain, can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain

She stopped singing and took a drink of her water bottle and put it back down to catch her breath. She motioned to the band and they waved their hands in thanks. Bella went up to the mic and shouted, "Thanks! You guys are amazing." She bowed and walked off the stage in a rush and then reappeared with another mic. She set it up and pulled hers out of the stand and put it up to her mouth breathing heavily still trying to catch her breath, "Okay everyone, I have a special surprise tonight that I think you'll all enjoy. Singing his new song, put your hands together for JACOB BLACK!"

Jacob ran up onto stage and pulled Bella into a huge hug that enveloped her entire body, he let her out of the hug but still had his arm around her waist, they looked comfortable with each other, they were probably dating. Jealousy stung my heart and made my stomach churn. He waved to the crowd, "Wassup everybody!? Well me and my home girl Bella are going to perform my brand new single, are you ready!?"

Everyone went crazy and girls looks like they were on the verge of passing out.

Jake started first rapping or whatever the hell he calls it.

(Jake is bold and italic Bella is italic)

_**I'm not your boyfriend, baby,  
I ain't your cute little sex toy,  
I'm not your lion or your tiger,  
Won't be your nasty little boy,  
I'm not your boyfriend, baby,  
I can't grant your every wish,  
I'm not your knight in shining armor,  
So, I just leave you with this kiss **_

He was circling around Bella like he was telling her off, all part of their performance. After the last line he kissed her on the cheek and she started off the next verse, intensely I might add.

_  
You can catch me on the speedtrain,_

Jake was next and he was bouncing around on stage

_  
__**Beeper in a three-way **_

Bella came next, they were alternating lines, but it was funny to see Bella jumping around on stage next to the gigantic Jacob Black

_  
Shinin' with the gleam chain,  
__**And your honey givin' me brain**_**,**

_You can catch me watchin' AI,  
__**Mello, It's game time,**__  
Pinkie with the same shine,  
__**Big poetic canine**___

You know I rep' this shit,  
_**I gots it tatted on my skin,**__  
If you fuckin' with my city,  
__**Then you fuckin' with my kin,**__  
You know I rep' this shit,  
__**I got my hands up on your chest,**__  
Motherfuckers best believe it,  
__**That you're fuckin' with the best **___

_**I'm not your boyfriend, baby,  
I ain't your cute little sex toy,  
I'm not your lion or your tiger,  
Nah, nah, won't be your nasty little boy,  
Whoo, I'm not your boyfriend, baby,  
Yeah, I can't grant your every wish,  
Yeah, I'm not your knight in shining armor,  
So, I just leave you with this kiss**___

_**Kill the lights,**__  
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks  
__**It feels right,**__  
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright  
__**Kill the lights,**__  
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks  
__**It feels right,**__  
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated--_

You can catch me on the speedtrain,  
_**Beeper in a three-way,**__  
Shinin' with the gleam chain,  
__**And your honey givin' me brain,**__  
You can catch me watchin' AI,  
__**Mello, It's game time,**__  
Pinkie with the same shine,  
__**Big poetic canine**___

You know I rep' this shit,  
_**I gots it tatted on my skin,**__  
And if you fuckin' with my city,  
__**Then you fuckin' with my kin, **__  
You know I rep' this shit,  
__**I got my hands up on your chest,**__  
Motherfuckers best believe it,  
__**That you fuckin' with the best**___

_**Kill the lights,**_

_These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks _

_**It feels right,**__  
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the whi--  
__**Kill the lights, **__  
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks  
__**It feels right,**__  
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright  
__**Kill the lights,**__  
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks  
__**It feels right,**__  
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright  
__**Kill the lights,**__  
These children learn from cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks  
__**It feels right,**__  
All these asphyxiated, self-medicated; take the white pill, you'll feel alright _

Bella's voice still blew me away line after line. She was so tiny but she had this power and conviction coming out of her body.

The way she jumped around on stage just showed her complete and utter infatuation with pleasing the crowd when she performed.

Turn on, anyone?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Songs: Pain by Three Days Grace and I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby by 3OH!3

**Please take two seconds and review I need to know how I'm doin here! **

**Do you guys like Bella's attitude and hair?**

**I tried my best to make Edward an asshole but it's hard for me, if anyone has any lines or things Edward can say/do please let me know!**

**Reviews seriously makes my day so much better!**

**-Devyn**


	3. Slipped Away

**Thanks for the reviews, keep em' coming!**

**Thanks to Anna, my beta.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Rose and Nici, who teach me really cool Bristolian words that I have been using to confuse my parents! You guys are great (:**

**Onto Chapter 3!**

**EPOV**

The bar slowed down around one in the morning, Alice and Jasper quietly chatted about upcoming movie premieres and fashion shows that they would be in attendance for while I just sat there and thought about Bella's rejection.

Who in her right mind would reject me? Seriously all I had to do was smile at a girl and she would be on her knees in no time flat. I'm not stupid, I know that girls and even some guys think I'm beyond attractive and would do anything to get me into bed, but I couldn't figure out why Bella wouldn't be the same way.

Maybe she was playing hard to get, ya know, make me chase her? She did say that I was good looking so I guess that was a start.

But this was new to me, I've never had to chase a girl in my entire life, not even in high school, girls would just fall all over me, it never required any effort on my part. None at all. And I fucking liked it that way.

I could just say screw it and give up, why waste my time and energy chasing after her when I could have any girl I wanted? But something inside of me screamed out for Bella, I was so drawn to her I hated this feeling maybe if I just fuck her it will help get her out of my system. But I knew that it wouldn't.

I watched her the rest of the night. I watched her serve drinks and get hit on by gross old men and horny frat boys. I watched her accept shots from customers and then expertly spit it back into a beer bottle when she thought no one was watching, why wouldn't she drink them? I watched her graciously except praise for her performance and get red in the cheeks, which only made me want her more I might add. But much to my displeasure, I watched her carefully avoid my table for the rest of the night. I did catch her staring up at me and our eyes locked onto each other but she would quickly look away and blush.

I don't think anyone realized how much restraint it took for me not to march down there and just grab her and take advantage of her right then and there. The amount of attraction I held for her was just ludicrous. It was seriously starting to piss me off because I knew I couldn't have her. Fuck my life. She was going to be the death of me.

I took a swig of my beer to finish it off. I looked around the place and it was pretty much deserted. Alice was talking animatedly to Jasper about thigh high boots, he was staring off into space.

The bouncer was shooing out a few trashed party girls who were dancing on a table completely oblivious that the music had stopped and no one was watching them. They tried to refuse but the bouncer picked one up and tossed her over his should and grabbed the other two and basically threw them out onto the street. He came back inside, "Emmett, I'm done for the night, see you tomorrow." The big guy behind the bar saluted him, then the bouncer turned to Bella, "Great job Bells, I'm proud of ya kid."

She rolled her eyes, "Thanks Bobby, I'll see you Sunday when I come to pick up Ethan and Emma."

"Where are you taking them this time?" Before he walked out the door he walked over to Bella and sat down on a barstool beside the one where she was on cleaning off glasses.

"They said something about ice cream and central park. I'm up for whatever they want to do, you know me."

"Yes I do, you're too much of a pushover." He mussed her hair, "You spoil them too much, they like you better than they do their own dad."

"Can you blame them?" She snickered and he waved and said his final goodbyes.

Bella continued to wash off the mugs and glasses that were set in front of her, soon she got up and announced that she was going off to bed. On her way she picked up her guitar and headed off.

I turned to Alice who was sitting quietly for once in her entire life. "And we are sitting here why?"

Her head snapped up and her sapphire eyes met mine, "Oh Rose told us we could hang around for a bit and catch up, I hope you don't mind."

I knew that even if I did mind we would still be staying so I muttered "Whatever," under my breath and let my head fall back against the couch.

Soon enough I heard heels clicking up the stairs and Rosalie appeared. Well I think it was her anyways.

There was no denying that she was gorgeous, even a blind man would be able to tell. She had long blonde hair that was stick straight and hung to the middle of her back. Curves in all the right places, strong facial features that should be on the cover of a magazine. Her ice blue eyes were framed by a thick pair of dark lashes, her full lips were accented by a red lipstick that made her smile appear even whiter.

She was wearing black, skinny jeans, a fiery red halter-top that showed off an innocent amount of cleavage and red fuck-me pumps.

Yeah, she was sexy but she couldn't compare to Bella, they were in totally different leagues.

Rosalie was in more of a hott playboy/model-like group, Bella was in a drop dead sexy, bad girl, rocker-chick group. See? Totally different.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I had missed the entire conversation. Rosalie was looking at me with an outstretched hand and Alice was shaking her head at me while Jasper looked amused, fucker.

I snapped out of it and took her hand, "Sorry, I blanked for a moment, I'm as Edward Cullen , as you probably know." I winked at her and let go of her hand.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Rosalie McCarty, as you probably know." She smiled and rolled her eyes as she mocked me.

"Touché."

She looked at our table and picked up the beer empty beer bottles that were scattered in random places, "How about we go downstairs in the lounge, it's more comfortable there, there's a TV too. Do you guys like Rockband?"

I shrugged my shoulders and jasper let out a shout, "Hell yeah! I kick ass at Rockband!"

Rosalie laughed along with Alice, "Good, you'll get along just fine with Em. Let's go."

Alice and Jazz shot up out of the booth quickly while I took my time in true Edward Cullen fashion.

I finally made it down the stairs and followed the group into the lounge. It was simple enough. Beige walls, brown leather couch and a tan recliner along with two red beanbag chairs. Emmett was hurriedly setting up the drum set for the game while Jasper was setting up the guitar. Alice and Rosalie were talking about whatever it is that girls talk about these days, tampons or some shit like that. I don't really give a fuck.

Emmett finally took notice of me, "Dude! You're frickin' Edward Cullen!," He outstretched a hand… erhm… or should I say paw? "I'm Emmett McCarty." I took his hand and winced from his strong grip. He had a baby face, huge dimples, baby blue eyes, curly brown hair. But contrary to his boyish like face his 6'5 frame was ripping with muscles.

"Pleasure to meet you, man."

His dimpled smile disappeared as he turned back to Jasper. "You're goin down Whitlock!"

"McCarty, we're on the same team dumbass." They were already talking like best friends.

Em looked confused for a second, "Oh yeah, ha whatever I'm still gonna kick your ass."

They started their intense battle and Emmett had this hilarious look of concentration on his face as he pounded the drum set with his sticks, which I was sure would crack any second from the pressure he was applying. I had to admit it was quite entertaining.

I laughed hard at Emmett when he started cussing because he missed five notes in a row. The laugh put unneeded pressure on my bladder, nature's calling. "Rose, where's the restroom?"

She broke out of her conversation with Alice, "Out the door, turn to your left, second door on the right."

"Thanks." I don't think she heard me, she was already engrossed in her conversation with my sister.

I followed her directions and finally ended up in a fairly clean men's restrooms. I walked up to the urinal and quickly relieved myself. I washed my hands- twice, I'm a germ-a-phobic, seriously I go through a travel size bottle of hand sanitizer a day. I looked in the mirror and tried desperately to straighten out my hair, yeah that's not working. I drug my hands down my face pulling down the skin there and distorting my face for a moment. The bags underneath my eyes were growing darker and larger by the second. I really need sleep. I slapped my face a few times desperately to wake myself up with no avail.

I washed my hands for a third time and walked out of he restroom, pushing the door open with my shoulder. I walked down the hallway and went to turn to enter the lounge when I heard it and stopped.

It was a piano melody. Beautiful and haunting, I'd never heard it before. I followed the sounds coming from the piano, they were leading me into the main bar room.

Then her voice started, peaceful, perfect, yet painfully hurt.

"_Na na  
Na na na na na_

I miss you  
Miss you so bad  
I don't forget you  
Oh it's so sad."

I appeared behind her and just watched her play. It was a sight to see, she was so relaxed sitting there. Bella looked at home, just like she belonged on the piano bench. I leaned against a pillar and kept watching, ignoring the fact that I looked like a stalker.

Her colorful hair was pulled half up into a tight bun at the back of her head, held in place by two black chopsticks, the rest of it cascading down her back. I looked down at the rest of her body, she was wearing a sports bra and a tiny pair of black shorts. _Fuck._

Even though her hair was covering up most of her back I could still see flashes of milky skin when she would move ever so slightly.

She kept her playing,

"_I hope you can hear me  
I remember it clearly."_

Her voice was becoming frustrated and more broken by the second. I could've sworn I heard her sniffle.

"_The day you slipped away.....  
Was the day I found__"_

She stopped for a moment and I heard a scribble of a pencil and a irritated groaned. She was stuck with the lyrics I was guessing. She pounded on the keys with her elbows and gripped her hair.

I spoke up, "Try 'It won't be the same.'"

She gasped and flipped around quickly. I really wish she wouldn't have turned around. The skin on her stomach was creamy and looked silky soft. Her flat stomach was defined and was accompanied by a dark blue belly button ring. Even though she was wearing a restricting sports bra her ample chest was protruding. I groaned internally as my pants grew tighter. "Excuse me?"

I cleared my throat, "Perhaps I wasn't clear enough, I see that you're writing a song and you're stuck with the lyrics, I was just suggesting a line, it seemed to fit."

She huffed and turned back to her piano and played out the last few lines,

"_The day you slipped away.....  
Was the day I found_

_It won't be the same.__"_

I walked over to sit beside her on the bench. I watched as she reluctantly wrote it down on her notebook paper. She muttered thanks and I laughed lightly in response, "I want credit as a co-writer for this one."

"Are you kidding me?" She erased the line with her pencil furiously and crossed her arms across her chest.

I rolled my eyes at her behavior, "We both know that once I walk away you're going to write the line back down." She wasn't giving in. I brushed my fingertips across her chin, "Come on Bella you know you need that line."

"Okay first of all, don't touch me, ever. Second of all you're a cocky bastard and I am not crediting you for this, at all." She grabbed the pencil and wrote the line back down, I smiled victoriously.

"Fine, how about I take you back to my place and you can repay me there." I winked at her and gave her my patented swoon smile. She didn't crack, I can't fucking believe it! She just sat there biting on her full lower lip. _Yum._

She turned to face me completely, straddling the bench. She was about an inch away from me. Her dark chocolaty eyes were red-rimmed and deeper than the ocean. But, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her full lips. They looked so soft and silky, I can imagine them wrapped around my- whoa! Hello sexy lip piercing. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before, she had a purple gem stud pierced through her lower left lip.

Normally girls with facial piercing freaked me out, but on Bella it went straight to Little Eddie. She licked her lips and bit her lower one again, is she trying to kill me?

"Listen Edmund, or Edwin, whatever the fuck your name is, I. Am. Not. Hooking. Up. With. You. Capieche?"

"Why not? Girls would kill to have me even sitting this close to them!" She just rolled her eyes and started playing again, humming along with the piano. "Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you into girls or something?"

"Ha, leave it up to the egotistical asshole to think that just because a girl isn't into him it's not because of him, no couldn't be, it's because she's a lesbian." She scoffed, "I am straight, I like boys and dicks."

"Then why don't you like me?" I might as well cut to the chase.

"Hmm, you're a full-of-yourself actor who has fucked half of the city, 99% of them were one night stands, you use people and let's see you're full of yourself!"

"You don't know anything about me!"

"I know enough." She started scribbling down more lyrics onto her pad, chewing on the end of her eraser when she couldn't find the right word. She stopped for a second, "How old are you anyways?"

"I just turned 20 in June." Why would she care about my age?

"Hmmm, such a pity, it's illegal to fuck me, guess you're out of luck." She grinned and hopped off the bench. She started to walk away but I got her by the arm.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Dude, I'm 17. Now please just let me go." She's seventeen!?

"Good excuse." I scoffed at her and watched her bemused expression turn to a pissed off one.

"You seriously don't believe me?" How could I?

"You're working at a fucking bar and you're seventeen? Shouldn't you be living with your parents?" She stared furiously at me and shook her head slightly. "Did they disown you or something?" I joked lightly, not meaning it to be serious at all.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Tears sprang from her eyes, she turned on her heel and disappeared. _Shit, I just ruined my chances with that one._

I pounded my fists on my head and went back to the lounge where Emmett and Jasper were watching highlights from the latest Knicks basketball game. Alice and Rosalie were cuddles up next to their partners. Alice noticed my entrance first, "Well, what took you so long?"

"I was uh… talking to Bella."

That caught Emmett's attention, "Well, where is she?"

I hope he's not overly protective of her, "I pissed her off-on accident- and she took off but I don't know where to."

Emmett's face turned red as his fists clenched, "What the hell did you say to her?"

_Oh shit. He's going to kick my ass._ "We were talking and she told me her age and I asked why she worked at a bar when she's so young, then I asked if her parents disowned her, but dude, I was totally just joking."

Emmett stood up and I got ready for him to pummel me, but Rose cut in, "Emmett, he didn't know, cut him some slack."

"I didn't know what?" Emmett's face turned a shade lighter and he seemed to relax, Rosalie pulled him back down to his seat.

"Edward, Bella hasn't had an easy life by any means, she's an emancipated minor."

"Wait, what?"

Emmett stared at me incredulously, "Do you seriously not know what that means?"

I shook me head, "Of course I know what it means, but why?"

Emmett went to open his mouth but Rose stopped him, "It's not our place to tell you, I'm sorry."

I nodded my head understandingly, "Well can you at least tell me where she went, I need to apologize to her, I feel terrible."

Rose thought over it for a second, "Did you see which direction she took?" I nodded, "Good, follow that and keep looking at the ceiling, you'll see a short sting attached to it about half way through the hall, if you pull down on it a set of stairs will come out and lead you to her apartment."

"Thanks." Here goes nothing…

**-.-.-.-.-**

**A bit of a cliffy, nothing major, I hope.**

**Please leave me some reviews to wake up to!**

**They make my day, if I get just enough I might post chapter four very, very soon. But I'm not gonna bribe you or anything.**

**Did I do a good job with Edward and Bella interaction?**

**If you have any questions about anything, leave it in a review!**

**Thanks!**

**-Devyn**


	4. La La Land

**Sorry for the wait ): I'll try to update sooner from now on. Thanks for the reviews and such (: You guys make my day!**

**Thanks to Anna!**

**BPOV**

What an insensitive asshole! He has no fucking right to even think that about me! He doesn't know shit about me! How dare he… UGH!

I was so pissed off I couldn't even form a coherent thought in my own mind. Who did he think he was trying to judge my life like that? He didn't even know the half of it. First he tried to treat me like one of his skank hooker fuck buddies by trying to get me into bed but then he had the nerve to say that my parents disowned me! The thing that bugged me was how close to the truth he really came.

I let out a frustrated scream as I grabbed my acoustic and threw myself onto my worn out bed. I pulled out my composition and lyric notebooks and positioned them in front of me. I flipped them both open to my latest song. I have the composition down perfectly, every note and chord is absolutely flawless. But the lyrics are a different story. Finding the right words to convey this message would undoubtedly be the hardest of any other song. But that's only because it's about _him. _I don't mean to be all melodramatic by saying _him _like that but when I don't think his name it helps me with the banishment of nightmares and it keeps the tears at bay, for now.

I picked up where I was rudely interrupted by the douche bag, I started my playing softly to start off the second verse,

_"Na na  
Na na na na na_

_I didn't get around to kiss you  
Goodbye on the hand  
I wish that I could see you again  
I know that I can't oh  
I hope you can hear me  
Cause I remember it clearly"_

I stopped playing once I realized that I couldn't see my notes or lyrics because of the tears that were clouding my eyes.

It was all my fault everything was my fault. The pain started in my heart breaking it over again into what felt like a thousand pieces. It radiated through my veins into my entire being. My body shook violently with sobs.

I started chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Again and again, I couldn't stop myself. I was trying my hardest to get over this but I couldn't do it, I'd always be fucked up, no one could do anything about it. My only outlet for my memories and feelings was my music and it can only do so much to heal my wound.

I collected myself and went into my tiny bathroom. I took a good look in the mirror. My eyes were predictably red, puffy, and swollen. Mascara and eyeliner were running down my cheeks in thick black streams. My hair was a rat's nest and the colors in it were fading, _I need to make a hair appointment soon. _I ran my fingers through it and turn on the shower, turning the water up as hot as it would go.

I took off my sports bra and shorts off. _Shit, no wonder Edward wanted me in bed, I look like a slut._

When I got into the shower I could've sworn I heard my apartment door open. _Isabella, you have truly lost it._ I made the shower as quick as possible, I washed my hair and conditioned it. I skipped shaving my legs and just tried to let myself forget about everything that's happened.

I guess in a way that the accident was a good thing. Because if it never happened I wouldn't be here in New York living out my dreams, I would be back in that godforsaken hellhole of a home.

I finally was stable enough and my mind was clear enough to be able to come out of my excessively hot bathroom. I wrapped a towel around my body and tried to shake the moisture out of my hair, but I gave up and just let it cascade down my back, it was getting too long that I couldn't do anything with it.

I opened the cabinet and pulled out my toothbrush, I squirted the rest of my Crest toothpaste onto it and started brushing away, humming my latest song as I did. I, unlike normal people, brush for three minutes, I can't stand having a dirty mouth. I even carry around a travel toothbrush and a mini tube of toothbrush in my purse. Having sweaters on my teeth along with buffalo breath is not the most satisfying thing for me so now I have this dental hygiene obsession. Hey, at least I have nice, fresh, breath. I spit out the foamy toothpaste in my mouth and rinsed a few times with my generic mouthwash that tasted like shit.

I walked out of my steamy bathroom and into my bedroom. I walked past my bed where Edward was casually laying and straight to my- whoa, hold up, Edward Cullen laying on me bed, what the fuck? Does he not know how to listen and leave me alone!? I stood in my closet for a second and let the anger roll off of me in waves.

He took one look at me, "Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo."

"You stole the line from _Fletch_." He looked surprised.

"You've seen _Fletch_?"

I ignored his brainless question, "What the fuck are you doing in my bed, Cullen?" I crossed my arms across my chest as he looked up and down my body over and over again.

"Ouch, someone's a little touchy." He snickered as he stared at my chest.

"Sorry, but I'm not gonna kiss your ass just like everyone else in this entire fucking world." He sat up on my bed into a sitting position.

He looked so sincere, "Bella, I just really want to apologize for what I said down there, I had no right to judge you."

"I would believe you but it's your job to lie." I felt my voice waiver. _Dammit!_

"I had no idea that you were an emancipated minor. I just-" Hold on just a damn minute.

"Who told you that!?" He stood up to face me, he but his hands on my shoulders and started to rub them, attempting to soothe me. I shook off his hands, ignoring the electric sensation they made on my skin.

"Emmett and Rosalie explained that you had a hard life and that you were emancipated, what happened?"

"It's none of your fucking business." I could tell he wasn't going to give up. "Edward I think it'd be best if you would leave."

"Fine, but I'm here if you want to talk. Or when you finally realize how bad you truly want me."

"Oh so I'll call you when hell freezes over? Goodbye Edward."

"Goodbye my Bella. I'll see you next Thursday." Oh dear God, fuck my life. He's so fucking infuriating!

After he finally put the staircase back up I let out another frustrated groan. And silently cursed Rose and Emmett for telling him about my situation. _At least they didn't tell him the whole story, yeah, that would've sucked ass. I don't need someone else to join the Bella pity party._

I opened up my crappy cell phone. 3:04 AM September 12th. One more day. I got dressed in a comfy pair of sweats and a Madison High Football t-shirt that was four sizes too big for me. It proudly says 'Swan 33' on the back. I knew that some how I was going to pay emotionally for wearing this but I guess it's all worth it, right?

I turned on soft music in the background to help me fall into a peaceful sleep, and apparently it's not going to help tonight.

It's the same nightmare that haunts me whenever something happens to remind me of the harsh reality that I try so desperately hard to ignore, but it's inevitable, it really happened.

The nightmare goes through the accident again and again until I wake myself up.

"Brennan! No!" I sat up ramrod straight in my bed.

My body is covered in a cold sweat, my lungs are burning and my heart is pounding. I put my head between my legs and take deep, soothing breaths, "It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault."

I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts, he picked up on like sixth ring, "Bella? Babe are you okay?" All I could do was cry and pant like a dog, I am so pathetic, "Don't worry I'll be right there." I hung up my phone and looked at the time, 7:01 AM. Well at least it's not early or anything…

I got my feeble ass out of bed and went downstairs to unlock the bar's back door. The bar itself was fucking cold as hell, so I ran so that I could get it over and done with. Naturally I fell, hard, right on my face. My knee hit the corner of the stage. It hurt like a bitch. I limped to the door and flipped the lock.

On my way back upstairs I grabbed a pack of ice and left the staircase down so Jake could find it more easily. Walking up the stairs hurt worse than normal walking so it took me forever and a day to get back into bed.

I flipped on my bedside table lamp and held the ice pack on my knee. That's gonna leave a bruise the size of Russia. I let my head fall back and groaned when it hit the wooden headboard with a smack, today just isn't my day.

I heard some noise coming from downstairs along with a few cuss words floating around down there, he may not like to admit it but my clumsiness has rubbed off on Jake quite a bit over the past 17 years. Finally, he appeared wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and fuzzy batman slippers that I got for his birthday two years ago. Surprisingly enough he was wearing a shirt, a rare occurrence for him. "Well fucking hell! You actually know how to put a shirt on!"

"Hardy har har! I know how much my being half naked bothers you, so I decided to wear one, but don't get used to it little miss." He mussed my hair as he plopped himself down beside me on my bed. "So, nightmares again?" I sank down in the bed beside him and let out a deep, shaky breath.

"Yeah, well the same one as usual, the headlights, lots of blood, screaming, and BAM! I wake up yelling for him." I tried to play it off like it was no big deal. But, of course, he saw through me.

"Hell Bella, I thought you were getting over them, finally. What caused it this time?" I yawned loudly and snuggled up against my best friend's warm chest. I always used to tease him and call him my space heater since he was always abnormally warm.

"Uhm, Edward Cullen found me writing about it. He was just messing around with me and he asked if my parents disowned me. He didn't understand why I would be seventeen and working in a bar." I shook my head as Jake cursed Edward, I continued my story, "I guess when he said that it brought back all the memories and emotions and then the nightmare came back, I really thought I was getting over it."

He ran his hand along my spine soothingly, "It'll be okay Bellsie, I'm here. Let's get some sleep, I have to go into the studio early tomorrow."

"M'kay, night Jake, love you."

"Love you too Bells."

I stayed snuggled to his chest all night, well technically all morning. I didn't dream again, my sleep was dark, blank. Just the way I liked it. I like to think of Jacob of my own personal dream catcher.

When I woke up the next morning Jake was gone. I groaned as I looked at my clock, 11:04. Shit I was late!

I flipped my legs over the side of the bed and threw on a sweatshirt that was lying on the ground by my feet. I grabbed a pair of flip-flops and headed into my small kitchenette for a granola bar. I grabbed a chocolate chip one out of the cupboard and ran down the staircase and into the bar. I saw Emmett's burly frame behind the bar, "Guys! I am so sorry I didn't mean to oversleep and I-" I stopped instantly when I saw Edward Cullen leaning casually against the bar talking to Emmett, Alice was talking to Rosalie in the corner. "What the hell is he doing here?"

Emmett looked quickly between Edward and I. "Good mornin' Bellie, Edward here stopped by to talk to you."

"Oh well that's fantastic, too bad there's nothing left to say." I glared while Edward's expression changed from hopeful to pained. I eased up on my death stare as he looked at his feet nervously. Am I, Bella Swan, making _thee _Edward Cullen nervous!?

I kinda liked this power I had over him. He cleared his throat and walked over to me, "Bella, I really would like to apologize, can I take you out to lunch as a way of saying sorry?"

"No can do, I have shit to do." I lied, and it was obvious.

Emmett laughed as he towel dried a large mug, "Like what?"

I had to make up something and fast before I got called out on it, "I need to get my hair done, I finally made enough money on tips, and I need to go to Goodwill and buy some better stage clothes. Sorry Eddo."

"Never call me that again. Whatever, forget I even tried to apologize and do the right thing. I'm out of here, I'll talk to you later Emmett." He waved to Emmett, and then nodded curtly at me, "Isabella." I hate that fucking name.

He left in a hurry, slamming the bar's iron door on the way out. I plopped down on a wooden barstool and fiddled around with some toothpicks.

Emmett replaced some of his bottles of liquor with new ones and looked down at me, "Rough night there, Bells?"

"Ha, you could say that, but it's not on my 'top 5 things to talk about at the moment' list." He nodded understandingly, "I really do have to get my hair done and go shopping," All of a sudden I was hit with a very strong, very small force. "What the hell?"

"Hello Bella, remember me? Well just in case you don't, I'm Alice, Alice Cullen. Edward's sister, we met last night. You totally told off my brother and you kicked ass on stage! Anywho, I was wondering, since you have to go shopping and such, if I could go with you." I was speechless, all those words came flying at me at a deafening speed. Her eyes lit up, "Oh! I have the best idea." She paused and waited for me to say something, "Aren't you gonna ask me what it is!?"

"Uhm, what's your brilliant idea?" I shifted in my seat as Alice bounced up and down in her seat.

"I am a personal shopper and how about while you get your hair done, I can go shopping for you! I'll meet you at Pablo's Café at one o'clock, sound good? Great, bye Bella." She grabbed Rose on her way out while I sat there dumbfounded.

Emmett was chuckling at the scene, "Emmy bear, what the fuck just happened?"

"Well, it looks like you've got yourself your own personal shopper!"

"Well that's just fuckin fabulous, I don't even wanna know what that little girly pixie is going to get me." I let out a sigh, "Do you have my tips from last night, I don't have any money in my bank account."

"Until tomorrow you mean." I rolled my eyes as I held out my hand. "Here you are my lady, 278 dollars and," He dropped four dimes into the palm of my hand along with a nickel and two dull pennies. "47 cents!"

"Holy fuck! This is the most I've ever gotten from a single night. Thanks Em." I kissed him on the cheek and ran back to my apartment.

I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and a hot pink t-shirt that said Joan Jett in bold black letters. I put on my pair of chucks and threw my hair into a ponytail.

On my way out I grabbed my leather messenger bag, my beat-up Walkman, a bag of homemade cookies, my acoustic guitar, worn out leather jacket, and my old Ray Bans and left in a rush. I put my tips into my wallet and started to walk towards Loretta's.

I only managed to hit three people with my oversized guitar case, causing them only minimal pain and myself receiving one middle finger and two 'watch the fuck out's and I only tripped twice, neither of them resulting in a face plant. That's a new record for me!

During the twenty or so minute walk to the salon I found myself thinking of what that little pixie and Rosalie could possibly be buying me. _It will take me years to repay them!_ I groaned at the thought of having my closet being taken over by pieces of baby pink and sky blue frilly, girly, clothing that was just enough to make me toss my cookies. Hopefully Rose can inform Alice on my clothing preferences, red, leather, black, edgy, rocker-chick things are my forte. I don't do dresses or heels either. _Fucking kill me now._

I took out my headphones from my messenger bag and plugged them into my Walkman. I turned on _Run, Don't Walk_ by 'Hey Monday'. I popped in the tiny ear buds and placed the CD player back into the bag. I reached down and turned the volume up as loud as it possibly could go, my eardrums were pounding but the music made it blissfully impossible to think.

I dropped a few quarters in a saxophone player's case while I sat there and admired his playing. He was amazing, each note flowed perfectly through the instrument, his fingers moved flawlessly, his eyes were closed and he was swaying to the rhythm. He ended his tune and opened his eyes, he nodded to all of his fans and I watched as people through bills into his case. I saw a hundred dollar bill float down and land on top of all the other bills.

I felt a warm breath on my neck, and heard a velvety voice in my ear, "He was marvelous but he couldn't even compare to your performance." Edward fucking Cullen.

I just chose to be the bigger person and walk away, but I do admit that I thought about sticking my tongue out and accusing him of stalking me. I heard his footsteps behind me and I quickened my pace and replaced my ear buds, trying to block out the calls coming from him. What part of 'leave me the hell alone' doesn't he understand?

I finally reached my destination and attempted to slip in before he could see where I went. I shut the door with a slam and put my guitar down beside the front desk. I pulled out my ear buds and turned off the CD player just in time to be attacked. "Shawnee! How are you cutie pie?"

"I'm great, thank you. You look very nice today Miss Bella." She giggled as I sat her back down.

I ruffled her thick, curly hair. "How many times have I told you just call me Bella." She nodded her head and smiled at me as I pulled out the cookies that I made for her, "Chocolate chip and oatmeal, your favorite." I pulled one out of the bag and thanked me with her mouth full, "Where's your mom at?"

"In the back."

I thanked her and headed for the back room, I heard the bells above the door chime, signaling someone's entrance. I got to the staff room and opened the door. Loretta sat there shuffling through bottles of developer and dye. Loretta was the owner of the shop and Shawnee's mother. She was a heavy-set woman with coffee colored skin. Her hair was thick and always kept in tight curls, shining beautifully.

Ever since I came to New York she's been my hairdresser and mother figure. Always telling me to behave and encouraging me to reach for my dreams and to never give up. She doesn't know the reason why I'm here but she does know that I've lived a pretty fucked up life and that New York was my place to escape to. She never pressured me into telling either, which is a blessing in it's own.

She was reaching for a tube of bleach on the top shelf, "Here let me get it Lo." I stood on my tiptoes and stretch my entire body out so that my fingers barely grazed the bottom of the bottle. I inched up some more, even though it was near impossible for my 5'6 frame and reached the bottle sending it tumbling down into Loretta's arms. I did a victory dance as Loretta pulled me into a hug. "Isabella Marie! Where on Earth have you been!? I haven't seen you in months!"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry! I've been busy, I have to get a bunch of paperwork filled out for tomorrow and I've been working as much as possible to earn some extra money." I gave her an apologetic smile as she led me out of the back room and into the main one.

"And apparently your gorgeous hair is suffering the consequences." Once we reached the main salon I heard it and then saw _him!_ Loretta's voice rang through the entire shop and I am betting was heard in India or possibly even China, "Oh my gosh! It's Edward Cullen! Edward Cullen is in my shop!"

He was sitting in one of the revolving chairs at Loretta's station talking to Shawnee with a bemused expression on his face, "Shawnee I'd stop talking to him unless you want your brain to turn to mush." I went over and sat in the chair next to Edward's and looked at Shawnee, "Go pick out some colors for my hair." She gave Edward a hug and went to the back room.

I turned to Edward, dear God. He is gorgeous, that much is undeniable. His chiseled jaw and straight nose looked like they came from the hands of a master sculptor, his lips were full and pink with a perfect set of pearly whites lying behind them. His bronze hair was beautiful and looked like he had just had amazing sex and rolled out of bed. But the most noticeable thing about him? His mesmerizing green eyes. They were like liquid emerald, I had to avoid them. I wouldn't be able to stand my ground if they caught me in a trance.

I stared at the area right below his eyes, making it look that I was, in fact, brave enough to look him in the eyes. "What do you want Edward?"

"To take you on a date." He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Ha, no." I rolled my eyes as I watched Loretta come out of the back with her supplies with Shawnee following behind with three tubes of color.

Edward's jaw dropped, "You do know that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that girls would kill for right?"

"I'm not like other girls. So why are you even bothering?" Loretta started combing out my hair while staring at Edward with googly eyes.

He ignored my question, "Let me take you out on one date after you get your hair colored or whatever and if you still despise me then I will leave you alone, but if you end up falling hard for me, which is more than likely to happen, then we'll see how it goes from there."

I looked out the window and noticed a crowd of paparazzi gathering with cameras and pads of paper scribbling down every little detail, Edward pulled his beanie down farther over his head and spun away from the window. I picked up a gossip magazine and flipped through the pages while he sat there waiting for the answer.

I found what I was looking for, it was a full page covered in pictures of Edward and at least twenty different women. He either had them in a lip-lock or had his arm around them leading them into a cab. The title read in big bold letters, 'Edward's A Man Of Many Women!'

Each girl was different looking, different skin tone, hair color, body type, clothing style etc. It proves my point that it doesn't matter what the girl even looks like, he'll screw them and be done. I threw the magazine into his lap, "I'm not another one of them. Does that answer your question?"

At first he looked angry, then… disappointed? He slammed the magazine shut and stood up, the paparazzi were flashing left and right, writing down what they think they've seen. He glanced over his shoulder, "Miss Loretta, may I wait in the back until they have left? I don't feel like being attacked today, I've gotten enough of it verbally." I rolled my eyes at his pathetic jab, Loretta showed him the way to the back room, Shawnee following them and staying back with Edward. She obviously had a crush, I couldn't blame her.

Loretta came back out shortly, "Bella! Are you insane that's Edward fucking Cullen, he's gorgeous! Not to mention rich!"

"He's a playboy Lo, he's no good for me, plus he's a jerk. He doesn't think of anyone but himself and thinks he's God's personal gift to Earth." I paused for a moment and raised my voice, "And I hope he can hear me!"

Lo laughed and continued doing my hair. Shawnee picked out a sapphire blue, dark purple, and a dark pink for my hair. They were the same colors as last time except they were a darker version. I kept my length but got it trimmed to get rid of all the dead ends.

She finished blow-drying it until it was shiny and silky smooth. She straightened it and left it down. I ran my fingers through it, "Ette! This feels amazing. Thank you so much! How much?" I began to pull out my wallet.

She pointed to my guitar case, "You know you don't pay with money, I want to hear an original Bella song."

"You sure? I mean, I'd be more than happy to pay and play, I got paid last night."

"No, Bells, it's fine you're family, and you don't take money from family. Shawnee get out here or you're going to miss the song!"

**EPOV**

Why is Bella so difficult and frustrating? Why won't she go on just one date with me to see what she's missing out on? But the more important question is why do I even care? She's just a girl, a fucking beautiful, witty, rocker-chick. I'm just addicted to her, I keep coming back for more. I can't help it, I keep telling myself to forget about her and get over it but I just _can't._ She's so infuriating and I just can't stay away. I'm a fucking masochist.

I was absent-mindedly chatting with Shawnee when her mother called from the front, "Shawnee get out here or you're going to miss the song!" Shawnee clapped her hands and grabbed my hand.

"What song?" I asked as she pulled me to the front of the salon.

"Every time Bella comes here she plays a song instead of paying, she's so amazing." We reached the salon and Shawnee was looking at Bella as if she were a God.

I mumbled "I know" as I stared at Bella sitting on a stool tuning her guitar. She looked up at me and her expression became soft then immediately hardened. She took her pick out of the strings , "The cameras and reporters are gone, they got bored, so you can leave now."

"That's okay, I'd rather watch the show, you're phenomenal." She couldn't decide on a witty response so she settled for a quick thanks.

Before she started she pulled out a thick notebook and handed it to Shawnee. I looked over the little girl's shoulder as she filled through the torn up five-star. It was filled with lyrics and compositions, tons of them. I felt my jaw drop in amazement, Bella saw and her cheeks turned a gorgeous red color.

Shawnee finally settled on one closer to the front. It was filled with eraser marks and pencil scratches. She handed it to Bella, "This one!"

She giggled at Shawnee. "This is one of my favorites, nice pick. It might sound a little off since I wrote it for my electric guitar, but here it goes."

She started strumming on her guitar, it still amazed me that she was so accurate on the guitar, it was all so natural for her.

_"I am confident  
But I still have my moments  
Baby, that's just me  
I'm not a supermodel  
I still eat McDonald's  
Baby, that's just me"_

She made a goofy face at Shawnee causing her to snicker.

_"Well, some may say I need to be afraid  
Of losing everything  
Because of where I  
Had my start and where I made my name  
Well, everything's the same  
In the la-la land machine  
Machine, machine"_

She got off the stool and kicked it over; she started moving around the room swaying to the beat of her guitar. She looked like she was lost in her music.

_  
"Who said I can't wear my  
Converse with my dress  
Well, baby, that's just me  
Who says I can't be single  
And have to go out and mingle  
Baby, that's not me_

_Well, some may say I need to be afraid  
Of losing everything  
'cause of where I  
Had my start and where I made my name  
Well, everything's the same  
In the la-la land... "_

She stopped her playing and started singing a capella.

_"Tell me, do you feel the way I feel  
'Cause nothing else is real  
In the la-la land appeal"_

She started her guitar playing again, her voice never faltering.

_"Well, some may say I need to be afraid  
Of losing everything  
Because of where I  
Had my start and where I made my name  
Well, everything's the same  
In the la-la land machine"_

I thought she was done, but she picked it up and sung at the top of her lungs, her voice was beautiful.

_"Well, I'm not gonna change  
In the la-la land machine  
Well, I will stay the same  
In the la-la land machine_

_Machine  
Machine  
I won't change anything in my life  
I won't change anything in my life  
I'm staying myself tonight  
I'm staying myself tonight  
La, la, la, la, la"_

She finished off playing her guitar and fell to the floor beside Shawnee pretending to be exhausted.

I hadn't even noticed the other clients in the shop until they started cheering and clapping loudly. I joined in and whistled. Bella blushed beautifully and thanked them. She put her guitar back into the case and gave Loretta and Shawnee hugs. "Thanks guys, for everything, and, of course, my amazing hair-do."

"No problem Bella, come back soon, we're going to be needing a repeat performance."

She pulled out a CD player and pushed play, putting in her ear buds and walking out the door, leaving me in her wake.

**BPOV **

I tried to get out of the salon as soon as possible in an attempt to avoid Edward. I was speed walking down the street with my guitar by my side weighing me down tremendously, _I need a cart to put this thing on!_

I heard heavy footsteps and walked faster. But of course, I am not fast enough. I felt a hand on my shoulder and then a tug on my right ear bud. I stopped in my tracks and turned to my side to face him. "What!?"

He had his Ray Bans on and a beanie covering his bronze hair and on top of that his black hood was pulled up covering fifty percent of his face, "I must say, the hood covering your face is an improvement for your looks." _That lie barely made a pass._

"Ouch, that stung. Don't deny that you think I'm good looking, every other woman in this world does." I pulled out my CD player and turned it off, knowing that I wouldn't be able to listen to my music with his smooth voice buzzing in my ear. "Ever heard of an iPod Bella?"

I rolled my eyes as I shoved the black Walkman into my bag, "Not everyone can afford such luxuries, Cullen."

He suddenly became uncomfortable, "Oh, uh, I'm sorry I didn't mean-" I waved it off.

"Whatever, I don't care. Did you want something?"

He seemed to hesitate and take a deep breath, "A chance?

-.-.-.-.

**Okay, so there's chapter four, I hope you all enjoyed it!**

**Song in this Chapter was 'La la Land' by the amazing Demi Lovato!**

**Did anyone catch the similarity between Bella and Edward, if you answer right I'll send you a sneak peek of next chapter!**

**Review! Please (:**

**--Devyn!**


	5. The Fear

**Your reviews are amazing! I loved them, but no one caught Bella and Edward's similarity, they are both dental hygiene freaks haha, yes I know it was totally random but I am a very weirdly random girl.**

**Anyways, I had up to chapter 8 written out but being the weirdo that I am, I flipped out and deleted them because, well frankly, they were stupid and horribly written so this is the last pre-written chapter I have unfortunately.**

**This chapter is short and I kinda, sorta, like it a lot, Jake and Bella fluff and Edward and Bella fighting haha, that's always fun to write!**

**The song title doesn't have anything to do with the chapter it's just what I was listening to while writing this author's note.**

**BPOV **

_A chance!? _I didn't even think it deserved an answer, I mean seriously? Had I not made my point clear enough already? How many times would I have to deny him before he got the big picture.

"This just further proves my point, you're a dumbass." I kept walking as he followed behind.

"I don't understand you!" He threw his hands up in the air dramatically.

"Look, I'm sorry but we are from two totally different worlds, we are total opposites. It just wouldn't work." I looked down at my watch, I only had ten minutes to get to Pablo's to meet Rose and Alice. "I have a lunch date with your sister and Rosalie, I guess I'll see you later, Cullen."

"Let me come! I'll pay for the meal."

"Ehh, I don't think so." I could see that he was about to protest, so I screamed at the top of my lungs, thankful that I was walking by a store filled with females, "LIKE! OHMIGAWD! IT'S EDWARD CULLEN!" I took off, leaving him stunned and in the middle of a mob of screaming and crying females professing their love for him.

I could see the paparazzi approaching him and the flashes of the camera. But when I turned around to fully look at the crowd I could see his eyes directly boring into mine. He looked so upset and it just looked wrong. It took me a few moments to tear my gaze from his, when I did I turned around and I could feel his eyes on my back.

Pretty much satisfied with myself I finish my brisk walk to the café and went up to the hostess, "Uhm, table for three, Swan." I fiddled with a strand of my overly long hair.

She wrote it down on her chart and handed me a pad of paper, I glanced at the blank sheet of paper in front of me and looked at her confused, "You're Bella Swan right?"

"Uhm, yes?" I said it more as a question because either she was a crazy psychopath or a stalker.

"Okay, good. I was wondering if I could have your autograph, I really love your music."

Holy fucking shit. Someone wants my autograph? Me, Bella Swan, signing an autograph. Who woulda thought? I was so overwhelmed with happiness and shock that I didn't notice her nudging the pad and pen at me. "Oh uhm sorry, got lost in my thoughts." I took the pen and paper from her and scribbled down my 'signature'. A big capital 'B' and some scribbles after it. "Here you go." I handed it back to her. She thanked me and sat me down at one of the outside tables just in time for Alice and Rose to show up.

Carrying what seemed like thousands of shopping bags. God help me.

Alice's face brightened up when she saw me waving and smiling at her.

Being gorgeous must run in the family. Alice is most definitely one of the most gorgeous people I have ever met. Her high cheekbones and straight nose were sculpted yet soft. Her full lips and bright sapphire eyes made her the picture of perfection and every woman's envy. She had a petite frame, close to five foot. Her black hair stuck up in a million different directions and complimented her pale skin that seemed to sparkle in the sun. And of course she was always dressed impeccably.

They plopped down in the black, metal, chairs across from mine. Numerous bags from a hundred different stores littered the ground around them. I prayed to God that this all wasn't for me. Alice looked hyper and ready to go while Rose… well she looked like the living dead. I snickered quietly at her appearance. Alice was hopping up in down in her seat after the waitress took our drink orders, "Bella! Look at all this stuff we got you!"

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, "Look, Alice, it was really kind of you to go shopping for me and all but I really can't afford paying you back and I hate when people buy me gifts. So can you please just take them back?" I put it as nicely as I possibly could.

"But Bella, you haven't even seen what I got you. Now I know what you're thinking, I probably bought you girly stuff. But, I actually bought you stuff that was more your style, minimal pink, I swear! And I wanted to do this for you, consider it an early birthday present for your eighteenth tomorrow!"

"I have a feeling that I won't win any arguments with you." Rose laughed while Alice put on a serious face.

"None at all." She grinned evilly, I huffed in defeat.

The waitress came back with our drinks and took our main orders. Rosalie sipped on her Sprite, and took a bite of her breadstick, "I see that you got your hair done, it looks really pretty Bells."

"Thanks." My faced drained and turned an unnatural red color.

"I agree with Rose, the colors are very… punk rock. I like it too. It will match perfectly with your new wardrobe!" I mumbled another thanks to her and messed with my straw waiting for someone to end the silence.

We can thank Rose for ending it, "So anything else interesting today?"

"Hmph, well if you must know I was stalked and insulted on my low income." I rolled my eyes at the thought of Edward. _God he is so gorgeous._ Whoa, what the fuck? I have got to stop those thoughts._ And ignore the butterflies and tingling sensation he causes. _Isabella Marie! Stop that right now.

Alice looked truly concerned, "Oh my goodness by who?"

"Your lovely brother."

"That douche! I am very sorry Bella, my mother raised him better than that." She took a sip of her water, "It's just that ever since he became this mega star he's been different, he always has his guard up, so please excuse his rude behavior for now."

What was I suppose to say to that, I mean really? "Oh don't worry about it, no big deal."

"Thanks, Bella, I think we are going to be great friends." She smiled warmly and I actually couldn't agree more.

"Yeah, I think so too Alice." Her eyes lit up and she smiled widely ate me while taking a bite of her pasta.

The rest of the meal went by with the usually girl chitchat. We ate quickly and I paid for the bill, much to my friends' displeasure, but they just spent money on my clothes so it was the least I could do.

Looking down at all the shopping bags I realized that there was no way in hell we three could make it back to the bar carrying all of them. There had to be at least 60 of them. "Guys, maybe we should get a cab to help out with the heavy lifting." I motioned towards all of the bags.

Rose threw her hands up in the air, "Oh thank sweet baby Jesus! I don't think I can carry them any farther."

Laughing quietly I looked over at Alice who was looking at us incredulously, "Oh you bunch of whimps! Here let me take them." She grabbed all of the bags and started walking down the street.

Rose and I stared at her incredulously at the tiny little pixie, "Oh my damn, she could compete with Emmett."

"No kidding Rose, we should have an arm wrestling competition to see who wins."

We followed after Alice, who, I must say, was clearing quite a path for us in her wake. People were cursing under their breath and tried to shove her out of their way but she's a trooper, nothing could sway her until we reached the bar.

Finally reaching the bar, we all piled into my tiny apartment. Alice started putting different bags into separate piles, I strummed randomly on my acoustic, Rosalie filed her long, red nails.

I watched as Alice went into my closet and pulled out quite a few garmentless wire hangers, I got up and grabbed them from her, "I think that you should just wait until tomorrow to hang those up."

She looked at me as if I was crazy, "Why? They could wrinkle just sitting in those bags!"

"I'm getting my inheritance tomorrow, my grandfather also left me his penthouse for some crazy reason. So, I'm moving in there tomorrow after I sign the papers and shit." I shrugged my shoulders and put the hangers back into my bare closet.

"Oh my gosh Bella! This is so exciting! You have to let me design your apartment."

I gave her a 'look' that told her 'no fucking way in hell'. I heard Rosalie mutter from the corner of the room, "Oh shit."

Alice's face turned a violent red color, I stared in horror as her anger turned into sadness, her eyes filled with tears that started flowing down her face heavily. "But Bella! Don't you like me?"

Frantically trying to calm her I started to pat her back, "Of course I like you Alice, please stop crying."

She sniffled and then gave me the puppy dog eyes. "If you re… really liked me, yo… you would let me do th.. this. Pl…please Bellsie. "

Oh dear God, I am pathetic. "Fine Alice." Before she got too excited I had to enforce the laws, "But! I have the final say in everything, no over usage of pink, and I _will_ pay you! Are we understood?"

She saluted me and grabbed her purse, looking down at her watch she gasped, "So much to do and buy in such little time. Bye-bye for now Bella. Bye Rose!"

She rushed out of the apartment and I shook my head and muttered to myself, "What've I gotten myself into?"

I flopped back down onto my bed and played with a few strings that were attached to my bedspread, "So, Edward Cullen eh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I hid my face from her.

"Bella! Come on. He is the most gorgeous guy in the freaking world and he's interested in you! Do you know how many girls would kill to be you?"

"Funny, he mentioned that the other night." She rolled her eyes at me, "Rose, how can you seriously want me to date that arrogant dickhead? Aren't you supposed to be encouraging me to be making smart choices?"

"He doesn't seem all that bad, you haven't even given him a chance. You have to live a little! Take chances, ya know be wild and crazy." She got out of her chair and paced around my room, using dramatic hand gestures to prove her point.

"How is dating a selfish prick considered wild and crazy?"

"Okay, I got carried away, but still Bells! Edward fucking Cullen!"

"No. He'll just end up hurting me in the end, I'm smarter than that." I crossed my arms over my chest to tell her that my decision was final.

"I know you're going to regret this Bella. I've got to go pick up some new shot glasses, Emmett broke a whole set last night, wanna come?"

"No I've got some things to finish up and pack for tomorrow." She nodded understandingly and left with a smile.

I walked lazily to my small kitchen and pulled out the only thing left in my fridge, an opened can of Mountain Dew. I took a slow swig, it was flat and watered down. _Gross._ I threw it in the trashcan beside me. I heard my phone ringing from my bedroom, I rushed to get it. "Hello?"

"Hey Bells, it's Jake."

"Oh hey, how was the studio?" I held the small phone to my ear with my shoulder as I started to wash the dishes that were starting to mold in my sink. _Fucking gross. _

"Same old, same old. I'm just now cutting out for a quick lunch/coffee break wanna join?"

"As much as I truly would love to do that Jake, I have a million and one things left to do before 'the big day' tomorrow and I already had lunch with Rose and Alice." I finished with the dishes and threw them into a cardboard box filled with bubble wrap.

"Well, well, Bella Swan spending quality time with girls! And you're still alive and well?"

"Bite me Black. It wasn't too bad actually. Refreshing even. I didn't have to deal with one sexual innuendo or dirty joke." It was no secret that I didn't have any girlfriends in high school, or my childhood for that matter. I was always with Jake and his friends or with, well, _him _and _his _buddies watching the game. Girls and their frilly clothes and make-up, along with their gossip and boy chats made me wanna gag.

"Must've been a real eye opener for you." He chuckled and tried to muffle a cough, "Listen, I'm right outside the bar."

"And why is that?" I sealed the box full of kitchenware and sat down in one of the wooden chairs.

"What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't help you pack?" I heard the back door slam shut.

I hung up my phone and waited for his arrival. It was only a matter of seconds before my door swung open and I was greeted by an exhausted looking Jake. I instantly felt horrible, I mean, if I hadn't called him in the middle of the night being such a baby he would be well rested. "Hey Jake." I tried not to let him see my sad expression, I turned to the cupboard and pulled out a chocolate chip cookie dough Pop Tart, his favorite. I tossed it to him along with my last bottle of water.

"Thanks Bellsie."

"My pleasure _Jakie."_ I said the name in a mocking tone. He raised an eyebrow at me.

He took a huge sip of water and puffed out his cheeks. _Ooh! He wouldn't dare. Shit yes he would._

In one swift motion I was covered in spit water. "Come on man! That's just gross!" I grabbed his bottle of water off the table and took the biggest gulp I could manage to fit in my mouth.

"Bells, best friend, light of my life! Let's be mature about this. What I did was merely an accident."

I cornered him into, well, a corner and gave him an 'innocent' look. I spat it all in his face, I died of laughter as I watched it wash down his face. "Whoops, it was an _accident_. My bad."

"I will get you back for that one, but not at the moment. You and I need to pack. Where should we start?"

"I'll start with my closet and you can start with…"

"Ooh! I'll start with your underwear drawer!" He started off in the direction of my room, I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Perv! You may start with the bathroom, since you like feminine objects so much you have the pleasure of packing up my tampons!" I stuck out my tongue immaturely and laughed as he groaned.

Grabbing a huge cardboard box and packing tape, I headed for my tiny room. Swinging open my closet door I thought to myself, _this shouldn't take long._ Starting with my overpopulated band t-shirts, I started pulling my clothes out of my closet and throwing them into the box. Some of the shirts had moth holes or random stains, but I still wore them. Something told me that if Alice ever saw them then she would have a bitch fit. My skinny jeans didn't take too much time to put away since there were only two pairs. The rest of the stuff in my closet were items that no longer fit me, I threw them into the trash beside the cardboard box.

Finishing my closet took me all of five minutes-like I said, my wardrobe didn't consist of much. Moving onto my dresser which only contained underwear, bras, sweats, socks, etc. Opening the drawers one by one I promptly took the contents of said drawers and threw them into the box that held my other clothes. I took the packing tape and sealed the box up, nice and tight.

As I started to fold up my bedspread Jake walked into my room with a small cardboard box, which I am assuming, was filled with my toiletries. He tossed it on the floor beside the other boxes, "I am so glad I am not a girl, tampons look painful. But ya know they are kind of like missiles."

"Jake!" I slapped him across the chest. "I told you to pack them, not experiment with them."

He rolled his eyes. After putting the blankets and pillows into another box, (don't ask where I found all these damn boxes) I was 90% done with packing. I heard my phone ring from across the room.

I ran to the table and picked it up, call ID flashing _Rose._

"Hello Ms. Lady." I joked.

"Bella this is no time for Step Brothers quotes! Turn on _E! News _right now!"

**-.-.-.-.**

**Sorry times a million for the cliffie!**

**Next chapter is going to be some major teasing on Bella's part! It will also be her birthday party, which will be cool, some things will be revealed about her past, but nothing major! ):**

**If your looking for something good to read check out navaa nightmarex, seriously her stories are the shit and I'm addicted, anyways…**

**Please review! If ya do you'll get a faster chapter, scout's honor!**

**xoxo,**

**Devynnnnn!**


	6. Damned If I Do Ya

**Thanks for all the reviews! I know I said this would be the teasing Edward chapter but I apologize because this is just some fluff with some past mixed in.**

**Read the AN at the bottom after the chapter please.**

**Warning I edited this chapter so beware!**

**BPOV**

I threw my phone on the bed not even bothering to hang it up, and ran to my small TV and flip it on. Finally landing on _E! News, _I sat down on my bed and Jake looked at me quizzically.

I was confused because at the moment the host was talking about Tom Cruise, why the hell was this so important? I waited for a while longer and she finally stopped talking about Tom..

_"And now to our top story of the hour, two of Hollywood's biggest hunks fighting for the affections of a *gasp* non-famous girl? Check out these pics of Jane Doe and one of the guys that's obviously under her spell."_

I stared at the TV in amazement and shock. Pictures of Jake and I plastered the screen, each one more intimate than the next. One of us walking side by side down the street, me snuggled into his side and him kissing the top of my head, our hands intertwined with Jake sporting a goofy grin, there was one of us sitting in the Italian restaurant laughing, and finally one of Jake exiting the bar early this morning looking like a rumpled, exhausted mess.

The host smiled at this picture, _"Could this be the rapper Jacob Black's new love interest? A punk-y girl with colored hair and a rocker persona? No reports on identification yet but watch this clip and decide for yourself if this is Hollywood's new 'it' couple."_

The screen flashed to a video of the restaurant that Jake and I had dined in the other day, our waitress popped up next with an evil glint in her eye, _"Yeah, they were like totally all over each other! Serious PDA, I mean it was like over the top! And she was so obviously jealous of me!"_ I scoffed at her ignorance.

The host came back onto the tiny screen, _"But even more of a shocker is the third part of this love triangle, Edward Cullen. The two have been spotted together over the past few days, he even took her to the hair salon. Check out the pictures of Cullen and Mystery Woman."_ Dear God! Why me?

The pictures that showed up next were situations that could be seen differently than what actually happened. The first was of us at the bar, I was leaning in and he was whispering a crude comment in my ear. The next was of Edward standing behind me as we watched the saxophone player, we actually did look like a couple in that one, I had to admit. The last picture was of us at the barbershop sitting in the chairs, I was looking through the magazine and he was staring at me with awe, his expression was total and complete happiness.

I was just sitting on my bed next to Jake, my jaw slack, eyes wide, my mind was going crazy. But I don't think I've ever been as mad at Edward Cullen as I have been when I saw what he said to the reporters.

"_When asked by reporters about this girl what was his response? Check out this vid and see for yourself." _

The TV screen flashed to a video clip of Edward, he was staring ahead of him, reporters were asking him a million questions a minute. One of the reporters asked him if anything was going on between him and I, _"Haha! With her? No way in hell! She's just a random fan girl that's been trying to get with me."_

I was livid as I watched the host laugh and say,_ "Haha, things are looking fishy. But what about his rumored romance with Tanya Denali? Trouble in paradise for the co-stars? One thing's for sure, this mystery girl is the luckiest woman on the planet! Check back in tomorrow for updates on this story."_

I switched off the TV. I balled my hands into fists as I let out an agitated scream, Jake got up and rubbed his huge, warm, hand on my back, trying to calm me down. So not helping. "Bells I'm so sorry, I knew this was going to happen, I'll call my PR rep and tell him to alert the media that we're just friends."

I ran my hand through my thick hair, "Jake, I'm not mad at you dumbass! I'm mad at that douche bag! How could he say _I_ was trying to get with him when he's been begging me to go out with him ever since I met him! That fucked up knob head! UGH! Give me my phone!"

"Please tell em you are going to call and bitch that mother fucker out and put him in his place." He handed me the tiny silver device.

"No, I have something better in mind for him." I snickered and dialed Alice's number and set my plan in motion.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Sleepy head get the fuck up, we're late for your meeting!" Jake grabbed my feet and yanked me out of his overly large bed. "Oh, and happy birthday!" He gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek and handed me a warm, blueberry, muffin with a blue candle stuck into it. I blew it out and wished that I could go back to that night when I was fourteen and not have made the choice to call him and ask for help when I was capable of helping myself, not have gotten trashed when I was so young and stupid. I was so ignorant and selfish.

I unwillingly left the bed and threw my hair up into a messy ponytail. Throwing on my nicer pair of jeans, a fancy blue top that I had borrowed from Rose, and a pair of black flats I deemed myself presentable and ready to go.

I headed into Jake's bachelor style living room and sat down on the couch waiting for him to get off the phone. He was talking to his manager, telling him that he needed the day off for 'personal reasons'. I honestly wish he wouldn't take off a day of recording just to spend it with me.

I stayed at Jake's last night for two main reasons. One, my old apartment was completely bare after I sent the boxes to my new apartment so I also had no bed. And two, I didn't want to stay at Rose's and hear what Emmett and her do after hours.

Finally Jake appeared by my side, I put on my Ray Bans and he grabbed my hand to lead me out the door. I groaned as his bodyguard shielded me as we walked out of his apartment building and into the awaiting Escalade.

Last night the media had gotten tipped off that I was seen entering his apartment late at night. They have been camping outside of the building ever since, waiting to catch a better look at me so that they could put a name to my face.

I groaned as I got into the back seat of the SUV, "This is fucking stupid Jake! I thought your rep cleared the air."

"Bella, so much to learn. You see people in the gossip business believe the juicier story that will help them make more money, the believe what they want to believe."

"Fuckin media. Next thing you know I'm going to be banging Spiderman." Jake just laughed at me and told the driver to turn the music on.

We listened to 'The Black Eyed Peas' belt out their latest hit before Jake spoke up, "So do you know what all he left you?"

"Who Gramps? He left me his apartment and all of the money in his account, plus half of his company. I don't know what to do with it all, to be honest I could totally do without, but this is what he wanted. Crazy old goon." I laughed at the memories that popped into my head, I'd visit him in New York every summer for a month.

"Why didn't he.. ya know… leave everything to Charlie?" I could tell he was afraid to ask the question, but the answer was simple enough.

"Charlie and him didn't see eye to eye." I rolled my eyes at their stupid fights I would have to endure, "Gramps fucking hated him for becoming a cop, for moving to Phoenix, for treating me like shit."

He smiled and thankfully dismissed the painful subject. I hated discussing any part of my past life, with anyone, even Jake who was there with me since day one. He's gone through everything with me to an extent, he knows me inside and out.

I let my head fall against the cold window. Even though it was tinted thickly I shied my face away from the cars that kept pulling up beside us, paparazzi sticking their heads and cameras out the window trying to get a picture.

They want a damn picture, fine I'll give them one. I looked around the car to make sure Jake wasn't watching. I made sure my sunglasses were still tightly pressed against my face and I quickly rolled down my window. The camera men's eyes got huge as they realized that they were actually going to get a picture of 'Mystery Hoe' I stuck out my tongue and held up my middle finger. The cameras went crazy, even with my sunglasses on I still went temporarily blind.

Jake jumped over to my window and pushed the button to make it go up. Damn him, always fucking with my fun plans. "Bella, what the fuck was that? I thought the plan was for you to go unnoticed."

"Screw that, they're going to get a picture eventually, why not have fun with them in the mean time?"

"Bella Swan, you are utterly ridiculous." He shook his head as he chuckled to himself.

The driver turned back to talk to us, "We're here kids, I'll pull through the gates so that you can get out without much hassle."

"Thanks Antonio." Jake said as I smiled at him.

I cautiously got out of the large car and checked out my surroundings, making sure there weren't any paparazzi hanging out in the shrubs. I wasn't even famous and cameras were hounding me. Frickin ridiculous.

Jake and I hurried into the lawyer's office and stood in front of the secretary's desk. The secretary, who was on the phone when we walked in, took one look at us and her eyes grew huge and she started hyperventilating. Fuck my life. She hung up the phone and tried to look like a sexy secretary, nice try honey. "Hello, may I help you with anything, anything at all." She stared right at Jake as he took it like a pro and waved her off.

I cleared my throat and took off my sunglasses. "Actually, I'm the one you _should _be helping. I have an appointment with Mr. Jenks at nine."

She made gaga eyes at Jake as she picked up her phone to page the lawyer. "Mr. Jenks, your nine o'clock appointment is here… Yes sir, right away."

"You can go on in sweetie. Mr. Black you're _more_ than welcome to stay out here with me, I'll keep you company." She fucking called me sweetie like she was my flipping mom or something.

"He's fine with me, thanks though _sweetie._" I spat the words at her and grabbed Jake's hand, pulling him down the long hallway to the office. "People these days." I muttered to myself.

Jake laughed to himself, "What am I gonna do with you Bells?" He mussed my hair as we finally arrived at a foggy glass door that read J. Jenks in bold, black lettering.

After knocking timidly on the door I heard an eager, "Come in Miss Swan."

I turned the cold, metal knob and stepped into the plain white office. I sat down on the black leather couch beside Jake and waited for the lawyer to say something pertaining to the case, but no. He had to say something about Jake and I, "Well I am shocked to find out that the Mystery Woman is one of my clients. And you are in fact dating Mr. Black."

"Listen Mr. Jenks, I just came here to get my inheritance and sign some papers now can we please just get this over with." I let out an exasperated sigh as he scrambled with the papers on his desk.

"Yes of course, pardon my rude behavior." I rolled my eyes. Jake snickered quietly as Jenks started sweating, "Sorry for the wait, the papers are around here somewhere."

"Could they be in the drawer that says Richard Swan possibly? Just a suggestion." Was he blind or just an idiot?

He rushed to the filing cabinet and pulled out a massive folder stuffed with papers. He cleared his throat, "Your grandfather left you a total of 2.9 million dollars and his estate, which I presume you know where it is." I nodded my head and glanced over the papers in front of me. "As requested, everything was left the same in his apartment except for the personal items that he chose to give to other relatives and friends of his. You'll be receiving the money in sums of one hundred thousand dollars a month until it is all distributed. Agreed?"

"Yeah, but I want to transfer one hundred thousand dollars to this account." I gave him a piece of paper with Emmett and Rosalie's account number on it. "And fifty thousand to this account." I gave him Alice's account number.

"That can all be arranged. Now we have to discuss the company's future. Jim Davis has offered to take charge of your half of the company, but you will still receive the money that the company makes. You also have veto power over Jim, he will just be working in place of you. It's my understanding that this was a pre-made arrangement between your grandfather and yourself, am I correct?"

"Yes, now where do I sign?" He pointed to the different lines and handed me an ink pen, I signed boldly and handed the stack of papers back to him.

He gave me another stack and explained, "This is the deed to his apartment, usually with apartments they are rented. Your grandfather chose to buy the top floor off of the owner of the building and he renovated it and turned it into a two story apartment, the apartment contains a two story library/study, five bedrooms, each with a personal bathroom. A large living room and a professional kitchen, and a balcony over looking the city. Please sign your name on this line and print your name on the one below it."

The apartment was huge, it was too much for me. But where else was I going to go? Gramps' apartment was my home in New York City, I spent every minute I could in there.

I signed the final paper and he handed me the keys. "We had a cleaning crew go in yesterday and make everything seem like new. The money should be transferred into the accounts by noon today." I took his outstretched hand and shook it hard. "It was a pleasure doing business with you Miss Swan, nice meeting you Mr. Black."

Jake thanked the man, as did I and we high tailed it out of that place. "Thanks for going with me Jake, I know how boring it must have been for you." We got into the back of the black SUV, and surprisingly enough there weren't any crazy camera guys or fans.

"It actually wasn't that bad, that guy was scared shitless! And now that my best friend is a millionaire!"

"Ugh! Shut up, I don't even want to think about it." I cradled my face in my hands and huffed.

"So where to next? I can't wait to check out Grampy Swan's pad." I told the driver the address of the building and turned back to my best friend.

"Never say 'pad' again. I have to call Alice, hold on for a sec."

I punched in her number and waited for her to answer, finally after four rings her high pitched, angelic voice came over the phone, "Hey Bella! So glad you called! Happy birthday!"

"Thanks Alice, I just got the keys to the apartment, the address is…"

"Don't worry I already know, I did some research last night and found out the floor plan and everything, the furniture and appliances should be delivered around two o'clock today and I have all the painting supplies in my car, I'll meet you there in ten minutes! Bye Bells." She hung up the phone quickly.

"Uhm bye?" I shook my head, _over preparing pixie._ I groaned and let my head fall back against the headrest.

"What's wrong Bells?"

"People in this world are just too hyper at this hour of the morning." He laughed and searched through his pockets after his phone started ringing.

He groaned when he looked at the caller ID, "Hello?… I told you I was busy today…But it's my best friend's birthday… Are you serious?… Whatever, see you in five."

"Did something come up?" He looked at me with apologetic eyes.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry Bella, Ben said I have to go to this meeting to set up tour dates with my manager and producers, I'll be gone almost all day so do you think we can go out tomorrow instead?"

"Yeah that's fine, it's not like I have anything going on tomorrow anyways." I laughed at my nonexistent social life, it was quite pathetic if you ask me.

The driver turned around in his seat, "We're here. I don't see any paps either, so I'd say your safe."

I gave Jake a hug, "Call me later and tell me how your meeting went."

"Alright, bye Bella, love ya."

"You too ya big oaf. Talk to you later."

I slammed the door shut and walked into the fancy, but familiar lobby of Claridon apartment building. Everything was marble and gold. The doorman nodded his head at me and welcoming me to the building. I went up to the front desk and asked for the manager.

An older man with shocking white hair and a thick gray mustache came over seconds later. "Hello I am Robert Manilo, I am the manager, can I help you with something?" He was obviously disgusted by my grungy appearance, damn I didn't think I looked _that_ bad.

"Yes you can. I'm Isabella Swan, I'm moving into the penthouse and I would just like to make sure my stuff arrived on time."

He immediately plastered a warm smile on his face and straightened up, "Yes it did Miss Swan, I had it rushed up to your new apartment. I hope you find everything to your liking here at the Claridon, if you need anything I am just a call away."

As I turned away from him I heard the clacking of heels and a singsong voice, "Bella!" I heard something drop and Alice spoke again, "You big guys grab these and take them up to the penthouse, now!"

I switched directions so that I came face to face with Alice ordering five very large men to carry paint cans and other painting supplies. "Hey Al!" I gave her a tight hug.

"Hey Bella, ready to get started? My crew should be here any minute now, fucking slackers." She tapped her foot impatiently. Suddenly a large van pulled up and eight gorgeous men hopped out wearing white overalls that had random paint splatters covering them. They grabbed brushes and tarps and lined up in front of Alice. "Hello gentlemen, glad to see that you are close to being on time, we have a lot of work to do! Now hop to it!"

The guys rushed off with terrified expressions on their faces. We both chuckled and followed behind them. We all had to cram in the elevator, I was awkwardly pressed up against a tall, muscular guy with black hair and dark brown eyes. God he was gorgeous. A strong jaw with a five o'clock shadow, straight nose, messy hair, and puffy pink lips.

He must have caught me staring, "See something you like?" I felt my face drain and resurface with a fiery red color. "Don't be embarrassed, I think you're hott too."

Longest. Elevator. Ride. Ever.

Finally it came to a stop and everyone started filing out of the small space. The hott guy and myself were the last two out, "I'm London by the way London Evans."

"Bella Swan." I shyly hid my face as he stood there staring at me, did I have something on my face?

Alice Turned around in the hallway, "London, Bella stop flirting and get your asses down here." I blushed again and practically ran to the door.

I pulled the gold key out of my pocket and listened to the lock as it clicked open. The door fell open and I stood in the entryway, memories flooding back to me like a hurricane.

Flashback:

"_Bella boo, what on earth are you doing in New York?" Grandpa pulled me into a tight hug, I inhaled, he smelled of tobacco and whiskey._

_I pushed the sobs back into my throat, I will not break down, I vowed to myself. "I just can't do it anymore, I can't stand it there. They hate me! I have to stay with you, please!"_

"_Bells, you know you can't, Charlie would never let me. When he finds out where you are he'll have me arrested for kidnapping." I could see the internal battle going on inside his mind._

"_Can't you talk to him? Do you even understand what I go through?" He shook his head, anger quivering throughout his body, he knew. I called him as much as I could, I told him everything that went on in my house, what I went through._

"_Just one night Bella, then you have to go back, I'll try talking to Charlie, I promise."_

_I left in the morning, he died two days later._

_End flashback._

Alice snapped her fingers in front of my face, "Earth to Bella…"

"Sorry Al, I zoned out. What were you saying?"

"I was suggesting that I walk you through the place and inform you on my choices for each room, just so you can veto or approve."

"Sounds good to me."

So Alice took me through the house and explained the plans for each section. We had gone through the kitchen and four of the bed and bathrooms. "For your fifth room I decided that I would leave it up to you, I thought that you might want to use it for a music room or something. It has a bathroom in it to, so you're also free to do what you want with that as well."

"Thanks so much Alice, I wouldn't have ever thought of that." I glanced around the room, it was painted sea foam green, it was my grandmother's old craft room. The possibilities for the design of the room flowed through my mind.

"Okay for the last room I have decided to leave as is." We walked a bit farther down the white hallway and ended up in front of Gramps' two-story library. I knew exactly what it looked like, it was my favorite room in the house.

I eagerly swung open the door and stepped out onto the top floor of the library, I looked around, taking in the smell of the old books and leather from the couches.

The walls had built in bookcases filled with the classics. The top floor was just a balcony that covered all four sides of the room, the walls were made of wood. On the bottom story, there was an old red leather couch and two matching chairs. And Oriental rug and a glass table in the middle with a chess set sitting on top. One of the walls was half glass, the balcony was right through the glass door, peering out over the city. The window wall was framed with midnight blue curtains. A few of my grandfather's degrees adorned the walls.

I was home.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The rest of the day I spent by hanging out with Rose and Alice as my new home was being renovated by the hottie crew, seriously all of the painters could be male models.

They finally had finished around 4 o'clock, everything, even the furniture and appliances, was in place. I don't know how they did it in such a short time span, but it looked amazing and perfect.

When Rose found out about the money that I had transferred into her account she was furious, saying that I didn't owe her anything and that I take it back right now. But I informed her on all of the shoes that she could get with the money she jumped on me and thanked me. Alice was the same way. I didn't tell either of them how much money I had gotten out of the exchange, I didn't really care.

So now I was being dragged back to my apartment with my two best friends to get ready for tonight.

Alice told me that she had the perfect dress for our plan tonight, the plan to make Edward pay for lying about me on national television, making me look like a desperate whore.

The plan? We were going to make Edward practically get on his knees and beg for me.

We headed straight for my new room. It was painted midnight blue, with white trimming. My bed was black with black sheets. A black dresser stood against the wall with a plasma screen TV hanging above it. Alice and Rosalie threw me down on my bed and attacked my closet, trying to find the dress.

Once they found it they threw it at me, it was a piece of red fabric. Fuck. Alice stared at me impatiently, "Well, put it on already! Oh and don't forget these!"

She threw a black lacy thong and a matching strapless bra at me. I signaled for them to turn around, Rose sigh dramatically at me, "We are all girls here Bella, its not like we don't know what a vagina looks like."

I put on the outfit and cleared my throat, "Ready."

They both turned around eagerly and they looked over me. They reached my legs and Alice screamed, "Bella! What the hell is on your knee!?"

My eyes immediately went to the large purple and black bruise that hovered there, "Oh, I fell down the other day, no big deal, it's just a bruise."

Rose screeched, "No big deal!? It's the size of China! Alice she needs a new outfit. It looks horrible."

They both flung themselves back into my closet as they frantically searched for a new outfit. I heard whispered arguments and agreements before they finally emerged. Alice eyed my speculatively, "I have a feeling that you aren't going to go for this but trust me Edward will be drooling and humping your leg the moment he sees you. Please just trust us and put it on."

I gulped, this can't be good, "Okay, I promise."

They pulled the clothing items out from behind their backs, I groaned and prayed to God to make them change their minds, Rose saw my reluctant attitude, "Bella, you promised."

"Fine give it to me before I change my damn mind!"

I grabbed the black skinny jeans and pulled them on, they fit like a glove and made my ass look nice. I put on the death trap heels next, they were black with three straps around the ankle with two straps going across my foot. I looked down at them, they were actually cute and you could see bits and pieces of my tattoo through the straps. I pulled off the dress completely and Alice handed me the corset and gasped, "Bella how many tattoos do you fucking have?"

I counted in my head, "Uhm… nine… I think." I recounted, "Yep nine. Can you tie this damn thing?"

Alice and rose quickly rushed over and tied up the corset. It was a dark red with a sheer black lace overlay, in the middle in was a bright red with crisscrossed ties. It was tight and I could barely breathe, I felt like my boobs were pushed up to my chin. Rosalie whistled, "Damn Bella! Alice, nice choice it's very Rihanna-esque. But I think it's missing something."

I went to my old jewelry box and pulled out a black lightening bolt necklace and put it around my neck, it fell delicately into my cleavage.

Alice squealed, "Perfect! Make-up and hair time!" I was pulled into the bathroom and sat on a stool in front of my large mirror. They circle around me like vultures, tapping their fingers to their chin, "Rose take over her hair and I'll do the make-up."

It took them about thirty minutes before they told me I was ready. I stood up and looked into the mirror.

Edward Cullen, eat your heart out.

-.-.-.-.-.

**Okay, so now you know the plan, muhaha! This was a long chapter for me haha.**

**Anyways, I feel like this story isn't very well liked because I haven't gotten as many reviews, so if I'm doing something wrong don't be afraid to tell me, but put it in a nice manner hah.**

**So, here's the deal, if you review I am allowing you to ****ask me any question**** about well anything including the story, myself, my inspirations, music etc. you get the picture? **

**So one question and I will answer completely honest. So ask away!**

**Please review and tell me if you even like the story a little. (: If you give me more than 10 reviews i will update Sunday night or Monday morning, and I absolutely hate saying that I feel like a total bitch. I'm sorry ):**

**-Dev**


	7. Confessions Of A Broken Heart

**Holy batman! You guys are amazing, seriously you made me feel so loved!**

**Sorry I didn't get this up exactly when I said, I was having internet issues so I couldn't get it up, but this is an extra long chapter to make up for it!**

**Before I forget, pictures of Bella's outfit and her tattoos are on my homepage, devynx3 . webs . com, in next chapter you will find out what her tattoos are of.**

**Thanks to Avital who is pretty much my lifesaver!**

**EPOV**

My phone rang for what seemed like the hundredth time today, Tanya had been calling me nonstop since the story about me and Bella aired on _E! News. _I prayed to God that Bella hadn't seen what I said about her, but with my luck I'm sure she had and was planning her very evil revenge, most likely with my sister which was guaranteed to make it twenty times worse. I shivered.

Not two seconds later my phone started ringing again, I picked it up furiously, "Dammit Tanya what do you want!?" I know that it wasn't very kind of me to be screaming at her, but seriously can she not take a hint that I didn't want to talk to her?

"Eddikins! Why are you talking to me that way?" God almighty!

"Tanya, don't call me Eddikins, its Edward, and Edward only, nothing else got it?" Did I need to spell it out for her?

"Whatever _Edward_, I was just calling to tell you that I saw _E!_, I can't believe you are cheating on me! Especially with the grungy dike! How could you?"

"Don't you ever call her that again!" I was surprised by the amount of venom that laced my voice. I took a moment to calm myself down, "And technically I can't cheat on you if we aren't dating."

I held my phone in place with my shoulder as I put on a pair of dark denim jeans and a simple blue button up shirt, I left a few top buttons undone and rolled the annoyingly long sleeves up to my elbow, Alice told me to look dressy-casual for tonight.

"But Edward! We are like so totally hott together! We belong together, everyone thinks we're dating anyways." I laced up my Chucks and applied some deodorant.

"Yeah, well, I don't care what everyone else thinks, we are, for lack of a better word, friends. Nothing more."

"Aro is going to be pissed once he sees that you're going after someone else, it's screwing up your image. Remember what he said about publicity? Anyways, I have to go, mani-pedi time! Tootles Eddie!"

I hung up my phone and dialed my bodyguard, Sam's, number. He picked up halfway through the first ring, "Yes Mr. Cullen?"

"Sam, I'm going to need Chris tonight, I'm attending a friend's birthday dinner and my family has requested as much privacy as possible. Can that be arranged?" Chris was my freaky look-a-like, we used him as a decoy on numerous occasions if I was caught in a sticky situation and need the cameras and fans off my back.

"Of course, sir. Where should we send him?" So many choices…

"Send him to Tanya Denali's apartment, make sure he's wearing a hat and sunglasses, he needs to be disguised. And this time please tell the paps where he's going, please." I knew Tanya would be drinking at some club tonight and would confuse Chris and I, maybe he can put her in a better mood. "The key to her apartment in under her doormat."

"Of course Mr. Cullen, anything else?"

"No that will be all, thanks Sam." I hung up my phone and shoved it into my back pocket.

I took one last look in the mirror to make sure I looked okay for Bella. God I'm such a damn chick. I'm Edward Cullen of course I look okay.

Picking up her birthday present and my wallet I grabbed the keys to my other car that I rarely used. My black Aston Martin. You see, I really would rather drive my beloved Volvo but the media has gotten so used to me driving around in it that I had to buy a new car to throw them off so alas, my Aston Martin.

I looked at my watch as I climbed in 5:25, I had five minutes if I was going to be on time. I recognized the address immediately, Claridon's, that's where Tanya lives. This can't end well. When Alice told me to meet her there, in the penthouse, I was confused because I really have no clue who lives there. Maybe it's where Rose and Emmett live.

Speaking of Tanya, I remember when she threw a total bitch fit when she found out that the penthouse was unavailable for her use. Good times… She even tried to seduce that tool of a manager.

As soon I was in the car I sped off, it took me only three minutes to reach the front of the building. I handed the keys to the valet and walked through the revolving doors.

I heard my name being screamed and millions of flashes going off. They weren't following me, so that meant... Holy fuck! I forgot all about Chris coming here. Fuck my life.

I sprinted through the lobby and onto the elevator that moved at the pace of a handicapped turtle. I pushed the 'PH' button impatiently over and over again, in a lame attempt to make it go faster.

I'm not going to lie, I was excited to see Bella, I don't know why but she's got me whipped, which, really, makes no sense whatsoever because she treats me like shit, it's wrong in so many ways, but, God, I want her more than I've wanted anything in my entire life. Every time I'm around her I just feel this magnetic pull towards her, I sound like a lame ass cheese ball but I swear, it's true. But I'll do anything to show her that I'm not the guy everyone else makes me out to be.

As I stepped off the elevator I smoothed down my shirt and walked down the hallway and knocked on the dark brown, wooden door. The plaque beside it said, 'SWAN'. Bella lived in the penthouse, at the Claridon? Okay this had to be a mistake, Bella lived in that shitty apartment above the bar.

I rang the doorbell and waited patiently for someone to answer the door. Finally, Emmett swung the door open and held out his fist for me to bump. "Hey man, glad you could make it."

"Wouldn't miss it. So whose place is this?" I followed Emmett into the living room and sat down on a brown leather couch.

Jasper and Emmett engaged in a game of foosball, Emmett said, "Bella just inherited it, pretty nice huh?" I would've replied but he was too distracted with his game to even pay attention to me.

I put Bella's present on the table in front of me and waited patiently. I thought about the ways I could 'woo' her. She doesn't seem like a flower type of girl, or one that wants to be absolutely showered in gifts, like Tanya. She was independent, and to be honest, it was kind of intimidating. But what was worse was that I had no idea what to do, I've never had to impress a girl or make her like me. It was so frustrating.

I ran a hand through my hair and groaned, throwing my head against the couch.

I heard someone clear their throat, it immediately caught my attention. I jumped off the couch fully expecting to see Bella, but it was Rose and Alice.

Alice stepped forward and held her arm out, "Presenting the birthday girl, miss Isabella Swan!"

I heard Bella's sweet, intoxicating voice, "Alice, seriously?"

I heard the clicking of heels and then Bella stepped out. Oh my fuck, I am so screwed.

Her dark brown eyes locked into mine, and for the tiniest amount of time I could've sworn she smiled at me. Her eyes broke away from mine and her cheeks lit to a ruby red. Her eyes were surrounded by dark make-up that wasn't over done. It made her brown eyes stand out.

Her lips were covered with a bright red lipstick, making her full lips look so kissable, it took all of my self control not to rush over there and attack her.

Her hair was kept in a messy side bun. A rose hair clip was on the bun. Loose tendrils of hair fell around her face, making her look soft and feminine.

My dick twitched in my pants when I saw her outfit. She was wearing a corset that showed off the swell of her breasts and her perfect curves, my pants were straining. There was a sliver of skin that was showing between the bottom of her top and jeans. On the inside of her left hip I could see the top of a tattoo, God, could she be any hotter?

Her jeans hugged her hips and legs showing off a perfectly round ass. I gulped loudly and I think I might've moaned. Her eyes snapped to mine and she stifled a laugh. _Why don't you just blow a load right in front of her Cullen? _

Emmett roaring voice snapped me back into reality, "Damn Bella, you have curves!" Happy birthday, by the way."

"Shut up Em! But thank you." She blushed again, I couldn't help but smile, she was so beautiful.

Everyone else told her happy birthday and she thanked them in return. I realized that I was just standing there watching them kind of like a stalker.

I couldn't help it, I immediately walked towards her and pulled her into a hug. At first she was completely stiff and her breath caught in her throat, but she lightly wrapped her arms around my waist. She felt so right, perfect in my arms. My frame wrapped around her tiny one, her chest crushed against mine. She smelled amazing, like fresh strawberries. A strong, pulsing electricity started rushing through my body. I leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Happy birthday Bella." I heard her gulp and we parted, even though I wish we hadn't.

Since when am I such a fucking sap? I don't even know who I am anymore. I haven't been laid in a week, I don't even go out looking for girls anymore, and anytime a very attractive woman offers herself up to me I ignore her. I used to be all over that shit. Now I'm like a good little virgin boy. God, Bella is screwing with my mind and my libido!

Alice broke the awkward, energy charged silence that had taken over the room, "So… I made reservations at this new sushi place, I thought we should try it out. Bella you okay with that?"

"Yeah, anything's cool with me, though I've never had sushi. But dead fish wrapped up with seaweed sounds so appetizing." Alice didn't hear the sarcasm dripping in her voice.

"Great let's go!" Bella walked ahead of me giving me a great view of her ass. She had two other tattoos from what I could see. One the back of her neck she had a black guitar pick with the letters 'BCS' outlined inside of it. And on her lower, left side of her back I could see what looks like half of a bird or something. I don't give a shit what it was but it's sexy as hell.

The whole group walked quietly to the elevator, my phone started blaring _All Time Low's_ 'Break Your Little Heart'. Bella scoffed, "That would be your ringtone."

I picked it up, "Yeah?"

It was Chris, "Sorry for calling you like this, but I've searched everywhere and I can't find the key to the apartment, anywhere." Shit.

I reached down in my pocket and pulled out my key ring, thank God I still had the key that Tanya gave me. I plucked the golden key off the ring, "I have an extra. Don't ask why but I'm already in the building, meet me at the elevator, you're on floor 22 right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay I'll see you in a second." I snapped my phone shut, and looked around to see that all eyes were on me. "What?"

Bella rolled her eyes, "Got a hot date on level 22 Cullen?"

"Yeah if you call my decoy a hot date, I have to drop off a key." I leaned over and pushed the '22' button. Was it me or did Bella look relieved?

When the doors dinged open, Chris was leaning against the wall across from the elevator door. "Emmett can you hold the door open for a sec?" He put his hand out in front of the door as I ran over to Chris, "Here's the key." He nodded and started eyeing Bella, I fucking growled. "I'm going to need you to distract the media while I get into my car with my friends, so as soon as we reach the lobby we'll let you exit first and you should go down to the store and buy wine or something romantic like that since you're going to be with Tanya tonight, she won't even know that you're not me." He nodded and accepted the challenge, good boy.

When Chris and I got back onto the elevator Alice was whispering to Bella, Bella was nodding at whatever she was saying. Rose and Em were caught up in their own conversation. After a few seconds Al turned back to Jazz and they started making googly eyes at each other, leaving Bella, Chris, and I caught in an awkward silence. Chris, unfortunately reached out a hand and used the crooked smile that I taught him how to do, he couldn't do it as well as me but still, it got girls going, fucker. "Hey, I'm Chris."

I felt my face go red as he tried to give her a hug, "Chris leave the girl alone, she's not interested."

Bella's eyes snapped to mine and she grinned, "Jealous Cullen?" I turned my back to them not wanting to see what was going on, but unfortunately I still had ears, "I'm Bella, it's _very_ nice to meet you." After that I just heard hushed whispers, and I hate to admit it but I was furious. Okay, so I might've been jealous too.

After what seemed like a year, the elevator reached it's stopping point. "Okay Chris, show time." Chris pulled on his hat and sunglasses and left the elevator, thank God. "Wait for like five more minutes, then we should be safe." We all stepped out and waited, we heard screams and cameras clicking away. Finally it died down. "Okay it's safe now."

Alice led the group with Jasper dragging behind, "Edward, Bella come on you're riding with us."

We got in the back of the Beamer while Rose and Em got into their red BMW. The restaurant, according to Alice, was about twenty-five minutes away. It was going to be a long ride. Bella had to sit in the middle seat because of some boxes that Alice forgot to take out of the car, which meant that Bella was smashed up against me, not that I minded a bit, but my self-control was wavering.

Alice turned on some light music. Bella leaned over and whispered in my ear, her hot breath sending shivers down my spine, "You okay Edward? You look a little _stiff._" Ugh, I shifted my pants so that my hard-on wouldn't be too obvious, "Anything I could do to _relieve_ you?"

If she wanted to play that way, fine, "Yes, but it involves no clothes and you screaming my name, loudly." I trailed my fingers up the inside of her thighs, she bit her bottom lip hard, I thought she would draw blood.

Desire flashed in her eyes, I thought I had finally gotten her to give in, "That's what Chris is for." She winked and my fists tightened into balls.

"He couldn't give you half the pleasure that I could, I can promise you that." I kissed the side of her neck and ran my fingers down her side and stopped at her hip.

BPOV

Okay, so my plan is backfiring. Shit. I usually have a full arsenal of comebacks and suggestive comments but he's turning my brain into soup. Damn him and his sexiness. Every time he touched me he lit my skin on fire, it was maddening.

I couldn't stop my hormonal mind from wandering the possibilities. God, he would be the death of me.

I even tried the jealousy card with Chris, I knew it worked for a split second, his face got all red and his green eyes turned angry, but then he came right back at me. I couldn't win, it was torture.

Finally arriving at the restaurant, we got out quickly, I fell in step with Alice, "Ali, I'm about to abort the plan, he's too good."

"Bella! No! You can't quit now, all you have to do is touch him. But, just innocent touches, leave him wanting more. He's about to bust, trust me, I know my brother and you're driving him crazy." That gave me a boost of confidence, "You can do this Bella."

I can do this, I can do this, I chanted over and over in my mind. Edward turned around and smiled at me. Shit I can't do this.

We got seated in the back, private section. I was surprised that the decoy thing actually worked, I hadn't seen any cameras since we left the hotel. We sat down at a round table, Edward was on my left, Alice on my right.

Alice leaned over to me, "Scoot closer to him, you're like a mile away." She took the liberty of shoving my chair over until I was about an inch away from him.

I let my hand fall innocently onto his upper thigh. His eyes snapped open and glazed over as I ran my fingers lightly over top of his jeans. I quickly removed my hand and he visibly relaxed, I saw Rose snickering from across the table, she mouthed 'good work' to me.

The waiter came and took our drink and meal orders. There was some light chatting and touching between Edward and I. I actually… shit… I actually liked it, a little too much. Our food came out, I don't even know what I got, I like it was the California roll or something, it looks… like vomit in a roll shape. Everyone else picked up their chopsticks expertly and started eating, I picked mine up and stared at them. Edward whispered, "Need help?"

"No, I'm sure I can figure it out, I'm _very_ good with my hands, or so I've been told." I picked up the little pieces of wood and positioned them like everyone else had them. It was easier than I thought it would be, after awhile I was eating the gross sushi like a pro. I tried to hide my grimace as I choked it down.

Emmett got an evil glint in his eye, "How about we make this dinner a little more interesting."

I raised an eyebrow, "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I've been wondering which one of you two," He pointed to Edward and myself, "Can handle hot food better."

At the same time we both said, "Pshh, I can!"

Edward rolled his eyes and muttered 'whatever' under his breath, "What do we have to do?"

Emmett called a waiter over and ordered two small dishes of washabi. Lord help me. Emmett and our other three friends started whispering to each other discussing the punishment for the loser, I knew it was going to be something bad. "Cullen, you don't stand a chance, I can swallow anything." I winked.

Emmett received the dishes and passed them to Edward and me. "Okay so whoever swallows their spoonful of wasabi first, without taking a drink, wins." I looked down at the tiny saucer and grabbed my spoon. I scooped it up and positioned it in front of my mouth, Edward did the same. I sniffed it, holy hell. I think I just might die. Emmett raised his long arms, "Ready. Set. GO!"

I just shoved the spoon into my mouth and tried to swallow without hitting a lot of my tongue, it burned in it's way down and my mouth was on fire. I was sweating and breathing hard, all from a spoonful or wasabi. I opened my mouth and shouted 'done' a fraction of a second before Edward. Thank heavens, I won!

Emmett announced me as the winner as Rose and Alice clapped, Edward and I started gulping down our drinks, finishing them in no time flat.

"Almost Cullen, almost."

"Very impressive, love." He turned to the rest of the group, "Okay so what do I have to do?"

Alice raised an eyebrow, "We'll show you after we get the bill." Five minutes later we were in the car driving into the not-as-nice part of town, we parked in front of one of my favorite places to go. Edward's gonna flip.

His eyes grew huge once we got out of the car and he saw where we were, "No way! I am not doing this! Are you fucking high!?"

Emmett and Rose finally pulled up beside us as we all walked into 'Pleasure and Pain', my favorite tattoo shop. Now I was eager to see what they were gonna make him do. I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him into the shop, "Come on Eddo, time to get inked."

I walked up to the front desk and dinged the bell, "Seth? Embry? Quil? Anyone here?"

I heard some wrestling around and then three large Quileute guys appeared, there hair tied back in ponytails. They all three ran for me at once. "Hey guys! There's enough of me to go around." I laughed at their eagerness, Alice, Jasper and Edward looked at me in shock. Rose and Emmett were used to their behavior and just took a seat on the couch, Emmett with an evil grin plastered on his face.

Each of the guys gave me a tight, warm hug and told me happy birthday, "Okay so my friend Edward over there wants a tattoo."

Seth quirked an eybrow, "You're not getting one?"

I actually had been wanting a new one to give me a nice even number of ten. "Well whose turn is it this time?" Each of them took turns giving me tattoos, it was only fair.

Embry raised his large hand, "Mine!"

"Okay, I think I wanna get a treble clef on this wrist." I held out my right arm.

"Easy enough, what does your friend want?"

Emmett took the liberty of answering this, "He wants a 'B' on his ass cheek." Edward's jaw dropped and eyes grew wide. I could hold in my laughter, it was just too damn funny.

Seth pointed to Quil, "I don't do asses, you get this one."

Quil muttered under his breath, "I better be getting paid extra." I motioned for Edward and the gang to follow the boys and me back to the ink room. It was a simple white room with three long tattooing tables with each of their stations set up beside them.

I sat down on Embry's table and Quil dragged Edward to his. Edward's jaw was still slack in shock, I don't think he even knew what was going on. "Come on Edward, don't be such a pussy."

His eyes snapped to mine, "You are what you eat." He smiled devilishly at me and winked. "Emmett, seriously, help a friend out, do not make me do this!

"You made the bet, you must suffer the consequences."

"But why a 'B'? Why not an 'E' or 'C'?" He lay down on his stomach on the table, Quil grimaced as he pulled down his jeans, I think Edward might be sick.

Emmett stared incredulously as our friends laughed, "'B' for Bella. Now go ahead Quil, go easy, he's sensitive."

I sat there as Embry stenciled out my new tattoo and started filling it in. My wrist was numb soon, God, I love this feeling.

I was done about thirty minutes after Edward was. "Let me see pony boy."

He glared at me as Embry wrapped up my new ink, it looked amazing. He reluctantly pulled down his jeans to reveal a bold, black 'B' right in the center of his right cheek, it was red and swollen. Edward looked like he was either going to cry or spontaneously combust. "It looks nice." I slapped his ass and he yelped in pain.

We paid and left, on the way Edward had to lean of his left side because of the tenderness of the right. I personally found this beyond amusing.

When we got back to the apartment building we had to surround Edward because there were paps waiting for Chris in the lobby and outside of the hotel. We made it up without any problems, surprisingly enough.

Emmett and Rosalie stopped me outside my door, "Okay Bells, close your eyes." I hate surprises, and they knew that. I unlocked the door with my eyes closed, I know, I am highly skilled, right?

Everyone filed in and I was still blinded by Rosalie's little hand. "Happy birthday Bella!"

My eyes flashed open and in front of me was my grandfather's old grand piano. It was a shiny black color, I remember learning on this exact piano. Tears sprang to my eyes as I threw my arms around both Emmett and Rosalie, "Thank you guys so much, how did you get it?" In his will he had left this piano to his sister Erma who was still alive in Rhode Island.

Rosalie smiled and wiped away a tear, "We talked to your great-aunt and she told us to take it, she wants to wish you a happy birthday."

I ran over to it and ran my fingers along the beautiful ivory keys. Emmett hopped onto the couch, "How about a performance?"

I bit my lip nervously, I only had one piano piece memorized, and it was personal. Alice smiled "Please Bella!" I looked around at my friends and they were all silently begging me with their eyes.

"Uh yeah sure." I tapped the keys to make sure everything was in tune.

I cleared my throat and began my playing, eyes closed, pretending no one was watching.

_"I wait for the postman to bring me a letter.  
And I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better.  
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.  
Family in crisis that only grows older.  
Why'd you have to go?  
Why'd you have to go?  
Why'd you have to go?"_

I had a strong feeling that the only two people in the room, other than myself, that knew what I was talking about were Rose and Em.

_"Daughter to father, daughter to father!  
I am broken, but I am hoping.  
Daughter to father, daughter to father!  
I am crying, a part of me's dying.  
And these are, these are, the  
confessions of a broken heart!_

_And I wear all your old clothes your polo sweater.  
I dream of another you, one who would never,  
Never, leave me alone to pick up the pieces. Daddy to hold me, that's what I needed._

_  
So, why'd you have to go?  
Why'd you have to go?  
Why'd you have to go?_

_Daughter to father, daughter to father!  
I don't know you, but I still want to.  
Daughter to father, daughter to father!  
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me?  
Cause these are, these are,  
the confessions....! of a broken heart!  
Of a broken heart!"_

I held back the tears to finish the song, eyes clamped shut.

_  
"I love you.  
I love you.  
I love you.  
I ... I ... I ...  
I love you!_

_Daughter to father, daughter to father!  
I don't know you, but I still want to.  
Daughter to father, daughter to father!  
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me?  
Did you ever love me?  
These are the confessions of a broken heart!"_

As I sung those lines, I longed to be able to collect enough courage to actually be able to ask my dad that, but I feared the answer.

_"Ohh ... yeah_

_And I wait for the postman to bring me a letter."_

I finish and shut the piano up, avoiding the eyes of my friends. I finally met their eyes. Alice looked crushed, Jasper was sympathetic. Emmett and Rose both looked down at their shoes, hiding their emotions from me. But Edward, he looked angry almost, but his eyes were heartbroken. I cleared my throat, "So… uh… truth or dare anyone?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**Okay so… how did I do?**

**The song is Confessions Of A Broken Heart by Lindsay Lohan. It kind of gives you some insight into her past.**

**Next chapter will be truth or dare and then you'll get to see what her tattoos are of.**

**How did I do with EPOV? Favorite line?**

**_Like last chapter you can ask me whatever you want about anything! _**

**Here's my question for you, what are some weird dares you've had to do?**

**Lets try to get more reviews than last time!**

**-Devyn**

**_REVIEW!_**

**Homepage has all the pictures… devynx3 . webs . com**

**Oh and check out this amazing fanfic that I'm addicted to its written by Joss17 its called 'Won't Let You Hold Me Down'**


	8. Shadow

**You guys are friggin amazing! All of your reviews were great (: **

**Remember, you can ask me one question per review and I will be forced to answer it truthfully as long as it doesn't ruin the story for you.**

**Thanks to Avital/beachblonde2244 for being my emergency beta and idea helper outer (:**

**BPOV**

After suggesting truth or dare everyone's moods seemed to lighten up, thank God. I hated when people felt sorry for me, which is the main reason I never told anyone my story, I was so sick and tired of all the pity I got, all of the sad glances that found their way to me. I didn't need anyone's sympathy, I survived and I'm stronger than ever.

Emmett bounced up immediately, plastering a wide smile on his face, "Hell yeah! But no truths, those are for turds!"

"Turds? Really Emmett?" Rose smacked her goofy husband on the back of his head.

I kicked off my heels and made my way over to one of the leather couches that adorned my new living room, the only seat left was of course next to Edward. I sat on the very far end of the couch, putting as much space between us as humanly possible. Screw the payback, the next time he touches me I will end up jumping him. He eyed me curiously and scooted closer to me, my breathing started getting heavier, my heart was pounding erratically.

"Are you okay?" His hot breath traveled down my neck, I needed to get my hormones in check.

I nodded and tried to push my body away from his. He seemed to get the picture, he dejectedly moved a few inches away, still staying close, but not close enough to be touching.

I really needed to try twice as hard to stay away from him, he's just so addicting. I keep telling myself that he'll just end up hurting me in the end, and I know that it's true, he goes through hundreds of girls a month, I'd just be another notch in his bedpost. But the rebellious, irresponsible part of my brain is saying 'I don't give a shit, he's fine as hell and totally worth it.'

Emmett rubbed his overly large hands together in a menacing way, "I'll go first!" He thought for a second, "Edward, I dare you to strip down to your boxers and go out onto Bella's balcony and sing 'I Enjoy Being A Girl' at the top of your lungs."

Edward raised an eyebrow, "Fine but if the paps get pictures of this my publicist and manager are going to have my head."

He kicked off his shoes and socks first, and then his pants came off revealing a pair of dark blue boxers. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly looking at me the entire time. Was it me or was it suddenly hotter than Satan's balls in here? The asshole winked at me as he pulled off his shirt.

Oh. My. Abs. I gulped loudly as I looked over his well-built body. His washboard abs were perfectly defined leading into a cut 'V' in the inside of his hips. I seriously wanted to lick his body and do bad things with him.

My eyes were forced away from his body when he asked me a question, "Where's the balcony at?"

"Uh… erhm… follow me." He chuckled and I shot him a dirty look. I stood up abruptly and led him into the library. I stopped in front of the glass door as he pressed his chest up against my back and whispered into my ear, "You look really beautiful tonight." I let out a shaky breath. I turned around to face him.

His brilliant green eyes locked onto mine. I was about to do something I would regret, thankfully Emmett burst through the door, breaking our trance. "Woo! Eddo! Are you ready for this?"

He let out a nervous laugh, I stepped out of his path and let him by. I watched as he walked slowly to the glass door. Okay so maybe I unintentionally watched his perfect ass as he walked but still, that's beside the point.

We all rushed behind him, wanting to get a close up of the concert. He threw his arms up into the air and started singing/shouting, catching the attention of everyone on the street below, including some persistent paps hiding in the bushes.

"_When I have a brand new hairdo  
With my eyelashes all in curl,  
I float as the clouds on air do,  
I enjoy being a girl!"_

By this time I was clutching at my sides, flashes were going off like crazy, I was surprised that the camera men even recognized him because of the height of the building.

_"When men say I'm cute and funny  
And my teeth aren't teeth, but pearl,  
I just lap it up like honey  
I enjoy being a girl!_

_I flip when a fellow sends me flowers,  
I drool over dresses made of lace,  
I talk on the telephone for hours  
With a pound and a half of cream upon my face!"_

He started getting really into it, even doing some hand motions and dance moves, where's a damn video camera when you need one?

_"I'm strictly a female, female  
And my future I hope will be  
In the home of a brave and free male  
Who'll enjoy being a guy having a girl... like... me."_

He finished out strong and when he was done he turned on his heel and ran back inside. I was clutching the railing of the balcony trying not to fall down with laughter, and everyone else was practically in the same position.

I wiped away the tears that were filling my eyes and followed Edward back inside. That had to have been the single greatest moment of my life. No doubt, an almost naked sex God embarrassing himself on my balcony on my birthday, seriously though, what moment could beat that? Exactly my point.

I flopped myself down on the couch next to a fully clothed Edward, "Well Mr. Cullen, that was quite the performance."

"It out did any of your performances." He joked as he pushed my shoulder.

"I bet you a hundred bucks that you couldn't write a song and perform it in front of a crowd." I winked at him, hoping he would accept my challenge.

"You're on." This should be fun.

"Okay, you have to perform it tomorrow night at _Rem_." He just nodded, and casually put his arm over the back of the couch.

Emmett pointed towards Edward, "You've got some balls dude, your turn."

He turned towards me, evil grin in place, "Bella, I dare you to go into your closet and pick out the nicest dress you see."

"Uhm… okay?" I walked quickly to the second floor to my room. I picked out a bedazzled silver dress with a designer nametag. Too girly for me, but it must have cost a fortune. I brought it back out and threw it on the table, Edward went into the kitchen and brought back a pair of scissors.

"I dare you to cut up the dress, right in front of Alice." Oh. Fuck.

Alice's eyes grew huge and angry, her face turned bright red and I gave her a sympathetic look, "Sorry Ali."

I opened up the scissors and put them up to the dress, Jasper was restraining her in her seat trying to calm her down, I snipped it right down the middle, "Isabella! How dare you!? That's a Herve Leger original! It's practically a crime." She grabbed the pieces of fabric desperately, "I can save this one! You're lucky."

I whispered to Edward, "Are you trying to get me killed?"

He laughed darkly, ass.

"So is it my turn?" I looked around the room and tried to decide who to dare, "Alice, I dare you to tell an embarrassing story from Edward's childhood." I picked this because I got Alice un-mad at me by giving her an easy dare while getting to make fun of Eddo.

"So many… can I tell two?" I nodded quickly, even better. "Okay, when Edward was a little kid he had the biggest crush on Carly Simon, after Edward's first movie premiere when he was eight he met her, or so he thought. The person he thought was Carly Simon actually turned out to be a drag queen that looked a lot like her. He grabbed the drag queen's hand and kissed it trying to be suave, it was all caught by the media."

We all shared our laughs while Edward tried to explain himself, "I was eight! Darrel looked exactly like her, except for his manly body, but still, anyone could have mistaken it."

I laughed harder, "Okay Alice tell the second one!"

She cleared her throat dramatically, "When he was seventeen he was adamant on learning how to crump, he was also going through a weird cowboy boots stage thanks to Indiana Jones, I was going up to his room to tell him that dinner was ready. When I opened the door he was standing there in boxers and cowboy boots crumping in front of the mirror. That was the funniest day of my life."

Edward groaned and hid his face in his hands, pulling his gorgeous bronze hair. "Did you really have to tell that story Alice, you swore never to tell!"

"Well you made Bella cut up a five thousand dollar dress right in front of my face! You deserved it!"

All of a sudden the doorbell rang along with a bunch of knocks on the door. I got up slowly from my seat to answer it. I opened it up and standing there was none other than Tanya Denali. She was pretty, I suppose. Huge boobs, tiny waist, curly strawberry blonde hair, crystal gray eyes that I wanted to jab out with a sharp object. She tapped her foot impatiently. "Can you please get Edward for me?"

"Why?" She was seriously annoying as hell.

"Because I said so that's why." She was just asking for a right hook and a black eye.

"I don't give a shit about what you want, this is my apartment and I'd be happy to call security to have you removed from my floor."

"Oh my gosh! You're the girl who's fucking Edward and Jacob!"

"Hun, I'm not fucking either of them, but that's not any of your business. Now leave or I'll help you do it."

"Like I believe that, you look like a hooker." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"And you look like a whore, oh! Wait! You are a whore." I shoved her away from my door. Low and behold, Edward appeared, "Get your trampy ass girlfriend to leave please."

Edward rolled his eyes, "She's not my girlfriend. Isn't that right Tanya?"

"Whatev Edward, we are def perf for each other."

I scoffed, "Is your tiny, drugged out brain seriously incapable of forming full words?"

I stomped back into the apartment, "What a fucking bitch!"

I explained the situation to my friends and they all commented on her bitchiness, Edward finally came back to the room, "Sorry about that guys, she saw the news report and wanted to know what the hell was going on, and she wanted to yell at me for sending Chris to her," he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "He can't satisfy her like I can, I told you so."

Emmett checked his watch, "Shit, we gotta go guys. The bar opens soon."

We arrived at the club within a few minutes, some camera men found the real Edward and followed us down the street, he told me to walk as far away from him as possible because he didn't want to start anymore rumors.

Once we were all settled in and having a good time Emmett went down on stage, "Now, tonight is a very special night, its Bella's birthday! Give her a round of applause! Bella! Do you think you could give us a special birthday performance?" Everyone started cheering and chanting my name.

My face flushed as I headed up to the stage. I grabbed my acoustic guitar just because it was right for this song. I took some cables and attached them to the amp. I started strumming as I walked up to the mic, as I started my song my eyes involuntarily searched and locked onto Edward.

"_I was six years old  
When my parents went away  
I was stuck inside a broken life  
I couldn't wish away  
He was beautiful  
He had everything and more  
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door"_

I wish everyone knew how true these lyrics were, how they were my life story put to music and lyrics for the entire world to hear.

_"Somebody listen please  
It used to be so hard being me  
Living in the shadow  
Of someone else's dream  
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me  
Living in a nightmare  
A never-ending sleep  
But now that I am wide awake  
My chains are finally free  
Don't feel sorry for me_

_All the days collided  
One less perfect than the next  
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best  
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize  
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity"_

Edward's eyes were confused, he was undoubtedly trying to figure me out, trying to figure out what happened to me.

_"So if you're listening  
There's so much more to me you haven't seen  
Living in the shadow  
Of someone else's dream  
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me  
Living in a nightmare  
A never-ending sleep  
But now that I am wide awake  
Then I can finally see  
Don't feel sorry for me-_

_Mother, sister, father, sister, mother  
I wish everything was cool now  
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother  
I wish everything was cool now  
But, my life is good  
I've got more than anyone should  
But, my life is good  
And the past is in the past_

_I was living in the shadow  
Of someone else's dream  
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me  
I'm living in a new day  
I'm living it for me  
And now that I am wide awake  
Then I can finally see  
So don't feel sorry for me  
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me  
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me_

_Living in, living in, living in the shadow  
Living in, living in, living in a new day"_

-.-.-.-.-.-.

**EPOV**

Last night was, to say the least, entertaining. Seeing Bella squirm and get hot-and-heavy was definitely the icing on the cake to her dirty talking. Who knew she had a dirty mind? I loved it.

But it would've been a lot better if Tanya hadn't shown up and been so fucking annoying and clingy, she acted like she owned me. I wish I would've never agreed to pretend date her because if I break that contract I'm fucking screwed. Damn Aro and his 'brilliant' plans. Dick.

I had been working on my song for tonight but there was one tiny problem, my piano was back in California so I had to think up a composition in my mind and write it down on paper, I needed to hear it so that gives me a logical explanation of why I need to see Bella.

That was my reason to tell everyone else, but the real reason was that I've been dying to see her. My obsession with her was bordering on stalker potential.

I finally lost the paparazzo's cars after circling the block a few times. I went through the normal valet routine and practically ran to the elevator. I pressed the 'PH' button and tried to wait patiently as it lurched its way to the top of the building.

It dinged to a stop and I rushed to her door. I knocked and rang the doorbell a few times, no answer. I put my ear to the door. Music was obviously blaring, it was vibrating the door. So that meant she was home at least. I took a chance and turned the doorknob, there must be a God because it was open. I stepped through the doorway and followed the sound of Paramore.

It led me to the room beside the library, the door was open. The wall directly across from the door was painted black with neon pink, blue, purple, green, orange, and yellow splattering everywhere. The wall to the right of the door was painted in large neon blue and neon green checkers. The wall to the left of the door and the wall containing the door were white, blank canvases.

Bella was facing the splattered wall. She was wearing a huge, plaid, button up shirt and tiny shorts showing off her amazing, creamy legs. Her long hair was held in low piggy tails over her shoulders.

I cleared my throat quietly, she didn't seem to notice. I walked quietly up behind her and wrapped my hands around her waist. She jumped and spun around quickly, hitting my face with her paintbrush in the process.

She had no make-up on which made her even more beautiful. She was wearing a pair of thick, black rimmed, rectangle glasses that looked like they had seen better days. "Edward! What the hell? You can't just sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry love." I wiped the pink paint off of my face and grabbed the brush from her hand. I swiped it from the top of her cheek bone to her chin.

"Even? Not even close." She took a black roller from the paint tray on the ground and rolled it from my forehead to my waist.

She laughed loudly, I grabbed a small bucket of blue paint and held it over her head, she looked at me with wide eyes, "You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh I would." I started tipping the bucket.

"I'll go on a date with you if you put that down!" My smile became huge as my mind automatically went into a happy frenzy.

"Really?" My brain didn't work fast enough, her hand shot up and tipped the bucket towards me, spilling it over the top of my head, covering me in paint. Evil vixen!

"Nope." She said, popping the 'p'. She ran to the other side of the room. I followed quickly after her. I cornered her after a few seconds of chasing.

It looked like blue paint was seeping through my pores, I grinned at Bella, "Give me a hug Bells."

She laughed, "Edward no, don't you dare touch me!" Too bad. I picked her up and hugged her tightly while swinging her around the room, I finally set her down, she held out her dainty hand, "Truce?" I eyed her skeptically, waiting for her to do something evil, "I'm not gonna do anything else I swear." It was like she could read my mind. I shook her hand. "Let me go get you some of Jake's extra clothes."

I growled, why would Jake have clothes here? I couldn't help my jealous rage. Lucky son of a bitch. She came back quickly with two t-shirts and a pair of sweats for me. She tossed them at me. She started unbuttoning her shirt and I watched from the corner of my eye. She was wearing a black bra, plain and simple. I saw some of her tattoos.

"Bella?"

She looked back up at me, "Yeah?"

"How many tattoos do you actually have?" I stepped closer to get a better look.

"Ten." She shrugged like it was no big deal. I looked at the one on her right ribcage. It was black writing that said, 'as long as I'm going to hell I might as well do it thoroughly'. I highly doubt that she's going to hell.

The one on her left side started from the bottom of her breast all the way down to the top of her hipbone, it said 'je ne vous oublierai jamais' in elegant script. I took French, it meant 'I will never forget you'.

I couldn't really see the one of the inside of her hip, I walked slowly towards her as she watched me with curious eyes. I pulled down the hem of her cotton shorts just a bit so that I could see the red guitar tattoo positioned there. That small innocent touch held enough energy to light Antarctica on fire. The one on the lower left side of her back was a dove.

I counted on my fingers, all of those together plus her guitar pick on the back of her neck and the one she got last night equaled six. She held up her left arm, on the inside of it, a few inches below her elbow it said 'Omnia Causa Fiunt' in cursive writing, she spoke up quietly, "It means everything happens for a reason."

"Okay that's only seven." I stated stupidly.

She raised her left foot up, on the inside of it it said 'serenity courage wisdom'. "My grandpa used to say that a happy person only needs those three things in life." She pointed to behind her right ear, I walked around and saw that she had a few musical notes. "The last one is hidden, you can't really see it right now." She bit her bottom lip, and my mind went crazy with the possible positions of the tattoo. I groaned in my mind, wanting to see it so badly. She slowly reached up to her bottom lip and flipped it down, in black letters it said 'BITE ME'. I laughed, it was so Bella like.

She let her lip fall back into position. I walked towards her, she stepped back falling against one of the white walls. I looked down into her eyes and then to her lips. I ran my thumb over her bottom one slowly. Her breath caught in her throat, as did mine. I couldn't control my body anymore. My lips crashed down on hers and she captured my bottom lip in hers sucking and biting on it playfully. Her little hands fisted in my hair earning a moan from me. I licked her lip asking for entrance. I felt her body stiffen. She pulled her lips away from mine. My body immediately stopped buzzing with electricity, my mind became clear. Bella plastered herself against the wall. "Edward I think you should really go now. I'm sorry."

She squeezed out from underneath me and ran out of the room. I pounded my fist against the wall, and left in a rage, still covered in paint.

-.-.-.-.-

**Okay so please refrain from killing me (: I love you guys a lot and I wouldn't do this if it wasn't necessary, Bella's not ready to just give into him yet, she doesn't really trust him.**

**The cowboy boots story actually happened to one of my friends, she will never live it down haha.**

**The song was 'Shadow' by Ashlee Simpson, you may have noticed, I changed a few words around so that it fit Bella's life better.**

**Did you like the Tanya and Bella spat?**

**How was my Edward and Bella interaction, Edward's starting to be himself more. (:**

**15 reviews please? That's be amazing, and you'd end up with an update either Saturday or Monday. (:**

**--Devyn!**

**P.S. Don't forget to ask me anything your littlee heart desires.**

**P.S.S. Reviews are highly appreciated (: Add in your favorite line as well.**


	9. Beauty From Pain

**Okay thanks for being patient, I'll get right to the chapter, so here you go, I made it sort of long for you. (:**

**Please read AN at the bottom!**

**BPOV**

I sat in my bathtub with water up to my chin, bubbles surrounding me. Demi Lovato's voice filling the humid air. I ducked my head under the water, _shit what did I do?_

What happened with Edward was a passionate, fiery, lustful, amazing, mistake. I let things get way too out of hand. I took it over the line when I undressed right in front of him. Even though the paint fight was fun and it felt nice just being able to mess around with Edward, neither one of us taking anything too seriously, I knew that I couldn't be around him anymore, even though I desperately wanted to. God, I am such a teenage girl, it's sickening.

I knew how much he wanted me, I still don't understand why, and who am I kidding? I fucking wanted him too, how can I not? But I still did it, I wanted to see just how far I could push him before he cracked, but both us cracked this time. We both wanted each other, a mutual feeling.

I took revenge too far this time, and now I've gotten myself sort of attached to him, I've been craving for his touch, eager for his kiss ever since he left. My hard-to-get game wasn't going to work out for much longer.

I needed to get on with my day, I still have to babysit Emma and Ethan and then lunch with Jake, if he calls that is. I got out of the bathtub and drained the bubbly water. Wrapping a towel around my small frame, I took my hair out of the bun it was in and left my bathroom and entered my room that was still alien to me.

I picked up my phone from the side table and called Lydia, Emma and Ethan's mom. It rang a few times before a winded woman picked up, "Huh… hello?"

"Hi Mrs. Tumey, it's Bella. I just wanted to make sure I can still pick up the kids today and take them to the park."

I heard her give a sigh of relief, "Bella please, please, call me Lydia, I'm not that old. And yes of course, they have been dying for another date with you."

"Okay great, I'll be over there in a half hour or so."

"Alright, sounds good. See you then, bye Bella!"

"Bye!"

I rushed into my closet and pulled out a pair of dark wash jeans that were looser than my normal skinny jeans along with a hot pink and black plaid shirt. I ran back into the bathroom and put in my contacts, I applied some black eyeliner and mascara. My hair was a huge, frizzy, mess, I had no other choice but to throw it up into a messy ponytail. I grabbed my new black converse and messenger bag that were lying beside my bed, along with my dinosaur cell phone and left quickly.

I pulled out the CD player in my bag and popped in the small ear buds. I pressed the play button, but it didn't turn on. I pressed it over and over again. "Shit!" I muttered under my breath. I walked to a nearby trashcan and threw the broken Walkman into it.

This day is just going by wonderfully. And of course something else has to go wrong.

Fuck my life, "There she is!"

"Look over here!"

"Tell us who you're going to pick Isabella!"

I ignored the very few cameramen that were following me just to find out who I'm screwing. Who gives a shit!? They were hounding me with questions while I kept walking, they weren't giving up. I finally made it to the Tumey's small apartment building. I ran up the stairs all the way up to the 3rd floor. The media was still standing outside waiting for me to come out. I'm not even important! This is ridiculous!

I knocked a few times before the door swung open and two small kids jumped me on. "Bella! We missed you!" Ethan was jumping around al over the place while trying to hug me. Emma just grabbed onto my leg. I started laughing.

"I missed you too guys! Where are your parents?" I walked into their small two-bedroom apartment. "Bobby? Lydia?"

Lydia appeared not a moment sooner, "Hello dear." She hugged me lightly. She was a tiny woman with olive skin and impossibly dark hair. Her deep eyes seemed to be an abnormal black color. She was gorgeous, even with her laugh lines and tired eyes. "I'm so glad you are willing to take the kids today, even with your busy schedule."

"Uhm, busy schedule?" I laughed nervously.

"Well with your two new boyfriends I figured you'd be busy." She laughed lightly and winked.

"Oh! Not you too! I'm not dating or seeing either of them, Jake's just my best friend, you know that. And Edward, well he's… ugh never mind!" I huffed and tugged my fingers down my face.

"I'm only teasing Bells, have fun today, don't let them talk you into anything!" she told me that every time I babysat, but I still gave them whatever they wanted.

"I'll try my best, we'll be back in a few hours. Lets go guys." Lydia gave me a bag full of toys and snacks, I grabbed their hands as we started hopping down the stairs. "So what do you two wanna do today?"

Ethan looked at his sister, Emma just shrugged. My phone started buzzing in my bag, I let go of Ethan's hand to fish it out.

Caller ID: _Jake is amazing!_

"Jake, did you happen to switch your contact info to 'Jake is amazing!'."

"What!? Me!? Never! What are you doing right now Bella?" He laughed.

"I am taking Ethan and Emma to Central Park?" I said it questioningly, I looked down at them and they nodded their heads yes.

"Okay I'll meet you there in about ten minutes, I have some news. I've gotta go, bye love ya." He hung up the phone before I could say anything back. It wasn't like him to be mysterious like this, he was always straightforward and honest with me, no matter what.

I shook off the unsettling feelings that were causing my stomach to churn. I grabbed both of their hands as we stepped out onto the crowded sidewalks of New York City. I could see a few men with cameras lounging on the patio of a nearby café. I walked as fast as I could with two little kids attached to me. The walk to the park was quick, a little chilly, but quicker than it normally would've taken us.

We had finally arrived and sat down at a little bench across from a wide area of grass. I opened up the bag, "So what toys do you want to play with?"

Ethan grabbed for the bag and started rummaging through it, he picked out a Nerf football and started tossing it to himself. Emma was playing with a few of her Barbies.

I saw some cameras flashing in the distance, and then I saw Jake duck out of his large SUV. He spotted me immediately and started jogging my way. He got here in a matter of moments, a grim look on his face. I introduced him to Emma and Ethan, who immediately took a liking to him.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see cameras getting closer and closer to us. Flashes were picking up speed with proximity. Annoying…

"Jake what's wrong?" He fiddled with his hands nervously. "Spit it out man!"

"Okay I'mleavingforLAintenminutes!" Please tell me I didn't hear that!

"Excuse me?" I held onto my last shred of hope that I had misheard him.

"I'm leaving for LA in ten minutes." No! This can't happen, I just got him back.

"What? Why? You can't leave me Jake, you just moved here!"

"I know Bells," He pulled me into a tight hug as Ethan and Emma watched curiously. "But, I have some things to sort out back there according to my managers, and they booked a month worth of shows in that area. I'll be back in a couple months, and we will stay in touch, I promise." I held back my tears, while the paps snapped away happily. "I know, it really sucks, but its something I sort of have to do."

"You better go, you don't want to miss your flight." We both stood up and hugged for what seemed like hours. I lived without him for almost two years, certainly two months wouldn't kill me. "I'll miss you."

"Yeah I'll miss you too, I love you Bells." For a moment I could've sworn he _really _meant it. I brushed it off.

"Love ya too." His dark eyes became disappointed almost. He gave me a final kiss on the cheek before running back to the SUV, and with a final wave he left. I brushed away my tears, saving them for later.

Ethan tugged on my jeans, "What's wrong?"

I gave him my best smile, "Nothing, Jake just had to leave. Do you wanna pass the football with me? Emma would you like to join?"

They both nodded and we ventured further into the grass. We played for fifteen minutes before they tired and lay down on the blanket we had set out. They started munching on fruit snacks when I noticed four cameramen very close to our little set up. I got up and walked closer to them.

"Okay, listen. You really need to stop following me! I'm sick and tired of this! I'm not fucking either of them. Jake has been my best friend since we were in diapers! We're only friends!"

One of them started filming our little chat, "What about Cullen?"

"What about him? His sister is my best friend and he comes to the bar I work out, I was his waitress once and we ran into each other on the street, nothing has happened between us and nothing ever will! So will you drop it already!?"

One of the bolder ones stepped out, "See, what I think is that you are an attention whore trying to make some money off of them so you can support your two little bastard children over there."

I really wanna deck him in the face. "Ethan and Emma? Seriously!? I just babysit them! Plus, they're half Italian! They don't look a thing like me! You're ridiculous! I have my own fucking money. Leave me the fuck alone, my life is none of your damn business!" I huffed off and laughed as the stunned cameramen slowly dispersed. Thank God. They probably got enough of me for one day.

I sat back down on the blanket, the kids were playing patty cake with each other. I looked at Emma who was smiling playfully. Her black hair was long and thick, left in two low piggy tails. Her green eyes were perfect, beautiful, overriding the brown-eyed Italian gene from her mother. They reminded me a little too much of Edward's, just the person I wanted to avoid thinking about at the moment. I dug through the bag, I pulled out her tiny purple sunglasses and handed them to her, "Here put these on Em."

She looked at me confused, out of her three-year-old vocabulary she said, "But it not sunny Bellie."

"I know Em, but just incase, you can never be too cautious." She hesitated but put them on.

Ethan laughed and pointed at her. I tickled him and pulled him onto my lap giving him sloppy kisses on the cheek. I let go of him. He was two years older than Emma but looked a lot older. His eyes were black like his mothers, his skin was olive toned like Emma's, but his hair was lighter with almost a copper hint in the sun, bronze highlights glinting as well. Of course, another thing to remind me of good old Eddo. I fished for Ethan's blue beanie hat and shoved it onto his head. "What was that for Bella?"

"Uhm, I didn't want your head to get cold?" he shrugged as he played with an action figure.

"Bella?"

"Yeah buddy?" Emma climbed into my lap and played with my hands.

"Are you still sad about Jake?" He looked genuinely concerned, his dark eyes filled with worry.

"Yeah, but I'm fine since I'm with my two favorite kids in the world!" I tickled both of them, and they giggled playfully.

Emma grabbed my attention, "I can make you happy!" I pulled on my hand and started putting away her toys. She whispered to her brother.

He looked at me approvingly, "My mommy always takes us there to make us happy!"

They grabbed my hands as I grabbed the bags and they pulled me down the path leading to the street. Stupid, overly energetic children. I could barely keep up while they were complaining about me being a 'slowpoke'.

The thing that surprised me the most is that they actually knew where they were going.

So that's how the three of us spent three full hours in F.A.O. Schwartz doing nothing but messing around with the robots and the huge piano, I actually managed to play 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', trust me I got a workout by jumping around on it. I had to keep moving from place to place because the two kids couldn't stay still for more than a minute, or two if I was lucky.

It actually was fun, being a kid for once and not worrying about anything, I felt so carefree and just, well, amazing. I forgot about everything that was causing me worry or pain and just let it be. I was an eighteen-year-old girl having the time of her life with a three-year-old and a five-year-old. Wow. I'm cool.

So here we all three are at the checkout counter buying a year supply worth of toys for them. Knowing Lydia, she won't be happy that I'm spending this much money on toys for them, but in the past two years they've paid me enough to buy all these and they gave me a home for a month and a half before I moved into _Rem_. I owe them this much.

My phone rang, Lydia. "Hey _Lydia._"

"You remembered, how are my two little devils doing?" She laughed as Emma and Ethan screamed 'hi' to her as we walked out of the store carrying our numerous bags.

"They've been perfect angels, we just got done doing a little toy shopping, and no I will not return the toys, I already paid and threw away the receipt!"

"Fine, you win this time. But I was calling to tell you that I am on my way to _Rem, _so it would be easier for me to pick them up on my way back, so would you mind keeping them at your place for a few?"

"Yes sounds good. Talk to you soon."

"Bye."

After the finished conversation Em and Ethan talked animatedly to me about their toys and school. Ethan told me he was going to take up guitar lessons soon and Emma wanted to be a singer just like me. Her words, not mine. I stared in amazement at these two wonderful kids, and I wondered how I'd be different if I grew up normally and had two stable parents who provided love and life lessons for me.

Would I have normal hair? Would I be pierced and tattooed? Would I be here in New York? The answer to all these is probably 'no'. And now I'm glad that my life is so fucked up beyond repair because my life now is, not perfect, but pretty damn close. I can't dream of having it any other way. I smiled widely at my revelation.

The kids and I hopped onto the elevator and stood next to a bald man who looked like he had a ten-inch steel rob up his ass. He looked at me disgustedly. I made sure the little ones couldn't see and I flipped the man off as he left the elevator. A couple more floors later we arrived at my humble abode.

I left the bags by the door and followed Em and Ethan into the main room and they turned on Noggin. We watched The Backyardigans for what seemed like a century. Ethan kept glancing around like he was looking for something, "Do you live by yourself?"

"Yeah." I played with a copper lock of his hair and cuddled Emma on my lap. They were the little siblings I never had.

"Do you ever get lonely?" He creased his brow as I thought about it.

I shrugged, "I'm used to it."

The doorbell rang and they left, leaving me to think about Ethan's question.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

I entered the club, still upset from the sad news. Still confused with the Edward situation. Still pissed off from the press's stupid comments and questions. Still bothered about Ethan's lonely comment.

I bee lined for the bar, shoving a few bimbos out of my way, nearly missing a Cosmo to the face.

I went behind the bar and threw my messenger bag underneath it. Emmett showed up not a moment later, "Hello Ms. Swan. How was your day?"

"I really do not want to discuss it." I served a beer to a guy sitting on one of the stools flirting shamelessly with a blonde who was way out of his league.

I bent down for a moment to grab a hair tie from my bag, when I came back up, who appeared? Well, none other than Edward Cullen himself. It must be my lucky night.

He smiled at me widely, but he spoke cautiously, "Bella, I think we should talk."

"Edward can we please just forget about what happened earlier today?" I asked with begging eyes, I could see that he regretted it.

"But what if I don't _want_ to forget it?" He's going to be difficult about this isn't he?

"Listen Edward, it was… it was a mistake, we both just got caught up in the moment and it got carried away. I have to go set up for my song, and you do too. If you're still doing it that is."

He just nodded as I walked into the bathroom.

I looked into the full-length mirror and looked at the outfit Alice bought for me. I had on a long black 'Doors' shirt, pleather leggings and black high heels. God, I hate heels. My hair was down and wavy, nothing special. My make-up was normal, thick black eyeliner and mascara with Chap Stick.

I walked back onto stage and told the band that they were dismissed for this song, I only needed the piano. I tapped on the mic as I sat on the bench. I cleared my throat and caught everyone's attention. Butterflies filled my stomach as I clenched my eyes shut, trying to remember music and lyrics both.

"Hey everyone. Thanks for coming out tonight. The song I'm going to sing tonight is called 'Beauty From Pain', I wrote this when I was fourteen after something tragic happened in my life, but today I realized that if it hadn't happened then I wouldn't be here in New York. But I hope you enjoy the song."

I started playing slowly. I took a deep breath and began my first verse.

_"The lights go out all around me  
One last candle to keep out the night  
And then the darkness surrounds me  
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died  
And all that's left is to accept that it's over  
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made  
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder  
I feel like I'm slipping away."_

I remember the night I wrote this, painful memories flooded my mind. I was finally done with everything. I couldn't take it anymore.

_"After all this has passed, I still will remain  
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today,  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain."_

When I wrote these lyrics I was pleading that one day I would realize why this had happened to my best friend, my brother.

_"My whole world is the pain inside me  
The best I can do is just get through the day  
When life before is only a memory  
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place  
And though I can't understand why this happened  
I know that I will when I look back someday  
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes  
And made me as gold purified through these flames._

_After all this has passed, I still will remain  
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today,  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain."_

My voice was quivering, but holding strong, continuing my song. I forgot how powerful this song was, I was playing it all from memory.

_"Here I am, at the end of me  
Tryin to hold to what I can't see  
I forgot how to hope  
This night's been so long  
I cling to your promise  
There will be a dawn_

_After all this has passed, I still will remain  
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today,  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain."_

I finished out the last few chords and stood up and thanked the booming audience. It still amazed me how much they actually liked my music and supported me. Every night there were more and more people filing through the doors.

Emmett came up on stage and gave me a piece of paper. I read it out loud to the audience, "Now for our next guest, Claus Gerganhorff? Singing an original song entitled 'Beautiful Soul'." What the fuck?

A man dressed in a leather jacket and designer jeans got up on stage and stood next to me. He had purple hair sticking out from underneath his fedora. A gross goatee hanging on his face. He pulled down his Ray Bans. Emerald eyes stared at me…. Edward.

Oh this should be good.

He sat down at the piano and started playing an upbeat tune. His voice wasn't amazing, but it was surprisingly good. Is there anything Edward fucking Cullen can't do?

"_I don't want another pretty face  
I don't want just anyone to hold  
I don't want my love to go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul  
You're the one I wanna chase  
You're the one I wanna hold  
I wont let another minute go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul"_

He fucking grinned at me. Ass.

_"I know that you are something special  
To you I'd be always faithful  
I want to be what you always needed  
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me_

_I don't want another pretty face  
I don't want just anyone to hold  
I don't want my love to go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul  
You're the one I wanna chase  
You're the one I wanna hold  
I wont let another minute go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul_

_Your beautiful soul, yeah  
You might need time to think it over  
But I'm just fine moving forward  
I'll ease your mind  
If you give me the chance  
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try_

_I don't want another pretty face  
I don't want just anyone to hold  
I don't want my love to go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul  
You're the one I wanna chase  
You're the one I wanna hold  
I wont let another minute go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul_

_Am I crazy for wanting you  
Baby do you think you could want me too  
I don't wanna waste your time  
Do you see things the way I do  
I just wanna know if you feel it too  
There is nothing left to hide_

_I don't want another pretty face  
I don't want just anyone to hold  
I don't want my love to go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul  
You're the one I wanna chase  
You're the one I wanna hold  
I wont let another minute go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul_

_You beautiful soul, yeah."_

He finished out softly and stood up and took a bow, his purple wig fell to the ground, revealing his unique bronze locks. When he stood back up his fake goatee was starting to fall off. Girls screamed in recognition while the guys groaned, cameras started flashing as he ran off stage and into the back room.

I was dying of laughter. That was great. It made my day so much better.

I thought back to his song. I have to say, he can write a good one, but his lyrics bugged me. They actually made me swoon. I felt like I was being serenaded the entire time he was singing.

Now, I'm not completely stupid, I know that it was about me. It was just another way to make me fall for him.

But the little annoying voice at the back of my mine kept saying 'but what if he meant it'.

**-.-.-.-.-.**

**So, I'm pretty sure half of you are annoyed with me, and I'm really sorry. This week has been hectic I start school on the 19th and things should settle down a bit.**

**The other half are (hopefully) just glad I updated in 2009.**

**I hope this chapter made up for it.**

**Okay, so important things in this chapter:**

**1. The songs were 'Beauty From Pain' by Superchick and 'Beautiful Soul' by Jesse McCartney.**

**2. Some more things are being revealed about Bella's past, slowly but surely it will come out. Are you excited?**

**3. Jake's 'I love you' to Bella. Uh-ohh!**

**4. Edward's song to Bella and her confused feelings.**

**Okay so I think that's it! Please review and tell what you thought about it! I can't write unless I get some type of feedback, so…**

**REVIEW!**

**Question for this chapter:**

**What type of dog would you think would suit Bella?**

**Answer it and get a sneak peek of chapter 10!**


	10. Arizona

**I'm so unbelievably sorry! You have no idea how terrible I feel for not updating very soon. Hopefully you understand. Real life is killing me, especially volleyball. Not to mention Chemistry homework.**

**The teasers that I sent to the reviewers are for chapter 11. Thanks to the people who did review, it's because of you that this chapter was finally finished.**

**Avital you are seriously my hero and you're just freaking awesome. And you're a genius and I flippin love you for staying up late to edit this. This chapter is for you!**

**(This starts from right after Edward leaves Bella's after they kissed.)**

**EPOV**

I walked straight into my bathroom and turned on the shower. Ice cold. I stripped my paint stained clothes and jumped in. The cold water instantly worked its magic as I scrubbed my hair and watched as the water turned different colors.

After my body returned to its normal color I got out, I put on my boxers and laid down on my new, comfortable bed.

I kept picturing our kiss in my head. It was on constant replay, making me want to run straight back to her place and have my way with her. God, those lips. They're fucking perfect and soft as silk. Her body was curvy and her skin was creamy and beautiful. She was so mesmerizing, she was driving me crazy.

I touched my lips as I thought about the way they were on fire when our lips met. I'd never felt anything like it before. No other girl has ever had this effect on me, it was absurd.

And then that's when I realized it.

I'm turning into a hormonal teenaged virgin.

I wish she would open up to me, tell me everything there was to her. What her favorite color was, favorite food, favorite movie (which hopefully I starred in), her dislikes, her annoyances. I don't care what she tells me as long as it is about her. But the one thing I really wanted to know, the thing that was killing me with curiosity was what the fuck happened to her.

I hesitated for a moment before grabbing my laptop. This was borderline creeper. But it had to be done or at least that was what I was telling myself. I turned on and waited for my iMac to come to life. Finally it did, the Internet connected and I opened up Safari, I typed in Google.

I typed in the three things I knew about her. 'Isabella Marie Swan, accident, Phoenix, Arizona'. 8,463 results came up. I clicked on the first one.

It was a clipping from a newspaper in 2006, 'The Arizona Republic'.

_'Around 1:50 AM on Sunday morning, September 9th, 2006 a car swerved to miss a deer. The car went off the road and hit a telephone pole causing the passenger, Isabella Marie Swan, 14, of Phoenix, to fly out of the windshield and into the nearby field. She was reported to have not been wearing a seatbelt. She suffered a severe concussion, a broken arm, and needed over twenty stitches. She was automatically rushed to Phoenix Children's Hospital and placed in the ICU. She remains in a coma. Tests were done and concluded that she was heavily intoxicated at the time of the accident._

The driver of the 1999 Ford Escape SUV, Brennan Charles Swan was not as lucky as his younger sister. Brennan, 17, also of Phoenix, was wearing a seat belt. His neck snapped on contact with the pole and he died instantly. All efforts were made to try and revive him, but failed. No drugs or alcohol were found in his system.

Both teens attended Madison High School. The funeral service for Brennan will be this Wednesday, September 13th, 2009 at noon. He will be greatly missed by friends and family.'  
  
Brennan Charles Swan. That's what the BCS tattoo on Bella's neck meant. This is what all her songs were about. But why in the hell would this cause her to get emancipated and move here? It didn't add up.

But, I don't know what was worse, the fact that her brother died in a terrible accident with her in the car, the fact that she was drunk at the age of fourteen, or the fact that his funeral was on her fifteenth birthday.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I walked into the club with my disguise in a small duffle bag. I was a little nervous to just spill my feelings to Bella in a song in front of a huge crowd. Okay, so I was so nervous that I was shaking. No big deal. Ha, yeah…

I saw Bella heading behind the bar, she started talking to Emmett with an annoyed look on her face, masking her sadness. I may not have known her for very long but Bella is horrible at masking her emotions and not to mention lying, just another thing that I love about her.

I walked up to the bar as she bent down I sat down at an available stool. As soon as she saw me her eyes became dark and her half smile turned into a forced grimace.

"Bella, I think we should talk."

"Edward can we please just forget about what happened earlier today?" That's not exactly what I wanted to talk to her about. But then again telling her that I Googled her and found out about her brother probably wasn't the best thing to say to her in the middle of a club.

So, I decided to go along with her.

"But what if I don't _want_ to forget it?" Her cheeks lifted a bit but she caught herself and forced them back down. Again, she's terrible at hiding emotions.

"Listen Edward, it was… it was a mistake, we both just got caught up in the moment and it got carried away." Ouch, that stung, I shook it off and was about to say something when she cut me off, "I have to go set up for my song, and you do too. If you're still doing it that is."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

Shit, I had been caught. Damn wig! I should've glued it or possibly stapled it to my head. The press would have a field day with this one. Me serenading Bella. Another thing to add to our mysterious, scandal-filled 'relationship' that the media had created. Aro was going to kill me.

Her performance was raw, powerful, and breathtaking. Her best yet, the song was obviously about the accident, I wish she would just forget about it, get rid of all the pain that it's caused her. And I want to be the one who saves her from it, I want to be the one who helps her forget it.

But I knew that it would take a lot of work and tears on her part and I'd have to be there for her and help her through the pain and memories. And I don't know how to do that, I've never had to be there for someone, I've never been the type of guy who hangs around for more than a week. I would hurt her, it was inevitable. But I would try to change. I would be there for Bella, if she would let me. Which, at the moment, I highly doubted.

I put my glasses and hat back on and tried to walk out into the crowd in search of Bella. I peeked my head out the door. I looked around the crowd, nothing. I looked behind the bar, no Bella.

I glanced at the door and saw the back of her head walking out the door. Just my luck. My phone started buzzing in my pocket. I ran into the back room and shut the door tightly. I was silently pleading that it would be Bella calling to confess her undying love.

I looked at the ID screen. Aro. Lucky me.

"Hello?"

"Edward. You have some explaining to do!" I didn't say anything, just waited for my fucking lecture. "Who is this Isabella girl? And why is she suddenly all anyone can talk about? Why are you two supposedly dating!? Answers Edward! I want some damn answers!"

I lost it, "Aro shut the fuck up! It's none of your business. We aren't dating and that's all you need to know!"

"Remember your contract Edward! I want you to be seen with Tanya out in public at least three times this week." He paused, his voice grew amused, "And five words for you: extreme public displays of affection." The call ended. Fuck my life.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

**BPOV**

I ran out of the club, my mind in an internal battle. I just needed to shut off my mind, just forget about tonight. I checked the worn out watch on my wrist. 8:43. Still early, and still nothing to do.

Hello, my name is Bella and I have no life.

I started walking home, my heels were killing my feet. I passed a few hobos begging for money, a little girl being scolded by her mother, a businessman on his phone in an intense argument. Oh, the variety of New York City.

Okay, yes I am thinking about useless shit, but it's keeping my mind off other things. And by other things I mean Edward Cullen and Jacob Black, who still hasn't called me.

And now my mind is back on them, joy.

I passed by a pet shop with kittens playing by the window. I thought back to Ethan's question. I really am lonely, sure I have a million great people around me but I always feel alone, like no one truly understands me. Yes, they're all loyal and loving and just amazing but I still feel alone in that huge apartment in this huge city. I felt like I had no one who would just drop everything to comfort me when I needed it.

I stopped outside the door. I need a dog, I decided. I swung open the door and was immediately greeted by an overeager teenage girl named Mindy. "Hey! What can I help you with. We have a sale on goldfish!"

"Wow that's great!" I mocked enthusiasm and clapped my hands together, I rolled my eyes as she scoffed. "I need a dog."

Her eyes perked up, she is so getting commission on this. "What kind are you interested in!? Oh, wait! I totally know just the dog for you."

"I swear to God, if you bring me a Chihuahua…" I didn't need to finish my threat.

She cleared her throat uncomfortably, "Oh well then, never mind. Let's just browse the windows and we'll find something to suit you." She led the way to the long wall with built in cages. There were about twenty or thirty dogs. Most were sleeping adorably, the others were playing with their pen-mate. "All of our dogs are purebred and AKC registered, their shots have been taken care of as well."

I looked at all the dogs. They were cute, no doubt. But they were perfect. They wouldn't 'suit' me as Mindy said. They were perfectly normal and deserved a great family to go to. I needed a dog that needed me in return.

Mindy was still talking as I walked out of the small store. I kept walking down the street, upset that my plan was ruined. I stopped at a crosswalk waiting for traffic to yield. I looked around me curiously. I spotted a little girl and who I assumed to be her mom standing a few feet away from me with a box by their feet.

I walked over to them and smiled. Under the streetlight I could make out two puppies sleeping in the small cardboard box. They were both tan and fuzzy and that's all I could tell. The little girl smiled at me, her big brown eyes melting my heart. "Would you like to take a puppy?"

"What kind?" I asked curiously as I bent down and stroked one of the puppies heads.

The woman answered as she stroked her daughter's hair. "They're mutts. We found them a few weeks ago. They were starving and flea infested, I guess no one wanted them." She looked at the napping puppies sadly.

I muttered to myself, "Yeah, no one wanted me either." I stood up and grabbed my wallet. I boldly stated, "I'll take them both. How much?"

The woman waved her hand away, "Oh no, they're free."

I nodded my head and pulled out two one hundred dollar bills out of my wallet inconspicuously. I bent down to the little girl and put it in her coat pocket while I gave her a hug.

I grabbed the box, which was fucking heavy if I do say so myself, and thanked them as I walked away. I headed back for the pet store. I opened the door and Mindy looked annoyed when she saw who it was. Yeah, you and me both, bitch.

I set the box down gently. "Give me everything I need for two new puppies." She hung up the phone and stomped off. I made sure my new puppies were okay and I headed off to the collar aisle. I picked out a baby blue collar with silver spikes and a matching one in hot pink. I grabbed matching leashes. Alice would be so proud.

I quickly walked back over to the box and checked for their gender. Mindy looked at me like I was crazy.

A boy puppy and a girl. They are getting fixed as soon as possible. The boy puppy was tan, he had a white chest and paws, he had a white stripe that started from the top of his head all the way to his black nose. His muzzle was black, his face was dark tan. He yawned and his eyes lazily came open, he shook his head quickly and his ears started flopping around. I put him back into the box with his 'girlfriend'.

She was all tan with some white on her chest and paws. She was basically a big poof ball of fur. Her eyes opened and she looked up at me, there was a small white line on her nose. She was so adorable, one of the cutest puppies I've ever seen. I stroked her back and she wagged her tail appreciatively, effectively hitting the other puppy in the face.

They need names. Nothing came to mind as Mindy came up to me and gave me a bunch of supplies. Including, shampoo, flea medication, wet and dry food, food dishes, and two large boxes.

"Like I need any more extra baggage, what're the big things for?" She held one of them up for me to see.

"These are cages used for potty training. I'm guessing you'll need them so they don't poo everywhere." I laughed at her word choice.

"You can say shit, I won't tattle." She crossed her arms as I threw the leashes and collars at her.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

Damn dogs. They didn't shut up all night, I took them on two walks to let them do their business. Once at one in the morning and the next at five in the morning. It was so much fucking fun. Hopefully you caught that sarcasm.

I heard one of them bark. Little fuckers. I looked at my clock. Nine in the morning. I reluctantly got up and grabbed the leashes. Benny was sleeping in his cage but Roxy was spinning around in hers in a fit of hyperness.

I clipped on her hot pink leash and put on my flip-flops and Ray Bans along with my leather jacket. I got in the elevator and let my head fall against the back wall. I am so fucking tired.

Roxy jumped up and down trying to get me to pick her up, no chance of that happening. Last time she pissed on me.

I walked out of the building with Roxy pulling me along. She did her business on the sidewalk and on the way home I grabbed a coffee from a street vendor, I was going to need it.

As I walked through the doors of my apartment I heard Benny barking. Fuck my fucking life. I gave Roxy one of her rubber chew toys and she started happily running around with it. I walked over to Benny's cage and picked him up, holding him away from my body.

I walked into the kitchen and set him down in the sink. I looked at him and pointed. "Go." And he did.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

I put on a pair of jeans and a 'Metrostation' t-shirt along with my hi-tops. I threw my hair up in a bun and grabbed my messenger bag.

I double-checked and made sure the cages were secure so they wouldn't shit all over the apartment and left.

It was actually warm as I walked down the street to the closest 'Best Buy'. The walk wasn't too far, about ten minutes. I got a few knowing glances and dirty looks from jealous girls. I need to buy a shirt that says 'No I am not having sex with Edward Cullen and/or Jacob Black'. I think I'll go get one made for me.

I walked through the automatic sliding doors and headed to the MP3 section. Stupid Walkman had to go and die on me.

One of the workers came up to me and smiled, "I'm Trevor, how can I help you today?"

"I need an iPod." I said simply.

He looked at me expectantly, "Well.. what kind, there's the nano, the touch, the shuffle and the video iPod." Can't they just make one and make life easy?

"Well, what kind do you have?" I really didn't care what kind I got, I just wanted a damn  
iPod.

"I, personally, have a touch." He motioned to the iPod touch.

"Okay I'll take that one. And the one with the biggest memory space." He unlocked the drawer and pulled it out then handed it to me.

I thanked him and walked to the Laptop section and picked up an electric blue Dell laptop. I walked up to the cash register. On my way there I was stopped by a familiar face. Edward Cullen. Not him personally, but a whole rack of his movies. None of which I had seen. I picked up a few of them, the first was called 'What Hurts the Most', I've heard about it, he looked so young on the cover. It was made when he was about fifteen.

The second one was called 'Reckless', this was his comeback movie, filmed when he was eighteen. The picture of him on the cover was so sexy it hurt to look at.

And finally the third movie that I picked up was one of his latest ones. 'Viper'. This was the one he starred in with Tanya. The sequel comes out in a few months, and I heard something about a third installment. The front cover was a picture of him looking all serious and seductive with Tanya behind him looking evil and sluttty, maybe that was just me…

I bought all three movies and headed back home.

**-.-.-.-.-.**

I sat on the couch after watching all three movies in a row, feeling like an obsessive fan. The movies were amazing, Edward was incredible. He played each and every role perfectly, he was so believable, each line delivered expertly. Each one of his characters was refreshing and different. Blake Viper, his character in 'Viper', was a better version of James Bond. He was devastatingly sexy and smart, and I had to admit it, even though I really didn't want to and no one will ever find out that I admitted it, Tanya was pretty good too.

Basically, Edward played a secret agent/spy guy named Blake Viper who was sent out to kill some villain named Yves Urrant and his sidekick Tracy Vixen. Well during this mission he met a girl named Veronica (Tanya), who is actually Tracy in disguise. But he doesn't figure it out proving that love has blinded him and then it ends and that's where the much-awaited sequel picks up.

The movie went back to the main menu. I scrolled to the 'Special Features' and clicked on it curiously. There were a few options, I clicked 'Behind the Scenes of 'Viper''.

It flashed to black and then it started rolling clips of interviews featuring Edward and Tanya and a few other cast mates. When Edward talked about his acting and the movie he was so passionate and into his parts, it was a whole other side of him, one that I hadn't seen.

They played some clips of Edward goofing around on set, being himself. It showed videos of the whole crew and cast, everyone looked like walking death, except Edward, showing his excitement for acting, you could tell it was something he wouldn't trade for the world. It showed clips of him when there was only a few people around just sitting there talking to some crew members, joking around. In that small video segment he was so genuine, so vulnerable, exposing himself when he thought no one was watching.

I now knew what Alice was talking about when she said that Edward wasn't being himself, that he had a guard up. This was the Edward I wanted to know. The _real_ Edward.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Well, there you have it, chapter 10! Hopefully it made up for my late update.**

**I'm trying to get pictures up of Roxy and Benny but my homepage is being an asshole so use your amazing imaginations.**

**Follow me on twitter! Seriously, twitter . com / devynx3 . I'm boring but oh well.**

**_Please review!_**

**I gave you a bunch of information about Bella's past, but that's not the half of it. **

**It's coming out very soon.**

**And to get quicker chapters you must review and give feedback!**

**I'm going to try to write tomorrow and I'll post it ASAP,**

**But please, please ****review****! I can't write without them.**

**-Devyn (:**


	11. Girlfriend

**If you hate me, raise your hand. **

**Haha I feel terrible, and I know that I say that every time, but this time I won't make excuses, I'll just get onto the chapter which, hopefully, you will enjoy. Hopefully.**

**BPOV **

I cannot believe I just thought that. What's getting into me? I've worked so hard to deter him from trying to get close to me and now I want to get to know the real Edward Cullen. I must be suffering from temporary insanity.

Yeah, that's it.

My phone rang from across the room. I threw the blanket that was draped across me onto the floor and grabbed my tiny silver device.

"Hello?" I tried to get rid of the edge on my voice.

The guy on the other end of the phone sounded unsure, nervous almost. "Uh, yeah. Is this Bella?"

"Yes…" Who else would it be? I kept my snarky comments to myself.

"Oh good. It's London. Ya know, the guy the painted your apartment?"

Hmm, dark hair, dark eyes, very cute. Of course I remember. "Oh yeah, did you leave something at my place?"

"Uhm, no. I was just… will you go out with me, like on a date?" Just what I need to get my mind off the bronze haired man that's been capturing my attention lately.

"Yeah sure. How does tonight sound?" I picked at my peeling black nail polish.

He sounded shocked, "Wow, uh, okay. My friends told me about this bar, _Rem, _I guess they have a great performer. I mean if you're not into that type of thing we can go somewhere else…"

"Sounds great to me. I'll see you around nine." We said our goodbyes and hung up. I sat back down on the couch and flipped through the channels, catching the end of the latest _E! News _report.

The blonde anchor plastered a huge fake smile on her face.

_"Last week we broke the news of Edward Cullen and Jacob Black's mystery woman known only as Isabella or Bella for short. Now the two men were thought to have been both vying for her affections, but according to Black, Isabella has been his best friend since birth back in Arizona. But bloggers and people worldwide think there's something more going on once these images were released late last night."_

Here we go again…

This time the pictures were of me and Jake hugging in the park, us holding back our tears and saying goodbye. I still can't believe he's gone, and he still hasn't called me.

But the next thing left me shocked and breathless. How could they have possibly gotten a hold of these, how in the hell could this happen?

The first picture was of Jake and I when we were twelve, it was September 1st, we were on his living room couch sleeping, cuddled up. This day would always burned into my mind. I tried running away from home and Jake's was the only place I could go.

I remember Billy taking this picture which in-turn woke us up. A few minutes later Jake and I gave each other our first kiss.

And that was the next picture that popped up on the screen. Both of our hands were plastered to our sides, unsure of what to do. Our lips puckered and barely pressed together… well this is embarrassing.

Jake and I never technically dated but we were friends with benefits in a way. We were always 'experimenting' with each other.

The third picture was of Jake and I in a heavy make-out session, I remember being slightly tipsy in this one, it was right before I left for New York. It was my going away party. I was straddling his lap, hands twisted in his long, jet-black hair. His big russet hands were planted firmly in the back pockets of my jeans.

The last image was of Jake and I at a party about a year after my brother's accident, I was trashed and Jake was carrying me out to his car, crushing me against his chest. Sam took this one, he thought it was funny that Jake had become my official babysitter, always trying to keep me away from parties and keeping me out of trouble.

I wiped the tears away from my eyes and watched as the fake, bitchy, host came back on.

"_Just friends? But on a lighter note, Tanya Denali's rep has just confirmed Tanya and Edward Cullen's relationship saying that, quote, 'Tanya and Edward have grown very close on the set of 'Viper' and have an undeniable attraction, they are in the beginning stages of forming a serious relationship'. There was no word from Cullen's rep. Enjoy these images of the new happy couple."_

The screen flashed to images of Edward and Super Ho holding hands, kissing and canoodling. Gag me. I held back my bile and hated my self for being jealous of that bitch Tanya.

I checked the time on my phone. I still have a little under two hours.

I quickly turned off the TV when a picture of Edward and Tanya popped up, he was caressing her cheek while staring straight into her eyes.

I picked up my notepad and started writing. My jealousy slowly fading away with each stroke of the pencil.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Right after I finished brushing my teeth the doorbell rang. I ran to the door. Roxy and Benny were going crazy because of the alien sound. "Shut up you two!" I ruffled Benny's fur and patted Roxy on the back as I placed them into their separate cages.

I jogged to the door and swung it open. London stood there clad in jeans and a Hollister t-shirt. His thick muscles making the fabric of it stretch to maximum capacity. His hair was pushed into a small faux hawk in the middle of his head. His dark eyes sparkled, his white smile was heartbreaking.

He handed me a bouquet of roses. "Oh, uh thanks, this was really sweet but you shouldn't have."

"It was my pleasure." I ran into the kitchen and put the roses on the counter since I didn't own a vase.

I grabbed my leather jacket and put it on over my Kurt Cobain shirt, "You ready?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Tommy let us both into the bar after checking London's I.D. I thanked god that he didn't threaten him. Tommy's always trying to act like my father, it comes in handy… sometimes.

The first person I saw when I walked through the doors was Rose frantically filling orders behind the bar. I leaned into London and spoke over the music, "I'll be right back."

I hurried to behind the bar and rolled my eyes as London stared in shocked and planted his ass in a barstool beside the customer. "What can I get for you?" The forty-year-old man rubbed his goatee and started spilling out orders, I logged them mentally.

"Give me whichever beer is on tap, a Clean and Dirty, two Baileys Grasshoppers, one Classic Gimlet and a Tanqueray and Tonic."

"Comin' right up." I grabbed the ingredients I would need and started mixing the drinks one by one. London's eyes grew wide and confused, I smirked to myself. I gave the drinks to the man as he passed me a fifty and a twenty-dollar bill for a tip. I pocketed it and walked over to my date. "Can I get you something sir?" I laughed.

"Wait, you're a bartender? You work here?"

"No and yes. Technically I'm not a bartender but I know my was around the bar if I'm needed. And yes I've worked here for about two years." Rosalie walked up behind me.

"Thank God you're here! Gibson cancelled on us, he has bronchitis and people are expecting a performer!" She ran her left hand through her blonde tresses.

"I can't, I mean, I'm on a date and I wasn't planning on working today and I don't even have a song planned, I'm sorry." I grabbed her hands and laughed, "Everything will be okay. Just calm down, Rose."

Her eyes flickered to behind me, "I have a feeling you're going to be needing your own advice pretty soon."

I turned around and saw what I really wasn't planning on seeing anytime soon. Tanya Denali walked in with a dress up her ass which also, conveniently hugged her body tightly, shoving her surgically enhanced breasts out of the top of it. Her strawberry blonde extensions fell in thick curls and her gray eyes glinted when she saw me.

Edward walked in a few steps behind her. Cameras went wild. His bronze hair was messed up probably from a quickie in their limo. He was wearing a tight t-shirt and leather jacket. Tanya smirked at me and turned Edward around so that his back was facing me. She shoved her lips onto his and roughly pulled on his hair. Edward stiffened but then his hands went to her hips and pulled them roughly onto his.

I dropped the glass I was holding and mumbled as I picked up the sharp pieces of glass, "Why don't you just fucking rape him, slut."

When I stood back up they were just finishing up their make-out session. Tanya made eye contact with me and mouthed, 'He's mine'. I rolled my eyes dramatically.

I walked back around the bar to where London was sitting, "Hey, I'll be right back okay."

Rose was up on stage apologizing to the audience that there wasn't an act tonight. I grabbed my guitar. "Rose, give me the mic." She grinned thankfully and passed it to me. I plugged my guitar into the amp roughly.

I started clapping my hands to the beat I was creating as the audience followed suit. The drummer got up to his set and followed my lead. I slammed down on the strings and started bouncing around on stage.

"_Hey hey, you you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I could be your girlfriend"_

I made direct eye contact with Edward and winked.

"_Hey hey, you you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I want to be your girlfriend_

_You're so fine  
I want you mine  
You're so delicious  
_

_I think about you all the time  
You're so addictive  
Don't you know  
What I can do  
To make you feel alright"_

Tanya's jaw dropped as I tried to hold back my laughter._  
_

"_Don't pretend  
I think you know  
I'm damn precious  
_

_And hell yeah  
I'm the mother fucking princess  
I can tell you like me too  
And you know I'm right  
_

_She's like so whatever  
You can do so much better  
I think we should __get together__now  
And that's what everyone's talking about"_

At this point, I'm sure Tanya had steam coming out of her ears. Edward's smile grew wider with every line I was delivering.

"_Hey hey, you you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way no way  
I think you need a new one  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey hey, you you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I want to be your girlfriend"_

The crowd was loving this. They were jumping around, clapping and singing the chorus with me. Even Edward was clapping along, which was seriously pissing Tanya off.

Edward wasn't an idiot, he knew who this was about.

"_I can see the way  
I see the way you look at me  
And even when you look away  
I know you think of me  
I know you talk about me all the time  
Again and again  
_

_So come over here  
And tell me what I wanna hear  
Better, yet, make your girlfriend disappear  
I don't wanna hear you say her name_

_Ever again  
_

_She's like so whatever  
And you can do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about_

_Hey hey, you you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey hey, you you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I want to be your girlfriend_

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
'Cause I can, cause I can do it better  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in  
She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?_

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
'Cause I can, cause I can do it better  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in  
She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?"_

I blew him a kiss and Tanya got out of her seat and stomped off. Edward followed her.

"_Hey hey, you you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey hey, you you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I want to be your girlfriend_

_Hey hey, you you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one_

_Hey hey, you you  
I could be your girlfriend _

_Hey hey, you you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
_

_Hey hey, you you  
I want to be your girlfriend _

_Hey Hey!"_

I finished out my song with a bang and put my guitar down. The crowd was cheering loudly as I walked back up the bar and ordered a water. No alcohol for me. People walked by and gave me a slap on the back or whispered encouragements in my ear as they ordered drinks.

I heard the stool next to me shift, I looked up and saw London sitting there, "Wow, Bella! Great job, I had no idea you could sing like that."

"Oh, uh thanks I guess." We sipped awkwardly on our drinks.

"Uhm Bella." He pointed to something behind me. "I'll give you two a minute I suppose."

I turned around and there stood Edward, with a victorious grin on his face. "You _so_ want me. Props for denying me for as long as you did though, must've taken a lot of effort."

"Will you be quiet, people can hear you. Come on." I grabbed his arm, roughly and dragged him to the back room. "Where did all this come from? Why do you even think I'd want anything to do with you."

"Hmm, you blowing me a kiss and winking at me could have something to do with it. But mainly it was the song that gave you away."

"I have another song for you." I sang a few lines, "_You're so vain you probably think this song is about you_."

He walked closer to me, pushing me against the cold wall. "Bella, stop denying the obvious."

I made my voice hard, "I'm not denying anything. I don't want you." If I only I meant it, this would be much easier.

He smiled that damn smile that he always used when he knew he had won. Bastard. "Bella, you know you can't resist me for much longer." He ran his thumb down my jaw, I shivered in response. His touch sent fire through my veins. His lips ghosted mine.

I'm done for.

I let out a shaky breath. "Fine, one date."

His grin got triumphantly big, "I'll pick you up at seven."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

**My friend Nava put this the best way. Authors on fanfiction don't get any other type of payment other than reviews.**

**Seriously, the reason for my lack of updates is that I'm just not inspired enough. Reviews are my only inspiration. **

**But I really hope you liked this chapter, the next one is the date and that will be extremely fun to write, I'm about a page into that chapter at the moment. **

**But I won't post it until I get 100 reviews. If I don't get that many then I'll take a hint and quit this story. So please review!**

**--- Thanks to the people who do actually review. You keep me going.**

**So special thanks to: **

**EdwardCullenLuver5, **

**Twilightaddict12, **

**Laurrrr, **

**Angeleyes20876, **

**eNVey, **

**Edwardsince1901, **

**navaa nightmarex (check out her stories! They're fantastic!) **

**gossip-bangkok **

**and Joss17 (not only for reviewing, but for being a great friend!)**

**REVIEW!**

**-Devyn (:**

**Oh and I have the pictures of the puppies up on my website as well as a banner thing I created!**


	12. Paparazzi

**Thank you for your amazing patience with me, please read the AN at the end of the chapter! **

**BPOV**

My date was disastrous, to say the least. He and I had nothing to talk about, London was about as fun as walking across a scalding hot cactus.

Okay, so maybe that was an exaggeration. He was nice and good-looking but I just couldn't find anything about him that sparked my interest and made me want to beg him for another date. I think the feeling was mutual, we shared a hug before I went into my apartment but nothing else. Our relationship would remain forever platonic. Not that I cared.

Edward called me earlier in the day to let me know the details for our date. My stomach hurt and became instantly cluttered with butterflies the second I thought about it. I was really tempted to ignore his call, just let him think I forgot about him, give him a well deserved shot to his ego, but I couldn't resist the call of his voice.

Two days ago I would've been gagging at the thought of going on a date with Edward but now I was strangely anxious, counting down the minutes until it would be appropriate to start getting ready our date.

He said I needed to look dressy, that the restaurant would be fancy, which meant expensive, which meant he'd be spending money on me, and I hated that. Maybe I could convince him to go dutch. Yeah, I'm sure that'd go over well with his China-sized pride.

I paced around my kitchen a few more times… okay more like a dozen more times. I checked my watch. 4:38, could time possibly be going any slower?

Benny and Roxy looked up at me with their big brown eyes. I sat down on the couch and they bombarded me with slobbery kisses and paws to the face. Love you guys too…

I grabbed their rubber ball from the side table and through it as far away from me as possible, they both jumped off of me immediately and ran towards the flying green object.

I wiped as much dog hair off of me as possible. The doorbell rang. I checked my watch three times. Edward had said seven not five! Please tell me this wasn't a miscommunication. Maybe he stopped by to cancel the date because he had movie star business to take care of or he was just regretting the decision to take me out.

I got up and slowly walked toward the black door. I opened it cautiously like there was a bomb about to explode when I finally had it open.

"God, it took you long enough to answer the door Bells! I thought you had died in there or something." Benny and Roxy rushed to the door and tackled Alice to the ground. I rushed quickly to try and pull them off of my tiny friend but Al just laughed and gently shoved them off. She pointed, "You're lucky this outfit isn't designer." I laughed along with her as she pulled in a cart behind her.

"Uh, what's all this?" I gestured to her black and silver cart.

"You couldn't expect to go on a date with my brother and not look totally gorgeous, and this is going to help." She waved her hand dramatically at it.

Wow, does God hate me?

Apparently.

"I… uhm…" She cut me off before I could finish my sentence.

"Have you even showered yet? Oh my gosh, look at your dead ends! And your lips! They look like the Sahara dessert." She grabbed my arm and pulled her cart and me back to my bathroom. "Shower first, I'll get set up."

Her eyes were glazed over and her expression was set hard, concentrating. She ran to my closet as I stripped and got in the shower. I heard the click of her heels pace around the marble floor of my bathroom while I took my good, sweet, time showering.

"Bella, hurry up! We only have a few hours!" I chuckled quietly as I continued to slowly rinse out my conditioner. I heard the flush of the toilet and the water of my shower became scalding hot. Stupid pixie needs to learn to be patient.

"Okay! Okay! I'm done." Alice threw my robe to me as I walked out of the shower. She immediately shoved me into a chair in front of the mirror.

She took out a pair of scissors and started trimming the ends of my hair. "Alice, come on. I was just gonna wear jeans and a fancy shirt, put my hair up in a nice pony tail, or maybe straighten it."

Her scissors fell to the ground with a clatter, "Isabella Marie Swan. You're going to a five star restaurant and you were going to wear jeans!? With a ponytail! That's just… just… horrid. I thought I taught you better than that."

I laughed lowly, "Sorry, mom."

A half an hour later my hair was finally dry, Alice was flipping out counting down the minutes until Edward got here and I… well, I was sitting there wishing that I wouldn't have said yes to this fucking date.

I fiddled around with Roxy's ears as she slept soundly on my lap, Benny was curled up by my feet. I hummed to myself as Alice ran the curling iron through my hair.

I checked my watch, I had an hour and a half before he was set to arrive. "Alice! How much longer until this torture is over with. All of it is completely unnecessary, by the way."

"Stop whining, your hair is almost finished." She tugged and twisted and pinned and finally sprayed. "And voila! You're hair is done." Her smile grew wide.

She opened up her make up kit and put out a bunch of applicators. She pulled one out and tapped her chin with it. I just close her eyes and let her do whatever with my face.

It took hours for her to finish.

Okay, maybe I was being a drama queen. But it did take way longer than normal.

"Okay Bella, I have your outfit picked out, and you're going to be very happy with me. No heels!" she handed me a pair of silver and black gladiator sandals. "I just couldn't risk it, being the first date and all, but this is a one time thing, so don't get used to it."

I saluted her and turned to face the mirror. My mouth dropped open. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was placed in thick, beautiful curls, the pieces in the front were pulled back and twisted away from my face.

But what captured my attention immediately were my eyes. I had the normal black mascara and eyeliner but Alice had thickly applied purple eye shadow. It was dark and gorgeous, making my eyes just come to life. "Alice… holy fucking shit."

"I know, Bella, you really are stunning, Edward's gonna piss." We both laughed lightly, "Come on Bells, we only have so much time."

She tore me away from the mirror and sat me down on my bed. I watched as she pulled out a beautiful dress. It was sheer black with a white slip, the neckline was embedded with clear crystals. "I love it!" I never thought I'd ever say that about a bedazzled piece of fabric, but I said it, and I actually meant it.

I slipped it on along with my shoes. I took one final look in the mirror and beamed. Alice handed me a black Coach purse. "Don't forget this." She checked her watch. "Shit, I've got to go, Jasper and I have a date. But remember to just be yourself and have fun. Don't let him irritate you either. Love you, bye!" She quickly kissed me on the cheek and ran out of the apartment. Leaving me there to wait. By myself.

My stomach was cramping, twisting and turning. My hands were shaking and my leg was jumping.

Well, this was fun.

I remember what my mom told me before one of the biggest nights of my teenage life.

_I was just about finished getting ready for my first date with a boy I really liked, Aaron Richards, he had slate blue eyes, shaggy blonde hair, and a killer smile. Not to mention he was a sophomore and could actually drive._

_I finished curling my hair, or my best attempt to, and started applying some brown eyeliner when my mom walked in. "Bella, Bella, Bella." She sighed sadly, "You'll never be pretty, I don't know why you even try. I mean, this boy that you're going out with tonight, Eric?" I didn't even stop to correct her, just let her finish. "I'm sure he doesn't even like you, probably just had a bet with his friends to see how long it took for you to give it up." She pulled on one of my curls and laughed sickly._

_"Mom I-."_

_"Ha," Her laugh curdled my blood and twisted my stomach, "Bella dear, when will you understand? You're not pretty, you have a dull personality and all you do it sit at home with those fucking books all day. No one wants you and no one ever will."_

_Her words were ringing in my mind as I picked up the phone and dialed Aaron's number. He picked up on the first ring, "Hello?"_

_"Hey Aaron, it's Bella." I tried my best to keep back the tears that were quickly forming._

_He sounded almost happy. "Oh hey! I'm going to leave soon, I can't wait for tonight!"_

_I swallowed hard, making a noticeable gulping sound. "Actually, I don't think I can make it tonight. I'm not feeling well." I coughed to reinforce my lie._

_"Oh, okay. Well maybe another time. I'll see you on Monday Bells."_

_"Yeah, alright. Bye." I hung up before he could say anything else to encourage another date, it would just never happen._

_I ripped my fingers through my thick, bouncy curls and wiped off my make-up. Soon I was drowning in tears._

_No one wanted me, and no one ever will._

I can't do this, I just can't. How could I possibly go out on a date with the most sought after man in Hollywood? How could he possibly be interested in me? How could I possibly live up to his standards? The answer to all of these questions was that it was just impossible. I'm not good enough, I never will be and never even could be. I'm a monster, a person who should be dead, not going out to a five star restaurant with an Adonis.

I need to get away, maybe catch a flight to Canada or, better yet, Japan. Somewhere where I could escape and just forget everything.

Grabbing my purse and my leather jacket I sprinted for the door. I held back my tears as I walked out the door, and into something rock hard. I looked up.

Edward.

Just my fucking luck. I tried not to let my disappointment show. I plastered a smile on my face. My nerves were showing through, I suck at hiding them.

He sensed it immediately, "Uhm, are you okay Bella?" He rubbed his hand up and down my arm soothingly. Even through the leather, the touch made my stomach settle slightly.

"Yeah, I'm great. Are you ready?" I smiled up at him, he bought it, nodded, and led the way to the elevator.

He looked nervous standing there in his black dress pants, emerald button up covered with a black jacket left unbuttoned. He looked like he was stretching and almost put his arm around my shoulders, at the last second he backed out and smoothly ran his hand through his hair.

I bit back my laughter, "You okay, Cullen?"

"Erhm, yeah. Thanks. You look beautiful by the way." His eyes grazed over my body, landing on my eyes for the longest amount of time possible. I shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to do or say.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**EPOV**

God, why am I acting like this? All shaky and sick to my stomach. Edward Cullen does not get nervous. Not over anything. I wasn't even nervous when accepting my Oscar, or any of my other awards for God's sake. I've never been this nervous over a girl. This is just ridiculous.

I got off the elevator, fisting my hands to keep them from trembling. I unclenched them for a moment to wipe off the moisture and run them through my unruly hair. I smoothed down my button up and stood at her door.

I hope I'm not too early, I thought to myself as I lifted my fist to the door to knock. Before it could make contact it swung open.

Bella stood in the doorway looking shocked to see me. Eyes red and puff, filled with tears. Shit. Maybe she wanted to cancel, maybe she was regretting her decision. I sucked in a deep breath and waited her to shoot me down… once again. I don't know how many more times my ego could get battered by this girl.

She said nothing, so instead, I did. "Uhm, are you okay Bella?" she looked up at me and swallowed hard, and blinked back her tears and smiled. I reached out and rubbed her leather-clad arm in my attempt to soothe her, even though I wanted to do so much more than rub her arm.

"Yeah, I'm great. Are you ready?" She smiled, even though I could see through her transparent lie.

I led her to the elevator and pushed the lobby button and waited, the silence between us wasn't awkward but it wasn't exactly comfortable. I didn't know what to do in this situation, girls are always talking my ear off in an attempt to impress me, trust me it never worked.

She still looked upset, I just, God, I wanted to tell her everything would be okay and comfort her and just hug her. My arm had a mind of it's own and was almost put around her shoulders. But I stopped it and tried to blow it off by running my hand through my hair.

I looked down at her, she looked breathtaking, she smiled, "You okay, Cullen?" Last name usage, not a good sign.

"Erhm, yeah. Thanks. You look beautiful by the way." I took in her appearance slowly, appreciatively.

But what stopped me, surprisingly, were her big brown eyes. They showed strength, passion, anger but also fear, vulnerability, beauty, and fragility. She was like a puzzle waiting for me to solve, and it drove me absolutely fucking crazy.

I broke contact and waited for the elevator to ding to a stop. I had made sure Chris had exited the building five minutes before I entered to make it look like I had just been at Tanya's, the press followed him around the block a few times before they got bored and moved on to the next celebrity they saw.

I opened the door to my Volvo for her to get in, this, surprisingly, was something I do for all my dates. I may be an arrogant prick most of the time, but my mom taught me some chivalry.

She thanked me quietly and I jogged to the driver's side and sped off to '_Chez Moi'_. Traffic was light, thank God, and it only took us a few minutes to get there. A few agonizingly long, silent filled minutes.

It's not that I didn't want to talk to her, I just didn't know what to talk about, I mean, I didn't want to make more of an ass of myself than I already have. I barely got her to agree to this date and I didn't want to ruin it by saying something stupid or offensive.

We pulled up to the front of the restaurant and were escorted in, the host greeted us with a cheesy smile, "Welcome to _Chez Moi_ Mr. Cullen. We have everything ready as you requested."

"Thank you." He led us back to the private section of the restaurant, it was lit with black and maroon candles, and a crystal chandelier hung over directly over our centered table. The host sat us down and handed us our menus.

Bella looked around her, eyes wide. "Wow… this is fancy. It's really nice Edward."

I silently agreed with a smile, "So, uhm, how have you been?" I hoped she wouldn't laugh at my lame ass question.

"I've been good I guess, everything seems so…" She trailed off not thinking of a word to complete her thought.

"Hectic? Confusing?" The words came out on their own.

She looked up from her menu and smiled slightly, "Yeah, exactly." Our eyes locked for a moment and her cheeks grew red, "I can't understand any of this, I took Spanish in high school." She laughed and put her menu down, "You can order for me, I'll eat anything, except wasabi, I can't handle anymore of that."

We both laughed, "Trust me, I'm completely with you on that one. Is chicken okay with you?"

"Perfect." As if on queue, our waiter came by and got our orders.

"So how did you get into music?" I took a sip of my wine, she took one of her coke.

She pondered, thinking of how to word the question. "Well, when I was little I was diagnosed with asthma so I could never do sports or anything too strenuous, so when I turned five I spent a few months here in New York with my Grandpa Richard and he started teaching me how to play piano, I was musically gifted I supposed and picked it up easily, I started composing by the time I was twelve and then I started the guitar, which I learned by myself." She beamed proudly.

"Wow, that's impressive. I can only play the piano amateurly, I've become a bit rusty over the past few years." She smiled understandingly, "But, where did you learn to sing like that? I mean, you're amazing."

She blushed to a cherry red. "Uhm, I'm not sure. When I was younger, I would sing myself to sleep every night, to uhm, block _things _out. And I guess I never stopped singing." She tiptoed around the subject, keeping up her walls of secrecy that I wanted to break down.

I nodded back in return, our food returned at that very moment. I ordered us both the same thing. It was some chicken dish that I get every time I come here. She snorted loudly, did I do something wrong? "What?"

"Are they serious, this chicken is the size of my fist, no its actually smaller." She had a point…

"I've never really noticed before. But you're actually right. I guess there's a first time for everything." My hand flew up to my mouth before I knew what I was saying. Foot in mouth moment much? "Shit, Bella. I'm sorry. I, God, I didn't mean it, I swear. Word vomit." I hit myself in the head with my fist. Fuck me.

She didn't say anything. She just sat there and ate her midget chicken slowly. Silence, as we both ate. Silence, as we got the check and got into the car.

I seriously fucking blew it. things were going amazingly well, but I had to go and say something stupid _and_ offensive. "Bella, I really am sorry, fuck, I don't know how many times I can say it. this type of thing is new to me I guess, I'm used to being able to say whatever I want and no one getting upset about it."

"That's not a good habit to have." She looked over at me as we pulled up to her building, "Shit." She let her head fall against the window.

I saw what she saw. Paps, everywhere. They rushed up to my Volvo, instantly recognizing it. I pulled away, some hopped on their mopeds and sped after us. One of them wiped out after taking a turn too fast bells started laughing hysterically.

"What a fucking douche." She snorted and her face instantly became beat red.

"I like your laugh, it's cute, and quirky." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

She sat upright in her seat and smiled, "Take a right up here." I followed her directions and they led me to a McDonald's.

"Uhm, what exactly are we doing here? We just ate dinner." Duh, Edward. Fucking dumbass.

"No shit, but that was more of an appetizer than an actual dinner, for me anyways. Now for those of us who have a lighter, more sliming, ladylike appetite, that could possibly be considered a meal." She snickered and got out of the car practically skipping to the door.

When we reached the cashier she quickly ordered without looking at the menu. "I'll take a Big Mac with extra ketchup and pickles, hold the lettuce, add a large side of fries and a side of ranch. Edward, do you want anything?"

The cashier, who was thankfully male, looked at me expectantly, recognition struck him and he winked and blew a kiss at me, Bella chuckled quietly. I reached my foot up and kicked her in the butt. I leaned in closely, "Bella, I've never actually been here before."

Her eyes grew wide in shock, "Never!" I shook my head, embarrassed, "That's a fucking crime!" She turned back to my admirer. "He'll take a Big Mac as well." She handed him a ten-dollar bill.

"Bella, no let me pay." I grabbed her hand, I felt a sudden shock and dropped it quickly.

"No, Edward, I've got more money than I want, I have to get rid of it somehow." She laughed with an edge, and subtly shook her hand.

We got our food and headed back to my car to avoid the stares of the other customers. "Bella, just so you know, this is a big deal for me. I never eat in my car. Ever."

"Well there's a first time for everything." She mocked my earlier insult.

We got in and she passed out the food. "I'm not gonna lie, this looks like shit."

She stuck her tongue out and took a huge bite of her sandwich. "Mmm, greasy, delicious, fattening. My favorite." She smiled widely and watched in anticipation as I took a bite of mine.

It was surprisingly not awful. Actually it was really good. I gave her a thumbs up and she smiled approvingly, she took out her ranch sauce, "What's that for?"

She raised her eyebrows, "God, please tell me you've had fries dipped in ranch." I said nothing. "You've been deprived!" She took out a fry covered in ranch and shoved it in my mouth.

"Bella, you have great taste in food."

"I know. What can I say, I was raised on the best food around. Mickey D's, Wendy's, BK, and the master of all fast foods, Taco Bell."

"Cheap, fast, Mexican food. Sounds yummy." I silently gagged.

"You have a lot to learn kid."

We finished off our meal and we left the parking lot. "Uhm, do you think you're apartment is clear yet?"

She scoffed, "Last time they were there for seven hours straight, definitely not."

"Do you want to just come back to my place, just until your apartment is clear. We could watch a movie or something. If you want to of course."

"Sure why not?" She shrugged her shoulders as I turned around to head to my building.

I turned up the music and it played lightly in the background, I reached out quickly to turn the song. She shot her handout to stop mine.

"No stop, I love this song." Her cheeks tinted with pink.

"You like Debussy?"

"My grandpa used to play it all the time, told me that it stimulated brain activity and that I would thank him for it later." She laughed at the memory and I pulled up to the valet station.

"Well, here we are." I said as I opened the door to my apartment.

"It's uhm, cozy?"

"Yeah, I know. Its like a space station." I laughed and she joined in too. "So, what movie? I have just about every single movie ever made."

She walked over to my collection and she stoop studying all of them, she picked out a few of them. "You own 'The Little Mermaid'?"

"Hey, I had a weird obsession with King Triton. I dressed up as him for Halloween for three years straight, not to mention my soft spot for red heads when I was little."

"Do you still have a soft spot for them now?"

I thought about it, "No, I prefer brunettes." I winked as she turned back to my DVD's. she picked one and put it into my DVD player.

She came back and sat awkwardly down on the couch. A foot away. I felt like I was in seventh grade again. I leaned over, "I won't bite. I promise."

She rolled her eyes and scooted closer to me. I placed my arm around her shoulders as 'The Little Rascals' began to play. Nice choice, Bella.

She shifted uncomfortably, she tugged on her dress. She kicked off her heels and huffed, "You okay, Bells?"

"Yeah, fucking Alice and her uncomfortable clothes." She arched her back giving me a nice view of her chest.

"Here I can help with that. I'll be right back." I got up quickly, leaving the warmth of her body.

I ran into my room and stripped putting on an old t-shirt and pair of sweats. I picked out a pair of my smaller sweats and a t-shirt from my younger days and headed back out to the theatre room. "Here these should fit. The bathroom's right around the corner."

"Thanks." I listened to the soft pad of her bare feet as she walked away. I settled back onto the couch and watched Alfalfa hit on Darla.

Bella came out looking… scared? Yeah, that was the right word. "See a ghost?"

"Your toilet talked to me…"

"Oh yeah, I hate that thing, every time you get up it reminds you to flush, scared the piss out of me the first time too." We both laughed lightly.

Bella plopped down on the couch beside. Hello, little Eddie. Screw Megan Fox and Tanya Denali. Bella in my sweats was the sexiest thing I have ever laid eyes on.

I shifted myself to accommodate my situation. Bella eyed me curiously, "Does Alfalfa give you a hard-on Eddo? Didn't know you played for the other team." She patted my leg.

"No, this is all because of you, babe."

We watched the movie in relative silence, except for the occasional joke or funny comment.

But finally it finished and we turned it back to the TV, one of the gossip channels was on and a picture of Bella and me filled the screen, I quickly turned it off.

She let out a sigh. "I hate this."

"What exactly?"

"I hate being talked about 24/7 when I'm not even famous. Why does everyone care who I hang out with. It's none of their damn business!"

"At least you're being rumored to be dating me."

"How does that make it any better?" That stung, "No offense, but seriously. I just wish I could disappear."

"Bella, you should be happy that everyone thinks I'm dating you." She jumped off the couch and ran to the door. Stopping before she opened it.

"This is exactly why I would never date you!"

"And why is that?" I threw up my hands in the air.

"Because you're a cocky son of a bitch who can pretend to be so sweet and caring one minute and the next he's acting like God's gift to Earth! It's tiring Edward, you can't be both people!"

"Don't be a fucking hypocrite Bella! You're the one who runs hot and cold with me every other day." I let out my anger, "One day you're dropping suggestive comments and rubbing your hot, little hands all over me and then the next all you can do is insult me!"

"You're so full of shit Edward!" She shoved me away as hard as she could. God, she was so fucking hot when she was angry. I grabbed her shoulders roughly, but not roughly enough to hurt her, and pushed her against the wall.

She slapped me across the face, but that didn't stop me. I grasped her lips in mine and she released my arms and ran her little fingers through my hair. God, if only she knew how amazing that felt. She fisted them and yanked, hard. My hands went to her hips and shoved them onto my growing erection.

I groaned loudly as our tongues clashed together, she tasted like honey and smelled like fresh strawberries. Heaven. She grabbed at my shirt ripping and tugging at it. I wasted no time and discarded it throwing it in our wake to my bedroom. Her legs were wrapped around my waist as we hit the big bed together.

She pulled off her shirt revealing a black, lacy bra. So fucking sexy. Our tongues kept moving in sync, electrical currents flowing through my veins, making my heart beat erratically.

My mouth worked diligently on her neck, biting, licking and sucking on her pressure points earning loud moans, "God, Edward!"

I knew that line, that was the panty dropper. My hands went to the elastic band of her pants. She caught her breath and stopped me. "Not tonight." She kissed me lightly on my swollen lips.

That wasn't a 'never', it was pretty much a 'later'. I could accept that on the first date. I agreed, "Not tonight." She put her shirt back on and straightened out her hair.

"Uhm, I better go, can you call a cab?" I scoffed.

"Bella, it's past midnight, you can just sleep here. Don't worry I'll sleep on the couch."

"Are you sure, I'd probably be more comfortable out there." She got out of the bed, but I restrained her.

"Bella, you're absurd, I would let you have a guest room but seeing as they're not ready, you can just sleep here." I kissed her forehead, "No buts, goodnight Bella." I hugged her tightly before retreating for the night.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Last night… no words. It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damn close.

I pulled up to Bella's building, she turned to look at me, biting her lip. "Uhm, do you wanna come up? I was thinking about making breakfast."

Bella and breakfast? "Yeah, I'd like that."

We headed up to her apartment, Bella ignored all the dirty looks she was getting from the female employees, she didn't even yell at the one who muttered 'slut' under her breath. She just walked into her apartment with a huge smile on her face.

She walked straight into the kitchen and began pulling out supplies as well as bacon, eggs, sausages, and biscuits. Just as she was spraying the pan the doorbell rang.

I got up from my seat, "I'll get it Bells."

I raced to the door. I opened it up, it was a man with brown curly hair, gray overtaking and streaking the sides, along with a matching mustache stood beside a woman with honey colored hair and golden brown eyes that were adorned with wrinkles. The man's dark brown eyes were cold and hard.

"Edward, who is it?" Bella came up behind me, she dropped the pan she was holding, the metal colliding with the wood floors with a clatter, "Mom, dad? What the hell are you doing here?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Wow, okay so that took me long enough right, well it was my birthday on the 10th of September and I got my license, so I haven't been at home as much.**

**Volleyball should be over in a few weeks giving me a TON of more time, so just a little more patience is all I ask of you.**

**This chapter probably wouldn't have gotten posted without the help of the amazing Joss17! She also picked out Bella's outfit which is on my homepage devynx3 . webs . Com .**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! They all were amazing and they helped me get through this chapter.**

**This was the longest chapter I have EVER written, I really hope you enjoyed it. it was hard to write in hour spurts whenever I got the time.**

**Even though I've been terrible and took forever to update a **REVIEW** would be very much appreciated. I'm going to try and write tomorrow some after my volleyball game.**

**To keep tabs on my you can check out my twitter, link on my profile.**

**Again thanks sooo much for you're patience and keeping your hate mail to yourself.**

**I love you all, and please review (:**

**You're very apologetic author,**

**-Devyn**


	13. Imperfection

**You hate me, trust me I feel the same way about myself, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and kept me going, this chapter wasn't easy for me to write at all, I actually cried for a good twenty minutes, hopefully you'll see why.**

**On a better note, volleyball is over so that means I have a life and can write! Whoot whooot! Please, please, please forgive me for being so awful.**

**Oh and thanks to Joss and Avital!!!!!! You guys are the shiiit !**

**BPOV**

No, this can't be happening. They can't be here in New York, standing in the doorway of my new apartment staring at thee Edward Cullen in his pajamas. But there they were; Charlie and Renée were here. God, I wish I was dreaming.

I blinked my eyes rapidly and gulped as Edward kept staring back and forth between us. My eyes automatically shifted to my feet, examining my gross chipped toenails against the clean marble flooring. I was completely frozen waiting for an instruction or an insult to come flying my way, but it was just an awkward silence.

Renée's sharp, annoying voice broke it. "Well, aren't you going to invite us in? I thought by now you'd at least learn some manners you-"

Charlie cut her off with a jab in the side. "Renée, remember what we talked about in the car?" She shook her head.

I still couldn't speak, the memories were paralyzing me. Edward reached over and squeezed my hands. His velvety voice spoke, "Please, Mr. and Mrs. Swan, come in."

They silently thanked him as the stepped inside. Charlie looked at me sternly and said, "Bella, go get me a beer."

"Uhm, I don't have beer in the house, sir." I kept my eyes down just like I used to when I was a kid, too frightened to meet his ice-cold stare and disapproving body language.

"I see you're still good for nothing. A water will do I guess." I turned around and walked quietly to the kitchen pulling Edward behind me.

He looked at me incredulously. "You're going to let him talk to you like that!? Bella, stand up for yourself!" He fisted his hands and began to walk back to the foyer. "Better yet, I'll take care of it."

I grabbed his arm, and looked down at my feet again. "Edward, you don't understand."

"Bella, what is there to understand? Your own father is treating you like a useless piece of shit servant girl! Where's the outspoken, fun, foul mouthed Bella that I know?" He came closer to me and trapped me against the counter. "What did they do to you?"

I pushed him away softly as the tears formed in my eyes. I wanted to tell him my whole life story but I couldn't. "Edward, please just go." He began to protest and I raised my voice. "Go!"

He turned without another word and slammed the door on his way out. I've never seen him so upset and angry before. I hated hurting him like that. I hated the look on his face, and most of all I fucking hated my parents.

I filled a glass to the top with water and ice and brought out a glass of iced tea for Renée, my so called 'mother'. That was a laughable title to grant her.

They were seated on my leather couch, staring at the fabric. I gave them their drinks and sat down on the loveseat opposite them. Renée sat politely beside Charlie with a scowl on her face. "So, banging the movie star? Never thought you had it in you, Isabella. How much is he paying you?"

I gulped. "I'm not sleeping with him ma'am. He's just a friend."

"Bella, stop pretending that you're not a slut and that you are as easy as a free prostitute. I just don't know what that boy sees in you. Is he blind, stupid, or desperate? Probably all three if you ask me." The tears started bubbling over. I cursed myself for being such a pansy. "Awe, poor fucking baby. You're crying. You're pathetic Bella. A fucking wretched bitch," she mocked and laughed. She was going to continue but Charlie whispered something in her ear.

I wanted to say something about her being the fucking slut and not being able to keep her legs closed. Also, about not being faithful to her husband eighteen fucking years ago, and not being able to be a normal mother or a genuine, nice, caring person. She's the fucking pathetic bitch. I bit my tongue as my body started shaking.

"Girls, let's not fight. We're together now and we came to make peace, Bella, not to fight. That's the last thing we want." Charlie took a long sip and his eyes tried to meet mine, but I refused to look at him. I kept my eyes trained down, head bent forward, my hands in my lap, and my back straight. They couldn't criticize me for shit.

"Then what do you want?" My voice was low and calm.

"Let's not discuss this here. We just came by to say hi and check out your new fancy expensive apartment. My dad always liked you the best now didn't he." He scoffed. "We'd like you to meet us for lunch at some little café down the street from here. At three sharp. Don't be late, sweetie. You know how low my patience is." He patted me on the head as he escorted Renée out of the door. But before he made it out he put a small cardboard box on the counter. "Oops, almost forgot this." Then they were gone.

As soon as the door shut behind them I pulled my knees up to my chest and started bawling. Sobs were ripping through my chest and my insides felt like they were bleeding. My head ached and I just wanted to scream, throw something. Fucking break anything to rid me of this pain compressed in my chest. I didn't even want to look in that box. I just wanted them to disappear for forever.

I dragged myself to my shower and turned the heat on high. I couldn't feel much. I was in shock and I was scared shitless. After I left Phoenix I had never planned on seeing them ever again and they made it exponentially clear that the feeling was mutual.

I scrubbed my body until it was about to bleed and stepped out. I had two hours to get ready, two hours to mentally prepare myself of having to sit through a lunch with the two people who made my life a living hell for sixteen years. Two years wasn't even close to enough time, let alone two hours.

I walked into my room clad in my terrycloth towel and sat down on my bed. I riffled through my drawers until I found my cell phone. Holy fucking shit.

Thirty-six missed calls, forty-two texts, and three voices mails. And, every single one of them from Jake starting from four P.M. yesterday. I didn't bother going through them and just pressed number one on my speed dial.

After a half a rig he picked up. "Bella! Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick! Listen, your parents are going to New York."

"I know." I was calm and my voice was monotone.

"What do you mean you know?" he sounded shocked.

"They just stopped by, dropped off a box and they said they wanna meet for lunch to discuss something." I attempted to sound like I didn't care, and it wasn't working.

He calmed down a bit. "Are you sure you can handle that Bella?"

"No," I answered honestly. "Wait, how did you know they were coming?"

"As soon as I arrived at LA I called Billy and he told me they had left that morning for the airport. I tried calling and texting you but you never picked up."

"I was busy, but I have to go get ready for the lunch." I avoided the subject of what I was busy with, or more like whom I was busy with.

"Please, don't let them push you around or make you feel like shit. Remember just ignore them, they're assholes and they don't deserve to have anything to do with you."

"I know Jake, but I'm different now. I'm stronger."

"I know Bells, call me afterwards and tell me how it went."

"I will, bye love ya."

"Yeah, love you too. Bye."

I hung up the phone and erased the texts and voice mails that littered it and started drying my hair. It only took forty-five minutes and then I went to my closet to find something to wear.

"Get yourself together. You have to convince them that you're doing well for yourself," I mumbled to myself.

After searching for what felt like forever, I was beyond tempted to call Alice. But I was desperate, not suicidal. But finally, I found a pair of dark skinny jeans, a yellow plaid shirt, and a pair of yellow Chucks. I searched a little bit further into my closet and found a designer yellow purse. God, Alice would be so fucking proud of me.

I got dressed and stared in the mirror as I put my hair in a chic, high ponytail. I left my side bangs down along with a few pieces of hair to frame my face. I curled the hair in the ponytail as best I could. I applied minimal waterproof makeup knowing that the lunch would end in tears.

I can do this, I reassured myself over and over again, hoping it would work as I walked out the door.

I took deep breaths as I walked to the only café within four blocks of my apartment. It's a little organic place that had amazing rolls. I checked my watch and saw it was 2:50. I spotted my parents sitting at one of the outside tables. An empty chair sat directly between them. I collected myself as I sat down.

I didn't say anything as I stared at the menu that I practically had memorized. I always got the French Onion soup with a chicken and ranch salad with a roll and butter.

I could feel their beady little eyes staring through me. My breathing quickened and my leg started jumping, telltale signs of my nervousness.

After an hour of agonizing silence, the waiter brought out our food. I took a bite of my salad, which was smothered in ranch dressing.

My father's deep voice shocked me with the kindness. "Well, Bella, I think I speak for both your mother and I when I say that we are very sorry for the past and everything that has happened between us. I- we never meant to hurt you. Right Renée?"

My mother looked pained as she spoke, her voice filled with disguist and reluctance, not to mention a shit load of sarcasm, bitch. "Yes, Bella, I am so deeply sorry." I snorted internally.

That's it, I'm done. Just fucking tired of them thinking they can push me around!

I scoffed, out loud this time. "And when did you realize this? Why did it take you so fucking long to see how horribly you treated me?"

"Watch how you talk to me young lady." His body went rigid, and I slunk back into my chair.

At the sound of his voice I made a relapse back into my former, weak teenaged self. "Sorry, sir." Snap out of it Bella! Stand up for yourself.

"God! I can't just sit here. I'll just tell you the truth. Bella, look the reason we came to talk to you and kiss your annoying ass is because your father got fired and we need money. We're broke." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I honestly believed that they wanted another chance to be in my life, a chance to make up for my childhood. For a second I believed that they actually cared.

My father spoke up, "Renée! I thought we were going to ease into this subject. God dammit! Good for nothing bitch!"

She valiantly ignored the insults being thrown at her by Charlie and kept her attention focused completely on me. "And, since you just got a big fancy inheritance we decided to come up here and ask for about a hundred thousand or two. Doesn't that sound reasonable after all we've done for you, you selfish bitch?" My mother screamed, attracting unwanted attention.

"And that my _dear parents_ is what I like to call karma. I won't give you money, and no, it's not because I'm selfish. It's because you don't deserve it! You did nothing for me and I want nothing to do with you. After I moved here I became a whole different person; I'm stronger, I'm happier, I'm so much better off. I don't need or even want your apologies, your pity, or your excuses either. I just don't- no I just can't care anymore." I wanted to just go off, get rid of all my pent up hatred for both of them by screaming at them and telling them what awful people they truly were, but I knew I was just wasting my breath on two people who sure as hell didn't deserve it.

"Isabella!" My father stood up out of his seat but I stopped him from speaking. I wasn't close to being done yet.

"But, you know what? I'm not going to sit here and insult you and degrade you like you did to me, not only because I'm a better person than both of you, but you're just not worth it to me anymore. Let me tell you something, I used to lie in bed at night thinking of what I would say to you when I got the chance. I thought of nasty, awful things that were just built up inside of me over time. Just leave me the hell alone and don't ever come back here. Forget about me and ignore my existence, it seemed easy enough for you for the last eighteen years." I kept my voice surprisingly calm, but full of venom and bitterness. I slammed down a hundred dollar bill to pay for the meal and walked away.

I walked confidently back to my apartment not bothering to look back to see their shocked faces. I felt like a brand new person. However cliché it may sound, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It was incredible.

I practically skipped into my apartment building with a smile on my face, proud that no tears were shed during the whole confrontation. I waved to the manager who was a complete tool, smiled at a random bellboy and greeted a maid with a, "How do you do?" complete with a curtsey.

I greeted Benny and Roxy at the door and headed straight for my room. I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse and plopped myself down on my bed and dialed Jake's number.

He picked up after a half of a ring. "Bella! Oh god, are you okay?"

"Yep!" I popped the 'p'.

"Oh shit! What did they give you?" He sounded frantic.

"Jake, they didn't drug me up, I promise." I laughed hysterically after he let out a sigh of relief.

"Then why in the hell do you sound so happy? Shouldn't you be crying in your room listening to emo music or some shit?"

Glad he thought so highly of my ability to be happy. "Jake, I don't know how to explain it. I went out to lunch with them and right off the bat they told me that they're broke and asked me for some money, well, a lot of fucking money to be honest. And, I said no. Then I went on and told them how I felt." I continued to recite the scene for Jake trying to repeat every word exactly as it came out.

"Damn, Bells. I don't think I've ever been so proud of you in my entire fucking life. You've got balls babe." He chuckled. "Wait, what was in the box?"

"Uhm, the box?" I asked not knowing to what he was referring to.

"You told me that when they asked you out to lunch that they brought a box with them and left it for you."

Shit, I'd almost forgotten. "Oh, yeah. Let me go check." With the phone attached to my ear I went out to the kitchen where that small cardboard box sat proudly. I walked over to it and sat on the barstool.

It said 'Bella (:' in Brennan's chicken scratch handwriting. "Bella you still there?"

"Jake, I've got to go." I clicked it shut and set it aside.

I took a deep breath and ripped the tape from the seams of the box. As soon as it was opened I was hit with the smell of bleach, cleanliness, and disinfectant. The smells of the hospital he was in for almost a year. I tried with all my might to keep back the tears that were threatening to fall.

I picked up the first item in the box. It was a dark green sweatshirt two sizes too big for me. I remember this sweatshirt. It was the softest thing I'd ever felt. It was worn but not too worn. I'd always try and steal it from Brennan, but it was his favorite and he'd always catch me at the last minute. I begged and begged for that thing, but he would never give in, even to his precious baby sister who he did everything for.

I took a deep breath and was hit with the smell of my big brother; desert and outdoors with a hint of laundry detergent. I took off the shirt I was wearing and put on the sweatshirt. The tears were flowing freely down my cheeks. My vision was becoming blurry.

I kept digging through the box and found pictures filled the inside. There were pictures of him and me during one of our many car rides through the city. His baldhead shone like a disco ball in the bright Arizona sun. Some of the pictures were of family events, but he cut our parents hastily out of the pictures. I flipped one of them around and on the back, scribbled in black ink, it said, "Family Forever, Me and Bells Christmas 2000". He secretly hated my parents as much as I had.

I wiped away what felt like a million tears while I looked through the rest of the pictures, some of them had a memory written on the back and a few held hilarious captions or quotes from those days. I finally reached the bottom of the box and found an envelope. I immediately reached for it and ripped it open, careful not to open the letter inside.

It read it and couldn't keep myself from crying. My body shook with each sentence, another tear for each word I read.

_Dear Baby sister, a.k.a. Bells,_

_I hope that if you're reading this, you're somewhere far away from Phoenix, far away from our awful ass parents and succeeding on your own. But, hopefully not as a stripper or a prostitute, haha. But I'm writing this to say that I'm sorry, sorry that I couldn't be there with you. I really tried to hang on for you, honestly I did, but it was stronger than I was._

_When I'm gone, please Bella, do not give up. Don't let them kill your spirit, don't let them break you down into nothing. You're the strongest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You're an amazing person. I wish I could be as great as you, and no I'm not just kissing your ass Bells._

_I wish that Charlie and Renée would've treated me like that instead of you. I never fully understood it. I tried to rebel against them in hopes of reversing our lives but I could never do anything wrong in their eyes, and it sucked badly Bella. Our parents are truly dickheads who don't deserve a child like you._

_At this very moment you're laying in bed beside me, and you've decided to read me 'Wuthering Heights' because you said no one should go on living without reading the classics. But a few pages into it you fell asleep. I can't blame you though; sitting in my hospital room waiting for a cure isn't the most thrilling thing to be doing when you SHOULD be out having a life. But hey, I can't hold it against you I am a pretty cool guy, huh? ;) Mom and dad are bickering about different treatment options, and I'm sitting here writing a letter to you, obviously, because I don't want there to be anything left unsaid when I'm not with you anymore._

_In a fucked up way, I'm glad you weren't a match for me. I mean, it's not that I want to die; it's just that I don't think I could stand watching you go through all those painful procedures just to save my life. I mean, I do watch the discovery channel and bone marrow transplants- definitely not a walk in the park. I couldn't just watch you go through all that suffering and have you be sick too! What kind of big brother would I be?_

_I know that when I die from this mother fucking disease that you'll blame yourself, because that's just the type of person you are. You're selfless and our parents have told you time and time again that my dying is your fault because you couldn't give me bone marrow, but it's not your fault in any way, shape, or form. Don't be so hard on yourself baby sis, it's not your problem that you couldn't be a miracle worker and save me. Things were just meant to be Bella. And I'm fine with that, I mean there must be some warped, messed up purpose that I'm dying and there's nothing we can really do except wait._

_But, do one thing for me, leave! Get out and away from this life, you're meant to be something so much bigger than this. I've heard you sing and play guitar and piano and I've never heard anything like it in my life. And don't be fucking modest, you are amazing and somewhere deep, deep inside of you, you know it too. Just be yourself and you'll make it to the moon. No one can stop you from succeeding, especially dickhead and bitch-ass (dad and mom). I believe in you, but that doesn't even matter because as long as you believe in yourself you will be unstoppable and never ever doubt it._

_I know that our parents criticize you for being different than most teenagers. You're not perfect, but you aren't the only one. So what? There's nothing wrong with having pale skin and being clumsy, at all, it makes you real. Your imperfections make you perfect. They make you who you are and please don't change or conform to what they want you to be. Always embrace yourself, and remember that you're beautiful inside and out. Hopefully you'll realize it soon enough. God knows that I've to beat away half of the football team from you. Don't be mad, I was just fulfilling the role of a big brother._

_Well the new meds are making me tired so I'll wrap this up before I write a novel. You're my inspiration, my muse, if you will. You helped me live even when I wanted to die, you kept me going. Just know that you're the one who helped me hold on for this long, you and no one else, I swear. I love you more than I love anyone else in the entire world, way more than I love myself. You are my best friend. I will always be with you, no matter where you are. Just remember, I'm never far away and I will never leave you. I'll see you in heaven, little sister._

_With all my heart, I love you,_

_Brennan_

'_Bub'_

_p.s. I'll be watching, so be a good girl Bells!_

I folded the letter back up and put it in the box. I'd run out of tears, my cheeks were red and puffy and I couldn't see straight. I'd never cried so hard in my life other than the funeral. Brennan never ceased to amaze me. He even reached me when he was no longer with me. I've never missed someone so much in my entire life.

I couldn't disappoint him. I am going to try so much harder to get on with my life and make him proud of whom I've become.

I wiped away the stray tears, picked up my pencil and song notebook and started writing down lyrics. I'd never felt as confident as I had right now, which is an odd feeling after reading that letter. But he'd made me realize that I could do it. I could be myself, imperfections and all, and not care. I felt content with myself as I wrote the lyrics that seemed to flow right out of me.

By eight o'clock that night I had finished an entire song. And I was damn proud of it. I picked up my phone and dialed Rose's number. "Hello?"

"Hey Rose, it's me, Bella. I was wondering if you needed a performer for tonight?" I crossed my fingers.

"Yeah, you. Seriously we've been getting tons of compliments on you. Just stop by whenever you'd like. But I have to go rescue Em, he's trying to do Wii Yoga."

"Bye Rose, love you."

"Love you too Bella."

I went back to my bathroom and let my hair flow down my back as nature intended it to do. I wiped off the make-up from today and just added a sheer layer of lip gloss and a thin coat of mascara.

I put on a pair of typical black skinny jeans, a charcoal gray 'Kings Of Leon' shirt with a dark gray button vest on. I added a pair of gray chucks, grabbed my guitar and lyric book. Before I left I made sure my puppies had the necessary amount of food and water and headed out the door.

I walked the few blocks to Rem. When I got behind the bar, I texted Edward and told him to stop by and check out my performance. I could see us becoming great friends, for the lack of a better word. I just hoped he wasn't mad at me for kicking him out this morning. I'm sure he understood or at least I hope he did.

I served a few drinks when Rosalie came up and started helping with the many customers. She eyed me curiously. "Someone is in a good mood tonight. Have anything to do with a God-like movie star perhaps?"

I laughed. "Oddly no, well he did help but, it's a long story. I'll fill you in later." She gave me the look that meant, tell me now or I'll shave your head and pluck out your eyebrows. "Okay so I'll tell you now." So, I dove into the entire story, including lunch and the letter.

She was speechless by the end of it. "Bella, I had no idea they were even in New York."

"Trust me neither did I until this morning. Don't worry about it." I gave her a hug and grabbed my guitar. "Well I've got a song to perform, wish me luck."

Just as I settled myself on stage, I saw Edward come in accompanied by Alice and Jasper. He met my eyes and gave me a curious look silently asking if I was alright. I smiled brilliantly at him. I positioned the mic in front of me. "Hey everyone, this is a new song I wrote, well, actually a few hours ago when I realized that it's okay to be who you are and to have imperfections. So, uh, here it goes." A few people in the crowd let out hoots and encouraging comments as I began to strum.

"_My hair's a wreck_

_Mascara runs_

_My feet get dirty_

_And my skin burns in the sun._

_My lips they bleed_

_But I still sing my songs._

_Takes me a minute_

_To admit it when I'm wrong._

_Pretty is as pretty does,_

_But pretty's not my thing._

_This is what you get._

_This is who I am._

_Take me now or leave me_

_Any way you can._

_Sometimes I trip and fall_

_But I know where I stand._

_And if you're thinking about changing my direction,_

_Don't mess with imperfection._

_My back is weak,_

_But my will is true._

_Got good intentions_

_But I never follow through._

_I say too much,_

_And don't know when to leave._

_In case you're looking,_

_That's my heart there on my sleeve._

_Ego trips and stupid slip ups,_

_I'm a mess but_

_This is what you get._

_This is who I am._

_Take me now or leave me_

_Any way you can._

_Sometimes I trip and fall_

_But I know where I stand._

_And if you're thinking about changing my direction,_

_Don't mess with imperfection._

_Scratched and bruised,_

_A little used,_

_But baby I work fine._

_You might call me_

_Damaged goods,_

_But I'm one of a kind._

_My hair's a wreck,_

_No I'm not perfect_

_But I'm not the only one._

_This is what you get._

_This is who I am._

_Take me now or leave me_

_Any way you can._

_Sometimes I trip and fall_

_But I know where I stand._

_And if you're thinking about changing my direction,_

_Don't mess with imperfection._

_This is who I am._

_After if you're thinking about changing my direction,_

_Don't mess with imperfection."_

And the moment I finished playing that song, I could've sworn I heard Brennan's voice whispering in my ear, "That's my Bella."

_**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**_

**The song was Imperfection by Saving Jane ! (:**

**Okay so pretty much one of the first times I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger, my way of apologizing to you for being horrible. **

**OH! And just to clarify things YES BRENNAN DID DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT! Everything will be explained in either chapter 14 or 15.**

**Thank you so much for being patient with me, I'm sure it wasn't easy what so ever! **

**I hate myself for doing that to you guys, but writing has been hard for me lately, I was in a huge funk. **

**But thanks again for staying with me!**

**Reviews would be very much appreciated, and feel free to ask me anything you wish !**

**Xoxo**

**Devyn.**


	14. I Can't Stay Away

**Hey everyone! Thanks to the five of you who reviewed, it means a lot that even though it took me forever you still appreciated my chapter enough to read and review it. And thank you to everyone else who read it as well.**

**I know you're all amazed that I got a chapter up in less than a week! I started writing this on Wed. but it took me a few days to finish it obviously.**

**Anyways, thanks to Joss, who deserves an award for being effing amazing! And to Avital who's always there for me when I need help!**

**Okay, onto the chapter!**

**BPOV**

A whole week had passed since my parents had come, a week had gone by since I'd read Brennan's letter, and seven entire nights without a single nightmare. Life was fucking great.

Not to mention the fact that Edward and I had spent four of those seven days together hanging out in my apartment, watching movies, and eating take-out like we've known each other our whole entire lives.

I rolled over in my bed, avoiding the invading morning light that threatened my lovely day in bed. I was finally just getting comfortable and started to drift back to sleep when I was licked over and over again. Why in the fucking hell did I decide to get puppies?

"Goddammit! Roxanne! Bennett! Get off of my bed this instant!" I grumbled as I took cover under my warm blanket. They continued to play around and nibble whatever they could get a hold of. "I hate my life!" I groaned with and exasperated sigh. I jumped out of my bed and walked numbly out into the kitchen to feed the evil sleep-ruiners. I poured some food into their bowls and started to head back to my room.

But of course, since God apparently hates me, the doorbell rang. I went to the door getting ready to start yelling at the person behind it. Just as I was about to dramatically scream, "Who dare disturbs my sleep!?" like an evil queen, Rosalie shuffled into my apartment with tears streaming down her face.

I immediately pulled her into my open arms and her body shook silently with the sobs she was desperately trying to hold back. I instantly thought something had happened with Emmett, but her first words were, "The cancer… *hiccup* my dad." Then it clicked. Rose's dad had been in remission for four and a half years.

"Rose, what happened? Take your time, we can talk about it when you're ready, babe." I patted down her blonde hair and attempted to smooth it out from its tangled disarray. She took a few deep breaths and finally calmed down. This reminded me of the many times she had to calm me down.

"My mom had called me a few weeks ago," -she paused to take a moment-, "And told me that he hadn't been feeling well. He went to the doctor a few days ago and he found out that its back, but only this time it's five times worse. He only has a month to live," she stuttered out the last words before strangled sobs ripped her body.

"Rose, everything will be okay. Just have hope." I didn't know what else I could, or rather should say. I had never been good at emotions.

"I'm leaving. Em and I are heading back to Colorado," she said after she had finally collected herself.

"But, what about the bar? You can't just close it down for a few weeks. Business is taking off," I said quickly getting up to make her a cup of tea. Hopefully, that would calm her down a little bit.

She thanked me before taking a sip of it. "That's why I came here. I wanted to give you this." She handed me a bronze key. "I'm begging you Bella, will you watch the bar for us while we're gone? Only a few weeks."

I shook my head looking warily into her face. "I wouldn't know what to do, I mean, what if I mess everything up?" I took the key and stared at it sitting in the palm of my hand. There was so much responsibility for such a small object.

"You won't. I told Alice that you'd be in charge and she immediately volunteered to help out, and I think she'll be dragging Jasper along for the ride as well. Plus, you're the only person who knows the club inside and out. And you're a hard ass so you can enforce the law." She forced a small chuckle and a smile.

"Alright, I suppose." I joked as I squeezed her shoulders. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I hope so. Listen I've got to go, I've kept Emmett waiting, we're catching the next flight out," she said setting down her cup and standing up.

I got up with her and walked her to the door. I embraced her in a tight hug. "Have a safe trip and tell Papa Hale to get better quickly! We're still due for another Scrabble tournament."

"Will do, Bells. Love you." She smiled timidly. "And thank you, for everything."

"My pleasure. Love you too." I shut the door softly as I padded back to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, since I wasn't going to get anymore sleep this morning.

Benny and Roxy lay on top of my bare feet, keeping them nice and warm. I dropped a few pebbles onto the ground and watched as they happily licked them up. I would eventually have the fattest dogs on planet earth as I watched them devour the Fruity Pebbles.

My phone, which was conveniently lying on the table beside me, started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and it read Edward. I automatically smiled and I flipped it open. "Good morning, Mr. Cullen."

"Same goes for you Miss Swan," he said.

I slurped up another spoonful of cereal before responding. "And what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice in the morning to?" I joked.

He thought for a moment. "Waffle House and a marathon of 'Full House'."

"I'll be there in five," I quickly responded. I heard him laugh as I hung up.

I went into my room and threw on a pair on 'Pink' sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I brushed through my hair and threw it into a ponytail. As I put my un-potty trained puppies into their cages, I grabbed my phone and messenger bag and headed out the door.

After hailing a cab and paying the crazy expensive fee, I entered Edward's apartment building and hauled ass to the elevator so that no one could recognize me. I got a few strange looks but hey, that's what happens when you stumble over everything in sight.

I knocked on his door and it immediately opened. Standing there with a tight black shirt and an old pair of gray sweatpants was Edward Cullen. I still couldn't get over the fact of how incredibly unfair it was that he was beyond perfect. With his perfect, white teeth, chiseled body, a mess of gorgeous bronze hair, and, oh God, that jaw. Totally and completely orgasmic. He made every other man on earth look like a pile of shit.

He snapped in front of my face. "Hello Bella?"

I tried to hide my red face. "Sorry, I zoned out."

"Come on in." He chuckled.

I walked into his perfect apartment, amazed at its extreme cleanliness. I mean, a guy should not have an apartment as clean as his, it's just not natural. "So when does the marathon start. I love me some John Stamos."

"That's the kind of guy you like? A Greek guy? Guys with perfect hair? A musician, maybe?"

"I'm open to all different kinds actually." I winked as I sat down on his couch.

"Hmm, I'll keep that in mind." He took the boxes of waffles and a container of syrup, "Nope not there. That TV is broken, and the only other one in the house would be in my room."

"We're gonna be in your room?" Oh God, Edward in a bed with me. My heart started pounding faster and faster.

"Well yeah, as long as that's okay with you." I nodded shyly. "Okay good." He smiled widely.

He led me back to his enormous room. He popped down onto his bed and patted a spot beside him, signaling for me to sit down next to me. We started to eat our waffles when the marathon started.

"Man, I fucking love this show, there's nothing better." I chuckled as Kimmy started doing something completely ridiculous.

"I know. I wish I had someone that crazy in my life." He set his empty plate on the bedside table and collected mine as well.

He propped his head up with a pillow and I gradually slid down beside him. He reached down and grabbed a fleece blanket from the end of the bed and threw it over us both.

"I'm sure someone out of your large amount of friends is insane." I chuckled but he just sat there silently.

"Actually, to be honest, I don't have a lot of friends. I mean, of course I have a few, but none that I talk to regularly. Well no one beside Al and Jazz. And none of those other friends are genuine. I don't trust people very easily." I bit my lip, and thought, _Shit! I made him feel bad._

He started playing with a piece of my hair and an innocent finger started sliding down my face and ended up tracing my bottom lip, which trembled at his touch. "Did this hurt?" he asked, his finger grazing my lip ring.

"No." I managed to choke out. His eyes were glued to my lips and my body froze as he moved closer. _Just a few more inches! Just fucking kiss me Cullen! _He was a centimeter away from my lips and I had stopped breathing.

Then, inevitably, there was a knock on his door. We both jumped at the loud intrusive sound, breaking up our moment. _Dammit to hell! _Of course something like this would only happen to me, I thought gloomily.

He looked embarrassed at first as he held up one finger. "Hold on a sec, Bells," he said and jumped quickly out of bed.

As soon as he was out of the room I tried to collected myself. I took in a few deep breaths and tried to slow my heart down or else I'd suffer from a fucking heart attack. Leave it to Edward Cullen to get me all hot and bothered and not even kiss me. Fuck my life.

He came back in not a moment later looking as unsure of what to do which I'm sure mirrored my expression. He sat back down beside me and timidly put his arm around my shoulders. It felt nice having him casually touch me like that, almost like I gained something out of it, it was like electricity. "Sorry, grocery delivery." Of course, something that stupid would interrupt a moment like that.

I snuggled closely into his side, inhaling his addictive scent. "Is there a reason that you don't trust people?" I asked curiously as I thought back over our small conversation.

He sighed. "Yes."

"I'm not gonna make you tell, just know that you can trust me." I put my small hand over his and squeezed.

"I know that." He stopped for a moment in deep thought. "I guess I kind of want to tell you though."

"I'm all ears." He sat up and I did the same and waited patiently as he formulated the entire story in his head.

"Not many people know that I was adopted. My biological parents were drug addicts and I was taken from them at the age of four and placed into a foster home. But a few months later the Cullens came into my life. I couldn't have asked for a better set of parents or a better sister, for that matter." He looked directly into my eyes, his hand rubbing my arm like I was the one who needed comforting. "After I tell you this, please don't think of me as a bad person, okay?"

"Of course, Edward," I said and gave him a small smile and encouraged him to continue.

"Well, at the age of five I started acting, and I fucking loved it. At first it was only a few small commercials or tiny parts that required a line or two, but then when I was eight I scored my first big movie. I was so excited. I loved acting just because it was fun for me. I genuinely liked it because of what I was doing, and not because of what I received. But as I got older and more the more famous I became, I discovered the party scene. By the time I was, I think, uh about fourteen, I could booze it up with the best of them. I had discovered the hidden perks of being rich and famous. Free invites into clubs and bars, celebrity parties and backstage passes. There was tons of alcohol and drugs and all of it free and available to me. It was insane. No one cared how old I was, all they just cared about was my celebrity status. The press had a field day with this shit. They followed me everywhere just waiting for me to completely lose it. When I turned sixteen I almost died from alcohol poisoning after a long night partying at this new club. I had hit rock bottom at only sixteen." I could hear he sounded slightly disgusted with himself. He seemed ashamed of what he had done.

"I remember hearing about that on the news and pretty much every single gossip magazine." He ran a hand through his hair and he almost looked… embarrassed.

"Yeah, it was big news." He laughed humorlessly. "Well, after that my parents had had enough. Not only had I gotten alcohol poisoning but the blood tests the hospital had run came up with the drugs that I had used. They were completely pissed. My manager couldn't find me any more jobs because I was unreliable and too much of a risk to the production. So basically, I was sixteen and my career and life was over. So Esme and Carlisle gave me two choices. One, I could go into rehab. Or two, I could go back to high school. I chose high school, because from what I heard, rehab sucked complete ass."

"So that's where you were for an entire year when the media couldn't find you and thought you had dropped off the face of the earth?"

**EPOV**

I listened to her question and laughed gravely. "I guess that'd be a good way of describing it. I moved to Forks, Washington. The wettest place in the U.S., it's where Carlisle and Esme grew up, and they thought sending me there to live with my grandparents under the radar was what was best for me. That it would set me on the right track. Help me live a normal life." I shuddered at the thought of that town. "I attended the high school there for my entire junior year, which was odd for me because I'd never had real schooling before, only tutors."

"But wouldn't the students recognize you? I mean you're _Edward Cullen_ for god sake." Her cheeks tinted pink as she avoided eye contact with me, embarrassed by her comment.

"Well, I had my way of getting around those things. I dyed my hair dark brown, which was not a good look for me, and I wore brown contacts. I would dress up like a total dork with glasses, high pants, and video game t-shirts. The works, it was actually kind of fun being someone else for an entire year. It felt like another acting job, but only with no script and no cameras. I didn't care what everyone thought of me and I just faded into the background, something I was definitely not used to. But if someone saw a resemblance I would just say that I was Edward Cullen's distant cousin, and that I had never met him. So they lost interest and left me alone."

Bella twisted around and sat up and faced me, her gorgeous brown eyes looking puzzled. "I still don't have any idea how this all caused a trust issue." I chuckled at her impatience.

"It all started with Victoria."

_Flashback:_

_My first day of high school, was not something any normal teenager looked forward to, and that's what I was here, a normal fucking teenager._

_I ran a hand through my new brown hair and grabbed my brand new backpack. I got out of my used Honda Civic and headed up to the front doors of Forks High School. __Who names a town after a fucking eating utensil__,__ I thought to myself bitterly._

_People were starting to look in my direction, guess that's what happens when you're a brand new student in a school of two hundred kids. I was used to the staring and the whispers, so I ignored them expertly, walking past them to go retrieve my schedule from the office._

_The lady behind the desk smiled at me cheerfully. "Can I help you dear?"_

"_I'm Ed… Anthony Masen, I'm new here," I said, using my brand new name. __I had to get used to using it or else I could blow my cover._

_She handed me my schedule. "Here you are… say, you look mighty familiar."_

"_That's odd," I said as I ran out of the office and __headed to__ my first period._

_I walked into the classroom and there she was, long curly, red hair, bright green eyes, __and an __amazing body. I sat down in the seat next to her confidently._

_End flashback._

"Her name was Victoria Evers and her dad owned the struggling used car lot in Forks. She was a bit of a rebel, always stood up for what she believed in, cussed like a sailor, very outspoken, and sometimes rude. But, she had me wrapped around her little finger. After a few weeks we had begun to hang out occasionally and she told me about her goals in life and I told her whatever came to mind, I mean, I had to lie to her about everything. A month went by and we started dating. I spent every waking minute with her, but my grandparents didn't approve and they made that known, but my parents said as long as she was keeping me out of trouble and sober then she was okay." I swallowed, trying to think of the next best place to start from. "I thought I loved her but really I was just infatuated with her. After eight or nine months of dating I was planning our entire life together. I was going to quit acting, get a real job, and get a nice modest house in the country with a white picket fence, the whole nine yards. But…"

"You were lying to her about who you really are." Bella realized quickly. "This is just like a soap opera." She put her head on my chest and her fingers were tracing patterns lightly on my stomach. I wish she could know how amazing that really felt.

I laughed lightly. "Story of my life, huh? But yeah, you're right. I was lying to her about everything, so I decided to tell her. I set up a romantic candle lit dinner, because she would inevitably be upset with me, and I wanted to soften her up a bit beforehand. So I just sat her down at the table with a candle in between us but she could tell something was wrong with me."

_Flashback:_

_I sat there at the dining room table, practically shaking with nerves a__s__ million different scenarios and outcomes of what I was about to tell her __flashed through my mind__. __She's going to hate me,__ I said to myself._

"_Baby, what's wrong with you tonight? You're acting all weird and nervy." She could read me like an open book._

_I tried to calm myself down and think positive thoughts. "Vicky, I have something to tell you, it's kind of important." Her eyes lit up with excitement and anticipation. "I…" __I began but stopped shortly, unsure of how to proceed. __Man up, Cullen __and grow a fucking pair.__"I've been lying to you Vic."_

_Her jaw set in its place, mouth clamped tightly shut, trying to keep from releasing all her anger. It cracked up a bit __as__ her words came out cautiously. "About what exactly?"_

_Soon all of the words just came out in a rush. __"Everything. I'm so sorry! I had to do it though, my parents sent me here so I could be normal and get my priorities straight. __And so I could__ get sober and to stop taking my life for granted. I'm so sorry, baby, I love you, please don't be mad." I wanted to get down on my knees and beg her for forgiveness._

"_Anthony, what the fuck are you talking about" She got up out of her seat __clearly losing patients with me._

"_My name's not Anthony Masen, its Edward Cullen." Then she did what I was definitely not expecting her to do. __She fucking laughed._

"_Good one babe, now let's eat." __She sat back down and picked up her fork. _

_I pulled out some pictures of me as my true self and handed them all to her. I pulled out my brown contacts and let them fall to the floor. She looked back and forth from the pictures. "Do you believe me now?" She nodded in disbelief. "Please, don't be mad. I didn't have a choice and I've wanted to tell you for so long, baby."_

"_I'm not mad Ant… Edward. I understand." She sounded nonchalant, but something in her eyes told me that she was pissed, beyond pissed. But I pretended not to notice. Ignorance is bliss, right? "So tell me all about your Hollywood, I wanna know everything."_

_So I did. I told her all the juicy gossip, the closeted secrets, who __is__ really dating whom, and what couples are fake. I told her everything, including the stuff about my real parents, who no one else knew about. I __had__ trusted Victoria with it all._

_End flashback._

Bella was sitting in suspense as I told her all about the dinner and Victoria. I drew in a long breath to finish out the pathetic story of my life. "She promised me she wouldn't tell a soul. The next week photographers were swarming my grandparent's house and when I went to school everyone stared and the girls who had previously ignored my existence were all over me. They begged me for dates, and even a few people came up and asked for autographs. That Friday I went home after school and my parents and manager were there demanding to speak to Victoria. Then I saw it. The magazine, on the front cover was a picture of my fake self and Victoria smiling happily, the title said, 'Edward Cullen's New Secret Life'. Underneath it said, the tell-all with his new girlfriend. She told them everything I told her, all of my secrets, my dreams, my plan to quit acting, all of it. The best part of it was that she got paid two hundred thousand dollars to do it, and fifty thousand more for the pictures. That night I packed my bags and went back to LA. I haven't spoken to her since."

"What a bitch!" Bella cried. I laughed at her reaction. Bella was cute when she was pissed. "I should find her and rip her throat out, how could she do that to you? She loved you! You loved her! Why didn't you stay and say something to her, tell the fire crotch off? I mean, you just left?"

"I was crushed and confused, part of me didn't want to believe that she would do something that awful to me but I just couldn't face her again. She had broken me and she showed me that no matter how much you think you trust someone you just can't." I sighed at the ugly truth of it.

"You shouldn't let one person dictate the way you feel about trust. I know it's hard but, you'll trust someone eventually." She kissed me on the cheek. "What do you think about taking a nap? I only got like four hours of sleep last night."

"Sounds good to me Bells." We got underneath the duvet and I used my remote control to shut out the light in the room.

I heard her mumble. "I need to get myself one of those handy remotes." I kissed her forehead. "Night, Edward."

"Goodnight Bella." She cuddled up to my side and fell quickly asleep. I stayed awake long enough to hear her mumbling my name in her sleep. Soon I lost consciousness with a fucking huge smirk on my face.

**BPOV**

By the time I woke up Edward was still completely zonked out. He was snoring lightly, his chin rested by the top of my head and one of his arms was slung over top of my stomach. I reached down as quietly as possible, trying not to wake him as I grabbed my phone. I had one new text from Jake.

_Bellllss ! What's up?_

_-Jake_

I responded quickly,

_If I tell you promise not to kill me?_

_-Bella_

A few minutes later,

Promise.

_-J_

I typed cautiously as if he was going to jump out of the phone and tackle me.

_I'm at Edward's apartment._

_Ad no, I didn't sleep with him. We're just friends._

_-B_

I sighed and closed my eyes waiting for a reply, about ten minutes later my phone vibrated,

_ISABELLA!_

_You know how I feel about him! He's no good for you, you need to stay away from him._

_Please trust me on this one._

_-Jake (your pissed off BFF)_

I typed furiously.

_How would you know what's best for me? You haven't been around in two years._

_I'm a big girl now Jacob, you need to stop worrying._

_-'Isabella'_

I turned off my phone and threw it back into my bag. I dug into my old bag and supplied myself with my lyric book and my favorite gel-pen.

I thought back to everything Edward had told me this afternoon, I couldn't believe he had confided in me like that. He wasn't the heartbreaker everyone had made him out to be,he just couldn't trust a girl long enough to be in a serious relationship. It made sense to me now.

I took one look at Edward's sleeping face and started writing. This was going to be a good one, I could just feel it.

* * *

I picked up my ringing phone. "Hello?"

"Hey! What are your plans for tonight?" My face became unnaturally stretched with my huge smile as I heard Edward's voice on the other line.

"Well, I'm working at _Rem_ actually, why?"

"Uh, never mind then. I'll see you later Bella. Bye," He said and immediately hung up.

Well, that was odd.

I threw on my black and white zebra print cut-off that revealed my stomach. I grabbed a pair of dark skinny jeans and some black heels that weren't too dangerous for my health. I checked my make-up and my freshly straightened hair in the mirror. _Good enough, _I thought to myself and shrugged.

I grabbed my keys and left. I walked into the empty bar and put all my stuff behind the bar. I turned on the music and danced around as I started taking down the chairs off of the table and swept the floor. Alice had come in about halfway through my routine and started helping about and about twenty minutes later we were joined by Jazz and one of the new bouncers. It only took us an hour to finish getting everything ready. Thank God, I'm not completely alone tonight.

When a few of the house band members had arrived I have them the music from the song I had written earlier. They looked it over and agreed to do it tonight.

People started filing in and I tried to act normally, pretending that Rose and Em were here. I filled drink order after drink order, trying to keep up with the demands. But people were lining up and even with Alice and Jasper combined we still couldn't keep up without the aura of authority that surround Rosalie constantly or Emmett's natural charm and amazing bartending skills. I ended up tripping in my heels and spilling a whole round of shots all over some unsuspecting frat boy, who took off his shirt, revealing an over-muscled body, he saw me just barely glancing at me and winked, then continued to hump the air.

"Need some help?" A cool, minty breath traveled down my spine as Edward's voice filled my ears. I turned around quickly and hugged him tightly, making my body feel all tingly. He was wearing a black shaggy wig and blue contacts.

"Yes! Thank you!" I filled up a large glass with beer and handed it to a guy in a red shirt who was starting to get super impatient with me. He winked and slid his number to me. Before I could grab it and throw it away, Edward's hand shot out and picked it up, ripping it into a million pieces. "Jealous much, Eddo?"

"You wish. That guy had Chlamydia written all over him, I was merely protecting you, darling." He winked and handed a margarita to a young girl.

I laughed and went back to work. After a while things started to slow down and I decided to take advantage of it. I grabbed my electric guitar and headed up towards the stage.

People started cheering as I plugged my guitar into the amp. I positioned the microphone in front of me. "Hey guys, thanks for coming out tonight. The song I'm going to perform I wrote today. It's dedicated to someone I'm starting to really get to know and trust." I winked in Edward's direction and he granted me with a smile.

The drums started first then I began with my guitar, after a few bars I started singing.

_"This is wrong  
I should be gone  
Yet here we lay  
'Cause I can't stay away"_

I thought about the words as I sang them. I hated how since the moment I saw him I knew I should avoid him because everyone knows he could cause major heartbreak, but I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to him like there was some sort of magnetic pull towards him, it wasn't quite fair. Not that I minded at all.

_"Roses bloom  
In your dirty room  
I come to play  
'Cause I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away-ay_

_I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away_

_I was numb  
For you I come  
Night and day  
And I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away_

_I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away_

_I wish I could  
Leave and never return  
Baby, I know I should  
But for you I'd burn_

_Stay away  
'Cause I can't stay away-ay_

_I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away_

_I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away"_

I ended the song loudly and listened to the applause fill the room. I thanked the crowd over and over again and hopped off the stage.

I headed straight for the crowded bar, but a tall, beautiful girl around my age interrupted me. She was dressed in skinny jeans and a leather jacket. Underneath she wore a 'Rolling Stones' t-shirt. She had dark skin, hair and eyes that twinkled, clearly of Spanish descent. The words that came out of her mouth rendered me speechless. "Hi, I'm Joseline Diaz, and I'm here to make you famous."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Okayyyy ! SO there is chapter 14, and clearly it all focused on Edward's past, hopefully you liked it and now succesfully hate Victoria.**

**Next chapter will be intense, hopefully you'll like it, I have a page of it done actully. **

**So hopefully your **reviews** will encourage me to write *hint hint*.**

**But please leave me a review and let me know how this chapter was.**

**---Devynnnn !**


	15. I Like It Rough

**Hey everyone! Thank you sooo much for all the reviews, they were amazing!**

**The song from last chapter was I Can't Stay Away by The Veronicas. They are amazing by the way.**

**Onto the chapter, remember this story was rated M for a reason!**

* * *

**BPOV**

I looked at the girl in utter amusement and leaned forward and sniffed her. "Okay, so you don't smell like any recognizable drugs. So, how much have you had to drink tonight?"

It took her a moment before she got it. "I'm sober! I'm serious; you have an abundance of talent. If you let me be your manager, I could make you famous in less than a month."

I rolled my eyes. "Me, famous? Yeah…" I glanced up at the crowded bar. "Look, the bar is packed tonight, if you really want to talk to me about this ludicrous fantasy you have built up in your mind, I'll meet you tomorrow at the coffee house down the street from here, say, eleven o'clock."

Her smile was blinding and triumphant. "I'll see you there!" She walked away, her converse squeaking as she went.

I shook my head in amazement and surprise as I headed back up to the bar where Edward, Alice and Jasper were serving drinks like mad. Most of the girls were being served by Edward because, honestly, even with his ridiculous disguise he was still completely sexy; something which was fucking unfair. The guys were flocked around Alice, but every so often you would see Jasper come up behind her and they would back up and leave a huge tip. Clearly they didn't want their balls to be ripped off by her over protective boyfriend.

After about two in the morning things started slowing down, thank God for that. I was extremely tired and wanted nothing more than to crash on my bed. Tommy was escorting a few trashed partiers into cabs, making sure no one drove home drunk. I went around to the deserted tables and picked up the glasses and wiped up the spilled liquor. Alice and Jasper were cuddling in one of the nearby booths, and behind the bar was Edward. I watched silently as he put everything back into its place, making sure everything was almost as perfect as he was.

I took the dirty dishes into the back room and put them in the dishwasher. I heard the door open and close loudly, scaring the living shit out of me. I spun around quickly. "God! Edward, are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack?"

We both sat down on the old, battered couch. He ignored my question. "Can't stay away from me, eh?"

I felt my cheeks start to burn. "Shut up, it was just a song." Lie.

"Now, you and I both know that that wasn't just a song. You meant it. And, I'm glad." He draped his arm around my shoulders pulling me in so that my face lay against his chest. It felt nice, real nice.

"Glad about what?" I asked.

"I'm glad that I'm not the only one." He kissed me on top of the head. He checked his watch. "Shit, sorry Bells, I wish I could hang out longer but Chris is off duty soon, so I've gotta go."

I nodded my head understandingly as we both got up and walked to the bar door. "Well, bye Edward, thanks for coming today."

"I actually had a lot of fun being normal." He ran a hand through his wig causing it to fall to the ground, we both laughed quietly, "Oh, I forgot about that." He waved and started to walk away. "You did great tonight."

I muttered thanks as I watched him walk to his car with his hands shoved into the front of his pockets.

* * *

"Okay, just so you know I personally, think you are insane for wanting to be my manager," I said bitterly as I sat down across from Joseline, the crazy woman who thought she could make me famous.

She laughed. "Well, aren't you just a shining ray of sunshine." I liked this girl already.

"Look, I'm just being realistic. I'm just not the type of girl who's cut out for fame." I took a sip of my extremely hot latte.

"That may be true, but you are the type of girl who's cut out to make amazing music." she said dropping the cookie she was eating. "I've been watching you perform over the past few weeks, and each time I get more and more into your music. Your music is real, powerful and there's a purpose for it. It's refreshing, and people are addicted to it. You should've seen the line outside the club before you went on, it was insane."

Oh, she's good. "So let me get this straight, you want to be my manager?"

"Yes! If you'd give me the chance then I could get you a record deal in less then a month." She beamed with pride.

"And what if you can't?" The odds of me getting signed were slim to none, if I was being honest with myself.

"I can. There's no such thing as 'can't' when it comes to me." Hmm, confidence, I like it.

"If you're so great, who are your other clients?" I saw her eyes got bigger.

"Well, technically you'd be my first."

"How old are you?" I took in her appearance, dark brown eyes, matching short-cropped hair, flawless skin, black skinny jeans with a gray and black plaid shirt. She had style, that was for sure.

"I'm twenty three. But, I've been trained by the best."

"And who exactly would that be?" I stared at her with hard eyes, she matched my glare. She wasn't afraid to back down and that meant she wouldn't take any sort of bullshit from anyone.

"My father, he owns the management company I worked for, Diaz Talent Agency."

Okay to tell you the truth, I didn't really care whether or not she was the best manager available, or that she was gonna make me famous. "Let me ask you something."

"Okay, shoot." Her nerves were beginning to seep through her hard visage.

"Do you have any tattoos?" She held up her wrist revealing three hibiscus flowers then she pulled down the top of her shirt showing me a shoulder holding black and white hibiscus flowers and behind her ear she had a butterfly tattoo. Okay, so I was impressed. "Any piercings?"

"Just this." She tucked her dark hair behind her ear, exposing an industrial bar.

"Hmm, how far would you be willing to go to be my manager."

"I'm up for anything," she replied, leaning forward as to accept the challenge.

* * *

"Holy shit! That fucking hurt like hell!" she said as she gripped her nose.

I laughed as we walked out of the tattoo shop. "You didn't have to do it you know."

"Yeah I know, but I am now officially your manager. And, now I have a newly pierced nose," she said, tapping her left nostril and cringing.

"Looks good Joss," I complimented as I handed her the signed contract. "Here you are."

She looked at the papers as if it were baby Jesus. "Thank you so much!" She hugged me tightly. "You aren't gonna regret this, I promise."

"I hope not. Well this is me. I'll talk to you soon." I gave her a hopeful smile as I waved and entered my building.

As soon as I walked into my apartment I was greeted by the sounds of Benny and Roxy fighting over a toy. I picked up Roxy and rubbed her belly. "Your getting' big Rox, what have you been eating?" So, now I'm the dog whisperer, lovely. "I need to get a life." I muttered to myself as I put her down.

I thought back to the small argument I had with Jake. Even though he meant well and was trying to protect me, he still doesn't have the right to control who I hang out with. It's not like I was fucking Edward. Our relationship was completely and totally platonic. Well, aside from me wanting to do dirty things to him every time I see him and him being all romantic and shit, we were totally 'just friends'.

Just as I finished that thought and groaned I vibrated, well, my phone vibrated, anyways, the caller ID said it was Jake. I quickly picked it up.

We both yelled out "Sorry!" We laughed at ourselves and he continued talking. "Bells, I'm really sorry, it's just that you're so special to me and I've seen how fast he goes through girls and how much he hurts them. I just can't watch you be one of them, and I wouldn't be able to watch you be treated like that."

"I know that too, and he's a lot different around me, but that's besides the point. We are just friends right now. He's important to me, so could you just be supportive? Please?"

He huffed. "Fine! But I swear to God! If he makes you shed just one tear I'll rip him apart and burn the pieces all while smiling."

"Whatever you say Jakie." I silently thanked God that our fight was over. "So what's going on in LA?"

"Well, I'm officially stuck here for about a month. My manager booked me a small California tour and then a couple of shows in Florida. After that, I'm going back to New York and finishing my album. Then we can see each other everyday! It'll be just like back in the day."

"Good times," I chuckled. "I can't wait for you to get back. I miss my best friend."

"Yeah, I miss my best friend too." He sounded strained as he said those last few words.

"You okay Jake?"

He sighed. "Yeah, I'm great. I gotta go, I'll talk to you later Bella."

"Alright, love ya Jake." He didn't say anything further, he just groaned and clicked the phone shut.

I looked at the screen, feeling rejected in a way, _What was wrong with him? Did I do something?_ _Boys_, I thought rolling my eyes. I didn't even want to try to decipher their actions it could take decades.

While I was in my own little world thinking about what the fuck is wrong with Jake, my phone vibrated. Edward's name popped up above 'New Text Message'.

_I'm bored._

I smirked.

_I can keep you company, my house?_

He didn't reply, leaving my pride hurt for the second time today. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went out onto the balcony. I took a deep breath of the chilly air and looked down at the street. There were cameras going off, _What the fuck?_ I saw a silver Volvo pull up to my building. My face was suddenly splitting in two as a giant smile spread across my face. I ran to my room and sprayed myself with some perfume and I brushed through my hair.

_I'm acting like such a girl, what has gotten into me?_

A knock on my door alerted me that he was here. I waited a few seconds and, trying to look casual, opened the door. He smiled, blinding me with his damn perfect teeth, leaving me dazzled. "Hey Bella."

"Hey." There was a slight edge to my voice. He seemed to noticed and smirked. Ass. He followed me into the living room where my dogs attacked him. "Bennett! Roxanne! Leave him alone!" I grabbed both of their thrashing, hyper bodies and put them into their cages until they calmed down. "Sorry, Edward."

He laughed. "Its fine. I've never had pets before. Where'd you get the names from?"

"Well, I'm sure you've seen the movie 'Roxanne'. All I did was shortened it to Roxy."

He nodded. "It's a classic."

"And, I got Bennett from the book 'Pride and Prejudice'. But I added a 't', it looks cooler," I said and began to laugh.

"Yeah, that's totally understandable." He joked. We went to go sit down on the couch.

"So, I've got some news." He nodded and urged me on. "I got a talent manager thing today." He laughed at my choice of words.

"That's great Bella! Honestly!" He said and squeezed my hand.

"Yeah, I guess so." I shrugged.

"You look stressed." Was it that obvious?

"I am, I mean I'm in charge of the bar for the time being. I have a manager who has a hole through her nose because of me, and my best friend is acting all weird!" I left out that part about me wanting to bang the movie star who's sitting right beside me, which seemed like a little too much. I didn't want to scare him away.

"I know how to fix this." He ran over to the wall and dimmed the lights, he lit one of the decorative candles sitting on the table beside us, then he sat back down beside me and motioned for me to turn around. I complied. You didn't need to tell me twice.

His large hands roamed my back, landing on my shoulders he gently started rubbing my muscles, putting pressure on all the right spots. He rubbed up and down the length of my spine sending shivers throughout my entire body. It should be illegal for a massage to feel this good.

He rubbed up my sides, lightly tracing the sides of my breasts. He lingered there for a while longer than he should have, not that I minded. I arched my back and was barely able to suppress a moan. I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he whispered quietly, "You have no idea what you're doing to me, Bella." I gulped, loudly. I doubt he had any idea what he did to me.

I tilted my head to the side, giving him access. As soon as his lips met the skin of my neck I was done for. His tongue shot out, making me moan as he sucked and lightly bit my neck. I knew there would be a mark there, but I didn't give a shit. Let him mark me, make me his. His hand traveled up my thigh stopping right before my center, the other was tangled in my hair. He growled as he littered my neck with kisses. I stood up, pulling him up with me. Our lips collided roughly and I immediately opened my mouth giving him access. As our tongues fought for dominance his hands journeyed down my back landing on my ass, he squeezed hard making me moan.

"Bedroom," I barely huffed out. He wasted no time. I wrapped my legs firmly around his waist, his hard-on pressing against my jean-covered core. My lips attacked his neck and began kissing and sucking. I wanted to mark him as mine, but that might be dangerous. I sucked at his ear earning me some unrecognizable grunts. He gripped my waist harder as my teeth grazed his ear lobe.

My back hit my soft mattress and we broke apart so I could peel off my shirt, sending it to the floor. I grabbed at his tugging it over his head impatiently. I gaped at his body, tanned and perfectly muscled. I ran my tiny hands over his stomach. _Could this man be anymore perfect? _I thought to myself. Everything about this man drove me crazy.

A fire built up at the pit of my stomach. I gripped his shoulders and pushed him back so I was on top. I let my mouth wander over his chest, taking my good, sweet time on his abs, appreciating his body. I kissed his chest, sticking out my tongue and lightly teasing him. "God… Bella!" I smiled at the effect I had on him, I ate that shit up.

I kissed his chest heading towards his mouth. I kissed his swollen lips tenderly as I wrapped my hands up into his hair pulling roughly and he bit my bottom lip in response causing me to groan. He tasted like mint and honey. I eagerly drank it in like an addict, which was what I was quickly becoming. I was addicted to him, I needed him.

He grumbled something that sounded like, "My turn." He flipped me over, taking me by complete surprise. He tugged at my jeans and I unbuttoned them for him. He tugged them off as I pulled unclasped my bra, leaving me completely bare in front of him, besides a pair of thin underwear. I pulled at his pants and helped him pull them off. I could feel my eyes widen at the sight of him bulging in his boxers. _Of course he's fucking huge._

His hips dropped onto mine pressing his erection into my heat and I jerked up making him moan. Our mouths went back to work on each other. His hand cupped my breast, flicking my nipple with his thumb while his mouth went to work on the other, making me crazy. His hot wet tongue causing feelings I've never felt before.

I could tell he didn't want to push his limits with me, so I took control. I disentangled my hand from his bronze locks and reached inside of his boxers. His mouth left mine as soon as he realized what I was doing. "Don't."

"I want to." He nodded and I placed my hand around his base. Sliding up and down his length slowly, I flicked my thumb over the top, feeling the wetness that was already starting to form there. I pumped my hand faster and faster. "Bella… mmm, God!" I applied pressure, making his hips buck against my hand. "So close. Don't…stop." I kept going as he buried his face in my hair, moaning out in pleasure as he climaxed.

I took my hand out of his boxers, he pressed our sweaty bodies together, we both were panting. He kissed me chastely on the lips. I barely noticed his fingertips trailing down my stomach causing me to shiver. He stopped right at my belly button and looked up at me warily. I nodded, telling him to continue.

He scooted down, one hand still kneading my left breast. My body was writhing under his touch. He peppered my stomach with kisses; his tongue swirled around my belly button, tugging on the ring there. I was burning with pure desire. I needed him.

I couldn't take the suspense, "Now! Please!"

He complied eagerly, shedding me of my panties. He ran two fingers don't my center. "Bella, you're so fucking wet."

I whimpered as he pinched my clit, my hips rocked up. I moaned as he placed one finger inside of me, adding a second moments later. I bit my bottom lip, hard, as I tried to hold back my moans of pleasure. His thumb worked my clit as he continued to pump in and out. I groaned. "Shit! So… good." As I was getting closer and closer my hips started gyrating. I screamed out as I hit my orgasm. He pulled out his fingers and licked them clean. Holy…fuck.

"You taste so good Bella." He kissed my throbbing, swollen lips. "Where's the bathroom?" He nuzzled my neck as I pointed to the door beside my closet.

He came back out with a wet towel and cleaned me up, like a true gentleman. He got into bed beside me. I whispered, "That was better than sex." He laughed and pulled me against his chest.

Kissing the top of my head he said, "Sleep my Bella."

I feel asleep with the biggest shit-eating grin on my face.

* * *

I woke up with my naked body pressed firmly against Edward's. I couldn't help but smile. I mean, can you blame me? I mean, Edward Cullen just gave me the best fucking orgasm of my life, with his fingers. Just imagine what he can do with his dick.

I sighed, wishing we could do it all over again, and I'm guessing he wouldn't have a problem with that. I must have sighed a little too loudly. "Good morning… er, I mean, good evening beautiful."

I laughed and realized that it was nine o'clock at night. My stomach started to rumble. "Pizza?"

"God, you're perfect." He laughed. He helped me out of bed. I went to my dresser and pulled on a pair of boy-short underwear, "Wear this." Edward handed me his emerald green t-shirt. I gladly pulled it over my head breathing in his indescribably amazing scent. He put on his jeans and pulled out his fancy phone and ordered our pizza.

We sat down on my couch and I cuddled into his side as I flipped the TV on. And, of course, ET was on, reporting on Edward and Tanya's relationship. I immediately turned it off. I looked up at him. "Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you date her? She's so horrible." I scoffed in disgust at the thought of Fake Booby Barbie.

"I'm not technically dating her but, I have to pretend like I am." He looked pained at the subject.

"There are tons of co-stars who don't pretend to date."

He mulled over the thoughts in his head. "Well, this is different, at the time I started the 'Viper' movies, I wasn't interested in having a relationship lasting for more 24-hours. So, Tanya somehow managed to get my manager, Aro, to write up a contract saying that I had to be romantically linked to Tanya in the press' eyes, I, being a dumbass, signed it."

"What happens if you find a girlfriend?" I said trying not to sound suggestive.

"Well, if the press figures out that I have a girlfriend then it would be a contract breach and I'd be fired from 'Viper' and I could be sued." The doorbell rang and Edward got up and grabbed the pizza and two bottled waters.

He handed me a water. "Thanks." I took a bite of pizza. "So you can't have a girlfriend?"

"Well, I could, but she'd have to be a secret," he said winking.

I just nodded, finishing off my piece of pizza. We sat in silence, kind of just thinking over this situation. Was it worth risking his job just for me to be with him? Could I handle being a secret? Was this man worth it?

Yes.

He leaned down, looking at me with his gorgeous jade eyes. "Will you tell me why you were emancipated?"

My heart started racing and I immediately answered, "No." I hated refusing him this.

He looked hurt. "Why not?"

I looked down at my bare feet, shaking my head. "I just can't, I'm sorry."

"Yes you can!" Anger flashed in his eyes.

"Edward, I…" I trailed off.

He got up from the couch, fists clenched. "Ya know what? Maybe you're the one with the trust issue! I told you everything, why can't you do the same?"

That was a low blow. "Edward! How can you even say that? It's not that I don't trust you! It's just that it's…" I searched for my head trying to find the right words. "Hard. I mean extremely hard and painful to talk about."

He looked like he understood. "I know… I uh, know about the accident," he stuttered.

I looked at him, wide-eyed. "What accident?" I asked him cautiously.

He sat down. "The accident that killed your brother. I'm so sorry Bella."

"Who told you!?" I was absolutely livid.

"No one."

"Bullshit!" I couldn't even look at him. "Just leave please."

He leaned in towards me and I flinched back. "I said leave!"

He did.

As soon as he left I started silently sobbing. I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at myself. So what? He knew about the accident, he was bound to find out sometime. But why couldn't I tell him about my life? He told me about his so easily, why couldn't I do the same?

Why should I care if he knew how broken I was? I knew, in my heart, that he wouldn't care and he would still like me for who I was. None of it would affect his opinion of me. Why is it so hard for me to open up? Why can't I show myself completely to him?

Then it clicked.

I just won't let myself be vulnerable. I'm always putting up this fake, tough, exterior to keep myself from being hurt. I'm so used to being closed off to everyone around me that I just won't let myself be put out there. I can't let myself be that vulnerable again. I won't let myself be hurt that way again. And, that meant hurting Edward. I hated myself for being weak. My weakness could cost me the best thing that had ever happened to me, it could cost me Edward.

I wiped away my tears, grabbing my guitar and notepad. I started to do what I always do when I can't handle my emotions and reality, I write about it. Like a fucking coward.

Finishing up the song, I was disgusted with myself, I couldn't face reality. I couldn't fix my own problems. I just vent to a piece of paper, pluck some strings, and pound on the ivory keys. Why couldn't I just be bold and put myself out there be exposed for once in my life? Why couldn't I just tell Edward, I'm broken and this is who I am! I wished I could just open up, revealing everything about myself. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and free myself of the fear that has been holding me back from living my life. That has been holding me back from letting people inside.

In a surge of bravery I grabbed my guitar and got dressed and ran out of the door and into the pouring rain. I tried to hail a cab but it was taking way too long. _Fuck it._ I started sprinting down the street towards Edward's apartment building.

A few spills and bruises later, I walked through the fancy lobby, completely drenched and pathetic looking. I swallowed my pride, and made my way to the elevator shivering cold. I kept thinking about how I was going to even start my pitiful life story. But, I had to do it.

Gulping, I stepped out of the elevator and walked up to Edward's door. I paused before I knocked. _Grow a pair Isabella! Knock on the damn door already! _My heart was thumping loudly and erratically in my chest, so hard it almost hurt. I was afraid I'd die from cardiac arrest.

I ran my free hand through my sopping wet hair. I knocked timidly on the door. No answer. I knocked louder a few times, still no answer. I knocked once more, after a minute I started to walk away but the door swung open, revealing a half naked, extremely tired looking Edward.

"Bella!" He grabbed me and hugged me tightly, kissing me over and over, "You're freezing! Come inside."

I hadn't realized how cold I truly was. He peeled of my wet clothes and brought out some dry sweats and helped me put them on quickly, "Th… thanks." He rubbed my arms.

"Why are you here? Not that I mind." He moved a stray hair out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear.

"I want to-to…tell you." I snuggled into him, placing my forehead in the nook between his should and neck. I kissed his neck softly.

"Tell me what, babe?" He wrapped his arms around me.

"Everything."

* * *

**Okay, so a bit of a cliffhanger :/ don't hate (: And that's my first attempt ever at anything remotely lemony, so sorrry if it sucked hahah.**

**I owe a HUGE ASS thank-you to Joss! Who is seriously like superwoman, she beta'd annnnnd picks out all the kick ass outfits for this story, she's like Alice except taller.**

**I hope everyone (well all the americans) had a great thanksgiving!**

**So, some recommendations:**

**'Life of a Struggling Model' by ****fashion-killer****, it's quite amazing if i do say so myself!**

**And ****All I****Wanted ****by Joss17,_ Leave her a review_, it's a fucking amazing one-shot and you will not be disappointed.**

**And also, all of Joss17's other stories, she is an EXTREMELY talented author, and i am not just saying that because we are skype buddies! I'm also going to be co-writing the sequel to her story 'Won't Let You Hold Me Down' check it out! It has Copward ;)**

**Hopefully you liked this chapter (: leave me your thoughts and questions in a review, please (:**

**xoxox! Devyynnnn**

**And, a question to the readers. Who says 'soda' and who says 'pop'? Let me know in your review!!**


	16. Beautifully Broken

**Okay, I know you all are dying of shock right now because I've updated in less than a week, two days to be exact. (: **

**It's how I'm saying sorry for my lack of updates in the past few months haha.**

**This chapter is the one that I think most people have been waiting for....**

**EPOV**

"Everything," she whispered that ten-letter word like it weighed a hundred thousand pounds.

I sat there patiently waiting, ready for everything Bella was going to tell me. I was eager to learn more about her. She sat there stoically, still shivering, even though the clothes I had given her were just out of the dryer. I reluctantly let her fall out of my embrace and went into the kitchen to pour her a cup of coffee. I handed it to her and she smiled thankfully.

She let the steaming hot mug sit in her tiny, freezing hands, staring off into space. "I was never wanted."

"Bella, I highly doubt-" She cut me off.

She met my eyes for a moment and then stared at the mug like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen in her life. "Don't speak. Please."

I nodded, letting her continue. "I was a mistake. I was hated from the time the pregnancy test read 'positive'. Around the time Renée had gotten pregnant with me Charlie had found out that she was having an affair with one of the students at the police academy. He had automatically assumed that I wasn't his child. He said that if it turned out that I wasn't his he would make Renée leave. But as soon as I was born it was clear that I was his."

I looked at her quizzically. "The man Renée had an affair with was black, so it was pretty obvious. But, even after they had gotten past the whole affair, they still resented me, I was a living reminder of Renée's unfaithfulness. They both blamed me for almost ruining their perfect marriage. When they'd gotten married they decided that they wanted one child, specifically a boy. After my brother, Brennan, was born they didn't want any more kids. They were free spirits, having one child held them down enough. Well at least that's what they'd always said. But three years after they had their perfect child, I came along. At first, it wasn't like they abused me or locked me in the basement, they just… pretended like I wasn't there. I felt like a ghost. They treated me fine in public, but at home, it was a different story. The only person that did act like I was alive and breathing was my brother." She smiled sadly at the thought. She stopped speaking, and for a moment she stopped breathing, fighting back the tears.

"Bella, you can stop. You don't have to tell me." She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms protectively around them.

"It's… I'm fine. But as I grew older, they kind of just got tired of me." She let out a frustrated groan. "God, I don't even know where to begin. Brennan and I were close, like a brother and sister were supposed to be. If our parents would forget to feed me, he would make me some soup or a peanut butter sandwich. Sometimes my parents would forget to pick me up from school so he would ride his bike one mile to the school to pick me up. He was only three years older than me but he was my protector, my parent. My parents were always the happiest in the summers. That's when I would stay with my grandpa. When I would come to New York, my family would go on some extravagant vacation without me, the perfect little family."

"You're parents don't deserve someone like you, babe." She smiled and pecked me softly on the lips.

"That's not the worst of it." She laughed bitterly. "When Brennan was ten he started getting really sick, but not like throwing up sick. He would get these huge bruises that would cover his legs and torso. He would wake up in the middle night with these awful nosebleeds. It didn't take the doctors long to diagnose him with leukemia. My parents were… devastated. My mother wouldn't come out of her room for days, whereas my dad was just pissed at the world. Brennan was always in and out of the hospital. I stayed at the Black's most of the time. I didn't really know what was going on, I mean I was only seven. They never really took the time to sit me down and tell me that my best friend, my brother was going to die." As she spoke she traced mindless patterns on the palm of my hand, always looking back and forth between her feet and my eyes. "The first time my mother ever hit me was when she found out that I couldn't be a bone marrow donor for my brother."

I was outraged! Her own mother struck her because of something she couldn't control? "But that's not your fault!"

"Try telling her that. But, uh, I just took it. I believed her when she said that it was my fault, I mean how couldn't I believe her? I remember telling myself that I had to make it up to them somehow, ya know? Like make them not hate me anymore. So I spent all my energy on schoolwork, but it never impressed them. I was never good enough to be noticed. So, uh, fast-forward four years and Brennan had gone into remission, I finally had my brother back. It was amazing; it was a miracle at that. After all that time that Brennan was convinced that he was going to die. He fought for it and made it out alive." She looked at me and I must've looked confused. "It will all make sense why I'm at fault for my brother's death soon; I'm getting to that part."

"Bella, you're not at fault." I grasped both of her hands. "No matter what you say. It wasn't you're fault."

"You haven't even heard that part yet, Edward." She let go of my hands and scooted back away from me, with her knees at her chest again. "Brennan was seventeen and I was fourteen." She stopped struggling for words. "It was a Thursday and I had come home from school, my parents were sitting on the couch with Brennan crying. He had relapsed. He was to start treatment on Monday. I think I was more distraught than anyone else. He was the only person I could count on in my life besides Jake and my grandfather, who had passed away at this point. I didn't talk to anyone the rest of the night. The next day at school one of the junior girls who had a crush on my brother came up to me and asked where he was. I wasn't really in the mood to tell her, I had tried pushing it out of my mind at that point, but her bringing it up just set off my emotions, so I ran from the cafeteria crying. She followed after me and she told me if I needed to forget my troubles then I could come to her party over the weekend. I agreed. The party was that Saturday night. It was eleven o'clock and I just walked out of my house, my parents didn't even ask where I was going."

I knew from the article in the paper where this was going. "As soon as I got there someone passed me a beer and I drank it without giving it a second thought. I guess I was just done with being the perfect child. I needed to rebel, do something bad for me, part of me hoped that being defiant would make my parents notice me. Well, that and I was just so angry about Brennan, I just didn't care anymore. I got so wasted, I barely remember that party. But what I do remember is much more painful."

She just stopped talking rocking herself back and forth. I brought her hand up to my mouth and kissed each and every knuckle. I didn't really know what to do or what to say really. I just wanted to make the pain go away. Tears were silently running down her cheeks, her breathing was short and labored. "Brennan called me, he was furious. He said he couldn't believe that I'd do something so irresponsible and stupid. He came and picked me up. He was screaming at me, and said he was so disappointed. That was the worst part of it all was I yelled back at him. I said stuff I wish I would've never said. I was so drunk, so completely out of it. I slapped him across the face. I hit him so hard that he made the car swerve, hitting a telephone pole straight on. I never got a chance to apologize or tell him I loved him, he was just gone." She pounded her fist to her head.

"I thought he swerved to miss a deer," I said speaking barely above a whisper.

"That's just what I told the police so that everyone wouldn't know that I was a murderer. That I killed my own brother." Sobs erupted from her chest and I rubbed her arms up and down. I've never seen someone so shaken up, so broken than she looks right now.

"Bella, look at me." Her tear-filled brown eyes looked deeply into mine. "It was an accident, baby. Not you're fault, it was fate. This may sound harsh but, wasn't it better than seeing him suffer from leukemia again?" She slowly nodded.

"I've… I've never thought of it that way I guess." She wiped away the tears that were dripping down her face. "After I had woken up in the hospital from my short come I realized the only person that was there was Jake. I asked him if my parents had come in to visit and he just looked at me painfully instead of saying no. He's the one who took me home; he told me he would wait in the driveway, which I didn't understand until I got inside. As soon as she saw me, Renée threw a huge duffel bag at me screaming 'get out of my fucking house you little bitch! I never want to see your face again.' I grabbed my bag and ran out to Jake's car. I moved in with him after that. I was depressed, severely at that. I drank and partied all the time. Jake knew he couldn't stop me so he went along to protect me. I loved that feeling, being so care-free, alive. I felt like I could do anything. I got pretty dependent; I could never wait for the weekend and the parties that came with it. Do you remember the song I sang before you performed at Rem?"

"Yeah, I think so. It was really depressing, right?" I remember her voice singing the haunting lyrics painfully.

"It was called 'Beauty From Pain'. I wrote that after… after I tr-tried to kill myself." I froze.

"You tried to kill yourself!? Bella what the hell were you thinking?" My mind was in a frenzy, how could this girl, this amazing, gorgeous, incredible girl even think about taking her own life away?

"I was so fucked up. I was so numb all the time, I just couldn't handle it anymore you know? I hated, and I mean fucking hated myself. Every time I looked in a mirror, I could feel anger rise in my chest with all of the self-loathing I had for myself. One day I finished off a bottle of Jack and jumped off a cliff, I hated blood so I couldn't cut myself. But Jake followed me there and pulled me out. I wrote the song that night. After I had sobered up I realized that if I could get over all of this, then something good might possibly come out of it."

Her life was like a Lifetime movie. Someone like Bella shouldn't have gone through all of that, she didn't deserve it. "After my failed attempt, Jake told me that I needed to get away from here, so he worked with me on my homework and helped me graduate when I was sixteen. He went to the courthouse with me to help me achieve emancipation. All I had to do was to get a petition filled out. You wanna know what didn't surprise me?"

"What was that, Bells?" She looked out the window with fury in her eyes.

"My parents were so happy; they were the first to sign the petition. It only took me a week to get it all filled out and when I did we had to go to court- my parents and I. The judge was reluctant to let me go because I didn't have a permanent source of income yet, but my parents convinced him to grant me emancipation, so he did. I moved to New York the next day." She ran a hand through her damp, tangled hair.

"You and Jake seemed pretty close, did you ever date?" Okay, so maybe I was just curious, or… jealous.

"We never dated, but we were very close. We were friends with benefits, we… uhm ya know…" She glanced around my apartment. "He has something very precious of mine that I can't ever get back."

I pretended to be clueless. "A necklace? A family heirloom, perhaps?"

"Shut up, you dick!" She laughed and playfully swatted my arm. My virginity, we took each other's virginity, okay. We were young, and he was the hottest guy for miles. But Jake was special, I mean he made me feel whole again, like I was going to be alright no matter what." I didn't even have time to be completely and totally envious of Black because she smiled. Her tears were gone. Her beautiful smile made my body all warm and tingly.

Oh hey, Cullen! Did your dick fall off? You might wanna check and see if you have a vag right now.

"Thank you, Bella." I wrapped my arms around her as she snuggled into my side, making my body buzz with electricity… well this was new, maybe it's just static?

"No, thank you. I've never felt so… light. Who knew telling someone my entire depressing, fucked-up life story would make me feel so goddamn good?" I could feel her smile on my skin.

"Well, ya know. You didn't just tell anyone, Bella. You told thee Edward Cullen," I joked then she punched me in the shoulder.

"Since you're gonna be a cocky bitch, I won't play the song I wrote for you." She stuck out her tongue playfully.

"You wrote me a song? When?" She shrugged.

"After you left. It's kind of how I deal with my emotions. But if you want to hear it, you're going to have to work for it," she said with a wink.

"I guess I can deal with that." She licked her lips.

I edged over to her slowly placing my hands on her tiny hips. She closed her eyes and smiled in anticipation. Every time I got close I could feel her heart pound faster and faster. I loved the way she reacted to me.

Our mouths were millimeters apart, my lips ghosting her. She opened one eye. "Don't tease me, Cullen!"

She grabbed my hair as I crashed my lips to hers. Heaven. Her taste was intoxicating, like chocolate only better. Her lips were perfection with mine, soft and plump. Our tongues melted together making me moan. She turned our twisted bodies, forgetting that we were on the couch making us fall to the floor with a thud. We paid no attention to that. I was too focused on Bella straddling me, making all parts of me happy. She tore off her shirt, revealing nothing but the wife beater I had given her to wear.

I twisted us around so that I could be on top. I worked on her neck, one of my favorite parts on her body. I pulled her earlobe into my mouth and quickly moved down to her collarbone, kissing and sucking on every inch I could reach. She bore her nails down my back with pleasure. I made my way back up to her lips, peppering them with chaste kisses. This woman is going to be the death of me.

We broke apart breathing heavily. I picked up the sweatshirt from the floor. "You just can't keep your clothes on when you're around me, huh?" I threw it at her laughing.

"Keep it up, babe, and you won't be seeing me in anything except old baggy t-shirts and sweat pants for a week." I shut my mouth. "That's what I thought." She stuck her tongue out at me. I stuck mine back out at her as she leaned down and got her guitar out of its case.

She started strumming expertly with her eyes closed. Her voice was raspy, still hot and bothered from our kiss.

_"It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky  
It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry  
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by  
But I will try  
I will try  
Wipe the tears from my eyes."_

She smiled shyly, biting her lip. God, she's so beautiful.

_"I'm beautifully broken  
And I don't mind if you know it  
I'm beautifully broken  
And I don't care if I show it."_

Hearing her say this made me feel… amazing, it was indescribable. I love knowing that she can trust me with everything and that she thinks I'm worthy of her trust. That she could trust me as much as I trusted her. Yes, that's right. I, Edward Cullen, can trust a girl again.

_"Everyday is a new day  
I'm reminded of my past  
Every time there's another storm  
I know that it won't last  
Every moment I'm filled with hope  
Cause I get another chance  
But I will try  
I will try  
Got nothing  
Left to hide_

_I'm beautifully broken  
And I don't mind if you know it  
I'm beautifully broken  
And I don't care if I show it_

_Without the highs and lows  
Where would we go?  
Where would we go?_

_I'm beautifully broken  
And I don't mind if you know it  
I'm beautifully broken  
And I don't care if I show it  
I am beautifully broken  
I am beautifully broken  
I'm beautifully broken  
And I don't care if I show it."_

She let her voice trail off with the last word she sung. The guitar's humming came to a stop as soon as her voice did. She tapped the strings before carefully inserting it back into its black leather case carefully. She snapped it shut before placing her hands into her lap. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear, looking up at me through those thick lashes and biting her lip seductively. She's trying to kill me. "Well, what did you think?"

"It was perfect Bella, you're amazing." I pulled her in for a long, slow kiss. Before I could get too excited, a rumble in my stomach caused us to break apart.

"So, we're already to the part in our relationship where sex comes before food?" She laughed and winked. "Come on, I'll cook you a late night snack."

"I don't think I even have any food in my kitchen, Bella." I watched as she open the refrigerator door to reveal a carton of eggs, milk, a block of cheese and pudding. It's your regular bachelor pad.

She tore of her shirt and put a blue apron on. "How do omelets sound?"

From behind I wrapped my arms around her waist, nuzzling into her warm, multicolored hair, breathing in her delicious strawberry scent. "Perfect."

I'm falling for her much too quickly.

* * *

I woke up the next morning to the ringing of my damn phone. _This better be fucking important!_

With my eyes shut and Bella mumbling beside me saying, "Damn phone…evil little fucker. I'll kill it." I smiled grabbing my phone off the bedside table, disentangled myself from Bella and I walked out into the living room.

"What!?" I growled angrily into the phone.

Aro's laughter was all I could here on the other line. Prick. _"Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."_

"Do you need something, Aro?" I pinched the bridge of my nose.

_"I see you've been spending time with this Isabella girl, hmm?"_ I could hear the disapproving tone in his voice.

"Yes, what about it?" Even though I knew what he'd say.

_"It needs to stop or it'll be a contract breach, and we both know what that means."_ Son of a bitch.

I pounded my fist against the wall. "You don't know what the fuck you are talking about. This conversation is done, did you need anything else?"

He sighed, _"Oh yes! I almost forgot. You're leaving for LA in three days. Flight leaves at noon."_

"LA! For what!?" Not now! God, please not now. Not when all this is happening between Bella and me.

_"The writers for the second installment of 'Viper' added in a few more necessary scenes, and after you're done with that the third installment will start production. You'll be there for nine months, a year tops. Is that going to be a problem?"_ I could feel his sinister smile seep through the phone.

"No, sir. Not at all." I ran my free hand through my hair roughly and snapped the phone shut.

I walked back into my room where Bella was lying; she must've heard me walk in. "Good morning, sleeping beauty." She sat up in bed with her hair sticking up everywhere, which was… sexy. She grabbed her stomach. "I need food. Did you know Mickey D's has breakfast?" She smirked.

"Fast food breakfast now that sounds delicious," I said sarcastically.

"You just wait; your taste buds will be in heaven." She looked around my room. "Damn. Where did I put my pants?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

As soon as I escorted Bella up to her apartment I knew I had to tell her sooner or later that I was leaving in three days.

Since when did three days feel like three minutes?

We stood in her threshold, the words threatening to spill out. "Bella there's something important I need to tell to you about."

She quirked an eyebrow and urged me to continue. "Go on."

"I have to go back to LA in three days," I said hesitantly.

"For how long, a month?"

Could this be any harder? "Nine months actually." She staggered back against her doorframe like someone had punched her in the gut. I ran to her and pulled her into my arms. "It will pass quickly, I promise!"

"That's what you say now, Edward." She ran her hands through her hair, "I'm gonna go inside. You should probably go; you don't wanna give the press anything to talk about."

I nodded. "I'm so sorry Bella, if I had a choice I wouldn't go, or I'd take you with me." I tilted her chin up and grasped her lips in mine before reluctantly saying goodbye.

* * *

**BPOV**

Even after a full twelve hours I couldn't believe Edward was leaving in three fucking days. I was just now getting to know him and now he's moving to the other side of the goddamn country. What the fuck?

I finished off my full pot of coffee. Last night at the bar was rough, some guy tried to feel me up and I barely got him off me in time to stop the riot in the middle of the dance floor. Tommy had his hands full with a catfight at the time and Alice and I were left to pull apart thirty drunk, pissed-off frat boys. Oh, it was just a blast.

I stepped out of the shower and threw on whatever sweats I could find. I let my hair hang down my back to air dry.

There was a knock at my door and I rushed to answer it. I had this odd feeling at the pit of my stomach that it would be my bronze haired God.

I opened it eagerly, and there he was, holding a taco bell bag. "Young grasshopper, I have taught you well. I'm so proud." I wiped away a fake tear dramatically.

"Thank you, master," he joked back, stepping in the doorway.

"Okay, hand over the food." I reached into the bag and pulled out a taco.

Edward chuckled. "I've never seen a girl eat so much in my entire life."

"Maybe I'm not a girl, maybe I've had you fooled the entire time, ever think of that?" I winked shoving a second taco down my throat.

"Well, I speak for experience you're most definitely a girl." He winked and I shoved him playfully as he pecked me on the lips. He got up and headed for the kitchen.

"Edward, would you be a doll and fetch me a pop from the fridge?" I said in a fake British accent.

He came back with a Mountain Dew. Aw, this man knew me so well. "Don't you mean soda?" he said as he tossed it to me.

"Nope, I meant what I said." I popped open my Dew and took a long swig.

"Who says pop? Soda sounds much better!" I gaped at him in mock disappointment.

"Pop is funner to say, it's the best word in the English language!" I said vividly.

"Says the girl who says, 'funner'." He laughed. I punch his shoulder and continued to eat. He suddenly pulled out a thick stack of paper.

"What in the hell is that!?" I grabbed it out of his hands.

"My script for 'Viper 3'. I start filming soon and I needed to get a jump start on the memorization." He looked back and forth from the script to me. "Wanna read lines with me?"

I shrugged. "Sure, I have nothing better to do." He handed me the script.

"The lines in pink are yours." He said pointing at the pink highlighted parts.

"Okay, I'm apologizing in advance for my suck-ish-ness." I read my first line, "Don't go! Blake, it's too dangerous! I can't lose you again." I bit back my laughter.

"Bella, just relax, become your character, feel what's she's feeling, the love of her life is about to go on a mission that could kill him! How would you feel?"

"Like a nervous wreck?" I guessed.

"Right. Try it again." I did, and it actually worked this time. I felt sort of good about my little acting skills, well at least until Edward read then I just felt like shit. "Claire, I can handle myself. You need to go back to the headquarters, it's the only place you'll be safe. I love you." He's only acting, calm down girl.

My fingertips traced his cheekbones. "I love you too, I always will." He stared into each other's eyes for a moment before he cleared his throat.

"Well, you might be a fucking awful liar, but your acting isn't terrible."

"Wow, gee thanks, babe." I glanced through the script, "I thought Viper was in love with his enemy, Veronica. What happens with that?" Please tell me Tanya gets killed off. Please! Please!

"Now, I can't tell you that. It would ruin the entire movie for you!"

"Well, that's no fun. Ass." He chuckled at me. My phone started ringing; I automatically picked it up, "Hello?"

_"Bella! I'm officially the best manager to ever walk the face of the earth!"_ I didn't have to see Joss to know that she was jumping up and down with excitement.

"Oh dear, what did you do?" I groaned.

_"I got you a meeting with a Jive record exec! This is huge!"_ Why me?

"Oh yippee! When?"

_"Oh, don't act like you're not excited. It's in four days, have a few songs prepared. I've gotta go celebrate my awesomeness! I'll give you full details tomorrow! Bye Bella!"_ She clicked the phone shut.

I pulled on my hair. "Oh my God!" I groaned.

Edward smirked, "Yes, my child?"

"Ha, you're so funny! My manager got me a meeting with Jive or Chive or something." Edward pulled me into a tight hug.

"Bella, that's amazing!" He was genuinely happy for me.

I shook my head, "Not so much."

"Why would you be upset about that? It's an incredible opportunity!"

"I guess I just don't know how to feel about it all. I'm not a big fan of drastic change." I huffed.

"Well, don't worry about it for, lets just enjoy our time together while we have it." I almost forgot he was leaving in about sixty hours.

He leaned in to give me what was most likely meant to be an innocent kiss, but the desire erupted in the pit of my stomach. A craving for him started coursing through my veins. I grabbed his shirt roughly making his body crash onto mine. He quickly shed himself of his jacket. "Now who's the one who can't keep his clothes on?" I asked breathlessly as we broke apart for air.

Our lips quickly reconnected. Our mouths opened simultaneously, our tongues collided as they fought for dominance. I would never get tired of kissing him. Our hands roamed each other with a sense of urgency. I couldn't get enough of this man. Eventually we slowed down, our kisses becoming less urgent and aggressive. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in as his hands ran up and down my sides. I could stay like this forever.

We lay on the couch, cuddling. I turned to face him and he was looking into my brown eyes, but something was off… Edward Cullen looked nervous. "Bella… God, I feel like I'm in high school," he said muttering the last part. "Bella, will you be my girlfriend?"

I smiled widely before nodding furiously. Before kissing me, I practically yelled, "Yes!"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

**So... yeah. Haha, this chapter took me from ten in the morning til midnight to write, no joke. I just didn't know how to say everything that she needed to say and have it make sense to everyone besides myself. I really hope it likved up to all of your expectations.**

**Song: 'Beautifully Broken' by Ashlee Simpson, it's an amazing song!**

**Thanks to Joss, as always, who is an amazing beta and friend. **

**If anyone has twitter, go follow me, the link's on my profile.**

**I was hoping that since I might be able to get about 15-20 reviews for this one, it would make my day, so even if you just write one word, it still means a lot. :)**

**And if you're confused about ANYTHING don't hesitate to ask.**

**xoxo**

**Devynn**


	17. This Love

**Wowww! I'm so sorry for the delay, thanks to everyone who reviewed, thanks for the support.**

**This chapter is short, I apologize.**

**I decided to beta this myself so that Joss could enjoy Dear John. Which was amazing.**

**BPOV**

Today was the day. Today was the day that I had to watch Edward leave New York to go to the other side of the country. Today was the day that I would attend a meeting that would determine my future. Today can go to hell.

It was eight o'clock in the morning. Edward's phone alarm was cutting through the blissful silence, bringing us back to reality through the charade we had of being able to be together for as long as possible. I elbowed him hard in the ribs, "Edward! You have to get up. You'll miss your flight." I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and groaned as I pulled off my comforter.

"Maybe I don't give a shit if I miss my flight. Then I can stay here with you." I grinned at the sound of that, but I knew it was an impossibility.

"I wish. You should probably shower, or do whatever it is you do to get ready in the morning." I felt him tumble out of my bed and I followed shortly after I heard the shower turn on.

I was in the kitchen mixing up some pancake batter when there was a knock at the door. I threw my robe on over Edward's old t-shirt and open the door. Tanya. What the fuck?

"Can I help you?" I only opened the door wide enough to fit my body, letting her know that she wasn't welcome.

"You should stop with the whole 'hard-ass' routine, or whatever you're trying to pull. It's not working honey. I'm here to pick up Edward." She shoved the door open and sat down in one of my bar stools. I rolled my eyes and decided that I would at least be civil to her. "So, Isabella, now that Edward's gone are you just going to sit in your little apartment and wallow the months away until he comes back?"

I felt the need to boast, to prove to her that I wasn't just some little girl feeding off of Edward, that I could be successful on my own. "Actually, I have a meeting a Jive records for a record deal."

"Oh, so you're going to make something of yourself, ha, that's adorable. But let me let you in on a little secret, Bella. Jive records is _very _selective on who they choose. They're not gonna settle for some tatted-up, punky, tweeny bopper. And with the way you look, they're not gonna even give you a chance. Sure, they'll listen to your songs and realize that you have some potential, but the public doesn't want a girl who looks like you. How does it feel to know that the only thing you'll _ever_ be known for is being another one of Edward Cullen's toys?" I could feel her sneering at the back of my head as I flipped the last pancake. I gripped the spatula so hard that I thought it might break in half.

The bathroom door opened up and Edward glanced back and forth between me and Tanya nervously, "Bella, is something wrong?" He made a point to ignore Tanya, who rolled her eyes.

"No, Tanya was just enlightening me on the music business. I made you pancakes." I tried my best to smile honestly as I held out his plate.

He quirked an eyebrow but said nothing. He inhaled his pancakes and chocolate milk and went back to the bedroom to grab his suitcases. I grabbed the tape that I had made him and handed it to him once he re-entered the kitchen, "Tanya, wait for me downstairs." She nodded and grabbed her purse and slamming the door shut on her way out.

We just looked into each others eyes before he pulled me into his arms, lifting my feet off the ground and setting me on the counter. He grabbed my face lightly in his hands. "Bella, I am going to miss you so much, you can't even fathom. It hurts to say goodbye to you."

Words evaded my mind, tears flooding to the surface. "I wish you didn't have to." I felt a single tear slip and slide down my cheek. Edward flicked it away with his thumb.

"Promise me we'll keep in touch no matter what. Email, phone, letters, I don't give a fuck how, but I need to be able to talk to you."

"I promise. I promise." My body was trembling as he pulled his lips to mine.

The kiss started out sweet and slow, our lips moving together, his hands ghosting my neck and back leaving a tingling sensation in tow. He licked my lower lip, begging for entrance. As soon as our tongues met the kiss became urgent and desperate. His hands placed on either side of my neck, mine entangled in his messy hair. The ache between my thighs grew more intense when he shoved his hips into mine, creating amazing friction.

Our lips slowed into needy pecks, chaste kisses, ones that I would miss desperately over our nine months apart. Tears were flowing down both of our faces by the time we pulled apart.

He cleared his throat before digging into his pocket. He pulled out a red, velvet box. "Uhm, I want you to have this... I just don't want you to forget about me while I'm gone." I reluctantly took the box out of his hands. I lifted the lid slowly to reveal a gorgeous silver necklace with a teardrop emerald. "You always talk about emeralds in your sleep, so I figured it was your favorite gemstone, I hope you like it." I didn't feel the need to tell him that the emeralds in my dreams are referring to the emeralds in his eye sockets.

"I love it, Edward! It's perfect." I gestured to the tape, "I made this for you, just listen to it on the plane." I handed his a cassette player as well, "I'm guessing you'll be needing this as well."

He chuckled and nodded as I walked him to the door. I didn't know what to say, I'd never quite been in this situation before. He hugged me once more, tightly. "I'll talk to you soon, love." He kissed the top of my head before quietly exiting my apartment.

As soon as I heard the elevator door shut I crawled into bed and cried and cried hard.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I had exactly three hours before my meeting with Jive. I stared into the mirror, thinking hard about what Tanya had said. I knew that my look was a little rough around the edges, but it was _me_. I didn't know how to be something I'm not.

But she did have a point. I love music, it's my passion, my life, my soul. I would be nothing without it. Having a career in music was the best thing that could ever happen to me. And I didn't just want to be known as one of Edward's lays. I wanted to make a name for myself, I needed to. And if that required a slight change, then so be it.

I grabbed my bag and keys and headed to Loretta's for a drastic change.

It only took me a few minutes due to my fast walking, but eventually I got there and was relieved to see that no other customers were in the shop, besides me. "Lo? Shawnee?"

I heard a delighted squeal followed by a crash. I ran to the back room to see what had happened. Loretta was laughing on the ground. She must've fallen. "Bella! Oh my goodness it is so good to see you. I have missed your pretty face around here, darling."

"I missed you too, Loretta! I've been unusually busy." I grinned as she lead me out to the main room.

"I know, I've seen the pictures of you and Mr. Cullen, nice choice, that is one fine hunk of man candy, girl!" I laughed at her exuberance as she sat me down in the chair. "And I've seen the videos on YouTube."

"What videos?" I asked, shocked.

"Shawnee showed them to me, there are around ten videos of your performances on that website, people are very impressed. But never mind that, what can I do for you today?"

I shook off the previous conversation and nervously told her what I wanted, "I want it cut off to here," I pointed to the end of my ribcage. "And I want it all to be chocolate brown."

"You sure, that's five inches I'll be chopping off." I nodded my head, unsure of what would come out of my mouth. "Why such a big change, Bells?"

I went into my tale of getting a manager, then getting a meeting a Jive, then what Tanya said and what I thought about what Tanya said and then explained that I just needed this change. "I want to be taken seriously and respected, and no one takes me seriously or respects me as it is, so I thought a change in appearance would help."

"Bella, changing who you are and how you look might earn you respect from others, but it'll be more difficult to respect yourself. And soon, you'll start changing more and more, and you won't even notice until you're a completely opposite person. But I know how strong you are and I'm hoping that it won't happen to you."

She spun me around in the chair and I was confronted with the new me. My hair was still unbelievably long. But I looked so different with such a drastic length change. And the color was so... dark and rich, it was gorgeous and it didn't fit with my face or body or tattoos. With just a snip of the scissors and a squeeze of a dye bottle I had become a completely different person. And I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"Loretta. Holy fuck!"

"Isabella! Watch your mouth! But holy fuck is right, you look amazing!" She curled it in loose curls and announced that she was finished.

"Thank you so much, I don't know how to thank you, really." I gave her a hug and grinned widely.

"Good luck today, baby girl. And remember, stay true to who you are." She waved goodbye as she rushed to the back to answer the phone.

Before I left I put a check on the count worth five thousand dollars, a small token of my appreciation. I yelled goodbye before I headed back to my apartment, calling Alice on the way so she could style me and do my make-up.

I shouldn't have been surprised to learn that she was already waiting at my front door.

"Alice, you are scary sometimes." We chuckled as we walked back to my bathroom.

"You're hair looks great Bella. Very... mature."

"I needed a change." I smiled softly as she began searching through the closet.

"So, uh, how has your first day without Edward been?" She tiptoed nervously around the subject.

"He called me last night when he landed at LAX, and we've sent a few texts but he's already shooting so it's hard to talk, so it's been pretty fucking awful. I'm just scared."

She came out of the closet holding a few different dresses. "Of what?" She returned a dark blue dress and the purple one.

"With him being around all those gorgeous girls, especially Tanya. I feel like if I'm not around he will realize how much better those girls are for him."

She rolled her eyes as she grabbed a pair of shoes from my closet, "Isabella! You are insane, Edward is crazy about you! For example, did he give you that necklace?"

"Yes?"

"He has never in his life bought a girl a piece of jewelry." She motioned for me to strip out of my clothes. "I've never seen him act this way around any girl, you have nothing to worry about."

"If you say so, oh and I need something long sleeved to cover up my tattoos. Don't ask why, please." I didn't want to go through my reasons of change with anyone else. She nodded her head, but I could see that she was about to burst with curiosity.

I slipped on the emerald green cashmere sweater dresses. It hugged my body tightly and ended at my knees. It thankfully covered up my arms as well, making sure you couldn't see any of my ink.

I looked in the mirror and smiled widely. It went amazingly well with my emerald necklace. I slipped on the black pumps that Alice had chosen for me to wear and sat down in the bathroom waiting for Alice to apply some make-up.

"I'm guessing you want subtle makeup?"

"Correctomundo."

"Hey! That's fun to say." She grabbed her brushes while she mumbled 'correctomundo' with different accents. I laughed and she stuck out her tongue.

She started on my make-up, humming through the process, I sat obediently still and let her do her thing. My phone rang loudly from the other room, Alice grabbed it for me. I silently prayed it was Edward, hoping to God that I could just hear his voice.

"It's Jake." Alice announced.

I tried not to let my disappointment alter my voice. "Hey Jake." He didn't seem to notice.

"So officially three more weeks 'til I come home! Have any big plans for tonight?"

"Uhm, I have a meeting with Jive, going out to eat with Joss later, then who knows what." Alice began applying mascara.

"You have a meeting with Jive!? Holy shit, Bella!"

"I know, I know. But I've got to let Alice finish getting me ready, so I'll call you later and tell you how it goes."

"Okay, good luck Bella. I, uh, shit, bye." I hung up the phone, confused. What the fuck was that? Jake never, and I mean _never_, hung up with out saying love you.

I shook it off, now is not the time to deal with that. "Alright, Bella. I am finito!"

I looked in the mirror and smiled, I looked perfect. My eyelashes were thick and dark black. My eyeshadow was an emerald green fading to sliver, my eyes were lined thinly with black. I looked perfect, mature, put together.

I took out my lip ring, grimacing at the tiny hole that was left in it's place.

I hugged Alice tightly as she started to pack up her make-up bag. Joss walked into my room and eyed me up and down. "Bella, whoa. New hair?" I nodded and she smiled as she grabbed my guitar cases. "Come on, we don't wanna be late."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**EPOV**

Saying goodbye to Bella was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. It didn't seem fair that I only got to be with her for that short amount of time. I had been overly tempted to ask her to come to L.A. with me but I knew that'd be pointless, she wasn't the type of person to just give up on her responsibilities for her own selfish reasons and I didn't want her to feel like I had given her an ultimatum.

So I just shut my mouth and said goodbye, I even cried. And Edward Cullen does not cry. Arriving at the airport was hectic, as usual, especially when Tanya is attracting all sorts of media attention and making sure everyone knew that we were still together and that Bella was just an acquaintance of mine. I bit my tongue and said nothing, knowing that if I did, in fact, open my mouth, something I would regret would pop out.

As soon as we got situated on our private jet I spread out on the leather couch so that Tanya couldn't sit beside me. She pouted her lips and asked me to scoot over, I rolled my eyes and pulled out my cassette tape player, with Bella's tape already loaded.

I hesitantly pushed the play button, maybe this was her creative way of dumping me.

Her voice filled the headphones and I automatically smiled. "Hi, Edward. I, uh, wrote this song for you. I hope you like it. Okay, I feel dumb for talking to this thing, so I'm just going to get on with it." I chuckled at her Bella-ness.

"_I can see it in your eyes,  
taste it in our first kiss.  
Stranger in this lonely town,  
save me from my emptiness._

You took my hand,  
you told me it'd be okay

_I trusted you to hold my heart,  
now fate is pulling me away, from you._

Even if you leave me now,  
and it breaks my heart.  
Even if you're not around,  
I won't give in,  
I can't give up,  
on this love.

You've become a piece of me,  
makes me sick to even think  
of mornings waking up alone,  
searching for you in my sheets.  
Don't fade away.

Even if you leave me now,  
and it breaks my heart,  
even if you're not around,  
I won't give in,  
I can't give up,  
on this love.

I can't just close the door,  
I never felt anything like this before.  
Tell me the truth no matter what we're going through  
will you hold on too 'cause,

Even if you leave me now,  
and it breaks my heart.  
Even if you're not around  
I won't give in,  
I can't give up,  
on this love.

Even if you leave me now,  
and it breaks my heart.  
Even if I'm not around,  
I won't give in,  
I can't give up,  
on this love."

I smiled at her lyrics, she said love. Now, I know she didn't actually mean that she was _in love_ with me, but at least she admits that she has strong feelings for me. Her voice came back on, "I wrote it in a hurry, so I apologize if it wasn't that good, but it was the only appropriate going away gift I could think of. Well, uh, talk to you soon. Bye."

I replayed it again and I fell asleep listening to her beautiful voice.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**BPOV**

I was uncontrollably shaking with nerves by the time I reached the building, I was covered in a cold sweat by the time I was in the exec's office and I wanted to throw up when the executive himself sat down in front of me.

"Isabella Swan, I presume?" He was tall, slicked back, jet black hair, he was around fifty years old, grays were showing up around his temples, permanent creases in his brow.

I was paralyzed, not knowing what to say. Fuck. Joss spoke for me instead. "Yes, this is Isabella, I'm Joseline Diaz, her manager." Joss beamed proudly as the exec eyed me up and down.

"I'm Felix Volturi, it's nice to finally meet you, I've been getting calls about you for a while now and your manager finally convinced me to meet with you when she practically busted down my door and forced me to listen to you."

I didn't know what to say, so I just laughed and nodded until I could find my bleak voice. "It's nice to meet you too, sir. I didn't know everyone was trying so hard." I laughed nervously as he swiveled around in his chair.

"Well I'm going to take you down to one of our recording booths so we can see how you'll sound in a studio." The three of us walked down the hall and entered one of the last booths. Joss and Felix entered the control room and Felix ushered me into the recording studio. "Okay Isabella, let me hear a song."

I gulped visibly as I pulled out my electric guitar, trying to force my hands to quit shaking, knowing that I couldn't strum correctly.

_"Try to tell me what I shouldn't do,_

_You should know by now_

_I won't listen to you._

_Walk around with my hands up in the air._

_Cause I don't care._

_Cause I'm alright, I'm fine._

_Just freak out let it go._

_I'm gonna live my life,_

_I can't ever run and hide,_

_I won't compromise,_

_Cause I'll never know._

_I'm gonna close my eyes,_

_I can't watch the time go by,_

_I won't keep it inside,_

_Freak out, let it go."_

As I began the second verse, he stopped me over the intercom, "Isabella, do you have maybe anything slower, less rock, more pop?"

I nodded and raked my brain for possibilities until I landed on a suitable one that I had written only a few nights ago. I pulled out my sheet music and laid in on the stand while getting out my acoustic and sitting on the stool. Joss looked more nervous than I did, giving me a thumbs up and trying to schmooze Felix while I began to strum slowly.

"_Before I fall too fast,_

_Kiss me quick,_

_But make it last._"

My strumming was slow and steady, Felix was already smiling.

"_So I can see how badly this will hurt me,_

_When you say goodbye._

_Keep it sweet, keep it slow,_

_Let the future pass, and don't let go._

_But tonight I could fall too soon_

_Under this beautiful moonlight._

_But you're so hypnotizing,_

_You've got me laughing while I sing,_

_You're got me smiling in my sleep._

_And I can see this unraveling,_

_Your love is where I'm falling,_

_But please don't catch me._

_See this heart, won't settle down,_

_Like a child running scared from a clown._

_I'm terrified of what you do,_

_My stomach screams just when I look at you._

_Run far away so I can breathe._

_Even though you're far from suffocating me._

_I can't set my hopes to high,_

_'Cause every hello end with a goodbye._"

He held up his hands signaling me to stop, my stomach was knotting and unknotting, twisting and turning, butterflies and pigeons going crazy in the pit of my belly. _Bella, don't you dare throw up! _

I exited the booth and followed my manager and Felix back to his office. He sat down in his leather chair and stared at me, "Isabella, to say that I'm impressed is an understatement, I think you have amazing potential. You will do great things. I had a feeling about you so I already set up an entrance collaboration."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Basically you'll be working with one of our more successful artists on a collaboration to get your name out in the public." He held up one finger, while pushing a few buttons of his phone, "Send him in Jane."

A few moment later James Dawson walked in. Holy fucking shit. James Dawson. I made sure my jaw was still intact and wave/saluted him like the dork I was. He held out his hand. "Isabella, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard great things about you."

He sat in the seat beside me. I tried not to ogle. He had crew cut blonde hair and blue eyes that rivaled Rose's and a jaw that was _almost_ as orgasmic as Edward's, _almost_. He was fine. _Bella! You have a boyfriend!_

"So, Bella, what do you think about working with James? We have a song written already and we would be delighted if you would sign with our company."

I had no words and just nodded my head yes earning chuckled from both James and Felix. Felix laid a thick stack of papers on the table in front of me. And I eagerly searched my purse for a pen. Joss whispered in my ear, "Bella, I think I should read this before you sign." I realized she was right and handed the contract over to her.

James leaned over, "Bella, while she's reading that, why don't you and I take a private tour together?"

He gave me a megawatt smile that reminded me of Edward's, causing a pang in my heart. "Uh, sure." He took my hand. _You have a boyfriend, you have a fucking hott as hell boyfriend. Edward, think about Edward. _I successfully slipped out of contact with him.

"Sorry, if I'm being too forward, I can't help but be attracted to you." I blushed and snickered nervously. "So, how long have you been trying to get signed?"

"Uhm, a week maybe, I didn't really want to get signed. I sing at a bar, and I love it."

He looked at my with a crazy expression. "You're amazing, though. You should be singing at hunge concerts not in bars. I'm even surprised you had to _try_ to get signed."

"Thanks."

"One thing I should warn you about though, don't be scared when contracts say 'creative control' all it means is that you give them permission to add extra beats and change a few notes around, trust me, you'll want them to have creative control, or else you'll be in charge of _everything _and it's some tough shit."

I nodded my head and he showed me around the rest of the building, pointing out bathrooms, lunch rooms, writers' rooms, instrument rooms, coffee break rooms, resting rooms with couches, and all of the recording booths. "Well, there's not much else to it other than that."

"Thanks, James. You're a pretty cool guy, it was nice of you to show the new girl around." I smiled as we headed back into the office where Joss had finally finished reading and Felix was waiting patiently.

"So, Isabella-"

"Actually, it's just Bella." I tried to make it not sound snooty, and the look on his face said that I succeeded.

"Well, Bella. You're manager has read through the contract and says nothing is out of the ordinary. What's your final decision?"

I grabbed the pen and boldly signed beside Joss's name.

"You've made a great decision, Bella. You have one full month off to do whatever you please, preferably writing for your album." He grasped my hand in his.

* * *

I called Edward five times before he called me back.

"Bella! I'm so sorry I missed your calls. The set was insane today. How did your meeting go?"

"It went amazing! I signed and I start recording in a month."

"So, you get an entire month off?"

"Yes!"

"How does spending a month with me in L.A. sound?_"_

_-.-.-.-.-.-.--._

**Sorry I cut it off there. **

**Uhm, I'm currently writing another story called Beautiful Catastrophe, which is why Thursday Nights was neglected, but I'll try to update both regularly.**

**The songs were This Love by the Veronicas, Freak Out by Avril Lavigne and Catch Me by Demi Lovato.**

**I don't blame you if you don't review, but I'd really appreciate it if you did.**

**Thanks, Devynnn.**


	18. No Air

**Thank you all soooo much! Seriously, the response to last chapter was amazing and surprising! You are all amazing.**

**This is thee longest chapter I have ever written! It was 20 pages in Word, and it took me forever and I rearranged a bunch if shit. Haha, I would've had this chapter up a way long time ago, but, this week was crazy and I'm in Parma, Ohio right now at a volleyball tournament, and I am updating from my hotel room hahaa.**

**And a huge thanks goes out to Joss, who beta-ed this from her classroom because she's a badass. Ha, love youuu 3**

**Enjoyy!**

**BPOV**

_Three days later. L.A., California. October, 2009. _

I got off of the plane at LAX. Edward had texted me earlier saying that there would be a driver waiting for me. I assumed the man holding like card that said, "Isabella Swan" would be my driver. He greeted me and grabbed my luggage, putting it into the trunk for me.

The car ride was agonizingly long, thirty fucking minutes to get to Edward's house. I was jittery, anxious and nervous. I just couldn't contain myself. We finally pulled up to the house and the driver entered the magic code that opened the wrought iron gate.

I stared in amazement at the house, it was huge, modern, gorgeous. I'm guessing that Alice picked it out because Edward couldn't even pick out his own neckties.

I gulped nervously as I rang the doorbell and Edward quickly answered the door, as if he had been waiting for me all day. We hugged and kissed and told each other how much we had missed the other. We had dinner and watched movies and cuddled in bed.

-.-.-.-.-.-

_Two weeks later. Middle of November, 2009._

The past two weeks had been anything but amazing. I rarely got to see Edward because he was on set but I spent a lot of time exploring the city, getting somewhat of a tan, and bonding with the help around the house. I mostly spent my time writing for my album. All of my songs were love songs about Edward and I of course, which isn't surprising at all. I had all the time in the world. Throughout the day I would get flowers or chocolates or other sweet things from Edward, it was amazing.

He was amazing, and he was trying so hard to make us work.

We avoided going out in public because of the media attention, so we stayed in, but I didn't give a shit because I got him all to myself. He usually got Sundays off, which was our 'date' night. He would order in a meal and he would force me into a dress and he would wear a tie. The dining room would be all decked out, looking like a restaurant. It was his way of compensating for us not being able to have a real, public relationship.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I always would stop in a get a cup of coffee, then I would go shopping for a bit, picking up souvenirs for Rose and Emmett and of course Joss. Then wait for Edward to get home. Boring as it was, I didn't mind. And this Tuesday was no different.

I walked into the coffee shop and ordered a cappuccino and a blueberry muffin. I sat down with my lyric book and wrote. The chair across from me screeched, making me jump.

A guy, who couldn't be even twenty yet, sat down, smiling wide. He had choppy, jet black hair with thick bangs with red streaks in random places. He had snake bites pierced through his lower lip, tattoos up and down his arms and chest. He was also wearing thick black framed glasses. He held out his hand and I took it reluctantly. "I'm Nyxon, you're Bella, right?" He had a thick Australian accent.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm sorry, do I know you?" I slowed my chewing down as I closed my lyric book.

"No, but I'm a huge fan! You're music is amazing, I heard you just signed with Jive!" He was enthusiastic, watching me intently as I answered.

"Well, thanks. And, yeah, I did. About two weeks ago."

He searched through his black messenger bag, producing a small pad of paper and a blue ink pen. "Can I have your autograph?"

"Yeah, sure." I felt my face heat up as I grabbed the pen and signed my name, trying to make it look fluid and loopy but otherwise failing miserably. "Here you go. Are you a musician, too?"

"Yeah, but nothing major. I mainly just write songs and playing guitar, sometimes I sing, but I get stage fright. Maybe I'll write a song for you."

"No songs, please." I laughed, sort of embarrassed.

"Well, I've got to get to work. I'll hopefully be seeing you later."

I waved at him. "Bye." He waved back and left.

When I got back to Edward's he was home, much to my surprise. He was on the couch talking to Aro, his dickfuck of a manager and the director of the Blake Viper movies, Caius something or other. "Bella! I'm so glad you're home!" He hugged me, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Am I interrupting something?" I asked, looking at the other guys who were eying me up and down. I resisted the urge to give them the finger.

"No, we were just talking about you." I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, what about me?" Edward led me over to the couch and handed me the script.

"I want you to audition for the third movie, the part of Gia. Blake's new love interest." I was speechless. I stared at the obnoxiously thick script, lines highlighted in pink to show the part of Gia.

"I'm not an actress. Edward, you know that."

"Bella, you're a natural, when you read lines with me back in New York, I was floored. Please just give it a try." His eyes were deep and desperate, how in fuck's sake was I supposed to say no, no matter how much I didn't want to do it.

I nodded my head. I only looked at Edward as I said my lines, trying to be as convincing as possible. We went through four different scenes before my 'audition' was complete.

"You got the part!" Caius announced proudly.

Edward's smile grew eight times larger as he hug me and kissed me hard on the cheek. "I knew you could do it, Bells."

I stood there silently for the longest amount of time before shaking my head. "No. I... I can't." Acting wasn't what I loved, it wasn't something that I yearned to do, I couldn't even picture myself waking up at odd hours just to go onto set and sit there and pretend to be someone that I wasn't. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I looked sadly at the men in the room, as I got up and walked to the bedroom.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Edward and I didn't speak much over the next week. Sure we talked but I could tell he was disappointed that I didn't accept the role. H e was excited about being able to see me every day for the next few months on set, and I would have loved that except for the whole having to act thing.

He woke up one morning and kissed me on the cheek. He had an early day on set and he was going to help pick the actress for Gia.

Before he got the chance to leave I grabbed he shirt sleeve. "Edward, I'm really sorry. My heart just isn't in acting and it wouldn't be fair. Don't take it personally. I wish I could see you everyday. I wish I could have the opportunity to work with you on a daily basis, but it just wouldn't be... right." I was breathless, trying to make verbal sense of my emotions and thoughts.

"I understand, Bella. It wouldn't be right if I took you away from your music. Go back to bed." I pulled him down to me and gave him a long, passionate kiss, he chuckled and left quietly. But I couldn't quite go back to sleep. I got up and started writing instead.

It was a Tuesday and I was sitting at the coffee shop finishing up the thirty-first song for possibilities for my album, when Nyxon showed up, "Bella!"

"Hey, Nyxon." I smiled politely and finished off my coffee.

"Fancy meeting you here." He chuckled at himself. "I wrote something for you."

Without hesitation he pulled out his guitar and started singing before I could even stop him.

"_There was a new girl in town._

_She had it all figured out,_

_Well, I'll state something rash,_

_She had the most amazing_

_Smile._

_With eyes like sunsets, baby._

_And legs that went on for days."_

I stopped him before he could go any further, "Nyxon, I told you not to write a song for me." I smiled.

"Technically, I only wrote a verse for you." He grinned widely. "So, what did you think?"

"Well, you're amazing. Really. Your voice is raw, your guitar playing is flawless, and the lyrics are simply perfect. Kudos." I wasn't lying either. If he got in touch with the right people, he could really make a name for himself.

"Wow, thanks. That means a lot to me." After that we started talking, it was evident that he was from Australia. He moved to LA when he was eighteen to pursue a music career. He'd been living out here for almost two years.

After about an hour and a half of straight back and forth talking I decided I would go home and start getting dinner ready. When I arrived I heard tinkling laughter coming from the TV room. That certainly wasn't Edward. My heart dropped, he would never cheat on me. I hoped.

"Uh, Edward? Are you here?" He appeared out of no where pulling a leggy brunette with him.

"Hey, babe. This is Heidi, she'll be portraying Gia. Heidi, this is my girlfriend Bella." She shook my hand. I smile widely, proud of the fact that Edward had called me his girlfriend.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella. I've heard so much about you." Her voice was thick with a Brazilian accent.

"Oh, funny. Edward's never mentioned you before." I looked her up and down. Her legs most likely came up to my chest, her entire body covered in a gorgeous bronze tan, her eyes were such dark blue that they almost looked purple. Her hair swayed down to her hips, a beautiful caramel brown. Her lips were full and pouty, hiding a set of perfectly white veneers.

Edward gave me a look. "Heidi, she's joking. Why don't you stay for dinner? Bella is an amazing cook."

I smiled my most heartwarming smile and Hoe-di, uh, I mean Heidi reluctantly agreed to stay. She told us all about herself, she moved here from Brazil when she was fifteen. She was a model until she turned twenty, and now she suddenly decided to become an actress, and was 'thrilled to get a chance to work with Edward Cullen'. Fucking gag me.

The worst part about it was that she had no shame, all through dinner she sat there and eye fucked Edward, I wanted to gouge out her pretty eyes and scream at her, uh hello! I'm sitting fucking right here!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The last week we had together was the best, everything was forgotten and he had gotten five days off, making it even better. We stayed up til all hours of the night talking and laughing, watching movies and dancing around to crappy music. He even cajoled a few songs out of me, which he praised me endlessly on.

But it all had to come to an end, like all good things in life.

He took me to the airport himself, hugging me at the entrance gate and even engaging a make-out session. "Promise me that even if we're apart we'll stay together, that we'll try." I gripped his waist tightly. "That nothing will change between us and we'll stay the same no matter what."

He pulled me away from his body and looked me straight in the eyes, "I promise, Bella. I swear, I don't want anything to change between us, I won't let it happen."

I smiled widely, hoping he meant it. "Here, I want you to have this." I held out the thinning brown leather bracelet.

"What is it?" He took it into his hand, examining it.

"It was Brennan's." I stopped him, before he could protest. "He would want you to have it, Edward, because you're so important to me. And, I'm hoping it'll help you remember me." I smiled, before taking him back into my arms.

He kissed the top of my head. "Like I could ever forget."

It took me forever, and all of my strength to walk away. I would miss his touch, his taste, his smell, his laugh, his voice, his body, and his amazingly perfect eyes. I would miss everything about this man. The funny feelings in my stomach ran rampant as I walked to my plane, telling me to turn back and stay with him as long as possible. But I couldn't, even though I was barely strong enough to let go of Edward for the time being. I couldn't let go of my dreams, so I had to go to New York and live my life and hopefully Edward would still be waiting for me when I had.

I flipped the bronze key in my hand, the one Edward had given me. He told me that it was as much my house as it was his now. That I was welcome anytime.

A thick, fat, traitor tear rolled down my cheek, causing a string of others to follow it. Goddammit.

As I sat in my first class seat, courtesy of Edward, I couldn't help but think we had left way too many things left unsaid.

Like, "I love you."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_Three weeks later, December, 2009._

I let the last note ring out in the recording studio. James following my lead with his strong falsetto. The last few beats died out. James wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. I shrugged out of it.

"I forgot, you aren't the touchy-feely type. Sorry," James joked.

I grabbed my water bottle and took a big gulp. "I am, just not with you." I spit a thin stream of water out, hitting him square in the face.

"Oh, you're gonna get it!" He chased me around the luxurious recording booth, grabbing me by the waist and throwing me down onto the couch, making me burst into a giggle fit when he started tickling me.

"Mercy! Okay, you win! You win!" I heard someone clear their throat, catching James and I off guard. I might have gasped when I saw who was standing in the doorway.

Edward.

I gasped audibly and wrenched myself out of James's grip flying into Edward's arms. My arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, my legs swung up to around his waist and I could feel his hands fly into the back pockets of my jeans. I can only imagine the looks he was giving James. I put my lips wherever I could make purchase. "Edward! I missed you so much! What are you doing here?"

"I don't start shooting until next week for the third movie, so I thought I would come and visit you and I have some good news." He smiled widely, leaning down to kiss me.

And for some reason the fact that I was making out with my boyfriend in the middle of my studio with my coworker watching us didn't even bug me. I just couldn't believe he was _here_ in front of me, in all his non-shaven glory, green eyes sparkling.

"What's the good news?" I asked him eagerly.

"Let's discuss it over lunch." He smiled devilishly as he looked over to the blonde guy sitting uncomfortably in the studio. "James, you'll cover for Bella, right?"

He rolled his eyes and nodded. I smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, James. I'll bring you back some coffee."

We walked out of the building, it was freezing cold. I wrapped my scarf around my neck tightly almost cutting off my own circulation. I searched through my pockets, coming up empty handed. "Shit, I forgot my fucking gloves."

"Here, I'll keep them warm for you." He took my hand in his, kissing the back of it with his warm lips. A camera flashed in the distance.

I froze and tried to get my hand away from Edward's, but he held onto it tightly. "Edward, the cameras! The contract, shit. We need an excuse."

"That's what I wanted to tell you about. In two months the contract is off, we can be open about us, we won't have to hide anymore. We can PDA!" He fist pumped in the air, causing me to laugh.

"How in the hell?"

"Basically, Tanya's character and Blake aren't together anymore, so there's no need for us to pretend to be together to please the audience. After the premiere we can announce our 'official break up'." He put the words dramatically into finger quotes.

I practically burst with happiness and all I wanted now were his hands on my body. "How about we skip lunch, and do something more... you know-" I didn't have to say a word before he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my apartment.

* * *

_Two weeks later._

I sat in the make-up chair, but instead of Alice doing my make-up it was some bitch named Tammy. "Tilt your chin. No the other way! I swear you pop stars just keep getting dumber." She muttered the last part and I resisted the urge to punch her in the face.

She spent most of her time putting thick concealer over my tattoos to cover them, it looked weird and unnatural. She added a final brush of shimmer shit on my cheekbones and dismissed me. I headed to the set, practically shaking in my flats.

James found me and laughed. "Bella, darling, do not be so scared. Music videos are easy. Trust me. You look great, by the way." I looked down at my skin tight skinny jeans, my off-white strapless shirt adorned with some kind of pastel flower print, the black lace short cover-up jacket thing, my shoes were baby pink flats.

"I, personally, think that the necklace is too much." I picked at the multi-layered pearl and crystal necklace.

"You look perfect Bella," James smiled at me, he was wearing a black shirt and jeans with a bright red leather motorcycle jacket. _That would look really good on Edward._

The director called us to set, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Bella go to your right, James the left."

I stepped onto a set that was set up to look like a party at someone's house, extras filled the set with me. There was two couches, a huge stereo on the right wall. James went to the opposite side of me, leaning against the wall by the door. This was the part of the video where we experience love at first sight, I guess.

I sat down on the couch with two male models and one girl with the longest legs I'd ever seen. The director yelled out, "Bella and James, all you need to do is lip-sync your lines and as soon as the first line is delivered look up, meet each others eyes and freeze, look like your holding your breath."

I could do that, it was easy. "And action!"

My voice came over the speakers, my lips forgetting to move with the line. "Cut!" I cringed away from the director's harsh voice, my face reddening. "Bella! Haven't you ever heard of lip-syncing, for Christ's sake!"

"Sorry, sir," I said lowly. He yelled action again and this time I didn't fuck up, I think.

We played the parts perfectly, apparently James and I had great chemistry.

We had to change outfits and retouch our make-up for a second time. For this scene I was in a black one shoulder dress that went down to my mid thigh, my make-up was dramatic smokey eyes and red lipstick, my hair was placed in a ballerina bun with tendrils around my face. The set was at a fancy dinner party thing. James and I were supposed to be looking longingly at each other from across the room. We didn't have to sing in this scene, we just let the music play by its lonesome. That was easy enough.

And finally for the third scene. This time it was a late night bedroom scene. I had to wear a _very_ short navy blue nightgown. My hair was messy and I wore nude make-up. I felt awkward and exposed as I played my part.

James and I were alone for this scene. And close. Very, very close. Too close for my liking. I was pushed up against the closet door as he stood in front of me trapping me. We lip-screamed our lines, he ran his hands over my cheekbones and along my figure, he would put his head into the nook between my neck and shoulder.

The director yelled cut. "Bella! Why do you look frightened, you're supposed to be in love with him and you're staring at him like he's a rapist! I want passion, people! Action!"

We started it over, and this time I pretended that Jame was Edward, that the blonde locks I was grasping with my fingers was actually bronze, the pair of blue eyes I was staring into were actually a miraculous shade of green. We were touching each other everywhere, pulling at each others clothes, panting hard, as like bridge of the song came to an end James crashed his lips onto mine, grabbing my waist and pulling it against him, I was frozen.

This wasn't Edward.

I shoved James off of me and quietly exited the set and entered my dressing room. I felt guilty, like I had betrayed Edward. A stream of tears went down my cheek. I was the worst girlfriend in the history of girlfriends.

There was a knock on my door before James entered, "Bella, I'm really sorry, things got carried away."

"Yeah, I know." I sniffled and wiped the tears away with a tissue.

"Shit, B. Are you crying?"

"Clearly." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Why? Was it that bad?"

"No, it's just Edward. I don't know, I feel guilty about it. I don't even know what to say when I tell him. Maybe I'm overreacting."

"Bella, Edward does kissing scenes and sex scenes all the time in his movies. I'm pretty sure he's already done one for the third movie, don't worry about it, doll face." The thought of him doing a sex scene with Heidi, let alone Tanya made my stomach twist and turn in unnatural way. "There's a few more scenes we need to do, so, put a smile on that gorgeous face of yours and lets go do it."

The scenes I had to do were individual scenes of me singing, simple things. I had to act like I was missing the love of my life, yeah _act, _trust me I wasn't pretending.

_One week later._

I got into my rented obnoxiously girly BMW and headed to the studio. I hate this car, I felt scared driving it, it was much too expensive to wreck, and with my luck I would probably hit a deer in the middle of NYC.

The radio DJ introduced the next song in his deep, rich voice. "The next song is brand spanking new, by everyone's favorite artist, James Dawson, but this time he's accompanied by a newcomer named Bella. Here is 'No Air'."

I held back my girly shriek. I'm on the freaking radio! Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

My voice rang out before the music started.

"_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air."_

I had the first verse, I listened in horror, hoping it would sound as good as it did in the studio.

"_If I should die before I wake,_

_It's cause you took my breath away,_

_Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh."_

James took over, his experienced voice making mine sound inadequate.

"_I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave._

_My heart won't move, it's incomplete,_

_Wish there was a way I can make you understand."_

I took over again, louder and more demanding this time around.

"_But how do you expect me, to live alone with just me?_

_'Cause my world revolves around you,_

_It's been so hard for me to breathe."_

This time it was the chorus, this time our voices harmonious, working together beautifully.

"_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air._

_Can't live, can't breathe with no air._

_That's how I feel whenever you ain't there,_

_There's no air, no air._

_Got me out here in the water so deep._

_Tell me how you gonna be without me._

_If you ain't here I just can't breathe._

_There's no air, no air._

_No air, air._

_No air,air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air."_

James had the first voice this time, as I was listening to this, it was like we were back in the recording studio.

"_I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew,_

_Right off the ground to float to you._

_There's no gravity to hold me down, for real."_

As my voice came back on I pictured us shooting the video, wondering how it would turn out.

"_But somehow I'm still alive inside._

_You took my breath but I survived._

_I don't know how, but I don't even care."_

We sang together this time, loud and strong. This was the part in the video of the bedroom scene. I kept picturing our kiss over and over again as I listened to the song, making my stomach queasy with guilt.

"_So how do you expect me to live alone with just me?_

_Cause my world revolves around you,_

_It's so hard for me to breathe._

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air._

_Can't live, can't breathe with no air._

_That's how I feel whenever you ain't there,_

_There's no air, no air._

_Got me out here in the water so deep._

_Tell me how you gonna be without me._

_If you ain't here I just can't breathe._

_There's no air, no air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_No more_

_There's no air, no air._

_Oh." _

Hearing my voice on the radio was creepy, was that how I really sounded. Not that I sounded bad, just different, I guess.

"_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air._

_Can't live, can't breathe with no air._

_That's how I feel whenever you ain't there,_

_There's no air, no air._

_Got me out here in the water so deep._

_Tell me how you gonna be without me._

_If you ain't here I just can't breathe._

_There's no air, no air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air._

_Can't live, can't breathe with no air._

_That's how I feel whenever you ain't there,_

_There's no air, no air."_

We alternated the next three lines starting with me, singing together on the last few.

"_Got me out here in the water so deep._

_Tell me how you gonna be without me._

_If you ain't here I just can't breathe._

_There's no air, no air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._

_No air, air._"

I let out a deep breath as the song finished, looking around and realizing that I was stopped in the middle of the road.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I pulled into the parking lot of the studio realizing that today was the day that I was going to be recording my first album. For some reason nerves were building up in my stomach, setting off my heart rate in panic. I gave myself a pep talk before entering the building and getting onto the elevator.

As soon as the elevator dinged Felix was there. "Bella! There you are! Are you excited, oh wait, dumb question of course you are. Come with me."

He dragged me down the hallway leading me into a moderately sized studio. The producing room had two black leather couches, a lime green bean bag chairs, and a small cot against the wall. It, of course, was adorned with all the necessary soundboards and recording/producing equipment. The walls were lined with heavy red fabric. There were three girls already in the studio, all of their backs facing towards me.

The one closest to me had on a black shirt with heavy gashes showing off her impressive tattoo covering her back, gorgeous black and white angel wings. Her hair, from what I could tell, was short and bleach blonde with heavy layers, it was pulled into two low pig tails revealing a tattoo the said 'Nici' in cursive letters on her neck, I could see a Chanel sign behind her left ear. She was tall, probably because she had impressively high heels on, but she was thin and had long ass legs that almost made Rosalie's look somewhat short.

The girl in the middle was sitting down, her light blonde hair pulled tight into a severe bun, she held her shoulders straight, like she was somewhat important.

And finally, the third girl. Her body mirrored the first girl. She had dirty blonde hair, held up in a short ponytail. She wore some slashed up skinny jeans and a lime green t-shirt with a pair of chucks. Something very similar to what I was wearing.

"Ladies, meet Bella. Bella, meet the Wintour twins and Jane." All three girls turned around. The first and third girls were obviously twins, with their identical sharp cheekbones, adorable button noses, full lips and scary gorgeous hazel eyes.

Girl number one stuck out her hand, I noticed a purple star in between her thumb and pointer finger. I smiled when she spoke in an adorable British accent. "I'm Rose Wintour. It's nice to finally meet you, that collab you did with James was seriously kick ass!"

I thanked her as she finally released my hand, I smiled when I saw yet another tattoo on the inside of her left wrist, the word 'Music' in loopy handwriting. A silver dot glinted on her right nostril, nose piercing.

"Thanks. Sweet tattoos." She smiled and thanked me.

Girl number two looked at me with menacing blue eyes, "Bella, I'm Jane, the main producer. Nice to meet you." Her smile was wicked and twisted. "These two don't do much, except play background music and attempt to produce." Girl number three rolled her eyes and stuck out her pierced tongue.

She curtseyed. "Hello, Bella. I'm Nicole Wintour, but everyone calls me Nici. I'm the only sane one in the bunch. Rose is a bit eccentric, especially when she drinks red bull and Jane here has a permanent stick up her ass, don't you Janie."

Jane just scoffed and turned her attention back to the sound boards. "Anyways, I play all things strings and Rose plays anything she can pound on, mainly drums and keyboard." Her accent was a little less pronounced than her sister's was.

"Good to know." I smiled as best I can, trying not to be intimidated.

Felix clasped his hands together. "Okay, well. I'll let you guys get started now. I expected the vocals of three songs to be done tonight. Nici and Rose get started on the background music ASAP. I want a single ready to release by tomorrow. Let's make some magic people." He left quickly, leaving Jane grumbling in his wake and the twins with their middle fingers in the air.

"What does he think we are, goddamn robots?" Rose grumbled while grabbing her drum sticks.

"I, uhm, I have about forty songs written with the music and lyrics, so yeah," I said uneasily, pulling out my notebook and sitting down on one of the couches with it.

Rose and Nici sat down on either side of me. I noticed Nici's tattoo. It said 'Rose' on her right wrist in bold letters with vines twisting through the letters. Her tragus was pierced with a diamond stud. It made me even more comfortable knowing these girls were a lot like me.

The twins and Jane, with some help from me, spent about an hour or so going through songs that I had written for the album. We picked out twenty that we all really liked and decided those would be the ones we would record. The hardest part was picking out a single, Jane said it was important to pick something out that would be catchy and would get me noticed.

Nici stepped into the recording booth with my music in front of her and her neon pink guitar strapped around her skinny body. Jane gave her a thumbs up and push a big red button. As soon as she started strumming Jane moved some of the levers up or down. Rose sat in the corner reading a magazine.

She was amazing. Way better than I ever could be. She played every note flawlessly, and she's never even seen the music before.

I sat down with Rose, looking over at her gossip mag. "Anything interesting?"

"Nothing new, pictures of Edward and Tanya, new Blake Viper numero dos stills, though." I grasped the magazine from her, "I think Edward is much too good for that fake piece of plastic, personally."

I flipped through the pictures of them together, _well at least he's not with Heidi. _He looked like he was in pain, I tried not to smile, he obviously didn't want to be with her. My eyes flicked down to his wrist, he was wearing the bracelet, I held back my excited screech.

* * *

I dragged my ass to the elevator of my apartment building, today was possibly the longest day in the history of days. We had fulfilled our requirements for the day, I now was the proud owner of a 'single'. Which Felix planned on releasing next Tuesday, which was the release day of the 'No Air' music video.

As the elevator alerted me that we had reached my penthouse I pulled out my keys, but I was confronted by more than just my lonesome door, Jake was standing there with a large bouquet of red roses. "Bella!" He ran up to me and crushed me in a hug, his pine tree scent filling my lungs as I hugged him back. "I've been calling you for days, I thought something happened to you!"

"Oh, Felix bought me a new phone, it's 'high-tech'." I rolled my eyes and let him into the apartment. He handed me the flowers. "Thanks, Jake."

"You're welcome." He sat down on the bar stool and started jittering, no, wait, scratch that he was vibrating.

"Jake, what's wrong?"

"Well, Bella. I came here to say something. But, I, don't know how to say it."

"You open your mouth and-" He gave me a look that told me to stop being a smartass.

"I love you, Bella."

I smiled and headed towards the fridge. "Yeah, Jake I love you, too. Do you want something to drink?"

"No, Bella! I'm, fuck, I'm _in_ love with you." He ran over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders, breathing hard. I stood there breathless, like someone had punched me in the stomach. He couldn't love me. No. Jake he's my best friend. He's like my brother. "Say something goddamn it."

"No."

"No? What does that mean?" His eyes were panicked.

"You're my best friend, you can't love me like that. We made mud pies together." I shook my head furiously, getting out of his grip and pacing around the kitchen.

"But we could be so much more together, Bella. I know you inside out, we're perfect for each other. I love you. Please, just give me a chance to prove myself, that's all I'm asking for. Please." He begged me with his impossibly dark eyes, moving closer to me with each deep breath.

I took in a shaky breath. "I love you, Jake. But, I, I'm in love with Edward." I bit my lip after hearing what I just said. It hadn't passed through my filter, the words just popped out, scaring the living shit out of me, but making me smile because it had finally clicked in my mind that I was in love with Edward.

Jake looked at me, shocked. He said nothing and left, slamming the door on his way out. I slid down the wall and curled myself into a ball and cried.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_Three days later._

"That's a wrap, great job, guys." I complimented my team as I took a sip of my water. Jane stepped out into the hallway. I stepped out of my booth and headed towards the producing room, overhearing a conversation on my way.

"It's all rock, Felix. What do you want me to do with it?" The voice was unmistakably Jane's.

"Ease her into our vision, if you bring her into it too quickly you'll scare her away."

I turned and entered my destination without being noticed. Much to my surprise James was standing there, "Bella! There you are, I've been searching for you everywhere."

"Oh, why?" I hopped onto the desk, sitting down with a non-graceful thud.

"I'm taking you out for lunch, come on let's go." I hesitated but grabbed the jacket that Felix had given me to wear after my leather jacket had gone missing from the studio. The new one was dark gray and had big buttons on it, ending right below my butt. It was kind of preppy, but it kept me warm.

We went to a little cafe and sat by the window. The paparazzi that followed us didn't escape my attention, snapping pictures of us as James moved a thick piece of my hair behind my ear, pulling me into his side to warm me up, putting his hand on the small of my back when he opened the door for me. I am willing to bet a million dollars that by the end of the day everyone will think that James and I are a couple in love.

Our lunch was quick, Felix called and told me to hurry back because he had a surprise for me. The surprise was a whole new wardrobe provided by a clothing company that had donated some money to the studio, I was to wear the clothes, name drop the designer so that in return the designer's name would become popular. Yay.

It took me an hour to put all the clothes into my closet, and when they finally were all placed neatly in the far back it looked like Barbie threw up everywhere. Fuck.

I turned on my TV only to see pictures from me and James's date, I immediately pushed the power button and picked up my phone dialing Edward's number.

It rang until it reached his voice mail. "Hey, Edward. It's me, Bella. Uhm, if you've seen the pictures of James and I, ignore them, we're just friends. I hope you've had a good day so far. Uh, yeah. Call me back." I hung up the phone. A few minutes later I got a text message from Edward.

_Hey, I can't talk much today, sorry. Talk to you soon. Xoxo._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_One month later._

"This is Ryan Seacrest here with the lovely Bella, singer of the hit single 'Hot'. Welcome, Bella. We're excited to have you here."

I smiled politely and readjusted my headphones, leaning into the microphone in front of me. "Thanks, Ryan. I'm excited to be here." Cliché line, I know.

"So, tell all of our listeners how it feels to have your first ever single go straight to number two in the same week as it's released and then to number one the next week and staying there."

I cleared my throat, I saw this question coming. "Well, it's been surreal. Everything's happened so fast, ya know. I signed with Jive and in no time I was in the studio with James recording 'No Air', then I was in the studio recording my first album. And after 'Hot' was release I heard the song everywhere. It was kind of scary to tell you the truth. But, I'm beyond grateful for it."

"Going back to James, anything happen there?"

I laughed nervously as I internally rolled my eyes. "No, we're friends, honest to goodness. My two best friends aren't in New York at the moment, Alice Whitlock is with her husband in Paris and my best friend Rosalie McCarty is with her family right now. James and I became friends in the studio, he's kind of like my mentor." I smiled and twisted my fingers in my lap.

"Well, if not James, then who is the lucky man?" I had two more weeks til I could be open about my relationship with Edward. Just two more weeks.

"I have a boyfriend, but his identity is a secret, for now at least."

"We'll be waiting. I hear your leaving for LA tonight, tell us what you'll be doing over there."

"I'm going to be filming the music video for 'Hot' and attending the 'Blake Viper Two' movie premiere. I'm so excited."

"Sounds like a fun time. Well, thanks so much for joining us. Enjoy LA." I thanked him again as exited as my song played in the background.

Next stop? LAX.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was late when I arrived at the airport,f but everything was moving at a million miles a minute, I had to go meet Peter Robinson, the director of my music video, and the male lead who would be playing my love interest.

I went to grab my suitcase but Joss grabbed it instead. "Thanks, Joss."

She handed me my hideous bug-eyed sunglasses and a beanie as she called for my body guards Dimitri and Sam. They stood in front of me and Joss guarded me from behind, yelling at the cameras. "For shit's sake people! Move, let her through!"

Reporters left and right were asking me questions, Joss whispering into my ear telling me what to say. But, in all honesty, I didn't comprehend what I was saying, I was too tired to care. I just wanted my hotel room and food, God, I wanted food. Chocolate and spaghetti and greasy pizza. My stomach started rumbling.

In the twenty minutes it took to reach my hotel room I had fallen asleep twice, both times I was woken up by Joss's sniggers, apparently I was sleep talking about cheeseburgers.

Joss checked me in under the name Delilah Tulipson. Don't even ask me where it came from. As soon as I hit the bed I was out like a light. These past few weeks have been murder, photo shoots, recording, interviews, cameras following me everywhere, rumors about me and James, me and Jake, me and some guys I haven't even met yet.

I could hear Joss taping away on her keyboard and a loud knock coming from my room door, "That better be room service."

"Close, it's your boss and director."

"Tell them I died." She laughed at me and opened the door as I threw the scratchy blankets over my head.

"Where's Bella?" It was Felix, yuck. He's a dickhead.

"Right here, almighty Felix. What can I do for you?" I popped out of the bed, startling the two men in the room.

"This is Peter Robinson, you're music video director." Peter stuck out his hand and I grasped it firmly. He gasped as he looked at my tattoos.

"Wow, you're different than I was expecting."

"Yeah, well. Felix makes me cover up the tatts. He's trying to give me a good girl persona, and the ink messes it up." I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue, "Peter, would you like a drink?"

"Yeah, a water would be great." I tossed him a bottle and I grabbed one for myself.

"I would like one too."

"You have legs and hands, you can get it yourself." I smiled sweetly at Felix as Peter laughed.

"I like her, Felix."

"You hear that, FeFe? He likes me."

Felix grumbled as he grabbed himself a bottle of water. "For your love interest we've gotten a hold of one of the hottest young actors, we asked him and he agreed immediately. "Edward, come on in."

My heart dropped as I watched Edward walk in and give a small wave, "Hey everyone, Bella." He gave me that panty-dropping crooked smile and I almost died.

Peter motioned for Edward to take a seat on the edge of the bed beside me, "I can almost feel the chemistry crackling between these two. Anyways the first half of the song will be cut between two scenes. In one, Bella will be in a stunning black dress on the red carpet, not singing, the camera will zoom in on Edward's face a few times."

"The second will be of her in a more casual, funky outfit singing to the camera. The next portion of the video will be of Bella backstage in a lime green corset outfit with backup dancers singing and dancing to the song, this portion will always feature her singing to the camera in the scene aforementioned," he continued.

"Next part will be a cut between the backstage scene and Bella singing to the camera in a different outfit, something like a comfy pair of jeans and a hoodie. After this she'll be on stage performing, this is where she sees Edward and pulls him up onstage, she starts teasing him and dancing with him. Then a street scene where you pull him into a closet and take advantage of him, this scene has to be passionate and hot, I want clothes coming off and heavy touching and kissing, you got it?"

"Easy enough." Edward and I answered at the exact same time, in the exact same tone of voice. Everyone gave us weird glances. "Could you give Bella and I some alone time so we can practice." Thank you, Edward.

They all complied and left, Joss gave me a thumb's up while making inappropriate gestures behind Edward's back.

As soon as the door closed I tackled him pushing my lips onto his. "I. Missed. You. So. Much." I said in between kisses. He laughed and rolled me onto my back so he could have the advantage.

"I missed you, too, love." We kissed for what seemed like hours before we finally stopped and started a conversation, which was something we hadn't had in a long time. Every time we talked we didn't even have enough time to exchange pleasantries, it was getting harder and harder with our schedules.

"So, how's life treating you?" I took a bite out of the Chinese room service food.

"Busy, I'm so ready to be done with this movie. Five more months." He smiled widely and piled and enormous amount of rice onto his plate. "How's the music industry?"

"Hectic."

"Nice music video." I could tell he was bitter, it must've been hard seeing james and I kiss onscreen like that.

"Hey, I warned you before hand! And I told you, he attacked me. Don't be jealous." I slowly crawled over to him, swinging my leg over his body, straddling his waist. "Believe me, _you_ are the one I want." I leaned down and kissed him slowly.

"Good." He went at it like horny teenagers a while more before we finally settled down. "How's Jacob?"

"I haven't talked to him in a while."

"Why? Did he do something?"

"No, he told me that he was in love with me." I looked down at me hands, feeling him stiffen beside me.

"What did you say?" He sat up, placing his food on the bedside table.

I struggled to say it, I felt like I was going to barf. I could feel Edward's eyes begging me to look at him. I whispered it low enough for him to barely hear me. "I told him I was in love with, uh, with someone else." I could feel him relax automatically.

"Say it, Bella."

"I can't unless you do. But, don't say it unless you mean it." I finally got my courage up and met his piercing green eyes. My hands played with my emerald necklace nervously.

"Isabella, I'm in love with you."

"I'm in love with you, too."

He smiled so widely that I thought his face would crack in half. "You don't know how long I'vewant to say that and have you say it back."

Joss texted me and let me know that she got another hotel room so that Edward and I could stay together. I've never loved her more than I did in that moment.

We were laying in bed when he turned to me giving me a puzzeled look, "Bella, what are you thinking about?"

I cleared my throat and answered honestly. "How much it's going to hurt if you break my heart."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_One week later, movie premiere._

I got out of the limo in my floor length blue gown. This was my first red carpet and I was determined not to screw it up. A blonde reporter stopped me on my way up, "Bella! Can you tell me about filming your latest music video with Edward Cullen?"

"It was great, Edward's a great actor, he did a wonderful job. We had a lot of fun of set, the video is due to come out in two weeks." I smiled and thanked her and moved on. After the pictures blinded me Joss escorted me into the viewing room. Edward was seated a few tables over, with Tanya on his arm. He glanced over and gave me a tight smile.

The movie was good, I closed my eyes through the kissing scenes and laughed a little too loudly when Edward's character shot Tanya's character in the back.

When I left that night for New York, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Edward, his phone was off I guess.

I got on the plane, wishing I could tell him that I loved him one more time.

_May, 2010._

I sat in my neon green bean bag in the mixing room playing with my emerald necklace, swiping it back and forth on the thin silver chain. I had just finished my first album, I couldn't believe it. I stared at my phone screen, waiting for Edward's name to pop up with an explanation as to why he hadn't called me in eleven days. _He's just busy, he's just filming the last scenes of the third movie._

There was a knock on the door. "Bella, Felix wants to see you."

"I'm coming, Katie." I slipped on my flip-flops and opened the door.

Katie stood there with her guitar case, her light blue eyes sparking and her long brown hair twisted up into a knot, "What did you do this time, Bella?" Her Irish accent rang in my ears.

I shrugged. "I don't even know. Is he pissed?"

"Livid." She patted me on the back as I began to walk away. "Good luck, B." She sighed and laughed as I walked away.

I swung the door open to Felix's office and plopped down in one of the chairs in front of his office. "What's up, boss?" I grabbed a chocolate candy out of the crystal bowl on his desk.

"Isabella, what will it take for me to get you to behave?"

"Let me out of my contract." I joked and shrugged simply as his face turned red, "Felix, I don't even know what I did this time. Honest."

"Well, let's see you ran down the street screaming 'Felix Volturi is a tool'. And not to mention all of your little performances down at that scraggly bar that I never approved of." I told Rose I would perform, and I did, almost every Thursday night ever since she got back after her dad passed away.

"There was nothing in my contract forbidding any of those acts." I propped my feet up on his expensive desk and crossed my arms over my lap. "I rest my case. Damn I should be on 'Law & Order'."

"I deserve respect from you! Without me you would've been nothing. I made you, Isabella." He stood up and pounded his fist onto his desk.

"You made me into your own personal barbie doll." I pointed down at my grossly pink shirt and flowy white skirt. "You made me into something I never wanted to be. No one ever fucking mentioned that creative control meant controlling my style, my hair, my make-up. And no one ever said that you could take my music and contort it into something that makes me want to throw up rainbows."

"You signed the contract, my dear." He smiled wickedly.

"Well, then let's thank God that I only have two more weeks." I stomped out of his office and re-entered my studio.

Nici was playing her guitar and Rose was banging on her drums. Once they saw me they rushed to my side. Rose sat down beside me, growling in her British accent. "What in the hell has Felix done this time?"

"Apparently his new mission in life is to make me behave. He claims that he 'made' me." I laughed humorlessly as they both rolled their eyes.

Nici smiled, "B, you're almost out of here, just try to make it through the next two weeks."

"Yeah, I- Holy fucking shit! Is that Justin Bieber!?" Rose squealed, instantly trying to flatten her already straight hair.

"Rose Megan Wintour! He's like ten years old!" I screamed, pulling her away from the door.

"He's fifteen!"

"Yeah, and you're twenty!" Nici protested, laughing at her twin sister.

She applied a bit of her bright red lipstick. "There's nothing wrong with being a cougar."

I laughed at her antics, "Rose, that may be true, but there is something wrong with being a pedophile." She ran out of the booth after him, probably scaring him half to death. "That poor, poor boy."

I looked back down at my phone, I turned it off and threw it at the couch. "Bella, he'll call, he's just... busy."

"Yeah, whatever Nic, he's been busy for the past six months, but he's managed to at least call or text me once every few days." I sighed, frustrated.

"Sorry, Bells. Boys will be boys. I've gotta go find Rose so we can meet our mum for lunch." I nodded understandingly.

"Have fun." She thanked me and grabbed her bag roughly, sending a People's magazine to the floor in front of my feet.

On the cover was a picture of an overly happy Edward with Heidi tucked under his arm, his lips pressed firmly to the top of her head. I couldn't stop the tears this time. He looked happy, truly happy. How could he do this to me?

The worst part of it is, I could've been Heidi, that could've been me. But, I turned it down, I turned Edward down.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**So, I'm just going to go run and hide from the daggers and pitchforks now...**

**I'm sorry about this guys, but I didn't want to drag everything out. I actually took out about 5 pages of writing because it was just too long and annoying.**

**I know it maybe be confusing that I have a Rose and a Rosalie whose nickname is Rose, but the real Rose has helped me so much and I felt like I owed her this, in the future chapters I will make it exponentially clear which Rose is which, don't worry ;)**

**But, this chapter was crucial and it was basically just a bunch of important scenes put into one chapter instead of having like six or seven chapters filled with the same shit.**

**If you liked it, review. If you didn't, tell me what went wrong for you.**

**Okay, and I'm officially going into hiding..... NOW.**

**love you**


	19. Static

**Thank you so much for the reviews! They were all amazing! This chapter is a short one.**

**Thanks to Joss as always, you are serious amazing and I don't know what I'd do without chyaa. :)**

**Enjoyyy !**

**EPOV**

"I'm so nervous," Bella said through the phone as I looked over my script. Her words were entering my ear but they weren't quite making the whole trip to my brain. I really needed to get this scene down, for some reason the lines were still giving me trouble. "Edward?"

"Yeah, babe." I felt like a dick, but that was probably because I was being a dick. I wasn't ignoring Bella _per se_ but I wasn't listening like I should have been.

"Do you want me to let you go?" She sounded reluctant and let down. I flipped the page of my script and mentally cringed away from it, it was the Blake/Gia sex scene.

"No! I'm just trying to memorize these lines. I'm sorry, Bella. I want to talk to you more than anything, honest." I shut the script and shoved it aside, knowing that Bella was more important than the movie.

"It's really not a problem. I don't want to be the cause of the downfall of your acting career because you didn't memorize the script," she joked, but I could hear the nervous edge on her voice.

"Bella, this is the first time we've been able to have a phone conversation in over a month. The script can wait."

"If you insist. Which scenes are you shooting tomorrow?"

I wanted to tell her about the sex scene, I honestly did, but, I didn't know how to word it so I didn't. "Uhm, just a few action scenes really. The usual." Keeping things from Bella was dumb, because she could see through me like a wide open window, but I would tell her later. "What are your plans for this evening?"

"Edward, you've asked me that twice already. But, third times the charm. I'm doing an interview on Letterman."

"Ahh, Letterman is a lot of fun. He was my first late night show. He'll go easy on you, well I hope so anyways." My doorbell rang.

"I'll just let you go, since you have company and all. I have to get ready anyways. I'm glad we finally got to talk."

"Yeah, me too, Bella, I've missed you. I love you."

"Yeah, love you too." She hung up, leaving my stomach in an uncomfortable situation, telling my mind that something definitely wasn't right.

Heidi walked in the door. "Edward! I brought take out. Chinese." I hate Chinese, I never have liked it, and most likely never will.

"Uh, thanks, Di. But, did you come over for any other particular reason?" She spun around quickly, looking embarrassed. She sat down a carton of rice, biting her lip.

"Well, actually, I kinda wanted to practice, I've never done a scene like this before, Edward. I'm scared that I won't do it right. So, I was hoping we could do a little private rehearsal." She ran her slim finger down my chest.

I grabbed her hand and pulled it away from my body, "Heidi, I have a girlfriend. You're a beautiful girl, really, but I love Bella, and there's nothing you can do to change that."

"Edward, she's in New York. She won't find out. Plus, we're not doing anything wrong, we're just rehearsing, your an actor and I'm an actress, it's in the job description. She'll understand." She huffed at my reluctance and sat down on a bar stool. "I'm not asking you to fall in love with me, Edward. I just want to be more than just your co-worker. I'm attracted to you and you're attracted to me, don't act like it's not true. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to go out on lunch dates and be with you all day on set, to have you flirting with me or checking me out accidentally and not be able to touch you because of some fake-ass girlfriend that you left behind in New York!? Look at her Edward!"

She threw down a magazine of Bella and James walking down the street. James' arm was around her shoulders, she was laughing, looking like she was having the time of her life. "She's happy, and all you do is sit around and mope over her, how is that fair?"

I ground my teeth together, throwing the magazine across the room in anger. "She's not fake." Those were the only words I could get out.

"Are you being serious, Edward? This sure as hell wasn't the Bella that you told me about. the one you fell 'head over heels in love with', who are you trying to fool? I told you fame would change her. Stop being so goddamn ignorant and open your eyes, she's changed whether you like it or not. She hides her tattoos, now? Where are her piercings? Colored hair? And what about her music? I've seen her old videos on YouTube and her music has done a complete three-sixty." I didn't say anything, I just made up mental arguments in my mind, defending Bella.

"I think you should leave. I'll see you tomorrow." She grabbed her take out bag and left, heels clicking on the solid black marble on her way out.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Cut! Change scene." The director called the scene, my stomach was in knots. I'd been dreading this next scene since the beginning of filming. I checked my watch, it was only ten at night. I would be able to catch Bella on _David Letterman_, hopefully. "Edward! Set seven! Now!"

I rushed to set seven, the bedroom set. Heidi was already there in her black leather cat suit, her newly colored locks a perfect imitation of Bella's chocolate hair, that I missed more than I cared to admit.

I was hauled into the dressing rooms and a robe was thrown to me, I threw it on quickly, embracing the odd feeling of being naked under the soft, silk robe. I grabbed my phone before I was called into make-up and hair.

Twelve missed calls, only two from Bella. The rest were from Alice, she'd been frantically trying to get a hold of me lately, but with her being all the way over in Europe we were on completely different schedules it makes talking almost impossible.

I texted Bella.

_I miss you. I can't wait to see you on Letterman! I love you xoxo._

I wanted to wait around for a reply from her, just to know that she had gotten my message and knew that I'd be with her in some small way and that I still loved her but one of the stage managers, Zafrina, a frightening Amazonian woman, pulled me out of my dressing room and sat me down in a make-up chair. Someone attacked me with a mister bottle thing and soaked my hair completely through. The make-up artist finished up and sent me on my way to the set.

Heidi was talking to the director about something with a thick script in her hands. He was making weird, sensual motions in the air with his hands. She caught my eye and winked, blowing a kiss towards me as I smiled at her, breaking down the nerves that might've been building up in her stomach. I knew going into this that it would be her first sex scene and I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible, even though she insulted Bella and made me feel like an idiot yesterday.

I took my position behind the fake bathroom set door and waited for Caius to call action, chanting to myself, "It's Bella, it's Bella." Knowing that if Bella's face and body were in my mind this would prove to be my best sex scene yet. I was already getting a tight feeling in my stomach seeing Bella in Heidi's outfit.

"Action." I waited for a total of eight exact seconds before I entered the fake room. I acted as if something was off, looking around the room with a suspicious look on my face. Caius called out, "And Heidi, go." Heidi's wire dropped her down from the ceiling.

I felt her pull me into a headlock and flip me onto the bed. I grabbed her and threw her into the wall, making the fake drywall crumble. She laughed humorlessly and did a flip ending up behind me, she whispered seductively in my ear, "Submit."

"Not a chance." I grabbed her waist and pinned her onto the bed. Unzipping her leather suit down the front, revealing black lace lingerie. She struggled under my weight and when I finally had her undressed she kicked me off of her, but I got away and pinned her against the wall.

"I've missed you, Blake." She pulled my lips roughly against her. _Bella, Bella. _My lips attacked her neck roughly as she slowly let my robe slide down my back, leaving me completely naked.

"Cut! Edward! What in fuck's sake is on your ass?" I stared at him in complete confusion before twisting around to look at my ass cheek. I smiled like a fool remembering that night. I grabbed my robe and put it back on.

"It's a tattoo, Caius. What does it look like?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not a total idiot. Who the hell is 'B'?"

I couldn't stop the grin the captured my face, "No one, you nosey bastard," I joked

He called the make-up artists to set so that they could cover up my tattoo with concealer. And fuck, it was cold. After a few uncomfortable minutes of having my ass worked on, Caius called the scene and we began again. This time Heidi was more aggressive, fueling my anger towards her. Our scene was rough, but became passionate through my Bella induced haze.

But Heidi wasn't Bella. She didn't make the sounds Bella did, soft, sweet and desperate. She tasted like caramel and smelled like expensive perfume instead of strawberries. Her body was solid muscle unlike Bella's soft body. It didn't feel right when I ran my fingers through the rough texture of Heidi's hair after being used to the silkiness of Bella's. I wanted Bella now more than ever.

The scene eventually finished and I ran from set so that I could get dressed. I checked my phone on my way out the door, no new messages. I tried calling Alice back but she didn't answer.

I drove about seventy miles an hour on the way home, just barely making it inside the front door to flip on my flat screen and watch David Letterman greet Bella.

She looked gorgeous of course, as if I expected anything less. She was in a short, strapless, simple sapphire dress. Her hair held in a bun at the base of her neck with pieces falling around her face. But she wasn't my Bella. Her tattoos were hidden, her lip piercing gone, her hair now a normal chocolate brown, her music was pop now, no longer it's unique rock genre. Everything about her that made her different and set her apart was now gone and camouflaged. I love Bella more than anything, but I just couldn't understand why she would change everything about herself just to fit in. I guess Heidi had a small, microscopic point.

"Welcome, Bella. It's so nice to have you here, finally."

"Thanks, David. It's amazing to be here, finally." The audience chuckled lightly at her good nature.

"So, tell us what you've been up to."

She crossed her legs and folded her hands on her lap, her cheeks tinting pink. "I've been enjoying my freedom lately, doing a few concerts here and there, making appearances, and promoting my album. Ever since I got out of the studio life had been pretty hectic." I'm sure that was an understatement.

"Tell us what it's like to go from singing in a bar one day and being a superstar with three number one hit singles the next."

"It's crazy, I mean, I'm sure you can imagine. I never expected any of this and when my first song _ever_ hit number one I felt like I was in a dream."

David took a sip from his coffee cup. "Your career is very rare. Most singers go through many smaller recording companies or other gigs, maybe a few failed albums before they really hit it big time, but you shot from nothing straight to number one."

"Yeah, I've been aware of that fact since day one. I never really went out and searched for a record deal, I just wrote music and preformed at my friends' bar, I enjoyed that. I loved it actually but one day my manager found me and it felt like the next day she had gotten me an interview with Jive and now here I am."

"Tell us a little bit about your background, where are you from, parents, siblings?"

She noticeably fidgeted in her seat. "I was born in raised in NYC by my grandparents, Richard and Anna Swan, only child." She smiled nervously, passing off this blatant lie.

"Richard Swan? Wow, talk about connections. For those of you that don't know, Richard Swan is one of the founders of Summit Entertainment." How did I not realize this, how could she not tell me this?

She looked even more uncomfortable than she did a moment before. "Yes, he was extremely disappointed when I told him acting was not in my future. So instead he taught me about music."

"And, obviously it had paid off, you are a very talented singer as well as musician. We've heard that you play numerous instruments."

"Thank you, and yeah, I play the guitar, both six and twelve string, piano, drums, violin and keyboards. Music has always been my life, I'm always working on learning new instruments."

"A little birdie told us that you're also academically talented, any college plans?"

She looked confused by this comment but answered anyways. "I graduated high school at sixteen and I didn't have any intention of going to college, but it always will be on my plan B list."

"It's no secret that you have some pretty intense fans, every time you go outside there's always someone wanting your autograph, what's that like?"

"It's amazing, just knowing that someone actually likes my music and enjoys listening to it. I put a lot of hard work into writing this album, so I'm just glad that the had work had paid off."

"You wrote the entire album!?"

"Yeah, I always write about my feelings and what I'm going through at that time, and I've been going through a lot lately so the album basically just wrote itself, which was very convenient for me."

"I've had the pleasure of actually listening to your album in full, now that main story of this album is about love. Who were you writing about?"

"Well..." Her face was blazing red as he laughed, she looked ready to run, but surprisingly she didn't.

"I know everyone's been dying to ask you this question, who's the lucky man? James, Jacob, Edward?"

This was the question that I could tell she'd been dreading. We'd never announced that we were a couple and we both weren't sure if we wanted to, knowing that we'd never escape the media attention and that it could potentially ruin our relationship.

"I''m afraid that it's top secret. If I told you I couldn't guarantee that you'd live another day. But, James is more like my mentor, he showed me the ropes of the music business and he's always helping me creatively. Jake and I have been best friends since we were in diapers and Edward is one of my close friends, his sister is actually my best friend, so we met through her." Nice lie, Bella.

"Hmm, but I'm sure all three have been trying to impress you." He chuckled at himself.

"Oh, yes of course," she said sarcastically with a beautiful laugh. "But, all three of them mean a lot to me. I wouldn't be where I am if I wasn't for them."

"Well, I hear that you'll be performing for us tonight." She nodded and he turned to the camera. "It's time for a commercial break but stick around because when we come back Bella will be performing two of her hit singles when we come back!"

I waited in agony for the commercials to come to an end, taking the three minute opportunity to grab a beer from my fridge.

When It did come back on, I wanted to jump for joy, but I resisted. She headed to the stage and took the mic in her hand, sitting on a stool.

The first song she sang was 'Hot', the song that we did the video for. I would give anything to be able to go back to that week, to be able to be with Bella, so care free and happy. To watch her in her element and be able to put my hands all over her with no accusations. The song finished up in no time.

And it was time for the second song, I sat on the couch wondering if she was going to sing 'Catch Me' or 'Can't Find the Words'. She whispered to her guitar player, who she mentioned was named Nici, or something.

"Hey guys, we've got a little change in songs, sorry about the inconvenience. This song is called 'Static'. I actually wrote this earlier today, so it's going to be a little rough."

The guitar started with a piano in the back and a steady beat on the drums.

Her voice, as always, was beautiful and raw. Perfection.

"_It was all so crystal clear,_

_Words like music in my ear._

_We had it goin' on, but something's wrong,_

_Something's changed._

_'Cause when I'm with you these days_

_You feel a million miles away._

_Connection's not so strong,_

_What's goin' on, what's goin' on?"_

I cringed when I realized that this song was about me and our suffering relationship. We never had time to talk, it felt like we were on totally opposite schedules most of the time. We tried to have at least one phone conversation a week, but we were lucky if it lasted more than ten minutes. Our texts were spread apart through large amounts of time, and we could never have one solid exchange. I hated hearing the words come out of her mouth, but I knew what she was saying was utterly true. I grabbed the remote and cranked up the volume, making sure I didn't miss a beat.

"_'Cause every time I try to talk to you,_

_I end up feeling so confused._

_Like you can't hear a word I'm saying._

_When I'm trying to be close to you,_

_I'm having trouble getting through._

_I can't stand it, it's so tragic_

_I feel static between us._

_You turn your back then you take my hand,_

_It's getting hard to understand._

_Is it you, is it me?_

_Is it time and space you need._

_When you're here, you're not around._

_Communication breaking down._

_If I say goodbye to you will I get through? _

_Will I get through?"_

I wanted to scream at the TV, and say 'No! You can't say goodbye. I don't know what I'd do'. My heart was breaking, and her face was masking her hurt and fear.

"_Cause every time I try to talk to you,_

_I end up feeling so confused._

_Like you can't hear a word I'm saying._

_When I'm trying to be close to you,_

_I'm having trouble getting through._

_I can't stand it, it's so tragic_

_I feel static between us._

_Feelings fading in and out,_

_Tell me what do we do now?_

_Hold tight, or let it go._

_Oh I don't know._

_Hello? Are you really there?_

_Or have you disappeared?_

_Oh, I can't tell._

_Feels like I'm talkin' to myself._

_Cause every time I try to talk to you,_

_I end up feeling so confused._

_Like you can't hear a word I'm saying._

_When I'm trying to be close to you,_

_I'm having trouble getting through._

_I can't stand it, it's so tragic_

_I feel static."_

I grabbed my phone and checked the time. It was late and I knew she'd be dead asleep by now, so I opted for a text.

_Hold tight._

_I need you._

_I love you._

I pushed send knowing that she'd understand.

I couldn't help but feel as if I was losing her, losing _us_, but maybe that's because I was. I was losing everything and there was nothing I could do.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Well, uh, so... if you could avoid throwing pointy objects at me, it'd be very much aprreciated.**

**To be honest I loathed that chapter, I wouldn't blame you if you agree.**

**The song for this chapter was 'Static' by Everlife.**

**Bella's album contains these songs, in case you wanted to check them out:**

**'This Love' by The Veronicas**

**'Can't Find the Words' by Karina**

**'Hot' by Avril Lavigne**

**'Catch Me' by Demi Lovato**

**Those are only a few, but thanks for reading. If you enjoyed it don't forget to leave me a review!**

**Thankss :)**

**Devyn.**


	20. Come Back When You Can

**Thanks to all of you for being patient, I don't know if you knew this but I was in France for ten days, which is why this chapter took so long, it was amazing! I can't wait to go back.**

**And of course thank you for all the reviews and alerts, they mean the world to me.**

**AND THANKS TO JOSS WHO BASICALLY KICKS ASS! She's the worlds coolest beta. Enough said.**

**The song for this chapter is 'Come Back When You Can' By Barcelona.**

**And now onto chapter twenty.**

**BPOV**

"Thank you, again for not bringing up anything involving Bella's past." Joss shook David Letterman's hand and smiled gracefully.

"Not a problem, Miss Diaz. Bella, it was a pleasure, I hope I'll be hearing from you soon." He gave me a business-like hug and walked away.

That performance, well, was emotionally and physically draining, especially since I haven't slept for what felt like years. I was dead on my feet, which were screaming to get out of these goddamn stilettos. I thanked my band again before I got into the limo and headed home, my thoughts were focused around my performance. I knew for a fact that Felix would be pissed about my last second set change, but tomorrow my contract would be over and I would never have to deal with him again. Thank little baby Jesus.

I wondered if Edward saw it, maybe he would understand what I have been desperately trying to say, but also desperately trying to hide from him. But, maybe I was only hiding it because I didn't want to admit it to myself. Our relationship was slowly slipping through the cracks, crumbling away before our eyes. Being on the complete opposite coast as Edward was harder than I ever expected. We never had the time to talk and when we did it felt like he didn't care, even though he said he did. Every time those words left his mouth the first word that popped into my head was _lies,_ it made me sick to my stomach, but I ignored it as best as I could. I didn't know what to do or what to think. I just wanted everything to go back to normal. Ha! Normal. A word that has never described me or my life and most likely never will.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

I woke up relatively early the next morning. I could hear the maid in my living room sweeping. The toilet flushed. Joss must have stayed last night. She came walking into my room with a toothbrush stuck in the side of her mouth, foamy toothpaste seeping out of her lips, making her look like a rabid dog.

"She's alive!" She proclaimed loudly. I made a face before giving her the finger and slowly getting out of bed.

"What do I have to do today?" I asked rubbing my sleepy eyes.

"First, you need to take a shower because you look like hell, no offense," she said.

"None taken." I waited to hear the rest of my schedule.

"And then you have the rest of the day free. I will take care of all the contract business and the Felix bullshit this afternoon and then we can go out for drinks." Joss smiled as she headed back into my bathroom.

"Joss, you know I don't drink. I haven't since the accident." She popped her head from the bathroom with a look of horror on her face. She shook her head and apologized profusely. I assured her that it was fine and she went back inside.

"You have so many oral hygiene products, it's unnatural," I heard her call out from the bathroom.

"Oh, shut up. You're the one who has an unhealthy obsession with the Kings of Leon." Her jaw dropped as she she ran towards me. I ran squealing but she managed to tackled me to the bed.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

I walked down the street with cameras in tow. My music was blaring in my ears through my iPod, directing my thoughts to the lyrics instead of the fans screaming my name and pulling on my clothing, making it hard to ignore them. I really shouldn't have dismissed my body guards for the day.

I pulled open the door to Loretta's. It was eerily quiet. I felt awkward and unsure of what to do. I waited for Loretta to walk in from the back room or for Shawnee to scream my name , but nothing happened. I walked slowly to the back of the salon, feeling like I was in some messed up horror movie waiting for a masked man to jump out with a chainsaw at any moment.

I knock on the storage room door. "Loretta?"

She swung the door open, her eyes appraised me harshly making me cringe. "Can I help you?" she asked indifferently.

I didn't know what to say. She had never treated me like this before in my life. She's always been so welcoming and gentle. "Uh, hi Lo?" It was more a question than a greeting.

"Is there a reason why I'm so lucky to be graced with your presence this fine morning?" She closed the door to the back room and led me out to the main room of the salon. "Maybe you're doing some charity work around the neighborhood?"

I stumbled over my words, not knowing what to do or say. "I don't understand what you're getting at, Loretta? If I've done anything to offend you, I'm-" She cut me off.

"Don't even apologize. I haven't heard from you in almost seven months, not even a phone call or a postcard. I have to hear about your life from a goddamn magazine. Shawnee's always asking where you are, but every time we call or visit there's always someone there reminding us that we aren't important enough to be in contact with you. I don't even know you anymore. Look at you. Everything that set you apart is gone. Your tattoos are hidden with make-up, I've never seen your hair that plain. And your clothes? What the hell, Bella? Everything you wear costs hundreds of dollars, only designer names. Goodwill must not be good enough for you now that you're famous and have millions of adoring fans. But here's a newsflash Bella, Shawnee and I were your fans before everyone else, we were here for you, always. And you left us in your wake, not even bothering to care anymore."

"That's not true and you know it." The words were intended to sound harsh and final but came out soft, falling to the floor in front of me.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me in front of one of the mirrors, she left me there and grabbed a picture from her desk and shoved it into my hands. It was a picture of Shawnee and me last year for Shawnee's birthday. "Look at this picture and tell me you haven't changed, changed to what they want you to be, changed into those girls that you used to make fun of."

"It's not like that Loretta!" My voice was becoming louder against my own will and judgment. She had to know that I was still the same Bella. Wasn't I?

"Then tell me what it is like Bella. Because I never expected this from you. Anyone but you." She looked at me with disappointment and disgust that made my stomach churn.

"I don't have a choice, I-"

Shawnee's voice floated in from the office. "Mommy, who's here?" Loretta's posture stiffened.

"No one you would know." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "It's time for you to go, Bella."

I listened to her heels click on the wooden floor, walking away from me.

Words have never cut me as deep as hers just had.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.**

I pushed away some leftover tears as I walked into my apartment. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Edward's number from memory, even though the chances of him picking up are slim to none, like always. It rang and rang and rang finally ending with his voice mail message telling me to leave a message.

"Edward, it's me. Bella. I really need to talk to you. Call me back. I love you." I hopelessly hung up my phone and resisted the urge to through it against the wall in frustration and sadness and anger. Anger at myself for letting Felix and his group of evil minions turn me into this. Frustration because of Edward and not knowing what to do about our failing relationship and sadness because Loretta was right, she was right about everything.

More tears escaped and I felt pathetic, useless, and anxious. Benny and Roxy crawled into my lap even though they were both too big to fit. "You guys still love me, right? Even though I'm a fake bitch?" Benny licked my face and Roxy nudged my arm.

I didn't know what to do other than just sit there and think about everything that was happening. I realized that I was different than I used to be, but until Lo pointed it out I hadn't realized just how much I had changed. I remember how I always thought no matter what I did in life, no matter who I met that I would always be myself. Always. Losing myself was just never an option for me. But now I'm just a hypocrite, an idiot, a liar.

It was all because of the record contract, the fame, the money, the pressure to conform. And it all started with Felix. The anger at myself was quickly replaced with red hot hate for Felix. I grabbed my car keys and a pair of sunglasses and made my way down to the parking lot behind my building. I screeched out of the parking lot in my BMW, another thing Felix pushed onto me. It was preppy and girly and made me want to gag. Yes, it was a fucking nice as hell car. But the candy apple red color and the perfect tan leather interior with matching red 'B's on the headrests was just too much for me.

I got to the studio in no time flat. Steam was practically pouring out of my ears, my heart was racing, my breathing erratic. I pounded on Felix's door, but I couldn't wait for an answer so I just burst in. Joss was looking at me with amused eyes, she knew full well what I was here to do. Felix was sitting, poised at his desk with a curious smirk.

"Well, well, well. Bella Swan. What can I do for you? Ready to sign on for another album." He smiled smugly at me thinking that I was here for his help. I didn't want anything from him. Not anymore.

"Fuck no. Felix I have something to say, so just sit there and keep your goddamn mouth closed. Until today I never realized what you've done to me. At first I thought you were just being nice to me. Taking the liberty of hiring someone to work on my music so I could have more free time, hiring me a personal stylist to give me a free, brand new wardrobe, pairing me up with James. But now that I'm finally being rational I realize that you had ulterior motives. You just wanted my voice, my lyrics. You just had to mold me into what you saw as perfection. You just wanted money, a new claim to fame. And you used me to get that, by tricking me into signing that creative control contract. God, I was so fucking stupid. I got a little suspicious when you started covering up my tattoos, but I let you do it because you said you just wanted to protect me from criticism, and I fucking believed you, I thought you were on my side. You must've really thought I was an idiot. You are the lowest form of a human being, you're disgusting and I will make sure karma comes back to bite you in the ass."

Joss was standing in the doorway, prideful tears welling up in her eyes.

Felix stood up and leaned against the front of his desk. "You were such an easy target, Isabella. A girl with a hard past, trying to prove to her parents that she was worth something. You were such a pushover too, at first I thought I'd have trouble with you. But like you said I needed your voice and your lyrics, so I pulled strings and played Mr. Nice Guy for a while, until I could break you down into what this company was lacking. A teenaged female pop singer, that's all we needed. When I saw you on YouTube, I realized that it would be convenient to have you, you were already living in the city, freshly signed to a hot off the press manager who was also looking for daddy's approval. It was just easier than I thought it would be. But is it really me who's at fault? Take a look at yourself, you're the one who didn't second guess anything, you jumped in, head first, to the choices that I said are best. You were merely taking my advice. Don't blame others when you had control over the situation the entire time." I was speechless, how dare he turn this around on me? "Please leave, Bella. You're causing a scene."

I turned to leave, but I couldn't help myself I let my hand rip, it connected with his cheek and a loud snap.

Fuck, that felt good.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

I called Rose, but there was no answer. Same thing with Emmett and it was around two in the morning for Alice and Jasper, so calling them was out of the question. But I did leave each of them a text message telling them how much of an idiot I was and the I missed them and that they could expect the old Bella back as soon as I burned all of my pink clothing.

I got my lazy, pathetic ass up off of my couch and went in search for my lip ring. It took me a good twenty minutes but I finally found my small purple stud. I poked it through the hole and looked in the mirror after taking a deep breath.

Much better.

The doorbell rang sending Rox and Benny into a frenzy. "One sec!" I yelled to whoever was behind the door.

I threw my hair up into a ponytail as I made my way across the cold floor. And much to my surprise James was standing behind it. "Hey, Bella."

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

He held out a magazine. "I, uh shit. Okay, before you even take a look at that magazine let me tell you what I know currently."

I scrunched up my face in a confused expression. "Uh, okay? Go for it." We headed over to my living room and sat down on the couch.

"Well, I just got off the phone with my cousin, Tanya." My jaw dropped.

"Fucking hell! She's your cousin?" How did I not know this, again?

"Uh, yeah. But, anyways. Her and Heidi are really close friends, like sisters almost, or whatever. Anyways, I'll start out by saying that Edward's an idiot and he doesn't deserve you." Okay what the fuck is he getting at but I didn't interrupt, hoping this was going in a different direction than anticipated. "But, Heidi claims that she and Edward have been fooling around for the past few months, and that things are getting kind of serious."

All breath escaped me, I felt like I'd been run over by a monster truck. "No, that's not true. Edward's been distant lately, but that's just because he's been filming and shit, he's been busy."

"But think, Bella. Who is he on set with every day? Heidi." There was pain in his eyes and I could tell he was uncomfortable with what he was saying to me.

I stuttered thickly, trying to sort of my now erratic thoughts. "He would never do this to me. I know him. He loves me. Heidi is just a jealous bitch, she's just trying to break us up, she's tried it a million times before just like Tanya has." My excuses for Edward spewed out of my mouth, barely making sense.

"Maybe you should take a look at the magazine, page forty-eight." I quickly flipped to the page I was told.

It was a picture of Edward and Heidi at lunch together. It was kind of a dark picture, they were in the back of the cafe where I met Nyxon. They were sitting next to each other, her head was on his shoulder as he had his arm around her. There was another one. Same cafe, different day. It was a picture of Edward handing Heidi a jewelry box.

I took the magazine and threw it into the fireplace before collapsing into James's arms and letting the pain overtake me, tears flowing freely. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't be losing him, not now. I prayed to God that this was a dream. But when I pinched myself nothing happened I was still stuck in this nightmare.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

How could everything go bad so quickly? How could everything I believe suddenly be turned into a lie? I am an idiot, that's how. A goddamn fucking moron.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. "Hello?"

"Bella?" It's amazing how Edward's voice could calm me down in an instant.

"Edward! Holy shit!" It's Edward, my Edward.

"Are you okay? Your messaged sounded urgent. I just got off set about a minute ago. Fuck, I miss you." I could just picture him running his free hand through his gorgeous bronze locks.

"Uh, yeah. There's something I need to talk to you about and I'd really appreciate some brutal honesty. That's all I'm asking." My heart picked up its pace, my palms were sweaty. I can't do this. Fuck. Just spit it out.

"Of course, love. Anything."

I swallowed thickly before continuing. "Uhm, are, uh, are you and Heidi seeing each other?" There, shit, I said it. It was out in the open.

My stomach dropped when all I heard was silence.

He let out a strangled gasp. "What are you talking-"

"Edward, its a yes or no question." I was biting my lip hoping to hear a two letter word pop out of his mouth, tears were battling to stream down my face.

"No! Bella! No! I wouldn't do that to you. I swear on everything. What would give you such an absurd idea?" I couldn't help but breathe out a sigh of relief. It felt like some of my crumbled world had fallen back into place.

"Tanya mentioned something to James and there was a picture of you two in a magazine and you were handing her a jewelry box, and I don't know, I guess I was just being insecure and paranoid. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault. The jewelry box was actually something I bought for you. I was just getting another female's approval before sending it to you in case it was hideous. Heidi and I are strictly friends and she understands that, she understands that I'm in love with you."

And that's all it took, all my doubt and tears and pain were gone in an instant. Thats why I love him, he makes all the bad stuff go away.

We talked for four straight hours, about any and everything. I felt like our relationship was turning around. I felt like maybe we were getting back to how we used to be.

After my conversation with Edward ended Joss came in the door with the thick smells of pizza. "This would be why we are best friends, Joseline." I grabbed a slice and a Mountain Dew throwing a Dr. Pepper at Joss as she sat down on her stool.

"So, guess what." She quirked an eyebrow at me with a devilish smile.

"I'm scared to ask. But, what?"

"I have to go to LA for a few weeks to scope out some talent. Would you be interested in joining me, so that maybe you could stop by a visit your hunky boy toy?" I dropped my can of pop and ran over to Joss and hugged her harder than I've ever hugged anyone before.

"Fuck yes!" I screeched.

"Good, cause I already bought your ticket." I love this woman, I honestly do. And right now, I love her more than my own life. "Are you gonna text your man and tell him?"

I thought for a long moment, taking everything into consideration. "No, I'm gonna surprise him, actually."

"What a wonderful idea, Miss Swan." I smiled at her as I cleaned up our dinner mess. We got around to talking about Felix and the contract, and how I've changed without realizing it.

"Joss, I have the best idea!" I grabbed a pair of scissors, she looked at me as if I had just escaped from the insane asylum. "Come on, follow me."

I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to my closet, which was just oozing pink and girl and snob. I pulled everything down from the racks and started ripping, taking out all my pent up frustration. Joseline joined in too. This was my type of therapy, destructive therapy. I felt refreshed and relieved when we had finished.

I took all the scrap fabric and threw it into my fireplace. I sighed contently, mentally welcoming back my old self.

"So when does our flight leave?"

She smiled widely back at me. "Noon, tomorrow."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

AN: So this is the prologue to the new story I'm going to start after I am finished with Thursday Nights, it's called 'My Coach's Daughter'.

**_Enjoy._**

**BPOV**

I watched my dad anxiously on the TV, the NFL draft was today and I was praying to God that he wouldn't give up his star quarterback because of me. But, knowing my father and his damn rules I knew that James didn't have a chance in hell to stay in Dallas.

One of the announcers sounded surprised, "According to our sources, it looks like Coach Charles Swan has decided that he is going to trade out James Clark to the Jets. Which is a huge shock, seeing as Clark lead him to second place in the Superbowl this year. I've never seen a coach do something of this nature. He'll most likely have to pull in a QB from college now."

"Shit, Charlie!" I cursed at his picture on the TV.

Finally, Charlie's pick was up. He got up out of his chair and walked confidently to the podium. "The Dallas Cowboys choose Edward Cullen from UCLA."

I clicked the TV off and shot off a text to my father knowing he'd get it as soon as he walked off.

_You're in serious trouble. What in God's name are you doing? Do you want to lose another Superbowl, because that's what's going to happen if you let a rookie play. Just because James couldn't keep it in his pants doesn't mean you have to kick him off the team dad._

_Love,_

_Your very pissed off daughter._

I sent it and threw my phone across the living room, missing the TV by a mere inch or two. I stomped up to my room and turned on the music full blast.

Who the hell is Edward Cullen anyways?

**EPOV**

It was the first day of real practice and it was blistering hot in Dallas. Not that I wasn't used to heat, hell I lived in LA for four years before coming here. But that was a different kind of heat. Dallas heat was dry, suffocating. Practice was going to be hell. I already could feel it. I grabbed my pads out of the trunk of my Volvo and slowly headed towards the locker room, showing my ID to the guard waiting at the gate.

When I got there only a few guys had shown up. You could tell which ones were veterans and which ones were rookies, rookies had this green tint to them, looking nervous, like they could puke at any given moment. And I'm absolutely certain that I had the exact same expression on my face as well.

Twenty minutes later I was ready and anxious to start, today would be the first time I was going to be able to actually touch a football and practice with _my_ team since my senior year at UCLA. But this was the big leagues, things would be different and much harder.

The locker room was packed and full of adrenaline and testosterone. I heard a whistle and a loud, scruffy voice. Coach Swan. "Listen up guys, especially the rookies." A few of the guys murmured their hellos to the coach. "As many of you know today is the first day of practice, we'll be working hard, you will be in excruciating pain, and many of you will run back to your mommies and daddies with your tail tucked in between your legs like a little girl. If you can't take the pain then get the hell off of my field, simple as that. But it's all worth it when you get to wake up every goddamn morning and see this on your finger." He pointed to a platinum Superbowl championship ring, the one he himself had won back in the seventies as a quarterback for Cincinnati. He pointed to the two men on either side of him. "This is the defensive coach Billy Black and the offensive coordinator Harry Clearwater, these gentlemen know what the hell they're talking about, so listen well and learn. This year, like last year, we will also be joined by my daughter, Bella. She knows the game of football like the back of her hand, even tried to play in high school, she'll be around to give tips and pointers, take what she says seriously. She will not take shit from any of you and she can dish it out twice as bad as any one of you. And that brings me to my one and only rule. Do not touch my daughter, if I hear one word out of Bella's mouth about anything inappropriate or if I see it myself you'll end up like James Clark, traded to the worst team in the NFL. I do not care how good you are or how far you've taken the team, you will not be here next season. Mark my words, men."

I looked at Charlie, he was decently tall and was well built except for his newly developing beer belly. He had dull brown hair kept in a short crop. His eyes were a sullen brown surrounded by puffy, sagging skin. If his daughter looked anything like his father, staying away from wouldn't be an issue for me.

"Let's go guys." A few players let out loud yells of excitement, while my breakfast threaten to spew everywhere.

A few hours later we were running up and down the stairs of the stadium when coach called us down for a rare water break. I grabbed a paper cup from the stack and filled it with ice cold water from the cooler. It was gone in two seconds.

Emmett McCarty, arguably the best defensive player in the nation, grabbed a cup of water and grinned at me, "Hey Boss Man. How's your first practice going so far?"

"It's the closest thing I've come to hell, but nothing I can't handle." I said confidently.

"So, coach didn't scare you with his pre-season speech?"

"Nah, nothing I haven't heard before, but the 'don't touch my daughter' thing was new for me." I filled my cup again, trying to hydrate myself for the next three hours of practice.

"Yeah, he's real protective over Bells, always has been, when he found out about her and James he went ballistic. I can't blame James for trying though."

"What, is she cute or something?" I crumbled up my cup and threw it into a large trashcan.

He laughed humorlessly at me, "Edward, man are you in for it." He hit me on the helmet a few times before running away to go join the next drill. I ran up to Coach Clearwater and got ready for a passing drill. Mike Newton, a two year veteran QB was in line behind me, I heard him let out a soft moan. I backed away from him slowly. That was just awkward and wrong on so many levels. I followed his eyes to the other side of the field.

It was a girl about my age yelling at Coach Swan, her long, thin arms flailing in the air. She was in Daisy Duke shorts, her long legs going on for at least ten miles, somehow the cowboy boots she had on made her look incredibly sexy. her shirt was cut off right below her perfect rack showing her well-toned midriff. Her skin was a light bronze, throwing off light to make her look ethereal. I took my eyes off her body and noticed that her dark brown hair was thrown up into a high ponytail. I held back a groan as I stared at her greedily. I was already thinking of ways to getting her into my bed and fucking her until she's sore for weeks.

I looked over at Mike and knocked on his shoulders. "Is that one of the infamous cheerleaders?" I asked hopefully, knowing that if she was I'd get to see her in next to nothing every game.

He laughed at me. "God, I wish. But, no. That, my friend, is thee one and only Isabella Swan."

Oh dear God in heaven, please help me.

**-------------- So? How was it? I know its a little rough but I have plenty of time to work on it. **

**Any suggestions or comments?**

**Anyways, I know this chapter was a short one, but I wanted to get this up before I went to Indiana this weekend for a volleyball tournament.**

**Thanks for reading guys!**

**Love you all :)**

**-Devyn.**


	21. Apologies and New Stories

Hi, Everyone! So how many of you would like to shoot me, punch me, torture me, set me on fire, or throw tiny projectile objects at me?

Shit, all of you?

Can't say I'm surprised at all. I'd actually like to do that to myself. I told myself I'd never be one of those authors that kept her readers waiting for months for an update, because I completely hate it when I have to wait for my updates and the story was just getting good.

I'm sure many of you have just given up on my stories because they aren't worth the wait. But, hopefully most of you are sticking with me and don't absolutely hate my guts right now.

Towards the end of school my life was getting ridiculously hectic and I was out of town almost every weekend for volleyball tournaments and my schoolwork load was piling up and writing, unfortunately, took the backseat.

Because of my crazy life I've been stressed and writing just isn't coming easily to me, and it almost always has. It's really frustrating to the point of tears for me, because I have all the ideas just bubbling up in my head and I can't get them to flow right and I can't put anything into words.

I know exactly where I want 'Beautiful Catastrophe' and 'Thursday Nights' to go, each of them have very detailed plot outlines that I follow, but also make random changes to. For example, the main reason that I wrote Thursday Nights was because of one of the last scenes wouldn't get out of my head and I just had to write it or it would drive me crazy.

Please trust me on this, if I were to put out chapters right now they'd be about five pages long and they would be absolutely horrible and they would ruin everything.

But, I've been working really hard on fixing this goddamn writers block and should have a chapter or two up within the next week or two... fingers crossed.

Please stay with me and if you have ANY questions feel free to PM me and ask me, I am very friendly and love hearing from you even if you hate my guts and want me to burn in hell...

Oh! Before I forget here is something I actually managed to produce that doesnt suck...

This is a new story called My Coach's Daughter, here's a sneak peek of chapter one, (TN readers there's more then what you've read already)

**BPOV**

I watched my dad anxiously on the TV, the NFL draft was today and I was praying to God that he wouldn't give up his star quarterback because of me. But, knowing my father and his damn rules I knew that James didn't have a chance in hell to stay in Dallas.

One of the announcers sounded surprised, "According to our sources, it looks like Coach Charles Swan has decided that he is going to trade out James Clark to the Jets. Which is a huge shock, seeing as Clark lead him to second place in the Superbowl this year. I've never seen a coach do something of this nature. He'll most likely have to pull in a QB from college now."

"Shit, Charlie!" I cursed at his picture on the TV.

Finally, Charlie's pick was up. He got up out of his chair and walked confidently to the podium. "The Dallas Cowboys choose Edward Cullen from UCLA."

I clicked the TV off and shot off a text to my father knowing he'd get it as soon as he walked off.

_You're in serious trouble. What in God's name are you doing? Do you want to lose another Superbowl, because that's what's going to happen if you let a rookie play. Just because James couldn't keep it in his pants doesn't mean you have to kick him off the team dad._

_Love,_

_Your very pissed off daughter._

I sent it and threw my phone across the living room, missing the TV by a mere inch or two. I stomped up to my room and turned on the music full blast.

Who the hell is Edward Cullen anyways?

**EPOV**

It was the first day of real practice and it was blistering hot in Dallas. Not that I wasn't used to heat, hell I lived in LA for four years before coming here. But that was a different kind of heat. Dallas heat was dry, suffocating. Practice was going to be hell. I already could feel it. I grabbed my pads out of the trunk of my Volvo and slowly headed towards the locker room, showing my ID to the guard waiting at the gate.

When I got there only a few guys had shown up. You could tell which ones were veterans and which ones were rookies, rookies had this green tint to them, looking nervous, like they could puke at any given moment. And I'm absolutely certain that I had the exact same expression on my face as well.

Twenty minutes later I was ready and anxious to start, today would be the first time I was going to be able to actually touch a football and practice with _my_ team since my senior year at UCLA. But this was the big leagues, things would be different and much harder.

The locker room was packed and full of adrenaline and testosterone. I heard a whistle and a loud, scruffy voice. Coach Swan. "Listen up guys, especially the rookies." A few of the guys murmured their hellos to the coach. "As many of you know today is the first day of practice, we'll be working hard, you will be in excruciating pain, and many of you will run back to your mommies and daddies with your tail tucked in between your legs like a little girl. If you can't take the pain then get the hell off of my field, simple as that. But it's all worth it when you get to wake up every goddamn morning and see this on your finger." He pointed to a platinum Superbowl championship ring, the one he himself had won back in the seventies as a quarterback for Cincinnati. He pointed to the two men on either side of him. "This is the defensive coach Billy Black and the offensive coordinator Harry Clearwater, these gentlemen know what the hell they're talking about, so listen well and learn. This year, like last year, we will also be joined by my daughter, Bella. She knows the game of football like the back of her hand, even tried to play in high school, she'll be around to give tips and pointers, take what she says seriously. She will not take shit from any of you and she can dish it out twice as bad as any one of you. And that brings me to my one and only rule. Do not touch my daughter, if I hear one word out of Bella's mouth about anything inappropriate or if I see it myself you'll end up like James Clark, traded to the worst team in the NFL. I do not care how good you are or how far you've taken the team, you will not be here next season. Mark my words, men."

I looked at Charlie, he was decently tall and was well built except for his newly developing beer belly. He had dull brown hair kept in a short crop. His eyes were a sullen brown surrounded by puffy, sagging skin. If his daughter looked anything like his father, staying away from wouldn't be an issue for me.

"Let's go guys." A few players let out loud yells of excitement, while my breakfast threaten to spew everywhere.

A few hours later we were running up and down the stairs of the stadium when coach called us down for a rare water break. I grabbed a paper cup from the stack and filled it with ice cold water from the cooler. It was gone in two seconds.

Emmett McCarty, arguably the best defensive player in the nation, grabbed a cup of water and grinned at me, "Hey Boss Man. How's your first practice going so far?"

"It's the closest thing I've come to hell, but nothing I can't handle." I said confidently.

"So, coach didn't scare you with his pre-season speech?"

"Nah, nothing I haven't heard before, but the 'don't touch my daughter' thing was new for me." I filled my cup again, trying to hydrate myself for the next three hours of practice.

"Yeah, he's real protective over Bells, always has been, when he found out about her and James he went ballistic. I can't blame James for trying though."

"What, is she cute or something?" I crumbled up my cup and threw it into a large trashcan.

He laughed humorlessly at me, "Edward, man are you in for it." He hit me on the helmet a few times before running away to go join the next drill. I ran up to Coach Clearwater and got ready for a passing drill. Mike Newton, a two year veteran QB was in line behind me, I heard him let out a soft moan. I backed away from him slowly. That was just awkward and wrong on so many levels. I followed his eyes to the other side of the field.

It was a girl about my age yelling at Coach Swan, her long, thin arms flailing in the air. She was in Daisy Duke shorts, her long legs going on for at least ten miles, somehow the cowboy boots she had on made her look incredibly sexy. her shirt was cut off right below her perfect rack showing her well-toned midriff. Her skin was a light bronze, throwing off light to make her look ethereal. I took my eyes off her body and noticed that her dark brown hair was thrown up into a high ponytail. I held back a groan as I stared at her greedily. I was already thinking of ways to getting her into my bed and fucking her until she's sore for weeks.

I looked over at Mike and knocked on his shoulders. "Is that one of the infamous cheerleaders?" I asked hopefully, knowing that if she was I'd get to see her in next to nothing every game.

He laughed at me. "God, I wish. But, no. That, my friend, is thee one and only Isabella Swan."

Oh dear God in heaven, please help me.

**BPOV**

"Conditioning, Dad. Really! Are you fucking stupid? You're putting them through conditioning when they have a spring game in two days. They're all gonna be sorer than fuck and are gonna look like idiots trying to run up and down the field against the Dolphins. What you should be doing is going over plays again and again until its engraved in their dreams." I ranted at my father who just sat there and stared at me with his whistle hanging limply from his lips.

"Bella, calm down." I felt my eyes grew wider than I thought possible.

"I _will not_ calm down, Charlie. They're not even close to being ready for a game!" I huffed loudly as my chest rose and fell roughly.

"Bella, listen to me. I have been a coach for twenty years I know that they aren't ready."

I started to protest but then stopped after his words computed fully in my mind. "Wait, what. Then why-"

He cut me off. He blew his whistle and yelled at them to rotate their conditioning stations. "Bella, I rescheduled the Dolphins game. So, just take a breather, I think your hair is turning gray. This team is my responsibility, not yours. I know what I'm doing here, Bells." He patted me on the top of my head.

I turned and walked off, up to the press box of the practice field where my two best friends, Rosalie and Alice, were eating their lunch. "So, what's the news from Papa Swan?" Ro popped a french fry in her mouth and smirked.

"He moved the Dolphins game so that he could get them all into shape, or some dumb shit like that, I swear he doesn't tell me anything anymore." They both chuckled at me.

"So, did you get a better look at the fresh meat?" Alice was of course talking about the fresh round of rookies that were lucky enough to be drafted into the Cowboys line-up this year.

"Of course I did Ali bug." We all picked up our binoculars and they listened intently as I pointed out the best of the best. "And finally ladies, one of the best asses I have ever seen in my years as an avid football fan, I direct you to the new rookie QB in the number 17 jersey."

They both nodded in appreciation. "Okay, he definitely wins, no contest." Alice slurped at her milkshake.

"He deserves a motherfucking trophy or a certificate or something. What's his name?"

"Ethan or Edmund something, but I honestly do not give a shit. His name is Senor Nice Ass for all I care." I smiled widely as I looked at Senor Nice Ass's ass for another good five minutes as the team switched into a scrimmage drill. It took all I had not to get down on my knees and thank God that Charlie was finally running plays with them.

I watched in pain as the second string team, led by Senor Nice Ass, was obliterated by the first string, who was led by Mike Newton of all people. The only reason Mike was on the team was because he's my father's ex-girlfriend's son and Charlie felt bad for him.

It only took one more botched play by the new QB before I was running down onto the field, by-passing my father who was screaming profanities at me to get off the 'goddamn field' before I got hit by a linebacker. I could hear the crashing of helmets as I tore towards SNA. Emmett's voice broke through my haze as he yelled at the team to stop play. SNA saw me coming and his eyes widen, _good you better be scared._

I grabbed his facemask. "What the fuck are you doing?" He took out his mouth piece and then his helmet after I reluctantly let it go.

"Excuse me?" He was breathing hard and it took me a moment to come back into my thoughts after meet his amazing emerald eyes and his sweaty copper mess of hair.

"You're running the play completely wrong." I felt Charlie's arm of the back of my arm, I turned around and shook him off. "Look, whatever your name is-"

"Edward, my name is Edward Cullen." He said softly.

"Aww, well my name is Bella Swan and I like long walks on the beach and staring dreamily into my lover's eyes and holding hands. Look, Edwin I don't care what your name is, I just want you to run the goddamn play right."

He looked shocked, "Okay, then show me how to do it." I rolled my eyes and grabbed his helmet from him.

I pulled the huddle in, while SNA stood directly behind me. I bent over to readjust my boot and someone shoved SNA into the back of me, making his groin collide with my ass which gave me inappropriate thoughts. I shook them off and I stood back up. "Okay guys, same play again. Arizona. Tyler I want you to run your cuts harder, stop being such a pussy. Alright, let's go."

I put the helmet on roughly and cringed as the helmet's sweat soaked my freshly cleaned hair. I got into position behind the center who's name evaded me at this very moment. "Arizona on two! Hut, hike." The ball snapped back into my hands without fumble, I knew that the guys weren't stupid enough to hit me but all I could think in my head was _don't let them hit you, get it out of your hands, Bella, throw a good pass, score._

I watched as Tyler came across my vision perfectly but I also saw Eric Yorkie waiting patiently for me to throw it to Tyler so that he could intercept it. _Option two, Bella. Find option two._ I knew I couldn't run, I had cowboy boots on, so that was out. I smiled as Laurent broke free and sprinted up the field about forty yards away from me I hurled the ball towards him in a perfect spiral. I took off my helmet and shoved it into Edward's chest, and smiled as the ball fell perfectly into Laurent's hands and he ran into the end zone. "And that is how Arizona is done." I swatted him on the butt as I walked away.

**Just let me know what you think**, and again I apologize for the delay in chapters. :(

-Devyn.


	22. Pieces

**Uhm, hi? Remember me? It's been about a year since I've updated and that's how long this chapter has been in progress. I tried really hard to get it out about 11 months ago but I started working on some new stuff and life started to suffocate me, but I'm not gonna make excuses. If you are reading this chapter, I just want to thank you for your amazing patience. And I hope you like it.**

**Thanks to Josss! You're awesome!**

**BPOV**

"Joss! Dude! Let's go, let's go!" I pulled my suitcase towards the door as I yelled at my best friend who was taking forever to pack her stuff.

"Bella, don't get your panties in a bunch. We have time! Look-" She was cut off by the doorbell.

I raced to answer it and was met by a delivery guy. "Delivery for Isabella Swan." He handed me a huge bouquet of flowers with a small, red box in the center. He then proceeded to ask for an autograph. I couldn't say no, so I quickly did as he requested and thankfully he left.

I held back my embarrassingly girlish squeal as I read the hand written note.

_Bella,_

_I miss you, every second of every day, so much that it physically hurts me. Everywhere I look I swear I see your face and it's driving me insane. I need to see you as soon as possible, I need your touch and your kiss, I need you more than air at this point. _

_I love you, more than anything._

_Forever Yours,_

_XOXO_

_-E_

Tears formed in my eyes as I read the note over and over again. I never knew it was possible to miss someone as much as I missed Edward. Every fiber of my being jumped and convulsed at the thought of seeing him, touching him, kissing him.

"God! Enough with the sappy love letter! Get to the goods!" I rolled my eyes at Joss and opened the red box Inside was a pair of gorgeous diamond earrings. They were huge, and I mean they were basically the size of my freaking eyeball. They were a little flashy for my taste, but they were beautiful and thoughtful nonetheless. I put them on quickly and glanced in the mirror. They must have cost a fortune. But they were timeless, and classic in a way. They looked like they belonged on me.

"Goddamn, those are so shiny!" Joss grabbed my earlobe and inspected the earrings closer like a monkey would when picking fleas off of another monkey's back. "Alright, B. Let's go get your man. And I for one, need to get my tan on."

"Joss, you're Mexican, you're, like, naturally really dark."

"Seriously, Bella. Look at me I'm like a freaking vampire." I chuckled at her and our conversation trailed off as we got into the elevator and descended down to where our cab was waiting for us to take me to Edward.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**EPOV**

"I just, fuck, I just love her so much, Heidi. It's indescribable. Just the feeling I get when she's around me, or touching me, and not in a sexual way, well, yeah that feels good as well. But just the slightest touch can make me go mad. My stomach gets all flippy and my vision is all blurry and I can't speak or form a single coherent thought. It's ridiculous. I mean, have you ever felt like this before? It's amazing."

I saw her eyes painfully flicker up and meet mine. I knew she had strong feelings for me, and to be honest it made things awkward and uncomfortable when we were alone, and especially on set when we did romantic scenes together. "Yeah, I have actually."

"Heidi-" She stopped me, hopping up on my white and black marble counter top, while taking a chocolate covered strawberry and biting into it. She reached up and wiped a trail of strawberry juice off the side of her lip before taking a deep breath.

"Hey, Eddo, don't worry about it. It's- it's really not that big of a deal, I mean, we're _just_ friends," she said the words with disgust and resentfulness, it almost made me winced. "Let me see the ring again." I reached into my pocket and produced the small velvet box containing the engagement ring I had bought Bella. "This is crazy, E."

"I know, but it feels right, like I'm on the right path. I _know_ this is what's supposed to happen next." I breathed out the words quickly, still trying to rationalize the idea of proposing to Bella in my head.

"How long have you two been together?" She pulled out the platinum ring and placed it on her ring finger, taking a moment to admire the way it looked on her dainty hand. She huffed and murmured, "So pretty," before returning her attention to me and waiting for my answer.

"Six or seven months give or take."

Heidi looked at me sceptically, "That's not that long, I mean are you sure you're _both _ready for this? You're both pretty young. I don't know much about Bella, but are you sure this won't freak her the hell out and send her running back to Kansas or wherever she's originally from?"

I rolled my eyes and ignored her last inquiry. "We're also very much in love, and who cares how long we've been together? I _know _I'm gonna be with her for the rest of my life. I'm just speeding up the process by proposing now, rather than later." I grabbed a beer out of my fridge and got a Vitamin Water for Heidi.

"Thanks. So, what did you tell her when she saw the picture of you showing me her engagement ring? Did she freak and get pissed?" I could see the excitement in her eyes at the thought of me and Bella getting into a fight. I gave her a hard, almost scolding look, and she just giggled with a shrug of her shoulder.

"No, I told her it was a present for her and that I was just asking for your opinion on it." She rose an eyebrow at me. "Okay so, I didn't entirely lie, I just twisted the truth a bit." I paused and nursed my beer, "I sent her a pair of earrings and some flowers on rush delivery, which she should've received this morning, actually."

"How clever of you." She smirked at me. "But, you do realize that tomorrow is the big day, and we're both screwed because all we've been doing for the past twelve hours is watch 'Jersey Shore' and drink beer. So maybe we should go rehearse."

To be exact Heidi was the one watching 'Jersey Shore' while I was reading over the script. "Do you have your lines memorized?" I asked, unsure.

She shot me an incredulous glare. "Yes, maybe you should stop underestimating me for once."

"Sorry, I've filmed the last few movies with Tanya Denali, don't forget." She laughed and hopped off of my counter.

"We can practice in the front room, its more open and spacious like the set we'll be using." She shrugged her shoulders indifferently as she followed me into my front room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

We were half way done with the scene, the only part left was the romantic scene. It involved heavy kissing and groping, but no sex, thank God. To be honest, I don't know if I was comfortable doing it in my house, it felt too personal to me, a little invasive almost. "Heidi, maybe we shouldn't-"

She put her finger to my lips and continued on with the scene, "Blake, I need this. I need you. Now. I can't wait another minute." She started to unbutton her blouse to reveal a lacy black bra.

I threw her body down on to the couch just like the script requested, she wrapped her legs around my torso and flipped us over. Our lips finally met, and just like always I felt absolutely _nothing, _it was like kissing my Great-Aunt Mildred_._ But, I pretended like I did feel something, I had to, it was in the job description. I moaned thickly and shoved my tongue deeper into her mouth as she ripped off my button down and ran her hand down my bare chest, it was then that I realized that she still had the engagement ring on her finger. Heidi met my eyes and then they flashed to the wide open glass window that covered the front of my house.

My heart stopped, my chest froze. Bella was standing there. Bella. My Bella. My re-pierced and tattooed, beautiful, kind, perfect, and now heartbroken Bella. She was finally wearing her crappy band t-shirt and completely torn to shreds jeans and a pair of chucks. My old, amazing Bella. She was standing there staring at us through the window, her chocolate brown eyes painfully wide. She was shaking her head and her hand slowly crept up to her neck and I watched in pain as she tore off the necklace that I had gotten her and threw it in the bush in front of her.

I started to get up and run to the door as Bella turned on her heel and ran back into the taxi. But before I could make it to her the taxi sped away.

**BPOV**

Everything hurt. Everything. I'd never felt a pain quite like this. It started in my head with the image of Heidi's gorgeous engagement ring, her hand in Edward's hair, _my _hair, Edward's lips on hers, their bodies pressed tightly together, the huge smile on his face when he looked at her. He look beyond happy with her, she was perfect, after all. The images seared my skull, making me want to pull out my hair. My stomach was in knots, I swore I was going to puke. I was radiating hurt, and stupidity, and denial, and rejection. Pain rolled off of me like waves making it hard to breathe.

Why hadn't I listened to James? Why did I actually believe Edward! He's an actor for shit's sake, he lies for a living, and I fell for it, so easily, God I can't believe I fucking fell for it. I actually loved him, or who he pretended to be at least. I wish I could erase every fucking lie from my mind. How could I have let my guard down? Why? Why would anyone do that? How fucking blind was I? He played me, and I hate him for it, but I actually hate myself more for it. I punched the cabby's headrest in front of me. He turned around and glared furiously at me. I gave him a mental finger.

"Where to?" I pushed away the tears and told him Joss's address.

After I paid and thanked the cab driver I practically sprinted into her modest home.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't function. I fell over on the couch and started hyperventilating.

"Well, that was some quick, and by the looks of it, rough reunion sex." Joss walked in with her bikini and a freshly made martini. She took one good look at me and grabbed me into a fierce hug. "What happened?"

I went through every painful detail and scene with her, each word that came out of my mouth made everything so much more painfully real. "I need a plane ticket, I, I can't be here anymore I wanna go home."

"I'm going to cut that bitch. Just you wait, Bellsies, that hoe-bag will regret even looking at Edward after I'm through with her! The nerve of some tramps, I swear. Bitch won't see me coming." She went on and on about what she was going to do to Heidi, and oddly even though most of her ramblings made me chuckle, it didn't feel any better about the situation. I stopped listening to her when she started rambling about finding her old knife collection.

In the midst of Joss's threats I got up and told her I was going to head to bed, and I walked up to one of her guest bedrooms and pulled out my cell phone and dialed Rose's number. She was the only one I could think to call, she was like my mother, my sister, my best friend, my mentor, and my therapist all rolled into one.

She answered after half of a ring. "Bella?"

"Yeah, it's me. Rose, my life is a fucking mess I don't even know what to do anymore. I can't do this, and the worst part is I miss you and Em, you guys are the only family I have. I miss Rem and I miss being able to walk out the front door without someone yelling my name, I miss being normal, Rose. Help." I just unloaded on her and told her everything about Felix and Edward and what Loretta had said to me, and she just listened and helped me and told me that everything was going to be alright, that I would be happy again.

I didn't believe her.

I couldn't believe her.

I wished I could believe her.

After crying for what felt like hours and talking to both Emmett and Rose about practically everything in my life, and after listening to Emmett threaten Edward's pathetic life more than a million times they promised that they would be back in New York before I had returned to welcome me with open arms. Honestly, nothing sounded better to me than that. To have two people, whom I loved and who loved me, waiting for me at _home._

By the time it was seven o'clock I was tucked uncomfortably in the guest bed with the itchy black and white comforter pulled up to my chin. I couldn't stop thinking about Edward and Heidi, no matter how hard I tried not to think about it my thoughts kept wandering back to it. The tears had long since dried up, there were no more left to cry. My face was red and swollen and streaked. I probably looked like hell, but I was to scared to get up to go look in the mirror.

The pain was too much to take. I'd only felt pain like this once in my life. When Brennan had relapsed. And how did I deal with that?

I drank until I couldn't tell left from right.

And that's exactly what I was gonna do now. But, I would have to wait until Joss was sleeping because she'd freak if I went straight for a bottle of Grey Goose instead of Mountain Dew. So, I just sat up in bed and stared at the clock, which seemed to be ticking much slower than usual, slow enough to the point that I was convinced that its sole purpose of being manufactured was to torture me relentlessly. I made it until seven thirty before I went and grabbed my guitar and notepad and started writing. I poured out my emotions, mostly anger and hatred for both Edward and Heidi. Okay, it was _all_ anger and hatred, but still, writing this had brought out the emotions again, all at once and it wasn't long before my tears had completely blurred my vision to the point where I couldn't even tell what I was writing anymore.

There was a knock at the door and Joss peeped her head in and asked how I was doing I replied and told her I was fine, even though I was far from it. "Bella, I know I'm not able to speak from experience, but, I know you'll get through this and everything will be fine and you will be happy again. You're the strongest person I know, baby cakes. Trust me on this, Edward Cullen is the biggest dumbass to walk the planet at the moment. Just take one step at a time and breathe and write and sing."

"Thank you, Joss. I know I'll make it, it just sucks, bad." The words sounded completely robotic coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't think of anything else to say at the moment.

She smiled understandingly, "I'm gonna hit the sack, I love you, baby girl. Sleep tight." I just gave her a half grin as she shut the door behind her.

Her words did make me feel a small percentage better, but it still hurt, and I was still going to get plastered tonight to make it all go away.

I waited a solid twenty minutes before I tip toed downstairs to the kitchen. The clock read 12:04 AM. I opened up practically all of her cabinets before I found her stash of alcohol, and what a stash it was. Six bottles of a variety of vodka, two bottles of rum, a bottle of Jack, and some gin to top it all off. I hadn't had anything remotely alcoholic in almost two years. And even back then when I was a binge drinker my tolerance was pretty low.

I quietly laid out six shot glasses and filled them with vodka, I took a steady, deep breath before I knocked the first one back. It hit me like a train, and burned the back of my tongue and slipped down my throat. I wasted no time in drinking the rest of them. I was already seeing double when I finished the round and was feeling a little bit woozy as I started to drain the bottle of Grey Goose. After that was mostly finished I started on the jack and only made it about a forth way through. I grabbed the gin and stared at, mumbling to myself. "You're so pretty, gin-ny, I just want to drink you up and make you my bitch!" I stared petting the smooth glass bottle and laughing. I then proceeded to make it my bitch as I said I would do.

Now for those of you unaware, I was very courageous drunk, also, at times, a quite obnoxious drunk as well. So, I cannot take full responsibility for my actions most of the time, you know the song 'Blame It'? Yeah, complete story of my life.

I picked up my cell phone off the floor, ignoring all of the missed calls and texts from that man whore who I'd rather stab with cactus needles than talk to, and dialed the cab company's number and told them I needed a cab ASAP. I ran up to my room and grabbed my guitar and flew out the door.

**EPOV **

I didn't know what to feel or think, I had called her and texted her to explain the situation but I had yet to get a reply and highly doubted that I would get one anytime soon unless the text contained threats or insults. I couldn't sleep knowing that Bella hated me and was thinking that I had cheated on her. I called every hotel in Los Angeles looking for her and none had any record of her. I didn't know what to do except try and sleep and think over what I was going to do next.

I was shuddered out of my thought-coma but the sound of my gate opening. What the fucking hell. I grabbed a pair of pants and threw on a t-shirt and my glasses and quickly ran outside. I was astounded from the sight in front of me.

A staggering Bella was pulling her guitar out of its case.

"Bella! Oh my-" Her head snapped up and a look of fury settled onto her gorgeous face.

"Don't you 'Bella' me you dirty fuck!" Her words slurred and sloshed together. She was totally tanked and gone. Bella _never _drank. I made her do this, her drinking was caused by me. The pain from the realization made me stagger backwards

I tried to say something but I was stopped suddenly by her guitar, which was flawless considering her drunken state.

"This one is for you, Edward! You mother fucker!" She pulled out a flask and chugged the rest of its contents, and then continued to play after belching and throwing the flask at my brand new Aston Marin Vanquish. Son of a bitch.

I didn't say anything, I couldn't think of the right words to say as I watched her perform.

_"Well I guess I'm addicted to your soft hair and your sweet kiss,  
cause when it comes to promises you make me sick,  
you're not so innocent,  
when it comes to girls,  
you've made your bed so go fuck her in it._

_And when you're laying next to her,_  
_I hope to god you catch something,_  
_so contagious from your bed,_  
_since everyone's been in it."_

I cringed visibly at the words, she really thought that I was a man whore. 

_"Kissing with eyes closed,_  
_brought us,_  
_too close,_  
_kissing with eyes closed,_  
_brought us,_  
_too close._

_And the morning after,_  
_there's a taste of cancer in my throat,_  
_from the note,_  
_that your girlfriend wrote._

_I'm gonna make you hate my pen."_

Even though every word in the word was a blow towards me, I had to admit the song was very cleverly written, Bella certainly hadn't lost her niche for songwriting. 

_"Kissing with eyes closed,_  
_brought us,_  
_too close,_  
_kissing with eyes closed,_  
_brought us,_  
_too close._

_Kissing with eyes closed,_  
_kissing with eyes closed,_  
_kissing with eyes closed,_  
_kissing with eyes closed,_  
_we're kissing._

_Go back to the way that we were,_  
_never thought I'd say these words,_  
_never again,_  
_we'll never be friends,_  
_So let's go back to the way that we were,_  
_never thought I'd say these words,_  
_never again,_  
_we'll never be friends."_

As soon as she shouted the last line another cab pulled up which contained Joss, she grabbed Bella and threw her into the taxi. Bella held up her middle fingers the entire time she was being dragged.

I was to distracted by Bella to notice that Joss was coming towards me, she glared at me evilly. "I should cut your balls off, Cullen. I can't believe that you would do that to her, especially with Heidi. Heidi! Are you kidding me with this shit? You are the lowest of low. You don't deserve Bella.

"But-"

Joss just shook her head. "No. You are shit, Cullen. Just leave her alone, okay? She wants nothing to do with you now. I hope you're happy."

"It wasn't what it looked like-"

"Save it, Edward. She fucking _loved _you, and you broke her heart." Her words stung, they were the truth, I had broken Bella's heart, something I had vowed to never do. And I hadn't even done what Bella thought I did. Everything was a huge fucking mixed-up mess.

Before I could say anything else she got in the cab and drove away.

I think I literally heard my heart breaking to pieces as a pathetic, guilt-ridden tear fell down my cheek.

**BPOV**

I was barely aware of where I was, who I was with, and what the hell I was doing. I was completely and totally numb from head to toe, a pretty amazing feeling if I do say so myself. I felt someone sit down beside me. I looked over to see who it was. Joss.

She handed me a warm cup of tea. I sloppily thanked her with an overly, drunken, and enthusiastic 'thank you, pretty lady'.

I started laughing hysterically, Joss looked at me as if I'd lost it. To be honest, I think I had at this point.

"What in the fucking hell is so funny Bella? You had me worried half to death!"

I was laughing to the point of tears and could barely get out my words, "Edward... he had... freckle... on his... peepee!" I laughed even harder as Joss stared, trying to decipher.

"What?"

I tried to settle my drunk self down. "Edward Cullen has a freckle on his peter." I started up my giggling again. I glanced over at Joss and watched as a smile crept upon her face. "We should call him 'Freckle Dick'."

Joss snorted loudly, "Bella, you are never drinking again. Ever. Understand?" I slightly nodded my head as my eyes started to force themselves shut. "We need to have a serious talk in the morning when you wake up, but for now you need to get to sleep."

I didn't hear another word, I fell into a thick slumber with dreams about slaughtering Heidi and Edward both.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I woke up the next painful morning, with a terrible throbbing headache, surprise, surprise. That's what I get for drinking like a crazy drunk with absolutely no limits. That's what I used to be. An alcoholic. I can't believe I actually sunk that low again, I promised myself that I would never resolve to alcohol to fix my problems again.

Thinking about this made my head even more pain stricken. I cracked my eyes open and literally rolled out of bed and walked downstairs where Joss was cooking breakfast. "Morning, Sunshine."

"Ung."

"Someone seems a little down, I know something that will cheer you up," I waited for her to keep going but instead she went straight for the windows and ripped the curtains open. "SUNSHINE! Isn't it a beautiful day?"

I covered up my eyes as best I could, "Joseline! I am going to kill you once this hangover subsides. I swear it."

She laughed at her prank for a little longer before getting me some Tylenol and a glass of water, I quietly thanked her. "Okay, Joss. Let me hear it."

"Last night, you were completely stupid and reckless. I mean really, what were you thinking? Were you even thinking? Don't even answer that. But, thank God, no one in the press even knows that you are in LA, thanks to your wonderful body double who has been spotted around in New York. You escaped this time, Bella. I don't want you doing that again, understood?" I nodded my head yes guiltily. I felt like a little girl being punished for getting her church dress muddy. "Here, I got you a new phone and shut off your old one, Edward was calling and texting non-stop, now he won't have your number. I also booked you a flight back to NYC for tomorrow night."

"Thank you, Joss. Really, you're a life saver." I picked up the new iPhone off the counter and started toying around with it.

"Look, I already downloaded Angry Birds for you!" I thanked Joss again before excusing myself to go take a shower.

I turned the water up almost as far as it would go and stepped in. I just reveled in it for a minute before sinking down to the shower floor. All at once it hit me. Edward never loved me. He loved Heidi. That's it, nothing more. He never wanted me, I was just a charity case, a fun little fling for him. Heidi was gorgeous and sexy and Brazilian, and I was mousy and plain and fucked up in the head. It was a clear choice for Edward, and I was stupid to believe that he would actually choose me over her.

My tears combined with the water from my shower as the fell down my face like a flood. I cried until the rest of me was numb. I convinced myself that I would be strong and that I would forget about Edward Cullen, I could move on and be happy again, just like when Brennan died. I would be okay.

I finally got out when the water was completely cold. I got dressed in some comfy old sweats and sat down with my notebook and my guitar and poured everything out through music.

This was the best kind of therapy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I can't believe Joss talked me into this.

"One more talk show, B. Craig practically begged me. Please, please, please!"

How could I say no?

I pulled my tight ruby red dress's single strap up over my shoulder as Joss zipped me up. I stepped into my sheer black argyle tights and slipped on my heels and readied myself for the interview that was going to take place soon.

"Okay, Bella. Remember what we talked about?" I couldn't quite concentrate of what Joss was saying because my hair dresser, Rebecca, was twisting my hair into an insanely tight bun.

I nodded my head yes.

She repeated her instructions anyways. "Laugh at his jokes, avoid any career threatening questions, try to avoid the boyfriend conversation so you don't have an emotional breakdown, and finally, do not make your big announcement until after the interview is over."

"I got it chief, I'll be fine out there, I promise."

The producer came back and told me that I was set to go on in two minutes. I took a few calming, deep breaths and walked out from behind the curtains to where Craig Ferguson was waiting for me. "Bella, darling! Thanks so much for joining us, its a real pleasure."

"Well, thank you for having me! This is amazing!" I smiled widely. As I shook his hand.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. What a year you've had!" I agreed with him and smiled graciously, this was just like all the other talk shows I'd done. It was practically a routine by now. "So, tell us, what's next with you?"

I nervously thought on this question, "Everything is up in the air at this point, I guess. I'm figuring everything out one step at a time."

"But, you have decided to decline another contract from Jive records, correct?"

"Yes, I wasn't quite what they were looking for, we weren't a good match." I answered the question without completely trashing Jive, I gave myself a mental high five for my maturity.

"Well, you did produce one of Jive's most successful albums, it seemed like it was a good match to me." He chuckled a little and took a sip of his coffee. I smirked and winked at him.

"It's so lovely of you to grace us with your presence tonight, what brings you to LA?"

I had to think quick, make something up. Shit. "Uh," I hesitated. "Business, I came here to accompany my amazing manager on a talent search, and I needed a little sunshine."

"Sounds like some really serious business. Let's play the 'This or That' game, shall we?" I shook my head yes as he pulled out his notecards. "James Bond or Blake Viper?"

I smirked internally, "James Bond all the way, I find Blake Viper a little full of himself, and he's a manwhore." Fuck! Bella! Really? I laughed my way out of it as best I could.

"Wow, that was... insightful. Boxers or briefs on a guy?"

"Boxers."

He went on and on with random items, and then it got interesting. "Tanya Denali or Heidi Mendes?"

Well, let's think, Tanya is a psychotic bitch who kept Edward under contract because she's so completely obsessed with him and Heidi is a slutty boyfriend stealing bitch who I can only hope burns in the deepest depths of hell. This was a hard one. "Uhm, Tanya." Because she didn't lure my boyfriend in with her long tan legs and Brazilian accent while we were apart for a few months.

"Edward Cullen or James Dawson?"

Think Bella, be smart about this. "James, he really has helped me grow into a fantastic artist over these past few months, he's just a truly outstanding guy."

"Actors or musicians?"

"Musicians, actors are trained to lie, and that's a little off-putting for me."

He asked me a few more random questions, just stupid little things that were void of controversy.

"So, Bella. What will you be performing for us tonight?"

"Just a little song I wrote for you all. Something a little different and new that I came up with not too long ago." I smiled at him sweetly.

"Well, we cannot wait to hear it!"

I walked up to my position in front of the crowd and readied my acoustic guitar. "This is called 'Pieces'."

_"I tried to be perfect,_

_But nothing was worth it,_

_I don't believe it makes me real._

_I thought it'd be easy  
But no one believes me  
I meant all the things I said_

_If you believe it's in my soul_  
_I'd say all the words that I know_  
_Just to see if it would show_  
_That I'm trying to let you know_  
_That I'm better off on my own_

_This place is so empty_  
_My thoughts are so tempting_  
_I don't know how it got so bad_  
_Sometimes it's so crazy_  
_That nothing can save me_  
_But it's the only thing that I have_

_If you believe it's in my soul_  
_I'd say all the words that I know_  
_Just to see if it would show_  
_That I'm trying to let you know_  
_That I'm better off on my own_

_On my own_

_I tried to be perfect_  
_It just wasn't worth it_  
_Nothing could ever be so wrong_  
_It's hard to believe me_  
_It never gets easy_  
_I guess I knew that all along_

_If you believe it's in my soul_  
_I'd say all the words that I know_  
_Just to see if it would show_  
_That I'm trying to let you know_  
_That I'm better off on my own."_

"So, guys I partly came on this show to make an announcement. I have decided, for personal reasons, to take a hiatus for an undetermined amount of time. Thank you for your continued support. I just ask for this time so I can be alone, and live my life the way I want to live it. Thank you so much."

The audience was shocked for a moment and I took that opportunity to run off stage and into joss's arms. "That was awesome, Bella. Don't worry about anything, I'll take care of everything else. Just get in the car, k?"

I did as Joss requested and grabbed my phone and checked my messages. One from Rosalie. "You need to watch the latest episode of Oprah, like now!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**I'm hoping you loved it but, you most likely hated it, and I know that you want everything fixed like NOWWWWW! but either way thank you for reading, and again thanks for waiting!**

**Reviews are much appreciated but not obligitory. :)**


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